A favorite spot outside the library to sit and muse.

We are IN the time of transformation. Not approaching it, nor feeling complete with it…..simply in it. It looks different for all of us. For me it is hot flashes surging, a need for bodily comfort, exhaustion, frustration, bouts of creativity then flatness.

Restlessness is the biggest sign to me that I am about to make a big shift. I look at photos of views from around the world. Water and mountains does something to my soul. I yearn for a wide vista that showcases these two elements to dream in and with. I feel confined in my upstairs apartment though I can walk into nature and drive five or ten minutes to a little lake or pond. The energy is not often there to act on my yearnings. I do make it out to swim most days that the sun shines warmly, as that nourishes me.

This wild flower grew about eight feet tall and then bent over, making a fairy arch for me to walk under as I enter my apartment.

I liken myself to a puppet on strings. I animate myself for the grandkids, perking up with smiles and patience and joy. Once my day of care is done, I lie flat, my strings slack on the ground. I read to occupy my mind or take deep naps. Nights are short so the fatigue is present. I finally did my dishes after three days of piling things up for later. It takes all that I have to show up for the kids and my body’s needs. Chocolate is a dear companion. As well as ice cream from the village store across the street. I watch the old farmers stop in for their morning coffee and roll, later they come back for ice cream cones. Often they have their grandkids or their dogs. Yes, the dogs are served ice cream cones too. There are a number of regulars. The young girl who serves the ice cream sits down by them and makes them eat it in four bites instead of just one. Life is full of hard work here in Northern Vermont. Winter is an ever present awareness so summer is a time of getting things done.

I love the clouds.

At the recent Old Home Day, I was browsing the book sale. A farmer and I started chatting. He said that he was gathering a few for the winter. He said he could not understand how anyone had time to read in the summer. He was flat out getting crops in and wood split and house and barn repairs done. He said that winter was his reading time in the evenings when the dark enters at 4 pm and stays late in the mornings.

The restlessness comes over me and yet, I do not get in my car and drive off like I have in the past. I recognize that I am still in need of this cocoon about me. My spirit is ready for a bigger, more magical life but my body needs comfort. I need the ease of clothes in the closet to choose from, the food in the fridge, the twinkle lights and my sewing machine. When I have a couple of days in a row of rest each week, then I sew as a form of creativity and meditation. I just finished making myself a duvet cover out of soft white linen. It pleases me immensely to look at it and was a dream to sleep under last night. I had removed my down comforter for the summer but now the night time temperatures have dipped into the forties and I found myself shivering at 3 a.m. So, the lighter down comforter is back and snugged inside its new cover. Joy! It is the little things.

Hearts continue to show up and let me know how I am loved.

I am dreaming this new world into being. That is what we can do in the moments. Be the love, feel it, dream it. Let our imaginations flow with the wonders that we know, deep in our hearts, are ours to create. I am choosing to meet this restlessness with an inner joy. The heartbeat of excitement, anticipation, wonder. I know that this swirling energy will settle and we will be amazed at what appears. I am grateful to my body for its steadfastness on this journey. She is a wonder being and I hold her in love. It has not been easy.

Grandchild about to arrive so time to get dressed and be the Nana that I am.