Heart rocks…..I love them and have left collections wherever I have lived. I am thinking of my beautiful daughter with this recent heart rock that the Rogue River gifted me with. A friend who is very perceptive in all things related to me (what a gift this is!) has a standard line that she uses when she sees something in me. “Ok, do you want to know what that is?” She posed this question recently in relation to my daughter. She asked me if I wanted to understand the cause of my daughter’s childhood rebellion. “Yes, I do.”
“She was in a state of rage at you for giving away your power. ” Wow!!! That hit me like a bucket of cold water. A shock to the system, to be sure. Yet its truth resonated in my cells. I had given away my power in my marriage and she, who knew me so well, was calling me on it. I had thought it was because I was the mother in this lifetime instead of the other way around but no. This was it. I called my girl and asked if this resonated with her. It did. I told her that I was sorry for abandoning myself and in doing so, abandoning her. I asked her for forgiveness which being the beautiful soul that she is, she readily gave. I thanked her and
told her how much I loved her. I saw how unsafe she felt all those years as I did not create the container of safety for her. She needed the strong feminine. I have always been strong but it played out in a different way in my marriage. That was a time of operating under the old paradigm where I thought by giving and giving myself away or by enmeshing with the heavier energies, I could aid in transforming them. Let me tell you that took a different kind of strength. Thank goodness, that time is over. Contracts complete, lessons learned, grace given.
My friend said that my daughter is coming into her power more fully now as she sees me claiming mine. I do know who I am these days and it feels so good! I love seeing her embracing her beauty and strengths and moving more fully into the goddess that she is. I love that I could acknowledge and own this revelation with no feelings of guilt for my actions. The old way would have seen me undone by this revelation, feeling such heavy helpings of shame and guilt. Yuck! I am so glad that I know how false those emotions are, how they only serve to keep us from our truth and our power. I can acknowledge what I did, see and understand the
illusion that I was operating under that resulted in those actions, take steps to make amends where I see the harm that I created and forgive myself. I was as conscious as I could be at that period of my life and now I am more awake and operating from a different view point. Hallejuah! It awakens compassion for everyone when you know that all are doing the best that they can in each moment. That best may not seem like it to me yet in truth, I know that if they could do better, they would. We all want to be good, to serve in some way, to give to the world.
These lovely redwood trees reminded me of the importance of stepping back to gain a better view. Up close to their bases, you see the immensity but lying down, you see another world of their height and reaching to the heavens. I am glad to be firmly planted on this earth, roots like my beloved redwood that embraced me in her huge cavernous cavity at her base, and yet to be touching the stars with my being that is connected to the cosmos. What a wonder this time is. Who knew we could live without the shackles of guilt and shame and blame. That we could rise up like the redwoods, seeking the light and in doing so, providing deep restful shade for others around us. Hear me, oh universe, I am grateful this day.
