Through the tunnel

Hello everyone! I have been gone so long and yet it was a blink of an eye. I am now arising in my newness and feeling my way, flowing my divinity. I have lived more fully the death process, and despite the hollow sound of the husk of me rattling in the wind, I am so grateful for the space it opened.

On the morning that I awoke, knowing in all my cells that my work was done in Scotland and it was time to leave, a friend told me that I lived the phoenix experience. It was a part I chose to play here on earth. I laughed as I have done my share of dying and rebirthing but had not thought of it in that context. She said that I was on the cusp of yet another such experience.

Yosemite falls which called me to visit before I flew to Scotland. As I stood at its base with my sons, a tone was released and a mini snow storm ensued!

Little did I know that the cusp meant that day! My guidance told me to move quickly, so I began my journey by train to my departure city,  flying out within 24 hours. During that period,  I went through the most intense death experience to date. Initiations do increase in intensity as does our ability to explore greater depths and heights of our beingness. I moved from train to hotel to bus to plane in a fog of tears as waves of emotions moved through me. I felt as if I were standing under the pressure of a huge waterfall that threatened to knock me over and drag me under. Every lifetime that I had experienced since the original agreement to explore separation, came roaring down. It cascaded over me in a torrent. Resistance was futile, this I knew. The seven weeks of work in that ancient land had left me spent. I had no resources to draw upon. There was only one path open. I opened my heart and let the water take me. I let go. I surrendered. Take me, I whispered in my heart. Take me home.

Once the waves subsided,  I found myself washed up upon an unknown shore.  I felt dried out. A husk of physicality, all juiciness sucked dry. The marrow of my bones remained. I heard the sound of my dryness, rattling in the wind. I knew nothing except that the “I ness” of me, remained. How does one move with no fluid in one’s veins? I observed as if from a great height, the being that lay taking in breaths of air through a chest filled with fluid. Water and its absence, both were present in me.

Hailstorm engulfing me, shattering the old shell of my beingness.

With wonder, I observed the space within. There was nothing left in me with which to resist this process. All had been washed away. I was clean and clear, no thing to move around, nothing to block my view. I floated in open space as what I knew not. There was no being to judge this experience, simply the witness, witnessing. I surrendered to the emptiness, as there was no me to forge a resistance. I and the space were one.

A soft landing awaited in California, sunshine and a soul so dear to my heart, my youngest son, my joy boy, now a man. He allowed space for my re-entry. Soft tendrils of creativity began to flow into the space of me, as I lay observing his art about me, lighting me up with its colors and form. More movement as I journeyed from San Francisco to Sacramento, once again landing in a space provided by my former husband, in my former home. I had not thought I would be here again in this way, yet here I was. Accepting the grace of it, trusting all as my I AM presence, dear Sophia, directed my movements.

My elder son greeting me, having the perfect “prescription” of music for my soul. I lie on the floor with him as he played music that brought great sobs of release. He knew my body still had releasing to do, trauma of lifetimes of hardship and heartache to move through. What a gift his perception was. All of me needing emptying. We have entered into the new lands where joy reigns supreme along with ease and grace. It is a work to let go of the struggle, the pain, the backpack full of bricks of calcified emotions of grief. The tears a healing balm despite the way they racked my form. I saw each cell open and upend its load, allowing the music to carry it away. Angelic beings surrounding me, transmuting it all into usable light once more. This is my offering. This is my skill, my talent as it were. To swim in the sea of unconsciousness, drink it in my cells, then purge it all in a great outflowing wave as it returns to its true essence of love.

How blessed I am by these two male souls who incarnated through me, with me, providing the scaffolding to stand upon as the new is in the process of construction. Wide shoulders, towering hearts. strong legs grounded in the earth…..I gifted myself with their presence for these times. My gratitude for me, for them, immense.

A giant sequoia showing me how to be a conduit for heaven and earth.

Each day, I awaken with the excitement of an explorer, open to what presents itself. My trust is complete in dear Sophia to allow my divinity expression through this vehicle of light. I recall a moment of feeling my beloved so powerfully in me, surrounding me. My heart bursting in the bloom of that love. I wondered how I could live in the knowing of his essence and his coming into physical form. How could I live with my heart like a live coal burning in my chest? Was it possible to breathe in this flame? Did I not have to shield myself in some way? No, the next breath informed me. This is the new way. Heart wide open beyond what I knew possible, each breath expanding it further. Vulnerable in every way. This is freedom. This is what I have sought. Always the desire to breathe deeper, go farther, live more fully this liquidlovelight that is my song.

Oneness is offering itself in every moment. It is not behind any of the old doors. Within each heart stands the portal. Courage is needed to step over the threshold. The new land awaits. All of nature and life stands at the ready, to offer assistance. The trees, the breeze, the waters, the fire and the earth, herself, all line the pathway on the other side. It is one step that requires every cell in your being to desire. Oh, how I love our courageous hearts, our cells of light, our loving blood. All rushing to this threshold to be met with the embrace of oneness that takes our breath away. Inhale, exhale and I AM. In this is the story, in this is the ALL. I have heard my future self laughing for many months gone by and now I laugh with her as she and I are one. Oh, what a grand adventure we have been on! I have come home. My journey of wandering with no physical home for the past four years,  honed this truth in me. I knew it in my mind yet now I live it fully in my heart. I AM grateful to be free. I AM liquidlovelight falling through space and time, unceasing. No beginning and no end. I and my Mother/Father are ONE. Hallejuah!