Monthly Archives: March 2012

Up and Down and All Around

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My first connection with the land here in Kimberley, British Columbia. The snow is wet so no snow angels today but I created a heart that I can view from my friend's balcony.

I am sitting in the airport in Seattle, looking out at the rain. I had two hours of sleep last night as it took me so long to sort and pack and finish cleaning the house where I was staying these past two months. My brain turns to mush as decision making is upon me. What to pack? How to fit in snowboots, snowpants, down coat, gore tex hikers for the rain and warm clothes?? I want my art supplies, how to pare it down. Ok, no paints, only colored pencils and markers for now. Big case packed and was over by two pounds, move it to carry on, now that is too heavy. Back and forth. It had begun the day before with anxious energy running through me as I prepared to leave my floaty dream space. I felt waves of sadness, waves of uncertainty. I could find nothing to hold to. I am traveling to stay with a member of my soul family that I met on facebook.  I was guided to fly, leaving behind the security my car provides as a means of independence and a home base of sorts. I have no return ticket, as I was guided that I will know the next step when I need to and that time is not now. I am on a “need to know basis.”

A friend explained it as moving from form to formless. That fit in as we are so used to orienting ourselves according to a place, a dwelling, a person’s form. The external to give us a framework to move against. I felt this when it seemed that my children and I had transitioned. As if we had crossed over and now saw one another as pure streams of energy, not dependent on our forms to communicate. This can be a scary place with no handholds or it can be exciting! As soon as she said form to formless, I could feel the energy of it. All the creativity that is unleashed as we create form in a new way.

This was a mural in San Fran on a school. I like the steps, numbers moving up and down and the geometric figures. Why this wants to be a part of this blog....who knows?

Last night, my mind went retrograde and began its story of how there was something wrong with me as I did not know how to pack “light”. If I knew how to do that, turn snowboots and hikers into collapsible forms, get on the plane with only a carry on, I would be an ok person. As it was, I was defective. Wow, it went on a virulent rampage which only worsened as the night wore on. It also asked just what I was doing?? Going off again to a remote location when I could stay in comfort and ease. Finally, I lay down and drifted into my heart land. Ah…..that felt better. I think that I am sleep deprived today so as to float along on this long day of travel. A beautiful white heron flew by as my son drove me to the airport. I commented on its whiteness which felt like purity to me. As I lay down to nap here at the airport, I connected into his wisdom and asked what he wished to tell me. He said that as I flap my wings, which he admitted took some energy and momentum, I rise higher and higher until I can soar with no effort. The flame of purity was alight in my chest as I heard his words. I have leaped, the packing and movement from the known to unknown, has been the flapping. and I can feel the energy of soaring in front of me.

My last bouquet of lilies in Sacramento. The richness of the color, the flirty curve of the petals... I almost felt embarrassed by the rawness of their sensuality. But instead these flowers helped me embrace my inner fire that has been dancing of late!

We are moving into this oneness and there is no road map. We have stepped away from the old new age ways and are having to learn this new navigation system. It is all about energy. Another friend said that she believed that if everyone took full responsibility for their own energy field, we would be living in the new land. To be conscious of what energy you are bringing into a room, into a conversation, into every space that you move throughout the day. It takes a high degree of consciousness and attunement. And it takes energy as we get used to it. As the heron said, the flapping the wings bit is exhausting compared to what it feels like to soar. That so fits with how I feel these days. I am giving all of me to this process and though on the outer it looks like stillness, on the inner I am giving everything I have to stand in this body and radiate my heartlight.

As I was moving through this formless place, a friend and I spoke of the energy of May we are both feeling. It felt we may come together then and find a place to share in Sacramento. She was delighted that I had found that I was now comfortable in that area and I was delighted with the idea as it was a form that I could hang onto. Even as we talked, we both laughed as we knew anything could happen but for now it provided us both with a sense of comfort. It gave me a marker in the blank future, placed there for my emotional body to lean on when I am in need of it. Oh, I love the dearness of me! I find myself at times, envying folks who put out plans for events in the future..such as announcing a workshop in June. Wow, I think, that is amazing! I see myself doing that in the future but as yet, am not in a space to plan anything as I have to remain fluid on every level. So..allowing this marker for the moment, not attaching but sighting it ahead as I once again move in the stream.

Flight is called, off for the next little jaunt up to Vancouver…..50 minutes and then another wait time until the inland flight. All is well, I am taking my little leaps, touching down and resting and then leaping once again.

View out the front window as the mists cleared and the mountain came into view.

Landed, conversation by the fire, followed by a long sleep. Today a walk in the sun and fresh air, to the market for food, cooking lots of deep green vegies, long nap, and here it is evening with the fire once again. Feeling a deep peace with the land, the air off the mountains is enlivening. There is something here for me. I love the fun of discovery.

Emptied Out and Filled Anew

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shining our heartlights

Alone once again. My daughter and her partner are on their way to their new life in New Zealand. My daughter called just before their plane departed with news that she had received a text message from a former love from years ago. He apologized for how he had treated her and wanted to express his love.  She was able to text him back to thank him. The universe is a place of grace. That her number is the same was amazing after all these years as after tonight, the number will be obsolete as she will get a new phone in her new land. So for that message of healing to come at the eleventh hour, as it were, incredible! It is a confirmation to me of how hearts are softening everywhere and the universe is doing its work. We are being gifted with so much love and healing light. What a blessing to know that this young man had found healing. Isn’t it what we want for everyone? For those who caused such pain and were in such pain, to find their way to healing themselves and reaching out to express the love that was there. For all of us to clear our relationships with everyone in our lives, past and present. I am so grateful for the healing that has taken place with my former husband. There are still a couple of folks that I would love to receive a text from as my daughter did but I hold them in heart light and know that the river of love is there and flowing, whether I receive confirmation or not.

Another beautiful experience today came when my daughter and her partner were at the phone store to end their contracts. They had been told to bring the work contract from New Zealand and sign off on their phone service. It was not going as planned and they were being told that they could not end the contract. My daughter texted me about the delay and problem. I texted back that I was calling in the angels to smooth the way for quick resolution. Her partner was then approached by the store manager who had been called and his name was……guess!  Angel, of course! He resolved the issue to everyone’s satisfaction and then my daughter shared with her partner,  her text messages with me. He was amazed. The universe can be that literal in responding to our calls for assistance!

Sitting on the trunk and looking up afforded a new perspective......as we have as we look at our family tree anew.

Our days were so full. They felt dreamy, like we were all moving through some heavy energetic resistance (sudden fevers and illnesses that were short lived) as we moved into this space of heartlight and healing. All outer planned activities and get togethers with others dropped away. There was a sense that we were on this ship together, moving in our own land. There was only the togetherness and the essence of love.  Tonight I feel the emptiness after our days of togetherness. Yet it feels deeper than simply saying goodbye as we travel in different directions. We have done that many times over the years.  I feel that we have let go on another level as we came together in our hearts. The heart healing allowed us to let go more fully. When there exists a deep pain, there remains an energetic connection that is stagnant. When the love flows freely, the connection is of a different sort all together. It comes from wholeness, from sovereignty where each is free in their own space. The connection is one that allows fluidity and movement and ribbons of heartlight to flow freely back and forth. For my family, beautiful tapestries of light can now be woven as there are new colors and textures to create with. When another shuts down their heartlight, it does not mean mine cannot still flow. Indeed,  it does. But I feel the weight of pain in the other not loving themselves enough to forgive their actions and my heart would ease it. So, I close my eyes and send my heartlight streaming in gentle colors and soft textures to soothe their inner child. No love is ever lost and when the person is ready, that lovelight is waiting there to assist them to prime the pump of love so that it flows freely in their heart once again. My soul rejoices tonight in the healing of the heart of this young man from the past. It goes out to all who have yet to feel the comforting balm of the Creator’s love embrace them. My heartlight is a stream from the Creator and as I have felt His/Her healing love, I have come to know how it is a never ending stream that is a blessing to experience. I understand how unnatural it is to stop the flow and the pain that causes. To be in wonder at the peace and joy that I feel as it flows freely through me. Oh, we were made to love! To give love, to pour it forth with each heart beat.

Pulled this image from facebook and could not locate source so thank you to whomever's image this is. It so clearly expresses how I feel right now. So empty and yet full......poised between worlds.

There is such magic afoot tonight as I sit here in the stillness. I feel that I am looking out into a new landscape. It is a blank canvas waiting to be filled. I stand here in appreciation of this moment between worlds. I have let go of all that I have known up until this point in this lifetime……let it go with such love. Almost as if we have all made our transition, letting go of our connections and way of knowing one another in this life, the roles that we played. There is no looking back, no reaching with any part of me. I am standing looking forward into the abyss of space. I am poised to take my first step into the new with a full heart. And I pause to savor this point……this betwixt and between point. My heart is bursting with the sacredness of it all, the awe at the perfection of the plan for our souls. I breathe deep and vibrate with the lovelight running through. Here I go……..

Hearts Healing

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These branches reminded me of our family, how we branched off years ago with the divorce and have now found our way back together. We no longer form a perfect circle yet there is a solidness to the joining that has its own beauty.

Family clearing took place. It has been an interesting journey as a week or two ago some information came to me in a dream that was disturbing. I processed it through the days and observed it uncoil as various layers of emotions moved through me. I was surprised to discover that I did not feel a need to make my truth known to anyone else, but rather that it was my journey to uncoil the issue within myself. As I let go of something that would have devastated me formerly, I saw that it opened the field for healing for the others involved. It was not for me to present my perception of truth to them, rather to do my inner work and shine the light of love on all. My energy field then contains this information but in a soft, light filled way. It is there to be accessed if the others are ready. My healing it, heals it on so many levels that the others may never have to bring it to consciousness. At least that is how it feels right now. It amazes me that this may be possible! Truly we are in a new landscape. I do not claim to understand how it works but I feel it so clearly. There is the unwinding, the letting go, the emotions given free reign to move through. The light of day shines in and when the others are near me, it informs something in them. It is some kind of alchemy though I know not how to explain it only that I can feel that it is working. And that it is magical.

This tree offered me a viewfinder that showed me a new perspective. if I look through a new lens, I can see things in a new way. I love how the top branch forms a heart!

My former husband took the door opened by my sons, to step into a new relationship with us all. He and I went for a walk to see if we could find a place of resonance in our hearts. There was a moment when I got up from the bench where we were sitting, ready to leave. It felt like we were sinking in mud and I did not want to be there. But grace entered in, our higher selves prevailed and common ground was found. A hawk, ( my totem bird) flew low over our heads, in a slow flight offering us a clear view of his beauty. I thanked him for affirming that I was on the right path as was my former husband. A bridge was created that we could meet upon. We then met with our three adult children. It was the first time in years, that we had all been alone together. There were tears and laughter. We made food and sang our family blessing and felt the grace. We affirmed the love that is there. It was a beautiful first step towards reconciliation. I had prayed to each of our higher selves to intervene on our behalves, that we might take the highest road possible. I had asked to generate such love in my heart, that my former partner felt safe. He called the next morning to say those words back to me…..that he had felt protected and safe to speak his truth with our children by my love. That was a huge gift. I felt so proud of each one of us. I felt such compassion for who we had all been and all that we had endured together and on our own. My former partner asked me what I thought had happened and I replied, ” Magic, it is simply magic and grace. ” We are being gifted with streams of love from the sun, from the Creator. Streaming down to open our hearts wide open. To let go of all the pains and sorrows and heartaches. To let the love burn through all the past and allow us to live fully in the present without fear.   It allows each of us to be more sovereign in our own space and to move out into the world as more whole beings. My daughter leaves in a couple of days to begin a new life half way around the world. She leaves with a greater sense of wholeness and a stronger foundation from which to step from. We are being blessed with this deep clearing so that we are free to move into the spring time and plant the seeds of our new lives.

A herd of deer, grazing so peacefully. They are so dear as are we! We want to be loved and accepted by our herd and move in peace with one another.

I feel the oneness growing, the hearts opening, the shift happening. There are starts and stops. Tonight we were all together again and triggers came up for me. Breathe in love, breathe out triggers. That felt so difficult, nie on impossible for a few of those moments. Knowing that to reach for love was my heart’s desire yet the patterning was deep. The triggers showed me the old patterns of fear and where I needed to more fully embrace myself. Good, I thought, let them come. It takes time to align to the new, to reset the synapses in our brains to travel new pathways. I am gentle with myself and offer that gentleness to the others. We are all doing so well, each baby step is to be celebrated. We are trying a new dance step. Some of the old steps come in and we have to adjust and make allowances and begin anew with one another. How dear we all are! I am embracing tonight some pettiness that surfaced, some feelings of not being seen, of being cast as the polarity of seriousness. I am embracing each one’s point of safety and knowing that to push without regard to timing, can be a dangerous thing. I am allowing the flow in the place where I used to direct and control. I am breathing in ease when I felt contraction come. I am staying present to the whole spectrum without holding to a former position of polarity.

I love how the sky plays with the clouds, making new configurations throughout the day. I want to play with everyone in my life in this way, seeing the beauty in each new aspect of coming together.

The other big piece in this, was owning my divinity. I will no longer play small.  We are trained to not “blow our own horns”, not to speak highly of ourselves, not to boast. It is considered polite to downplay one’s beingness. If we speak up and claim our mastery, it can come across as self aggrandizement.  I chose to claim mastery where I have it. I demanded that the divine feminine in me, be recognized and honored if there was to be a bridge built.  I would not accept further ridicule and harassment. The divine masculine in my former husband did step in and bow to the divine feminine. This was the key to healing. This is what was needed for the foundation to be created. I am so grateful that this took place for myself, for my children, for my former husband, for the planet.

It is time on this planet for the divine feminine to be honored for her gifts. This is what will create peace on earth. I am grateful that our family unit took this step. I am grateful for all the hearts opening to this recognition, women for once again honoring themselves and their gifts and men for honoring the women in their lives and the feminine in their hearts. We are all coming into balance and it is a beautiful thing to behold.

Happy Spring! Good Enough to Eat

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Little flower cakes that were to complement a silver tea set at the art gallery.

Spring has sprung and the sun got the message this morning and is shining his way through the clouds. I feel that I can eat this liquid lovelight that is flowing in just like these little fairy cakes. Yum! I am looking forward to living on lovelight. I have always felt that we were meant to be living on sunlight and air. Think of drinking in the beauty of a daffodil in full bloom, taking a bite out of a cloud. I am so ready for the magic.

This tom turkey was strutting his stuff on one of my recent walks. I love how the sun caught his back feathers in the glowing light.

The changes have continued at warp speed as we move into this new land. I felt a wave of sadness yesterday. I let the tears flow, less concern these days as to their cause, more desire to fully feel all that comes up in my heart. We are letting go on so many levels, it is not necessary nor easy to discern what is at play. I exist so much of the time in the new realm, whole days can pass with me playing with the energy of my heart, creating the world that I am to inhabit. There are so many hearts playing with mine, co-creating the wonder and magic. The love is the paintbrush, as well as the fabric it all lies upon. There has been a sense of aloneness to the journey as we have been creating from our separate places where we have been asked to anchor our light. Soon, we will begin to come together on this physical plane as we do on the etheric planes.

Once you clear out space in your emotional body, there is a peace that descends that allows for stillness and joy in the non-doing. I see so many rush about as I used to, it feels so foreign to me now just as my beingness feels odd to so many. I have little preference for how my days unfold as little charges me one way or the other. The irritations, impatience, desires have quieted…..and I allow myself to flow. I trust implicitly that all that I need will flow to me. I will be guided as to where to be and any actions that I need to take. My mind no longer functions in the old way as I have surrendered into no mind. My heart guides and the universe responds by opening the paths.

The freedom to be free of fear is a blessing that I acknowledge with joy. No longer concerned with how others see me, with what my purpose is, with doing good, with participating in the outside world, with how many friends I have or which ones have come or gone, with how much money I have left, with concerns about whether my body is heavy or light at the moment, with where will be the next place I land, with where my community is,  where my place on the earth is……. The list goes on and on. I live in total freedom! It is the most beautiful place on the planet. Once there, all the rest is of little consequence. It matters not where I live, who surrounds me, what makes up my days. All of it is beautiful! I feel so full of grace and love. Blessed beyond measure.

I have a dream that moves with me and in me. My heart is creating it as I breathe. Every

The native redbud trees are in bloom. I love them as their fuschia pink color matches my heart light!

person on the planet has a pod, a group, a community that they resonate with and belong to. It is the place where folks are overjoyed to see you, where you are acknowledged for your gifts, where you are loved unconditionally and where you feel a deep sense of belonging and of home. It is your place of peace. I know that this time is coming for all of us and my heart plays day and night in this vision. A little bird just landed on a branch outside the window I am near and began singing his heart out to me. What a confirmation of heart light! So sweet……this is the new way. We acknowledge one another, not simply our brother and sister humans but the animals and plants and all of nature. We are in tune with one another and flow that love back and forth effortlessly. He came to sing the truth of my thoughts to me and I responded by speaking and feeling my appreciation to him. Delight!

In this new energetic landscape,  we no longer need others to participate in trying to make our dream a reality. I can lie on my couch, dreaming and all who are part of this dream, will be brought to me and I to them. It truly is that magical! We will be drawn together by our vibration, our heartlight and co-create out of pure joy. Money is not the currency we will use, it is heartlight, pure and radiant. Oh……I have seen myself laughing with the joy of this new way for months now.

Time for a walk to anchor in these new moon energies as a day has passed since I began this post. A huge healing of hearts happened last night in my family……my former husband stepping up and opening his heart. I will write of that grace tomorrow. For now, savor the new beginnings that this moon gifts us with and dare to dream big!!

 

Feeling our Mother

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I have posted this painting of mine before but as I look at it today it has new meaning. I am feeling this intense energy of our Mother. She is unwinding her coils of stuck energy, just as we have been.

I just checked and it has only been three days since I lasted posted. It feels so much longer. Much healing has occurred. As I completed the recent emotional journey, my body went into its journey. I have had a bad cold, me who has not had a cold in years. I have read reports that flu like symptoms would become prevalent as we reset our bodies’ workings. I had gone with my younger son to San Francisco for the day to see the annual flower show at the art gallery where arrangements are made to interpret a particular painting. It came on the heels of a mostly sleepless night. The drive took an extra hour due to fierce rains. The crowds were enormous despite being a weekday. After a couple of hours, we were fried and decided to head home. My body began to feel worse and worse. Fortunately my son decided to spend the night. There is such comfort in knowing that someone is there when we are ill, even if we do not call upon them, we feel their presence.  I almost woke him at one point as I was in such pain. My cells felt like they were on fire. It was very intense. By morning the head and chest joined in for a full blown cold. I was shown a picture of the energy stream we created as we drove there and back and mingled with the throngs. It was another confirmation that if you feel an impulse to do something…trust it. Logically it did not make sense to go that day…..the rain storm, the fatigue but on some other level, it was just right. It was important. Trust is the name of the game for me.

We saw these flowers in red, green and this vibrant yellow! Amazing

We are all doing so much clearing. I am clearing my energy field so as to be a better transmitter or conductor for the pure lovelight that is flowing into the planet. That way, I can hold and move more liquidlovelight…yes it is real stuff! No accident about that name coming to me. I am meant to allow it to flow with ease through my body. This recent emotional and physical cleanse, clears the channel so that it is in better working order. I can feel the earth as she is in the throes of her birthing pains. She has 7 billion of us on her, each carrying their weight of issues. When you are weighed down with fear and anger, (at others but mostly at yourself)  you are a weight that she would like to throw off. For all who have gone through childbirth, you might recall the way you felt when anyone touched you with their own needs or offered their idea of help. You were so deeply in the process of birthing……you wanted to throw them off!  When you love yourself, express joy and appreciation, you are like a feather on her. You can even go from

huge wall hanging of gold flattened bottle caps...loved the rippling waves of it. A tapestry of metal.

being neutral like a feather, to being a help if you act as a conductor of the love energies…..like bringing the ice chips at the right time, or supporting and rubbing the back. It is our job to tune in to what our mother needs. She cannot spare the energy to tell us, she needs us to simply do it and be it. That support. You can ask to align your heart chakra with hers and offer your beams of love to her. You know how powerful that can be, to have someone holding you in love. I recall a friend making her first video for a worldwide audience. She asked me to sit and beam love at her for the afternoon’s taping and that is what I did. It was a solid thing that she could draw upon as needed.

We are all responsible for clearing our fields. There is no energy left for healing another, trying to move another to a new level of seeing, nor continuing relationships where we are not seen or respected.  It never was our job though we were taught to use our power in that way. Our sole job at this time, is to shine our light  for all we are worth. That means, cleaning the lens so that the light can be seen more clearly. Clearing the emotional body of the old programming of I am not enough, all comparisons, all judgments of self and others. Letting go of duality in all its myriad forms. That is being conscious in every moment: “Does this thought elevate others or myself? Does this thought bring me joy? Does this thought or action ennoble myself or others?” We are creating our world together. We are creator beings. I read a wonderful article about this by Peggy Black and her angel team:  http://www.therainbowscribe.com/thegrandrebirth.htm She speaks of the power of our imagination when combined with our emotions. These are our creating gifts. My son summed it up after reading this as: imagination+emotion=our genius moments! I like that. She speaks of how worry is the distorted use of our imagination and gives some powerful exercises to turn this around.

Such creativity in interpreting the paintings. I loved the dark, fluid tree form!

There is a huge letting go…of relationships that no longer serve us, possessions that we do not use, activities that do not uplift us, any way of giving away our time or energy that does not feel good! Our emotions truly are our guides in this. I have a reoccurring theme in my dream space. I hear this message: As the chaos rises, so too must your inner core of peace and calm. You have been prepared for this. I can feel that there are more earth changes ahead and I am told to see it is necessary in the birthing and to hold to the larger vision of what is taking place. When you are in labor, you do not need anyone freaking out because you are exhibiting pain. You do not want someone saying, “Oh my, this is awful, you poor thing! This should not be happening.” That does not help. You want to be surrounded by folks who are calm, centered and offer soothing words of support like, “You are doing great!” Who hold the vision of the beautiful baby to come. Our mother is birthing herself anew and the world to

lovely scene of spring flowers

come is of a beauty that we cannot imagine. Already it takes my breath away and I can only feel its presence as it makes its way down the birth canal. Wow!!! Hold to that vision of beauty. When you hear of earth changes, know our mother knows what she is doing as do all beings who may transition from the changes.On a soul level, they have agreed to this. Offer prayers of support and love but do not stand there adding energy of fear or upset.  Birth that beauty in yourself. Do you truly see that as you birth the truth of your own beauty to yourself, you allow others to see your radiance and you gift our mother with so much.

Wild and wonderful!

My sons had an encounter with an older gentleman sitting outside the local store. He could have been mistaken for a vagrant as he had a weathered countenance and appearance. They sat and had a conversation with him and it turns out he was a retired professional football player. He said that he could see that they were of “we consciousness” rather than “me consciousness”. He shared that he was in town for the passing of his mother and what a heart opening and sacred event it was for him. As they went to leave, he said, “You are both so sparkly!” As we stand in our truth, we are seen by those who have eyes to see. Our light is shining as we birth our higher Christed selves into this form. This is a time of magic.

A bit of green in honor of St Paddy from the stairwell of the art museum.

Oh, speaking of magic, Happy St. Patrick’s Day!! Truly take in the wonder of where we are and savor these holy moments as we go through this shift of the ages. It is all sacred. It is all divine. Including you! Take a moment to expand into the love that you are…….and feel the magic.

Uncovering More and Holding it in Heartlight

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Nature helps to take our sorrows and shows us how to let go and flow with the river of life.

4am and i have wrestled with another layer of feelings surfacing around the deep issue that has come to be healed. Took a hot epson salt bath with Tom Kenyon healing sounds playing in the room. The warm water and the sounds did much to help move the energy. I watched the old pattern surface of pulling out my sword and looking for the first head to chop off. My former husband used to say that I loved confrontation and even sought  it out. The truth was, it was never a choice for me . If I saw something amiss, I could not remain silent even in the knowing of the back lash that would follow. Hence the harshness and intensity of my sword brandishing. I do ask all who were on the receiving end of that harsh energy at any time, to forgive me. I did not know another way to speak my truth.

It is here before me. A situation that challenges a core aspect of myself and what I believed that I stood for. The old way would have been to brandish the sword first and foremost at myself with loathing, burying myself deep in self recrimination and guilt. Next would have been to swing the sword at “the perpretator” and try to help the “victim”. In letting go of duality, these are no longer viable options. The old patterns still arise but I have tools now to allow the feelings to wash through me and to not attach. I found myself wanting images to come to validate my feelings but received the guidance that is not helpful. I am to use my feelings as my guide. Observe their passage knowing that the details are not important but rather to allow the energy to unwind in my heart and to embrace that aspect of myself that feels that it fell down on the job. To love myself and recognize the impulse to do good was always there. Honoring  myself for that then allows me to honor that same impulse in others. To see the innocence in all concerned, to truly trust that we all create every aspect of our world, the painful and dark as well as the joyful and light. That we can wish an easy passage for another but it is not ours to give. Our souls choose the lessons that we are to learn and the situations that best bring those lessons.

I do not know what or how I will share this knowing yet. My old way would have been to rush out with my sword and swing wildly at all,  compelled to immediate action. Now I see that the biggest piece is for me to sit with this and unwind the coil in myself first. In doing so, it may unwind energetically for the others. The way can be paved for ease and grace and healing for all. I am not responsible for how anyone reacts to my feelings. Another big difference I am finding, is not presenting my feelings as  truth. It is true for me, yet it is not mine to declare another’s truth. I can share and see what resonates for others, allowing space for whatever is to come up.

A wise friend wrote me this advice: “I am feeling that this does not have to be so serious,  it can be addressed with immense love and as a source of information.  Let it move,  as it moves it will transmute.” This is new also, to not see it as a big drama requiring big reactions. Rather as information to be acknowledged and transmuted. I am letting it move through my body as tears, as energy releasing in the bath water, through writing, sharing, walking in nature. Letting it have its way and knowing that I can love the whole spectrum that life presents to us. The old way, would find me shielding myself or denying the darker aspects of our human nature but the more I learn on this path of enlightenment, the more I know that I have played all parts. I have been the rapist and murderer as well as the one raped and murdered. I can not judge any longer good or bad as I cannot see what is being played out on all dimensions. The feeling of compassion is the strongest one as it comes to envelop all involved, including myself. I am grateful for my angels and guides who are standing with me, showing me the way, moment by moment. Allowing a layer to come up, then time to process before another layer is uncovered. Ease and grace are present.

Another wise friend, Karin Berky wrote this of today’s energy:

ENERGY WISDOM Wed 14th Mar: IMPORTANT DAY! You ground and anchor in a new perspective! Venus/Jupiter/Lilith at 9 degrees Taurus, Pluto 9 deg Capricorn, Mars 9 deg Virgo creates one big triangle called a grand trine. A rare and potent time for love, relationships, expansion and change. Lilith is the profound longing for the absolute, the unlimited infinite self, she sacrifices and shows you how to let go of the old and FLOW with changes, be open and trusting. She is life force. Creation. She is a call into your EMPOWERMENT. In with this grand trine she wants you to see your connection to the WHOLE, to the divine, end separation consciousness and enter Unity Consciousness and Oneness. To let go you need to ‘sacrifice’ your little “I” ego to realise how powerful you are. Mars also opposite Chiron connects in with this grand trine – old wounds are highlighted. Lilith brings the dark into the light. Turn your demons into ‘diamonds’. Shine a light on the dark, the fear, the anxiety, the wounds and turn them into unconditional love. Where you have been wounded so have others, and you now see that and bring it into a loving acceptance. Seen in a new light you can see your wounds as ‘gifts’ RE-membering your true nature and gifts. You have been lied to in this old control and fear paradigm! Your true nature is infinite. A child is not born with shame, fear and anxiety…it is born of pure love and TRUST. Mistrust and fear is learnt. So create a sacred space to which you retreat so you feel safe. A powerful day to begin turning old wounds into loving gifts and recognise the Oneness of life! Making use of this energy will change your relationships and life forever. Which lies about yourself do you drop now? Can you let go and trust? Can you reveal all of your authentic real self? ~~Karin Berky, Evolving Souls, 2012.
I am trusting and seeing the diamonds shining.

March Brings the Winds of Change

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The red branches of this Japanese maple and its new green leaves have fed me today. Beauty!

A rainy day which allows me the chance to run about  barefoot through the wet grass in the yard and soak in the beauty of the blossoming trees. I am so loving this spring and this month of transformation! Feet dried,now sitting by the fire, feeling the energies dancing on my crown chakra. That lovely feeling of being so loved by my higher self and guides and angels as they rewire this body of mine. Head is stuffed, energy clearing and so happy to be quiet with the day. Tears of gratitude for all my blessings. I feel an enormous weight is being blown from the planet. So many layers of suffering and pain are being blown away with the winds. The love is streaming in with the continued solar flares and as we anchor it into our mother, she is sending it back to our hearts. Oh, to be a part of this cycle of love! I feel awe, gratitude, joy, blessed.

This beautiful pink blossom reminded me of a ballerina with its fluffy tutu!

So much is softening. Our hearts can no longer hold to the old dense energies and are singing a song of freedom. Freedom to love as that is the song that our hearts have always wanted to sing. Every shadow that has been locked deep in the heart, is now coming out into the light of day. And it is not so scary anymore. We can look at it, we can even embrace it. Yes, we can even love it.  Shame, guilt, self criticism and judgment are fleeting emotions that no longer hold. A huge issue recently came out into the light of day in my life through my dream space. I felt such enormous gratitude that all blocks are being cleared and that I am in such a place of love for myself that this issue could now come to the fore. The old pattern of projection and judgment was simply gone. In its place, there was enormous compassion and love for all involved. Oh, all the density we came in to clear and transmute back to the reality of love! What courageous dear hearts we are!! I am loving my heart as it clears all its shadow aspects and shines its pink, magenta love light. As we each clear our closets of all skeletons and shadows, the winds of March come to carry it all away. We are being swept clean to stand in our truth as beings of love and light. Nothing more to fear, we are safe in the arms of our mother.

One of my son, Gabriel's paintings that is feeding my hunger for orange. Having art and flowers about me makes me feel rich.

Last night I did a distance healing on a friend with a friend. Healer is not a word that I identify with, teacher yes, that resonates. But this energy came up in a conversation and the knowing that there was something that the two of us could facilitate for this other. I found it all so interesting. My friend is a gifted healer, used to playing in this field that was so new to me. I trusted whatever came through me and let it flow. The energies are so fluid now, allowing stuck areas to give easily. The one receiving had done his work as it all released with ease. I love the elegant design of the universe, how what we need appears when we need it. I trust more deeply in divine timing as I see how beautifully things happen. When the timing is right, there is ease and grace. Light language poured from me as did sounds and hand movements that were all new to me. My friend and I were in sync as we have done this together in other lifetimes. It was like a dance between us and we knew the steps. Very empowering for me.

The trust in my own higher self and the whole is creating new pathways for me. I so surrender to divine timing and will. I was listening to an Abraham-Hicks youtube video (don’t you love the Internet!) in which she was talking about a woman being pregnant and her

the last bit of glory of my orangey red tulips!

feelings of joy. How she had tried for years to get pregnant and now was. Abraham pointed out how she still did not have the baby yet was filled with joy as the knowing of it growing inside her was there. I have adopted this approach in my life. I am pregnant with the knowing that my beloved is waiting for me, that my community, my pod is waiting for me to join them, that the world of peace is a heart beat away. How could it be otherwise? We are evolving, we are in the midst of the great shift of the ages to the age of peace and love. What was began in the sixties, has come to fruition and we are to reap the benefits. What possibilities, what heart desires are you pregnant with? Hold them with the joy and love that you would as an expectant parent. Cherish them, savor each day that you are alive and walking towards holding your heart’s desire come true. We will never live in the same density again. Duality will be a thing of the past. Every thought for ourselves will include the consciousness of all…….we are one. Unity consciousness will flood the land. Life is beautiful!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Intensity of March

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This puddle wanted to pull me into its magic, felt like a portal to another world.

Wow, what a month. I knew it was a big one energetically but here I am on the 10th and I feel that a lifetime has been lived already! The sun is gifting us with amazing solar flares that are shifting us physically and emotionally and energetically. My body has developed a buddha belly that some days makes me feel that I am six months pregnant! The light is streaming in to be anchored and so it expands our bodies until we can integrate it and allow it to anchor in our mother’s heart. I went for a barefoot walk on the full moon, my younger son has been running barefoot and has loved how it is helping his feet. My aboriginal self came to the fore as I felt little discomfort walking over rocks and twigs and sharply pointed oak leaves. The hour grounded us both and helped assimilate the high energy. Only downside

My friend and I were looking at this painting of my son's and realized that it was so comforting as the cows are touching the earth. It is very grounding in that and so while we may not go out and eat grass, we may lay face down on the earth and connect.

is that your feet get very dirty and require a scrub brushing when you are done. I read a report that said so many of the autoimmune diseases can be cured by direct contact with the earth. She clears our fields of all the EMF waves we pick up from our computers, cell phones, electrical lines. What a gift, our mother always looking out for us! So take off your shoes and go take a run around the yard, makes you feel like a little kid again and that is a good thing!

Yesterday was pretty dreamy. The night before a filling that I had recently had replaced, came out again. It felt pretty painful. I was able to go right in the next morning. Seems that I needed a root canal before he could put a crown on the tooth to save it. He called a friend who did his root canal and got me right in. I drove there and had the procedure. I felt like I was in some time warp. As I went to park, I felt all this chaotic energy at the intersection next to the building. I had a sense that my car would be vulnerable there on the street. I called the angels to watch over her while I went in. When I was sitting in the chair, on the third floor, the dentist was looking out the window describing an accident that had just happened below. My car was fine and I pray that all involved were ok. But a confirmation of the energy that I had felt.

This bouquet of tulips sang to me as I walked into the store the other day. Their color has been feeding me ever since! I actually have found myself stroking and kissing them.....yes, I am a flower fairy!

I felt shattered after the procedure. The radio music playing in the office, the smells of the resins and drilling, the strangeness of having your mouth propped open for a couple of hours. I am so hyper sensitive to my environment, desiring flowers and lovely scents and beauty. I came home and got into comfy clothes and wrapped myself up on the couch in my quilt. After a time, I felt a wave of loneliness go through me and wanted the comfort of a mom. Unusual feelings for me as I can usually tap in to that inner plane of love when I need it. I called my elder son and said I simply need to hear you talk. The dam burst then in hearing his voice and I sobbed and sobbed. So much sadness and grief. Images of a man I knew who had all his teeth pulled in this twenties and wore false teeth as it was more affordable than having them fixed. It cost $1200 for this procedure.  I felt such gratitude that I could pay that sum. Felt the injustice of our world and how so many suffer. The polarity of the insured and uninsured, the crazy way our systems are set up. Wave after wave of grief poured out of me. I watched waves of fear come up about my life, “What are you doing? Where are you going to live at the end of the month?” Again, old survival issues that come up to be felt and let go of. My son plays in the same fields that I do so he knew all the right things to say, assisting my letting go. He came over later to give me one of his bear hugs and check that I had all I needed before sleep.

The trees are showing me the way to transformation as they open their blossoms to the world.

A dear friend came over to check on me, my old stance of “I am ok, I do not need anything” quickly released as I knew I did need her presence. She is a gifted healer so she did cranial sacral work on my head. We worked together as we toned and light language poured from both of us. My higher self coming in to aid in the clearing. My friend said, it is deep rooted ancestral stuff coming up for clearing. We laughed at the metaphor…root canal…getting to the root of the issue. I saw that this was my vehicle to release much. The bones in my face literally vibrated as stagnant, stuck energy was lifted. This is all part of the cleansing taking place this month. All the old is up to be released. My friend pointed out that the feeling of loneliness that came up and had me seeking help was a knowing from my soul that I needed assistance to release all that came up. I am so grateful that she held me through it. We both saw past lives where we worked together as healers. We got a hit of how that will be coming into play in the coming months.

Here we are at the tenth of the month with the equinox yet to come. I am in awe of the transformation offered us this month. We are truly being called home to our hearts to create the new world of peace and love that we know as our birthright. I claim that birthright today and send my heartlight out to this beautiful world and all of us.

 

 

Flowing with the Waves of March

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March has come in so breezy, with up and down drafts of energy. I am learning to flow and ride the waves as they come. This small creek runs through the park where I like to walk most days. Rock strewn in places, smooth going in others…nature always showing me the way. Embracing it all, not complaining of the rocks or narrow passages, simply flowing as that is its nature. As ours is to love, to let our heart lights shine out, no matter what comes into our lives. The refrain, “Resist nothing” has had big play time in my head of late. As I focus on this, I have been surprised at all the moments where resistance still lurked. There is a friend of the homeowner whose house I am renting, who came over to do yard work. He was dear, brought me oranges and lemons and even split a bunch of kindling wood for me. We had a nice chat and I sent him off with some gingersnaps warm from the oven.  He told me that he would likely be coming once or twice a week this month to work on projects. I found myself feeling hemmed in at that thought, not sure I wanted to be social that often. Resisting because I wanted the freedom of knowing I could come and go in the yard in my space of solitude. I know that focusing on the not wanting, creates just that. In a space of allowing, I can trust that when he does show up, it will be a wonderful experience, not something I need to push against.

Embracing all, resisting none. I stopped at an art store for my son to use a gift card. He was only going to be 5 minutes. I decided it was not enough time to warrent figuring out how to put money in a machine that printed a little ticket to attach to your windshield. I went into the store and as we were standing at the check out counter, we saw a parking meter guy placing a ticket under my wiperblade. Argh! Embracing all….not quite! I felt anger flood through me, at myself and the silly system. Then tears as it seemed to represent all the rules and regulations that we have lived under for so long. I felt the weight and limitations of this 3D life and the tears were for all of us. Thank God freedom is at hand and our lives will flow with more openness and light. I was able to laugh after a bit and be grateful for the experience, perhaps it happened for me to express that anger thoroughly and then let it go, clearing that energy. I am moving into the space of seeing it all as a gift from my higher self. All orchestrated expressly for me, for my growth and evolution back into the love that I am. How wonderful it is!

Lying in front of the fire has been a source of such joy for me! I love an open fireplace as you hear all the pops and cracks.

It has been days since I wrote the above. The solar flares have been intense, pushing me into the ground it seems. All beautiful energy from our dear sun to support us to evolve. And tonight the moon has joined by shining her full face down at me. I have not been able to do much of anything, even writing was too far a reach. I made an appointment to get my hair cut but had to cancel it because I was not up for the energy in such a  place. My days are so free that to have a time to meet felt so out of place. I truly need to move as I feel to move. Today, that was not so much. I am allowing my body to lead. Two separate events that required a lot of driving came up of late and I pulled out of both.  Not easy to do as I do not want to disappoint friends when I had made a plan to travel to see them. My personality self had an agenda but my body is trumping all. My body simply said, “No, I am not moving. I am resting.”

Then this energy forecast for March came in my inbox and spoke directly to what I had experienced (I love when this happens!) http://leeharrisenergy.blogspot.com/ Here are the lines that struck me: “Hence one of the first big themes of March – Who comes first? You or those you are in relationship with and to? March will see you needing to ask yourself this question many times. Can you trust that what is right for you is also absolutely perfect for those around you?”

On my walk with my daughter, we felt we were in fairy land with all the sweet scents and blossoms.

Wow, that is a lot of trust! We are not programmed that way at all. I am learning it but it is not easy as it is a new way of being in relationship as Lee points out in his article. Yet if we are to evolve into being in our truth moment to moment, we must begin somewhere. Even if it means folks are disappointed in us or upset with us. The one that I can no longer afford to have upset, is me! I have to take care of my needs first and foremost if I am to be in my truth. So…..can I trust that is perfect for those around me? That is taking some practice as the old guilt comes in for disappointing another. Yet I am letting the part of me that feels guilt know that is old energy and we can move in a new way. I am trusting this new energy even when I see evidence that appears to contradict it. I can not know what is right for another, only what is right for me in the moment. The waves of fatigue hit without warning and my body seems to have no will to resist. I acknowledge this as progress as in the days of old, I would use my will to push through when my body was not willing. Now I give it what it needs when it needs it and the joy is there as we move together.

I am also feeling the freedom that is coming as we each act from our truth in each moment. Such freedom to not have to spend any time wondering if someone else is ok, if they are happy or not. To know that everyone is moving in their joy, to their own rhythm and that if they needed or wanted anything, they would seek it. No second guessing others’ motives or desires. To each be responsible for ourselves. Can you feel that wind of freedom? That is the energy of March coming in. I am so glad that we are moving this way as it will get easier as more get on board and we all begin to trust this. It has not been easy being on the forefront of moving in this way as it can bring energies of resistance.That has been a lesson as I can chose to go into my pain body about someone’s reaction to my actions or I can chose to remain neutral and trust while holding all of us in love.

My beautiful quilt from my dear soul sister. I love the heart in the center of it all!

Feeling such gratitude for a beautiful quilt made by a friend to wrap myself in. I have never received such a gift of so many hours of thought and work (no, she says it was play!) for me. I love the heart in the center of the house shape. I have found my home in my heart and I am immensely grateful. It is another freedom that I have found. I am grateful for the afternoon of my son napping under my quilt as the fire blazed. For the unexpected weekend alone with my daughter to play and connect again before she heads off for a year in New Zealand. We did not do much but laughed a great deal, took a walk from days of old, cooked and ate together. The simple things that make life sweet. That is what I am feeling as I flow with these wild energies of March…sweet. Life is getting sweeter as more of our true self is showing up to experience it. Loving that!