There are days and there are days! Yesterday was one of those days. A shifting in my consciousness, an aha as I recognized a pattern that I have created all my life. Yes, 55 years of following one way of being that did not work! It happened in an instant through the words of a new friend that I met yesterday. Sometimes it takes someone who does not know our story to help us shift, other times it takes someone who has known our path for years. to help us see the repeating patterns. I have experienced both this week.
I spent the day attending a lecture with Eagle and the other star family members. After dinner, I had a conversation with this new friend. I spoke of Joe (all of you who love me will be so glad to see his name disappear from my writing and my thoughts!!!). She had met him at the last Star Nation conference and was able to help me see that though I resonated with his poetry and the place of beauty that came from, I did not resonate with the rest of the package. She asked why I would choose to give my love where it was not wanted nor appreciated. Why did I believe that I had to heal or rescue others and deny myself the gift of being cherished by someone who is whole and complete in themselves. Strong questions.
It was like a sword went through me, cutting away the illusion. I clearly saw that pattern I had followed all my life, trying to rescue my damaged siblings, trying to have my love accepted by my parents, the angry teenagers that I spent most of my adult life working with, the giving to the point of collapse in my marriage, this latest giving of love to a tormented soul. Working in these dark, dense energies, experiencing so much pain. The tribal connection, more of the same. Seeing the density, poverty, wanting to infuse my love to lift the weight.
I created this. I am a creator being. I can chose to create ease and grace in my life. Wow! I know this but had not brought that knowing into all my bodies. I can have freedom. The more that I live in my love and peace, the more that I am sending those waves out into the universe. By keeping myself engaged with the heavier energies, my being is being depleted rather than fed. I can feed myself light. I can surround myself with other light beings who vibrate where I am. I can nourish my heart and accept the love that is all around me. I am a being of such love and I can experience the joy and peace of being loved as I love. Woohoo! I am so ready to create this new reality!
An image that came to me was from all my years of teaching and administrating. Only 10 years, all told but a lifetime for me. The focus was on API scores and how to move students up on the standardized tests’ rating scales. You had a set amount of resources at your disposal. You could spend it all on the bottom group and perhaps see a few points worth of movement or growth or you could spend it on the group just below the competency bar and advance them over the bar. This was where you got the biggest bang for your buck.
I realize that I have been spending my light on the bottom group and have not seen much movement. I have depleted my own stores. I can recall my former spouse saying that I always pushed for more. I am accepting that others are choosing their path and comfort levels and it is not my job to tell them otherwise. In fact, it is arrogance to think that I know what anyone else needs. Ah, the freedom that this insight has created in me! I can now focus on aligning myself with those who vibrate at my own frequency or higher to multiply the energies that we have to work with. We can then use those energies to help lift others over the bar of understanding and awakening. We can support them with our hearts’ energies of love. It is time for co-creation and group work. Working alone, I could not maintain myself, but in a group it is much easier as we support one another. I no longer have to live in the density to work on transformation. I can live in joy and lightness.
It is time for community building. Yesterday I met someone who also holds a vision of a self sustaining community. I believe that the time is ripe and we will be drawn together. This is such a strong desire in me and I am feeling the joy of knowing that it is almost here!
Now if I can integrate these incoming energies and get off the couch! Today I have been laid flat again. Simply no energy to do much of anything. I am grateful that I have this space to rest in and wonder how others are making it through 40 hour workweeks and more. This is where I have to compare me to me rather than others. I did live 50 years of doing before I stopped. Now I am called to being. I return to gratitude for this space in my life that allows this integration time. I am wanting to move and begin to make things happen. I am trusting the divine timing of it all. The desire is stirring and gathering strength, my body will follow suit in the right time and we will be off!
For now, it is off to bed and dreamtime. Feeling blessed for the insights of yesterday. Grateful for the quietness of today. E
xcited about the possibilities for my tomorrow.
The picture is my view from the couch. It is an encaustic painting that I did called Journey Home. It sits on top of an old cupboard/bookcase that my son found on the street. The flowers have lifted my heart, even if I could not lift my body!
beautiful insights. thank you for sharing your heart Linda.
~love n light~
pamela
Thank you Pam! Such transformative times we are in. So much being released. trusting you are recentering after seeing your "children" off! It was fun to be in the "family" energy. Love the memory of your toes in the mud and your drumming the boardwalks!
Welcome Home, my Love.