Yesterday I went to a kundalini yoga class. My lower back had been aching for the past few days and I thought that a class focused on breathing would be just the ticket. When I arrived, most folks were seated already and the open space was right in front of the teacher. I took it, but wondered about it as I was a total beginner. She assured me that I was right where I needed to be. The class was focused on the navel point so consisted of core work. There was a great deal of leg lifts and exercises that were not in the best interest of my back. I modified somewhat but had a knowing that it was too much for me. Yet I did not leave nor stop. Ever the good student, I continued. This is where I stepped off the path of caring for and honoring my body. She was clearly giving me a message that I did not heed.
A few hours later, my back responded with a message of pain. I had an opportunity to feel compassion for all of those who live with pain on a daily basis. I truly do not know how they do it. I have had so little of it and found myself wanting to move away from it. I recalled how I had felt that same urge when I was in labor with my first child. It was back labor and lasted a long time and I kept wanting to leave my body behind, to run from the pain. With my next two children’s births, I knew that the sooner I welcomed and embraced the pain, the sooner my babies would be in my arms. Ok, Linda, deep breaths and allow whatever is there to be embraced and loved. I asked the pain what it wanted from me. I had just set the intention to go to a class each day this week and now here I was being pulled back from that. Why? I have been such a hermit for these past months, I am only beginning to move out into the world in baby steps and now back inside? The answer was, “Go inward.” Ok, there is more for me there, I will trust this.
After a difficult night, I am lying here resting my back. I am again recognizing that my mind is not to run the show. Dropping into my heart to see where it leads. Trusting that the inner landscape is where it is at for me right now. Thanking my body for leading me there.
The white dog that I connected with the other day, springs to mind. White animals, I have seen many in the past weeks. Hmmm, some significance there. I look this up on google and find the following:
Native Americans believed the occurance of a white animal was a huge sign of prophecy – a sign from the great spirit that a major shift in their world was to come.
When white occurs in the animal realm it is a message of:
higher thoughts and ideals, purity of soul, cleansing of spirit, and attaining higher knowledge.
I then asked the spirits of the white animals that I had seen to give me their message. I received a message: The 3 P’s: peace, purity and playfulness. I was to walk in peace and purity and to bring playfulness into my life. Ha! The playfulness surprised me but it makes perfect sense. I can get caught up in the seriousness of the times that we are in and forget that playing is a way of transforming energy. Play and fun are states of high vibration and feel so good!
So, I can’t dance or run about today but I can play with my crayons and markers and color. Once again, my body and my environment, teach me the way forward, moment by moment. I am grateful for this teaching.
Yesterday I went to a kundalini yoga class. My lower back had been aching for the past few days and I thought that a class focused on breathing would be just the ticket. When I arrived, most folks were seated already and the open space was right in front of the teacher. I took it, but wondered about it as I was a total beginner. She assured me that I was right where I needed to be. The class was focused on the navel point so consisted of core work. There was a great deal of leg lifts and exercises that were not in the best interest of my back. I modified somewhat but had a knowing that it was too much for me. Yet I did not leave nor stop. Ever the good student, I continued. This is where I stepped off the path of caring for and honoring my body. She was clearly giving me a message that I did not heed.
Our bodies do not 'run' our lives, but they do SHOW us what we are doing to our Self. I am going to venture and say that you are judging your 'hermit' lifestyle as something that 'should be' a specific time frame. Once that time frame has lapsed, it is no longer acceptable. Perhaps the ego is pushing You to be done with the 'hermit' lifestyle and your body has not integrated or finished with it, yet. Been there done that. 😉 I experienced a similar episode back in fall of 2003 with my back. I was doing something that I didn't really want to do, but had been so 'trained' for so many years that it was the 'right' thing to do; I kept at it. My body/lowerback, stepped in and alerted me as I was not getting the message otherwise. I know that many ex-doers are having a difficult time with this phase of awakening.
Yes, I can see that. It has passed quickly. My back is back on line, all is well today. I am feeling full of life and checking in. Free to do or not do. Feeling so grateful for my lifestyle and life today.