The lovely pond that I cooled off in yesterday.

Before I fall asleep at night, I often play a movie of the day, allowing myself to show me anything that needs attention. The other night, two incidents stood out. I had had the family over for pizza and a cake I made. I watched myself grab my 18 month old granddaughter and hug her. I did not ask her if she wanted to be cuddled, which is my normal way of interacting with her and any child. I felt the disrespect in that moment as none of us want to be grabbed without our permission. Next, I saw how I turned to my former hubby and held my granddaughter out, asking if she wanted to go to him. She likes him but does not spend as much time with him as with me. Her comfort level is not the same. I felt into this, I wanted him to experience her and desire to spend more time with her. He spent loads of time with our first grandchild, and still does. This happened as our daughter lived away and so we were with him lots when he visited or we did. Then she divorced and lived with one of us for years so we were a daily part of his life from two years on. I realized that my desire for the interaction between the two of them, was a subtle form of pressure on both. I do not want to ever put that pressure on a child to override their own knowing of what to go towards and what to pull away from. Yet, I did just that with my actions.

Lots of granite here which looks so lovely with the flowers.

I am grateful for my reflection and knowing of what is the path of love. I shared this with my son and daughter in love and asked for their forgiveness. They graciously gave it and shared that sometimes they had that feeling, of wanting folks to know the wonder of their child and trying to foster a relationship.

How wonderful that we can catch ourselves in these actions and correct our course. I want to be a more conscious grandma than I was as a mother. There are so many more resources these days. I love Janet Lansbury and her work as well as her mentor, Magda Gerber. I gift new parents their books. Your Self-Confident Baby by Magda Gerber is a wonderful starter for new parents. Janet’s book, No Bad Kids is wonderful for the toddler years.

The green passages that are part of my drives.

May these angels who are coming in to the earth now, be blessed with conscious parents who can assist them to be the love that they are. They need our protection and care. I am grateful that I can offer the love that I am to them. I am grateful to being open to learn and grow with them and my own adult children. Each generation builds on the one before. May love be all that we know.

I do not post photos of my kids or grandbabies as a form of protection. As much as I would love to share their images, I am discerning of when and whom to share with.