Today the energies felt so intense to me and me so sensitive that I could not do more than sit on my front stoop above the city streets for a mini sunbath. Later a soak in the tub, wishing it was bigger, way bigger. My girlfriend has a large tub and she holds her breath and can go under water and tones. I want to do that but my tub hardly seems up to the task.
Spoke with some friends today and received emails of all the emotions that are coming up for clearing. Wow! It is reassuring that it seems to be on a planetary scale and we can remind one another that this too shall pass. A friend called and addressed me as Mrs. ______ ( Joe’s last name) as that is how he has me programmed into his phone. We had last seen one another during one of the times that Joe and I parted as he was off to sponsor this friend in his vision quest on the tribal lands. Joe and I were in that love space of Mr. and Mrs., hence the name.
Eagle then does the same in his addressing me. He talks about Joe. At one point he was talking about playing the piano, and we spoke of Joe’s playing. Huge wave of grief rolls through me as I recall the beauty and the intensity of his playing. I started to cry. I said to Eagle, “Is this for my healing, all this talk of Joe? “
He said. ” Yes, it is a blessing in disguise as was your leaving him.”
I recall Joe saying that he could not really accept the love that I was showering on him. He said
e was not there yet. I remember encouraging him to look in the mirror and do the ho oponopono technique:
that I could give it to him but he was the one who had to learn to love himself in the end. H
I am sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you
He told me that he tried but found it very difficult as did I when I first began it. We can reflect another’s beauty to them but they must be open to receive it. I have to be accepting of others’ timing as I have to be of my own. We are all growing as fast as we can and doing the best that we can in each moment. Here is where kindness comes into play, big time. We can choose to be oh so gentle with one another as we go through our layers.
It continues as tonight I read a fiction book, haven’t read one in an age. I read my online lightworker info but have not been able to concentrate to read a book. Tonight I wanted to be carried away from this intensity for a time. But of course, our souls are always taking that short cut to our healing. Therefore, Joe shows up in the story! It depicts a passionate love between a couple that ended suddenly and with a great deal of pain and anguish on both sides. How neither felt that intensity again with anyone. It describes the guy as too sensitive for the world and how he ended up being diagnosed as schizophrenic. That hit close to home. Tears again.
Joe. He helped me see where I was not loving myself fully.
Yes, all coming up for healing…my dreaming of Joe the other night, him coming to me saying he got it and apologizing for the anger he showed me. A friend wrote about a mutual friend getting cancer (she has been healed of it now) and how she created it on a certain level to get attention and love. He spoke of how it is all to help us learn to love ourselves. As we do that, we attract love. Otherwise we attract people who do not love themselves and when we can not fill the void that they cannot fill themselves, they become angry. T
hat anger gets directed at the one expressing the love as they do not feel worthy of receiving it. Joe’s rejection was a gift to me for my healing as my love was a gift to him. Our souls line up these situations to move us forward to our mastery and to our truth that we are all love.
Now I know that I can be matched in that ability to love. I have learned how lov
able I am! Something so elementary but something that I had to work towards on so many levels. It is part of our soul’s plan to give and receive love on all levels. As with everything, it seems we have to begin with ourselves, first and foremost.
So, a big day of clearing. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? I am grateful tonight for the gifts that these memories are bringing me as I feel them once again, embrace them and release them. Onward ho!