I have to laugh at the way tests come when we proclaim ourselves at peace. “Really?” asks our higher self, let’s try this out. Last night, our family went through an emotional storm. I was the target and I was triggered. I felt the flash of anger, the heartache of the mother, the heat of uncomfortableness of not knowing how to move, the sitting with the pain. In the aftermath, I allowed myself space to state my need to go to my room and have a good cry. What a release tears are. I was grateful for those of us who trusted our love enough, to stay present, to cook and eat a meal together in the aftermath of the storm. I honored another’s need to leave, to regroup in order to come to balance.
Whew. I am feeling a bit fragile and tender this morning. “An emotional hangover”, as my former partner stated. Knowing all is well, that at times there has to be the separation or break for a new way of coming together to be found. Honoring each of us for speaking our truth and listening to one another’s hearts. Gratitude for the way we are walking each other home.
I am grateful for not collapsing in the old way, of not accepting another’s interpretation or judgment of my path over my own knowing, of feeling my truth and allowing it to come out raw and unfiltered. This is growth, to accept my truth while honoring another’s and allowing the distance between. To allow anger without feeling shame for expressing it, (Oh, that is a big one.) To witness the old momentary desire to run and choose to stay. I realize that it has been a long time since I have been in such a storm. It was an opportunity to practice opening to embrace the experience with love rather than closing off and burying any part of it in my heart. I watched the child in me desire to lash out and knew the grace of taking her hand in support. There was a new dynamic as my former partner stood in support of me. That felt good and true. A sturdy bridge we have built between us in this space together.
I sit here looking at my mother’s heart that desires to see everyone “comfortable”, to place a soft blanket around each one. This has caused me trouble and heartache as I created dependencies that then have to be severed. I also see the mother flame that wields a sword of truth dispassionately, cleaving falseness aside, knowing the fallout will land about her. The mother bird who kicks the fledgling out of the nest, trusting it will spread its wings and fly…..holding her breath yet allowing the crash if it is to be. Always the love there, knowing it has many shades. Trusting myself to be the shade needed in the moment, regardless of the cost. Knowing full well, it can cost everything, yet to be out of integrity is too high a price. Peace at any cost is not peace. Love without truth, is but a shadow play.
We are all coming into balance within our beings as our Mother Earth leads the way. The earthquakes and storms are as necessary as the gentle breezes and strong rays of sunlight. It is all good. There is an opening created by the upheaval that we can all move in. It is new ground, freshly excavated by exposing our hearts’ truths. It is fertile soil for new plantings of love’s blooms. New colors and scents to be had. I sit staring at the flames in the hearth on this frosty morning, knowing the power of love to melt all into truth and beauty. Trusting each of our souls to move onto this new ground in our own way and time. Trusting our I AM presences to light our paths. Honoring the holiness of each one.
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Many thanks, Linda, for this truth. Motherlove is it’s own special emotional minefield, isn’t it? Especially the analogy of kicking the fledgling from the nest – I did so, “knowing” that all the other momma birds whose babies seemed to fly effortlessly were looking down their beaks at me…
My little birdies are doing just fine. I’m doing just fine. We have our moments, and I cling to the KNOWING that we are all on our chosen paths, learning our own lessons, and that ALL IS WELL.
Blessings!
Sandy
Dear Sandy,
I am so glad that your birdies are doing fine and that you had the courage to act when you did for their growth. There is such an illusion held about “perfect kids” and “perfect paths” and yet most struggle at some point and that is where the growth is. The knowing of, All is well, has become so clear and true in me on so many levels. It makes life a different experience. I love KNOwing rather than believing.
thanks for stopping by to read, nice to connect!
Blessings of this holy time,
linda
Dear Linda, What a richness of lessons from you and also from the world. About letting our little birds fly free, I have reached another stage of my life: they are coming back to take care of me. I am not able to take on all the work of hospitality any more, so I invited them to come and make Thanksgiving dinner. All I did was the turkey. There was a beautiful bustle in the kitchen for hours, but I didn’t have to worry about it.
Then at the end, a project for the grandchildren (altho only one of them took part) making home made Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups – recipe from the computer. The other kids were in the studio, making pictures together. All of my plans seem to fall apart, but better things come to pass.
Dear Aunt Lucy,
How beautiful the cycle of life is! Your Thanksgiving sounds wonderful. I love the bustle of many hands in the kitchen. How fun to make peanut butter cups! I would have been at your elbow for that one…yum!
I love the “plans seem to fall apart, but better things come to pass”! I feel that is so much the new way, our minds have ideas and plans but our hearts and being take over and newness emerges in ways we could not have imagined. I see that growing in every way. I enjoyed seeing the photo of you that Julia posted and the one of her at a canvas, painting. How beautiful all of you golden haired lasses are! A family of beauties who are artists. Your heart must be so full with it all. I am so glad that you opened yourself to receive assistance in the dinner, more fun for everyone and powerful for you to ask and allow. That is a lesson that is often hard for many. You are showing a path of grace. Thank you.
My Lucy turns 30 today, she called from Bangkok and it wonderful to see her smile and hear of her adventures. Life is an adventure, whether we are traveling inside or outwardly.
Blessings of love and peace,
Linda