Dreary rainy day yesterday. It was the 11-11 portal and I struggled. I did not even go outside which is rare for me. Yet, there are days when I am locked in place, unable to find the energy to move about. I had not slept much the night before. I ended up organizing and wrapping all my Christmas presents at 2a.m. It takes a lot of time! I had made many of the gifts, in my clay class and with sewing some of my linen stash into towels and napkins and tablecloths. I like to gift things that I have made by hand, to send that love from my heart to others. My living room was a mess of wrapping papers and lists and ribbons. It was a satisfying feeling to have most of it done. Now there are only a few things remaining to buy at a store order online. I like to shop local when I can, to buy from other artists or small shops. Shipping is becoming so expensive so the gifts to those far away must be light and small.

My daughter is expecting her baby at Christmas so I wanted to know that all the gifts were ready so I am available in whatever way she needs me. Babies can come early, her first was two weeks early, or late, my daughter-in-love’s first was two weeks late so best to be prepared ahead.

I was hungry all day despite no physical activity. I was hot and cold, throwing sweaters on and off. I was restless and fatigued. Up and down. I did not answer phone calls, drew into a cocoon of sorts. I laid on the couch and watched seasons of The Monarch of the Glen. A Scottish series set in the Highlands. The scenery soothed me, locks and misty hills, castles and small villages. Some part of me, drifted into that scenery and imagined it as my life.

I can recall when the 11-11 portal was a big event for me. I tuned in with others, felt the power of the gateway. Now, it is life, a day at a time, or rather, moment by moment. The old spiritual life, the visions and experiences are like tracks beneath my feet. All laid down as the path that I walk. Part of what came before and supports me in this life, but not separate from the day to day. I accept where I am, how I am feeling. I had been riding a high since the morning of the sixth of the month. I had awoken with a song in my heart that kept singing for days. Joy, joy, joy!

Yesterday, I could not hear the song. I played Ava Maria for an hour or two as I wrapped gifts. Most of the Christmas song playlists began to irritate me when a jazzy or pop one came on and its frequency hit me as a discordant note. Mostly, silence held me. My elder son was to stop by, wanted to share a meal. I prepared it and he was a no show. Finally, I texted him and he called to apologize. I felt irritated and expressed it. A few minutes later, we spoke again and let my irritation melt into the truth of love. He was struggling in his day and time got away from him. I understand that as it frequently happens to me.

This morning is overcast and drizzling with rain. Snow showers are expected. Yet, the song is back in my heart! Today I am traveling with my former husband to spend this day with our eldest grandson and my pregnant daughter. He will drive so I can relax and not concern myself with driving home in the dark and rain or snow. Joy is dancing in my heart! I have a box of fun crafts to do with my grandson, a wreath I made with grapevines and bittersweet for my daughter’s door, and some sewing supplies for a pillow my daughter wants help making. It has all the elements for a fun day.

High or low, all that we feel, takes us down the road. The viewpoint changes yet our inner being walks steady. May your day hold magic….whether it is up or down..there is magic available to us all.