I am observing how my energies change with the wind, moving hither and yon in a short space of time. Here is how I felt yesterday morning:
I feel that I have become my own master, guides, others have dropped away like training wheels to allow me my solo ride. I told Spirit to take all my memories, there is nothing that I need or want to hang on to as I KNOW that all that i need, will be given to me. For me, it is trusting that by surrendering everything (yes everything) all will be restored in ways that I cannot even begin to imagine. So……I am floating on those currents. Feeling more in my body than ever before, enjoying the physical senses to a new degree and thinking of no thing. Being in pure appreciation and joy. I find this to be a wondrous time. I am allowing the energies to enliven me. Today the wind and sea are storming and I feel giddy like a little child. I love the elements and feel more elemental every day!!
And here is what I wrote yesterday evening:
Feeling so sleepy and dreamy, move through the days and doing lots with my daughter but left to my own, would not do much. The energy streaming in has felt pretty strong at times this past week. For the most part, I feel so at peace, then I realize I have been here almost 2 weeks and need to move soon. My daughter and her partner are so sweet and accommodating and I do not want to overstay my welcome. Yet no tourist self is emerging…..I guess i will fly south and stay somewhere for a few days….
Ok, LInda, move towards joy. Which direction feels lighter in all this? Should I fly over to Australia and visit a couple of friends on the east coast? Sounds easy in theory but the movement feels too big right now. I can kind of see myself there but not the getting there part. A friend up north I want to take time to see before leaving. All these bits and pieces to put into the pie and me sitting here listening to the wind howl about the place, watching the waves toss their foamy heads and content to snuggle under the blanket and drift. I can monitor the tiny tug guiding the huge ship into port and see the cranes busy unloading cargo. I love harbors! So much action, No kayakers, sailboarders or sailboats out today. Yesterday morning we went out for an intro sail and had a blast. I love being on the water and feeling the power of the wind and waves.
I have loved being more physical with my daughter’s encouragement, i love the wildness,,,today the whitecaps on the water and the wind crazy strong……you sure feel alive! But then I want only to rest and look out at it……..in silence. Drifting in and out of my self. So….. a lovely place with a view is what i need to find. Driving a car on the wrong side of the road seems daunting though I have done it before…..back in my twenties. I feel so dreamy that to concentrate like that feels hard. Tonight i have that “where do I park my body?” feeling…….again. It has come up plenty of times in the past few months. The desire to do much of anything gone. Yet full appreciation of all the beauty abounding, present. I ask myself, “What am I doing?”