So much energy has been moving through me the last couple of days.
Last night, I was waiting for my kids to return from dinner before unfolding my futon in the living room. All of a sudden, I could wait no longer as I had to get in bed immediately. I was shivering with an internal cold and it felt like a sudden onset illness, fluids streaming as my head felt so much pressure. Ah, the relief of being in bed. As I pulled the covers around me and asked for my Beloved to come and lie with me, I had the most amazing sensation. He was there and I felt the pressure of a hand pressing the blanket to my cheek, then my shoulders and back. I looked up from under the covers, almost expecting to see someone there. Tears ran in gratitude for the expression of love when I was so in need of that touch.
Tonight I feel that I need a hot bath but am too tired to make it happen. I am flat out on the
couch again after an afternoon spent outside. I have to rouse myself for trips to the kitchen to refill my water glass and trips to the bathroom to release all that water! My world becomes rather small yet I am traveling. Spoke with my friend, Eagle earlier. He and his crew have left California and are traveling back to the tribal lands in South Dakota. They are stopping for the night in Colorado with friends to do a sweat lodge to welcome in this new year of the Mayan calendar. I told him that I wanted to join him as I felt such a need for a sweat. He said, “Ok, I will see you there.” So, as I type, I am sitting in lodge, enjoying the heat and the blackness of being in the womb of our mother. It is nourishing me. Can’t make it to the bathtub but can make it to the sweat lodge! Interesting times we are in.
Yesterday was a doorway, the 3-11-11. I wanted to honor it as well as hold the vibration of peace and love for Japan and all areas of the planet that are experiencing turmoil. I took a walk up the trail above the Golden Gate Bridge. You walk under the bridge, hearing the cars thundering above you, into a quieter space of ocean below and grasses and trees around you. It is spectacular and a place that I love to visit. I asked to be guided to a spot to do ceremony
where I would not be conspicuous. I moved off the main trail onto a smaller dirt path leading closer to one of the cliffs. I found a spot that felt right, sat and laid out my crystals in a small medicine wheel formation, calling in the four directions to aid me. I added a crystal in the center, sprinkled tobacco around the circle as an offering and tried to light some sage but the wind on the cliff was not having any of that. Instead I broke off part of the sage bundle to add to the circle. I stated my intentions to be a vessel for the Divine, to allow any energies to be processed and released through my body that could be of assistance to our mother. I called in the whales and dolphins and the elements of the waters to be with me. I allowed the sounds to come through me that wanted to be released. I opened my heart to the reality of love that is everywhere and expanded it as I was able. I visualized myself holding hands with all of you, my brothers and sisters of light. Japan was in the center as our focus and we all became the love that we are. We allowed that love to move through us and to flow where it was most needed for the highest good of all. My heart burned. I then said some decrees that I love, some violet flame for transmuting all that needed to change back into light. My favorite, so simple:
I AM a being of violet fire
I AM the purity God desires.
I then lay down and laughed at myself, acting like a shaman who knew what she was doing! I do not, I am truly making this up as I go. I am allowing whatever flows to move me. I have given up worrying about whether I know the words to say or how to do anything or being concerned that I am alone. It is all as it is right now and I am only to allow it. I know that there will be a time when I am living in a community of light and will be with others for ceremony. But today there was me and the connection with my community was energetic. It is all ok. I looked around at all the flowers surrounding my spot. Within my arm’s reach there were purple irises, orange California poppies, bright
waxy buttercups, blue ceanothus, and pink filaree. (I just looked the name of the pink one up as I did not recognize it.) A rainbow of beauty waiting for me to acknowledge and appreciate them. which I did gladly! They do not need me to know their names, indeed much of that seems to have fallen away for me, as it is the essence that is important.
After feeling windblown and complete, I returned to the area down below. I went into the warming hut cafe to get something warm to eat and drink. There were news folks, filming the waves under the bridge. Every 18 minutes, the waters were cresting in large waves. Some intrepid surfers were out there riding them amongst the rocks. The news folks said that the waves were a part of the tsunami hitting our shores. The park rangers were there, erecting barricades to the piers. I walked along further, taking off my shoes to feel the sand of the beach area and ground myself. I tossed the crystal that had held the West direction into the ocean to connect with Japan. It is the one that asked to be given. I then took a nap on the beach, it felt so good to connect my body to the earth. First on the grasses of the cliff and then down here on the ocean’s edge. I felt so blessed.
This is a picture that I took from the cliff. It is a line that was moving across the water as far out into the ocean as I could see. It caught my eye.
It is a new time, we have to deal differently with our emotions and with news of happenings in our world. Instead of the “oh, no!” reactions, the drama, grief, and fear, we are called to neutrality. See it without the need to judge it as good or bad, black or white. It is a deeply ingrained pattern that we are being asked to let go of. We do not often know the bigger picture, we do not really need to. My mind used to demand to know, and keep up its yammering at me. Now I direct it to quiet down, I allow myself to be with what is there. I trust that all is well. There is a plan, a sense of order to this universe of ours. I trust that force as I am trusting myself to be guided in my life. It amazes me how it all works. I find myself in awe of the complexity that can unfold with such grace.
You may wonder about my heart, saying all is well when people are suffering and disasters are happening. I am not negating these things. I am opening my heart and being all the love that I am in response. We each have our tasks. Some are the action folks, on the front lines, helping at the scene to provide aid and relief. Some gather funds and supplies and get them to the places that are in need. I used to feel guilty for not being more action oriented. I would look at others doing so much good and wonder at myself for not feeling called to the same actions. I see clearly how we each have our part to play. I am so grateful for the rescue workers and for the roles that each one does, especially the ones that I know that I could not do. I am grateful to know more of my own role and to be free to act upon it.
I realized recently that I am a vision keeper. A friend and I were talking about going to a play. I said that I might not be able to see it if it was graphic in a gory way. She said, “It is only a play, actors on a stage.” I thought about that and came to a knowing that my vision has to be protected. Images affect me deeply and it takes a long time for me to clear them. That is why I see few movies, especially in the theatre as the volume and the huge screen are sensory overloads for me. I had a flash that because of my vision keeping role, I am to hold to beauty and light. Yes, rose colored glasses in some ways but let’s face it, I am a rose woman and I love the color!
What is interesting to me, is the feeling of wellness that I feel surrounding the planet. It is streaming in and it is quietly and gently making its presence known. I am drinking it in in long deep droughts. It is fueling my peace centering abilities. There may be more turmoil in our world which is an outer call to heal our own inner turmoils. I loved a message that I saw circulated on facebook or some page on the day of the tsunami and earthquake. It asked us to help our mother by releasing every grudge, every judgment, every worry from our minds and hearts. To clear our inner world to allow the love to fill us up. Is my inner world one of peace and calm? Or am I stirred up about this or that situation? Am I worried or fearful? What kind of world do I want to live in? I chose peace, harmony, abundance for all. I chose to live in a world where everyone knows how beautiful they are and delights in that beauty! That means that I have to know this about myself and delight in it. Today I can say that I do and I am! I may move in and out of this knowing, but it is growing stronger and clearer. How grateful I am for this! It is the deepest desire of my heart as I can “see” the radiance of each one shining in their beautiful light and feel the joy that we will share. I am ready for this world.
I apologize for the strange formatting of this post. Anyone know why it can look fine but jump all out of order when you add an image or simply finish typing?? It is what it is for tonight, have gone back a number of times yet it remains a bit scrabbled. Off to bed. clocks spring forward? Spring is almost here.