The river flowing through the misty rain.
December 5th, 5 is change and it was reflected in my world. I awoke from confusing dreams of heartache and of many pulling at me to find their center. I noticed a burst blood vessel in one eye. No food settled in my stomach and I could not think of what to eat that would bring comfort. I felt at sea. My elder son came home and there was tension and emotion, a call with my younger son saw flashes of anger and frustration move through me with great speed at things in his world. All unusual for us as we have moved in a space of unity and effortless flow for a time now. I observed myself in the moment, took the breath and moved to a higher perspective. We were clearing our hidden corners as well as many for the collective, per our agreement for this time. I saw the unity of it all…….the joy, the anger, the frustration, the instability, the uncomfortableness in my body, the deep peace……a grab bag of emotions. Waves crashing and pounding the shore of my being. None separate, no good or bad, all there to be met with an open heart. All asking to be seen and felt fully and invited into the warmth of the flame, alive in my heart.
I retreated into nature, took a walk by the river. A healing space. There was a fine mist falling that made me feel like a plant as I walked along. Non-human. Empty of attachment, wanting the earth and the moisture, knowing it as all. I walked and sought a balance with the earth. I felt the mother’s love rise up in me, the desire to wrap all in a blanket of love. I felt my tears. I felt alone. I longed to be met and found no one about in this new frequency I awoke to. Yet, I knew they were all about me. I had visions of their flames, and my standing in front of each one. Mother Mary, Archangel Michael, Buddha, St Germain……each known to me on many different levels. Can I stand and not be overwhelmed, not be reduced to a puddle of weeping on the floor?
The buck whose gaze pierced me through the distance.
A buck told me yes, yes I could. He was a distance from me and our eyes locked in an embrace. We both stood, rooted to the spot for a time, five minutes, maybe more. I know that I felt the weight of it, then surrendered, opening for more. He stood in quiet dignity, his antlers held high as he looked into me. He honored the feminine flowing in me and gifted me his strength. I received the blessing before he unlocked his gaze. I then raised my camera to capture his beauty and thank him before continuing on the trail.
White camellia blossoms that I picked from a huge bush on my walk to grace my bathroom sink, The bush was pretty but the individual blossoms displayed speak so much more clearly.
My phone rang and there was the smiling face of my daughter through the wonders of Tango, a free video call connecting our hearts from her in New Zealand to me in California. To think that she could join me on the remainder of my walk! Her cheery voice brought the tears again, weepiness has been with me off and on all day. It is amazing how the kindness in a voice can unleash tears that you did not know were there. She murmured sweet sounds to my tears, saying that 99% of the time it was the other way around. She relished being the one to offer me her strength and love.
Some tiny mist filled plants on the walk, so alive in their greenness.
I was nourished. From her sweet heart of love, the buck’s steady, strength filled gaze, the misty rain’s cleansing. I went home, to food prepared and a hug from my son. I took a long afternoon nap. A text had arrived from a dear friend saying, “I love you” and later she said she felt I needed her then. Another dear sister of my heart called saying that I had been in and out of her thoughts all day so she was checking in to see what was up. She helped me gain a little sense of it, the movement to a new frequency with its attendant disorientation. She has seen me through many movements so she could sense how quickly I was adapting and the grace that flowed within. She knew the blessing that I feel in each cell for this process we are all in. How grateful I am to be me, and play my part with my heart wide open. How grateful I am for all others, playing their parts that I could not.
Everything is holy. All of it. The shift is so close at hand. All that I know is gone and there is only the unknowing, and being present with it. I sense the freedom of this falling, trusting that I will remember how to fly.
A dear friend on the Hearts and Minds in Sync forum flagged up your blog yesterday. (She and I met on Think With Your Heart). You, me and her share something in common (apart from this journey!) – We all have sons called Gabriel! Mine is the youngest of my four wonderful kids. He’s 18 and still lives with me – the rest have grown and flown..
I wanted to thank you for your post about the 5th December. My day was very similar to yours and I was similarly shaken all day and unwell and went for a walk by the river (in driving sleet! – I live on the border of Norfolk and Suffolk in the UK). I haven’t felt so shaken and down for a long while – but recognize how intensely the energies are pushing up remaining old issues , feelings and patterns to be embraced, acknowledged and let go of as we go through these next two gateways.
When I read your journey in your About section I was knocked out because it was/is SO similar to what happened with me these past few years. I am 57. A few years ago I left my husband of 26 years. A year later I got sick with a glandular virus and post traumatic stress and sever M.E/Chronic Fatigue. Overnight I became totally bedridden for about a year and was thrown into the dark night of my soul. At the time I got sick I had a busy flower essence company, employees and a mortgage.
I was freed from all of this responsibility – had to sell my house and shut down my business after a year – and eventually (after a year of living in my daughter’s back room) I have ended up living mortgage free these past three years, in this most magical little house by a river on the edge of a really special and relaxed small town.
For the past few years I have not had to work because of disability benefits, and have been free to heal and learn to live in love with myself every day and devote myself to this journey of clearing and releasing old conditioning – and becoming true to myself and who I truly am – this fluid being-ness. I have learnt that I really am not alone, that I am safe (even if I can’t always feel it!) and that I always have the support I need on all levels and the abundance to relax and love and care for myself utterly.
I feel deeply the great love of the feminine pouring in now and pervading every level of experience on the planet with the power to change our perceptions and orientation dramatically – and I hold the dream of utter love and equality of worth and peace and sovereignty for all.
I am grateful for your blog – because it reflects and strengthens my own journey and experiences – which we all need as we break the mold of centuries of suffering and misinformation and learn to trust in the true power of love and our own love and spirit.
So I am writing this to you today in love and gratitude for what you are gifting the world at this time with your wonderful expression of love and balance and honesty.
with much love
Rose
xxxx
Dear Rose,
I love your name! Roses are one of my things. What a beautiful letter to receive. Thank you! Amazing how similar our journeys have been. Wow. Thank you for walking your path with such beauty and grace. I can feel it and know it has not been an easy one. I can remember tapping my heart saying, “I am safe, I am safe” over and over again in those early days out of the marriage and former life.
Yes. the mother’s love flows through so powerfully these days, changing hearts one by one. Melting all back to love, the only reality.
You have given me a great gift and I so appreciate it! It reminds me that our expression in the world can be of service to another…..that is a blessing. I am so grateful these days to truly feel that and no longer have the anxiety of wondering if I am getting it right. Ha, it is getting me right, that is all it ever was. Being the best and truest expression of Linda Marie I can be in each moment. I feel blessed to have met you , Rose and feel your expression of beauty and light in this world. Would love to chat sometime. My gmail is lovelylinda2012@gmail.com
Aren’t we amazing to have set our lives up (unbeknowest to us at the time) so that we have had the freedom to BE? At times, I am awed by how much grace my higher self has shown me to support me in these days of dreaming and being and clearing and releasing as you said. We are blessed. Your small town sounds magical to me, like my vision of home! I am so glad that you have that comfort.
With gratitude and ribbons of pink=purple heart light streaming your way,
and of course. the love
so much love
Linda XXX