Hearing that James Taylor song “Fire and Rain” playing in my head this morning: “Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone…” Tears falling for all the sweet sensitive souls who find this world too harsh to bear. Decades ago, I lost a sister to suicide when memories of my father’s sexual abuse began to surface. She could not hold the pain in her body, so she choose to leave it.

Yesterday, my sons came home from a day of shoveling snow from roofs of ones who were in need. One was a friend, a young woman had been struggling to hold her life together with her three sons as her husband had spiraled down some distant pathway. He had been arrested and then placed in a psychiatric facility. She could not get information about his condition. A blank wall. The mental health industry is broken. Families are shut out from knowing much when they are the support system for the person involved.

She did her best to carry on in a world of unknowing. Yesterday, she let my sons know that her husband had committed suicide in a blaze of fire. He had set his car, with himself in it, on fire. Oh, how the mind recoils from such knowledge! It takes your breath away to imagine it. My sons were glad that her dad was with her and was accompanying her and the children back to his home. They gave hugs, their hearts full of love, to her. They brought the news and hugs to me as we let the tears of sorrow fall. My heart ached for the three young boys who will grow up carrying the weight of that tragedy as a part of their inner landscape.

The young man, who I knew only in passing, seemed a gentle soul. He was kind, a bit scattered, often late for pick ups of his son from playdates with my grandson or to get the boys from forest school. He had long fine blond hair, a mustache and goatee, round glasses, wore hemp and linen clothing on his lean frame. He appeared like a hippie fresh from the sixties. You sensed his gentle nature as you watched him play with his sons. A soul meant for a more idealized world, one where love ruled, where the edges were soft rather than sharp, where life flowed rather than started and stuttered.

Looking through his facebook page, I found his last post from a month ago. How I wished that I had seen it before now. These are his words, that speak of it all. I hesitate to share them, though they were shared on a public platform. I have decided to share as they have a message for us all. May they call us to be the love that unifies, cradles and cherishes one another. In these times of chaos and intensity, may we offer kindness and love to all who cross our paths.

“A Meditation: This time I will do what is right. I won’t let the illusions of my minds distractions be befuddled by an attachment to the past or the future, In this present moment Right now I can speak up and say I observe all that is. That with each breath I can see how I have to uphold the sanity of each moment, not by wishing for something different. I can look at the present for all of it’s beauty and ugliness. I will withstand the storm and become a stronger, more attentive, more loving, and genuine person. I truly believe this is the work we are all doing here. To take the suffering, whether it be from accident or intent we can look at the moment we inhale, and take an exhale wishing care and joy unto others. Let there be inspiration to do better to ourselves and for others in the world. Insanity is really just a distracted and ungrounded mindset that can carreen us off course. I am here to breathe deeply and stand strong for peace. We all make mistakes, let us first make an effort to forgive ourselves.”