I am so tired I can hardly think straight! Today I was hit with a wave that knocked me flat. Sometimes it is all that I can do to get horizontal fast enough for the energy to take over. I surrender as there is nothing else that I can do. I am in awe of folks who are able to work the 8-10 hour days that are the norm in this society. I was once one of them and am deeply grateful to my higher self for this open landscape that I am in to integrate the changes that are taking place.
Strange physical symptoms are coming and going in my body as energy blockages are being cleared. First it was in my lower back, then it moved to my left hip, coming and going for a couple of days. Now it is gone completely. I felt such a profound wave of gratitude for my body elemental today. She is amazing! Kiki (yes I have a name for her and an unusual one at that) has carried me through such difficult times so now I give her anything she wants. Tonight as I walked back from the library, I stopped and bought a beet salad that I had enjoyed the other day. It was the perfect thing at the perfect time. I love when that happens. I felt that Kiki was drinking it in like an elixir as it so completely satisfied my being. Beets, feta cheese, pecans, corn and radishes…yum!
My daughter was strugggling with some physical symptoms and the worry enters in, “What if this is something serious? Should I see a doctor? What is causing this?”
Our minds enjoy playing these games. I reassure everyone I know that it is all natural. It is a sign that you are right on track. Your body is transforming with the earth. There is nothing to do about it except send love and perhaps the energy of your breath to the area of concern. Remember that we are powerful creators and we are able to shift things.
Not to say all illness is ascension symptoms but much of the new things in our bodies, are just that. I realized how I am so used to wonderful health that I do not express gratitude for it. This last little bout of aches prompted me to feel and express that gratitude to Kiki and to my Creator for my health. It also opened my heart to all those who bear chronic illnesses. I do not know how they do it. Truly it must be quite a challenge. I was able to send love to those who have agreed to bear the physical challenge in this lifetime. I am grateful it is not my burden as I do not know if I would be up to the task. I am so grateful to be suited to the task given to me. When we think of it this way, it is easy to be flooded with gratitude for where we are and for what our challenges are.
I am glad that I went on the walk tonight though I was tired. The frigid wind of the day had dropped and the crescent moon hung bright in the sky. A shiver of aliveness seemed to pass through me as I connected to her. She felt like a blessing to me. There are days here in the city where I do not connect to the land, though it is essential for me.
I passed an open calla lily, raising its creamy throat to the sky. A brown decaying gingko leaf had floated down and was caught in the throat, held there with such tenderness. I went to remove it, so as to not obscure the beauty of the open bud but something stayed my hand. I thought of the kinship present there, the lily graciously catching and tenderly cradling that decaying leaf. Somehow, I knew that our hearts are to be that open. We can tend to one another with such grace and it enhances rather than mars our beauty. I want to be less concerned with the outer appearance in my life and more concerned with the inner heart opening and shining its beauty. A friend that I have not spoken to in awhile recently wrote:
“I did connect with you while I was meditating though to get a taste of your lovely expanded heart – a beautiful experience!”
How beautiful that we can connect in this way. That our hearts can continue to expand and experience more of the beauty around us. We are all so beautiful. This dear friend has one of the most beautiful hearts that I have encountered. Worlds exist in his heart.
Off to dreamland with the image of the newly birthed calla lily and the decaying gingko leaf in my heart. I too am being newly birthed in so many ways to my true self as many aspects of me are dying away. What a beautiful cycle, dropping the old, letting it decay and mulch the new growth. Yet, tenderly cradling the old aspects as they move on out.
NOTE: The picture is off a rock that had been split apart. The man who had hauled it out of the fields to be one of the sentinels on his land, had seen the beauty of what had once been whole, having been torn open. This spoke to me as the calla lily and gingko did. It reminds me that our scars and fissures are the evidence of the energies at work to open us more fully to our own beauty and divinity. I see your beauty shining bright tonight.