Beloved Mount Shasta as I drove in.
Days have disappeared as I find myself coalescing in the safety and warmth of my former home. My former husband has graciously offered me this space of respite as I need it in my journeying. He is playing a role he once abdicated. In the grace of the universe, he is offered it once again in a new form. And I, accepting it with a grateful heart.
My recent days in Mount Shasta were so full that I am still busy integrating and coming back into form. The Star Knowledge event was very eventful for me! I knew that I was to once again meet the man who I had known as my beloved almost two years before. We had not seen one another since shortly after 10-10-10, when we were called to anchor divine love on the planet as did many others. That anchoring opened up the earth to receive the energies that were now streaming in with the Venus transit. It also drew out all that was not love in my beloved. It led to our parting after our few weeks together and his inability to communicate with me nor even hear my name without a reaction. It led to the shattering of my heart.(four small words but an explosion in my world) In time, it led to a greater capacity to love.
Dark clouds of rain and hail over our event site.
My son was coming to join me for the event and I debated as to whether I should wait for his arrival so that he could be at my side as a buffer when I met this man again. I felt into my courageous heart and decided to go alone. He was sitting with a group. He rose to give me a Lakota handshake. I awkwardly turned it to a hug. Eagle (his chief and my friend) advised us to go for a walk. The talk began about surface things. I cut to the chase and said, “The divine feminine in me is in need of honoring. I need you to address how things ended before we can begin anew.” He replied in his old way, “I do not perform on command.” I said that I understood that but the time was now before us. We could be present for one another in the days ahead or let this opportunity pass us by. I told him that I could have no relationship without this honoring taking place. He said, “I will offer a prayer that I say the words that you need to hear.” The words were found, the tears were shed, the river of love began to flow once again between our hearts. We walked and talked and the lightness was freeing and so fun.
The next days flowed like a dream. What truly transpired is only to be understood in the mists of the heart, not in the language of the mind. We played out a sacred drama in full view of the tribe, just as we did when we came together for the first time. He was the “go to” man of the event so was on duty most of the time. We had moments scattered throughout the day when we came together to look into one another’s eyes, to walk hand in hand, to glance across the gathering and smile at one another’s presence, to share a plate of food. There was an interesting reaction from some of the grandmothers as they tried to step in between he and I and ignore me. I knew that I was embodying the divine feminine energies and it triggered reactions from those not fully in their own power. Many of them were still using the masculine energies to ride upon, not owning their right to embody the feminine fully.
On the night before the Venus transit. I was shown that I was to enact a planetary pageant of the merging of the divine feminine and divine masculine. This man was to once again join me in this work. Thank God for my son being here to hold space for me as I was up till 2am facing the fears that came pouring in. Here is part of what I wrote that night:
Two chiefs, Golden Light Eagle and his brother, Blue Star Eagle, singing with the drum.
Tonight is a whole new thing. Yesterday feels like child’s play. Joseph and I are called to play out a much larger role. I see it, he does not but has surrendered to play his part. Joseph and I are the divine masculine and feminine, coming into balance. He is me and I, him. He has played the external warrior and I the interior one, yet warriors we have been.
I only know that my heart will lead me through this next day and I am offering up all that I am to this. We are anchoring this timeline so that it is the reality that all will be able to walk if they choose. I can feel others, all about the earth, at our stations ready to play our part. My Goddess. What a time! I am in awe, a bit overwhelmed, staying centered and connected to the Creator. The fire in my chest is so intense, maybe I will combust before morning! Tomorrow I help birth a new world. This is that big. How perfectly it has been orchestrated. Tomorrow I feel I should be dressed in ceremonial robes…….we all remember this from other times, the pageantry of it. No personality involved, only priestess and priest, feminine and masculine. No identity, and yet form. I am living the mystery and am in awe. I AM liquid lovelight.
The merger happened without the physical yet was so powerful. Yes, a look can do it! So much happens on other dimensions. Whew. I am still integrating and pulling myself back into wholeness. Joseph says we will continue to unwind this and he will make his way out of his life of service with the tribe (he travels with Eagle, his chief who teaches around the country, assisting in ceremonies) and reassemble himself around his poetry, the life of his heart’s desires. He is a bard of much power.
Beautiful blue sky and dancing clouds that came to play on the last day.
For my part, I am ready for my beloved to be with me. I am breathing deep and staying unattached as to whether the energy will manifest through him or another. I was shown on a deeper level that indeed we are twin aspects of one another. I sang parts of his soul back to him through many dimensions. Life is a magical mystery tour and shows up in ways we cannot foresee. I was open to being present for him to make amends and relieve himself of the guilt of how he ended it. I was not prepared for the miracle that took place as so much of his fractured mind returned to wholeness. To find that the possibility of our togetherness was once again on the board. (after a long year of holding that desire so present in me and then finally releasing all) Lesson in mastery to be so present yet unattached to the outcome. When he sent me away before, my heart shattered in a thousand pieces throughout the cosmos. When I was asked to merge with him again for the transit, I surrendered, knowing that I might once again find my heart in shards. Yet, I have discovered that the shards have allowed my heart’s capacity to love a hundredfold as each shard becomes the whole.
Dome for the event, pic by my friend, Mark
I am holding the reunion with my beloved in my heart, not focusing on the form it comes through. Letting go of all expectation as that is a means to limit what is to come. Feeling the joy of our new world of community where deep heart contact is the norm with all. Where each knows the beauty of their own heart. We have entered the magic lands. Envision it with me, feel it deeply and we will draw ourselves home. Espavo (thank you for taking your power.)