(turmeric on the pot from when the peas boiled up, not a dirty pot!)
Wow, I just dropped down into a space of nothingness. Do you have those times when you chose to retreat from the world? I have little daily connection as it is but even that felt like too much. I did not want to talk to anyone. I had had a couple of nights of little sleep followed by a couple of nights of very intense dreams. The dreams were ones that lingered. I knew their message of letting go, moving on. Yet the sadness or weight of them moving through me, was difficult. I was not able to stay in observer mode but felt taken down by the energies. I did not shower or dress. I stayed in bed mode, in my sweats and comfy clothes. I had thought that I needed a nap as I could envision things that I wanted to do, yet had no energy to do them. After the long, lingering nap I still had no energy to move with. I knew intellectually that a walk might help or putting on some music and dancing. Yet none of it seemed possible. I watched a movie on my computer…then another one to round out the day. I ate chocolate and simply gave in to the shut down that I felt. The day ended in tears of frustration. I felt so tired of things seeming to stand still. When would my life begin? I know it is here right now but it felt so long since I had had a sense of purpose and a vision. I could not feel my angels or guides, I felt alone and sad. I said, “Beam me up, I want to return to the land of love. This feels too painful.” I could see that these thoughts weren’t truth but could not get out from under them.