Goodness, I cannot keep up with this changing world. This new wordpress format is hard to navigate. I cannot figure out how to add media in the same way. The whole format is different. My brain is not interested in trying to figure it out. It feels exhausting. That is how my life feels of late.

On an overnight trip to see my daughter and grandson, who have moved an hour and a half away, I decided to go to Trader Joe’s on my way home the next morning. I would be fresh and able to handle a bigger store than our tiny general store here in the village. The one thing that I wanted to buy was Kerrygold butter which was the one thing that I did not buy! I forgot in the busyness and swirl of the store. I bought many things that are hard to find here and came home with bags and bags of groceries. I am set for weeks to come. Days later, I have yet to unpack the dry goods as it means rearranging my pantry so as to fit it all in. That feels like a bigger project than I have been able to tackle so the bags sit in the corner awaiting attention.

A perfect example of the way my life works at the moment. I may feel a wave of energy that finds me making myself a good dinner only to find that it drops me back on the couch, leaving the dishes, pots and pans, stranded in the sink and on the stove. What was once routine…..following a task through to completion in one fell swoop, is now a two or three step process. The dishes may accumulate for a couple of days until another wave of energy flows to carry me through that process.

Sitting outside, I notice a vine crawling across the deck to wrap itself around the chair leg. An anchor for its climb. I need a chair leg, something that will assist me to grow and expand. I feel like that vine, curling in on itself, always seeking something to grasp onto to pull itself along. I see the heights that I desire yet am a tangle of myself on the floor. I could feel the relief of the vine when it finds its support. Ah, now I can twirl and circle and know that I am going somewhere…around and upwards towards the light. I know that the support is inside of me, that structure is indeed within. I have made use of it, myriad times and know it as a natural element of my being, just like the vine. It climbs and then blossoms, shining its beauty out into the world.

My light is here, shining in a muted way. I have drawn inward, forgoing community events to stay quiet in my cocoon. The days drift by like a faded dream. I pop out for grandkids, show up with hugs and smiles and a heart open to listen and love. Gratitude flows for their presence in my life. A couple of friends that are lifelines, living this time with me, riding the waves of energy…..gratitude that they allow me a life ring, one you throw to assist someone who has gone overboard. I can catch and hang on, allowing myself the grace that is offered to pull me along.

The sun has just broken through the heavy cloud layer. Time to move. I can allow its beams to carry me upward. Onward we go.