Butterflies were mating all along my walk. Fertile energies of new life in full view.
All through the night, I was awakened with short messages…pay attention, greater abilities, all now. It seemed that I was being shown all the lives that I am living now. Some were dull, I could feel the weary weight of them, some dramatic, full of passion and pain, some were pedestrian in nature. We are in the gathering times. Opening ourselves and integrating all that we have known in order to let it all go and enter the space of emptiness.
After my heart being hallowed out, that I spoke of in my last post, I have experienced spaciousness within. Less thoughts, more feeling. We are becoming in tune with one another in a new way. The veils of separation are dissolving. We are no longer confined to our separate selves. The internet has brought the world closer, opened the doors of our hearts in compassion as we see images and hear the voices of those suffering around the world. Now it has moved into our cellular structure as our bodies become transmuters of this suffering. It is rising to the surface to be seen clearly so that we may dissolve it in the fiery flames of our hearts.
Someone left this carving to smile upon all who pass. The tree spirit reflected this joy.
For the past few days, I have been working with mental illness. I received a call from my youngest sibling, a dear heart who was lost to me for decades. She has suffered from mental illness, having sustained much abuse within the family. Our mother recently passed, which freed her on some levels to reclaim her life. She had reached out and contacted me which was a gift for my heart. The other day, she left me a heartrending message of despair as the voices in her head had returned. She wanted me to know that she loved me, not knowing if she would speak to me again. She had begun to build a new life for herself and once again, found herself hurled back into the darkness. Her words went into my veins like an icy transfusion. She has experienced so much suffering, as have so many.
Mental illness has been a heavy door closing so many in. May the door open and dissolve.
That night, my former hubby, (who has graciously offered me a home at present) and I were looking for something to watch. We saw the Beach Boys movie, decided that might be fun to hear their music. It turned out to be about Brian Wilson and his struggle with mental illness. At one point, he was imprisoned by a psychologist, whose help turned into absolute control. This mirrored what my sister had experienced at the hands of my mother and brother. He was finally freed by the love of a woman who became his second wife. She saw him truly and worked to help him recover his light. My sister had to work on her own to free herself from their control. She was successful, moving thousands of miles to return to our hometown to reconnect with her former life. She worked to get an apartment and work in the community only to have the voices show up once again.
The next day, I must have read a dozen references to mental illness. This is how it happens. Something comes to my awareness and then it is amplified so that I live it for a time, offering my heart’s flame to travel its pathways. At some point, I can feel it loosening and softening until I sense that it has been opened to the love light that is truth. I am then freed from that world until the next thing comes into my awareness. It may take a day or a week or more that I am called to be present. There is no will in this, I simply allow it to move within me, trusting its timing and the process.
The lupines are glowing.
My sister wisely checked herself into a facility, for the assistance that she needs. My heart is sending her messages to say, hang on. Honoring her path, however she chooses to walk it. I cannot know the weight of the years of struggle that she has endured. I can only send her love light and let it do its job. I honor her courage, her ability to begin again and yet again. I do not know that I would have been able to do as much. What a courageous heart!
I am grateful for the life I have with its beauty and grace. I am grateful that from this space, I have the freedom to embody issues as they come to me. We are powerful creators. We can transform things from the inside out. Our hearts can melt the chains that bind, loosen the cords that restrain, offer hope and freedom to those oppressed. I cannot see the results of this work, I can only feel it in my heart. Each of us, has a gift. We are all called to do our part in one of the myriad ways that present themselves to us. Mine is an inner action, many take the outer action. I am so grateful for all of it.
Wildflowers offering their sweetness.
I feel a world free from mental illness. I feel these hearts, that have been so restrained, bursting free into the love light. I can sense the lifting of that heavy cloak that threatened to suffocate them. I feel this lifting of the weight of darkness and despair. How our hearts are crying out for this for all of humanity. How we desire freedom and peace and love for all on this planet.
The rain is pouring down outside as Northern California is awash in its wettest spring in decades. I feel it as the washing away of all the oppression bearing on humanity. I breathe in and appreciate the beauty and scent of the spring blossoms. May we turn the bitter into the sweet wine. It is time.
