Some movement today! I cleaned the apartment which felt good. I made fish tacos, baked cookies and arranged flowers. I love the flower arranging, it is my reward for cleaning. I like filling small vases in each room. It makes me feel rich when I have flowers in every room. Coral colored camellias and bright pink carnations are this week’s flowers. Carnations have never been my favorite but truly they are quite amazing. They stay perky for so long and I like the gray green stems against the pink. They are such a simple, cheerful flower.

I am still wearing the clothes that I put on yesterday morning

when my son and I went out to get a latte. We were just dashing out in the rain, so I threw on my comfy bamboo dress and tights. Stayed inside all day, and felt cold at bedtime so did not want to take off this warm dress. It has an attached hood, (reminds me of my monk lives) and is reversible so double layered and thick. I wore it to bed with its matching comfy tights. Truly this is a first for me, too tired to put on pjs and as I lay here on my futon to type this, guess what I am wearing…..still! Yes, never showered or changed, thought it would happen after cleaning but the day came and went. So here it is bedtime and my warm dress is still on me. Two days and two nights.

I looked in the mirror at one point today and caught a wild woods woman looking back at me. She laughed at me being inside all day again when she and I both knew, I am a woman of the woods. My body has been comfy inside but my spirit is ready to move and be in the woods. A friend just sent me an email to say that she sent me a heart message today when she walked in the woods. I believe that my woods woman heard it! This body needed integration and warmth today (it was very windy and cold today) but I can feel the spring sap running in my veins. I am ready for the moist earth to envelop me. I am ready to sing with her heart and dig in her soil. I am ready for rebirth.

I love the synchronicities of life. After talking about the tribal ways yesterday, I read an article by Celia Finn from South Africa that spoke about how we cannot just imitate the Native American ways but truly have to discover new ways to connect to our mother’s heart. http://www.starchildglobal.com/newearthmarch2011.html#nine That resonated with me, as it is not in looking backwards that we are going to bring in this New Earth. It is with new ways of being and doing that are in harmony with this new place we are creating.

Then read a friend’s blog post that inspired me about moving and releasing possessions. I thought that I was unattached but she demonstrated another level to move to. http://pristine-lens.blogspot.com/2011_03_01_archive.html

I have a book of short essays by Mark Nepo, from a friend. What did I turn to but a page titled, The Gift of Shedding. It states: “From the beginning, the key to renewal has been the casting off of old skin.” Mark speaks of how the ancients believed that immortality was achieved through shedding. Death would be the result if we did not shed our skins. For us this is amplified..as we are learning to shed our stuff, our emotions, our thoughts. We have been programmed into accumulation in our society. We have whole industries around keeping stuff, stores full of bins and boxes to organize our stuff, scrapbooks for saving photos, huge closets and garages to store more stuff. We have become a society of horders. Stuff is heavy, it is a weight that we carry. I remember the feeling 20 months ago when I left my apartment to begin my travels in my car. I felt so free just like the feeling when you leave on a trip with only a suitcase or bag in hand. This is it, simple.

I think that the message of release is so powerful. As we let go of the old, we allow new energy to flow in. We think that we need the things for the memories, for the connection to folks who are gone or those still present in our lives. Yet, there is a different way emerging. We are moving into the present moment. We are losing the past and the future is no longer (not that it ever was) predictable. I love the idea of losing my memory. It can all go, as I truly desire to be in the present moment. To interact with everyone with freshness, to be conscious of seeing others with new eyes, seeing my life through a new set of lenses. I want to be present to who I am in this moment. I am the wild woods woman, I am the mom baking cookies. I am the one lost in the silence of my being. I want to be all of me, changing, growing, moving, expanding. And I want the new, the new experiences and people in my life. I want to let go of old ways of thinking, of seeing, of relating. I want to experience things with my heart, not my mind. I want that “deep contact” that Steve Rother and the Group that he channels talks about. Deep contact with life, with every part of it.

I know that what is ahead, is bigger than my greatest imagining. That is why I ask for this or something better. My mind is limited in its imaginings by my culture, upbringing, beliefs. I want more than my mind can give me. I want beauty so deep and wide that my thirst for it can not be slacked. I believe that world that my cells sing of, of beauty and love and peace, is within my reach. I will let go, I will step out into the unknown to embrace it moment by moment.

Tonight a moment of my two kids and I hugging one another goodnight. The coral red camellias against the black cabinet, the red swiss chard with its rich green leaves that fed me body and soul. Beauty experienced today, I drank deeply. Now I tip my cup and pour it out onto our mother with gratitude. I set the cup down, empty. It is ready to be refilled with the moments of tomorrow’s beauty. I ask for the grace and assistance to live my life this way.