Monthly Archives: May 2012

Dreaming the New into Being

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I am still in this very dreamy space observing as so many strange symptoms and energies move through. Tonight I got cold and could not get warm for hours it seemed. I am in bed with long underwear on, the baseboard heater going, window closed (I always like it open a bit) and my down comforter on..oh yeah. I have added a wool shawl around my shoulders and was just now able to discard the cashmere cardigan. Yes, I had it on over the long underwear! No, it is not freezing here, I am in the Pacific Northwest in

My perch for my morning tea.....bliss

summer, in a house, not sleeping on the ground in the mountains! At 11:11pm  I awoke after an hour or so of sleep. Needed a nibble of food in my belly.  A handful of almonds did the trick. Returned to bed, not to sleep and read for a time. Bladder call so to the bathroom and see it is 1:11am. (the double and triple numbers are so common nowadays whenever I look at a clock, it makes me laugh). Now I take an orange back to bed as I am finally heating up and that cool juice sounds good. Reading glasses found as my eyesight is in its out of order phase. It is perfect at times and blurry at others. I know it is all part of this marvelous metamorphis that we are all going through.

I spent last night with a friend in her one night acting as the caretaker of a lighthouse. The job involved opening and closing the gate to the park each morning and night. It was situated in a lovely spot on the beach. She told me Mount Rainier was right across the water but due to the overcast skies, we would not see it. I called to the spirit of the mountain and asked him to please show himself in the morning.  I awoke today to my friend calling for me to come and see the mountain. He was indeed showing himself and in my gratitude, I promised him a picture on my blog so here he is! He appears to be floating in a sea of clouds.

I sat on a swing looking out at the sea and felt so sated with the salt air, the wind caressing my face, the wild roses in my braid,  the golden and white poppies on the ground, rocking motion to soothe me, my warm jacket to snuggle in, the passing tugs pulling their barges, the picturesque sailboats skimming along and loaded freighters carrying their brightly colored cargo. So much beauty and I sent it all out in a stream of appreciation and love to humanity and the earth. This is my work, my cells were singing. I am taking it all in and then sending it out like a beacon of love for all to see. After all, I am at a lighthouse!

Looking up from my rocking chair I spied this nest of mud and twigs.

Beaming my liquid lovelight so bright that the tears fall. My heart at times expands so that it physically aches. My voice rising in tones of love. Wanting all to have their needs for food and shelter met. Wanting all to know this freedom to be and dance with the elements. Wanting all to have freedom of thought, to step out of the old lives and embrace the new that is in the offing. Wanting all to remember their power to create the lives that they dream of.

interesting bit of driftwood

Later I laid on the sand further along the beach and fell into a deep sleep. I was asking to be a conduit for the love and beauty abounding to move through me into the core of my mother. I was taken down and into a crystal city there of white domes and shining towers. I saw myself as a star, streaming rays of light and love. I saw that we are all stars, shining in ways we have not dreamed of. I connected with others and felt I was in heaven. Oh, this is what I came for, to bring this knowing to us all. To help raise the vibration on this planet so that we can all live in these new frequencies of love and unity.

It was difficult to find my way back as I was so immersed in the love. By spending my days drifting in it, I am helping to bring it closer for us all. Think of that when you have the opportunity to gaze at a tree, watch the sky turn pink, listen to the song of a bird. Savor it all and beam it to our mother and to one another with such joy! So simple and so powerful. We are creating this new world together every moment where we step out of fear and the numbing routine of swirling the past and future to embrace the small miracles that surround us in the moments. Nature is an easy gateway as are linen curtains blowing in the breeze, oil lamps lined up on someone’s private shore dining space, complete with fire pits, flowers, tables, hammocks and chairs (really!) Rocks that fit in your hand just so, a toddler tumbling along on chubby legs, the taste of salmon and asparagus roasted over a bed of driftwood eaten from your lemony fingers, laughter bursting forth between friends. All of it is grist for the mill of the new. Every one of us wants others to acknowledge the gifts that we

Fine linen curtain found in the bathroom.

bring. We begin with acknowledging those of one another as well as all that our mother gifts us with. Everything is energy and appreciates being noticed.

Yes, these linen curtains sang in response to my noticing as did this tree. All is alive. Sing to it and it will sing to you! Time to open the window and turn down the heat…..3;33am, time for sleep.

 

Nature’s Notes

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This log made me think of the phrase: "Bloom where you are planted". These trees and plants took it to heart!

Still walking in the dreamtime. Spending lots of time in nature, absorbing and observing all that she has to say to me. Here are a few of the lessons from the past couple of days. This old tree trunk sitting on the shore birthed new life atop it. It laid down, its former beauty and purpose gone, yet it allowed the dirt that collected on its surface to birth new life. What a lesson for we middle agers. This trunk let go of the belief that its growth had to come from its top, it allowed it to spring from its side! It let go of old paradigms and ideas of how a tree should grow and began anew.

This shell was lovely in form but it was obscured by all the flotsam it dragged along. She has yet to let go and allow her beauty to be seen. How long do we continue to drag our past behind us, weighing us down. Old stories want to go round in my head…..they rejected you, that will hurt you again, you don’t know what you are doing…..I choose to cut them loose. I choose to walk freely in each moment, shining my light.

The perfection of hard boiled eggs in a simple dish. I am fed by the eggs as well as the beauty of the earthly colors and the form of the dish. I am grateful to the chickens!

The pink rhodendrums are letting me know that it is ok to shine so brightly, no matter where you find yourself. I walk through the greens of the forest and am startled by the intensity and brillance of these blooms. They seem as out of place as a bridesmaid’s dress on a hiker. Yet, they burst out without any trace of shyness to greet me.

This heron flew by and I asked him to hold on while I got my camera out. He obliged by standing still then arose and made two low short passes so as to be caught by my camera. He then resumed his perch on the rock in front of me and gave me a steady look. Yes, I get it! Everything in nature wants to cooperate with us. He enjoyed being appreciated and I enjoyed his beauty. He took off and soared so effortlessly, skimming

the water before making a grace filled landing. I remembered that grace was always in the offing for me to call upon in my life. I ask for God’s grace to fill my world as this heron filled my senses with delight.

My walk increased in enjoyment when I finally took off my shoes and socks and allowed myself to feel all that the sand and seaweed had to offer. I had tried to carefully tread, wanting to avoid the smelly black muck of the sea. I ended up getting a wet foot in an attempt to cross the rivelet of water streaming to the sea. In ditching the shoes, I was surprised by the warmth of the fresh water making its way to the sea, the transparency of the lime green seaweed as it wrapped around my foot, the soothing feel of the sand and the joy of splashing in the water. Nature says, come play with me! She knows that in doing so, we return to the innocence of children and love abounds.

The forest path leading to the beach was lined with ferns. I love the tightly closed fiddleheads that appear to close in upon themselves. Yet they unfurl, opening to the sun filtering in, to birth a new frond. I thought of fairies playing on them like violins, making music for the forest to dance to.

Someone once referred to me as a “spiritual bungee jumper”. This tree reminded me of that and how we are often asked to leap without any assurance of a safe landing. This is where we find ourselves as a society, our foundations are crumbling out from under us, we are hanging on by our roots as it were, and we look sure to fall. Let go, I say. Let’s let go that tension and take the leap into creating something brand new. Can’t you feel the relief!

The beauty of the fungus that grows on decaying matter. Our new earth can grow so much beauty as we allow the past to die. We take the lessons learned, turning our dark shadows into rich mulch with which to fertilize our heart’s desires. We can create vibrant new shades and forms. Oh, it makes my heart skip a beat as I feel all this taking place!

Time to close this sharing as the night is almost gone. I seem to be staying up half the night which leaves me in a sleepy, dreamy state in the day. It seems to be part of the plan to maintain this dream state between eclipses. I close with this large heart rock that I came upon. I ask my beloved for a sign each day of his love. Heart rocks are a common one and this one filled me up like a buttercup. Remember that song? Fill me up buttercup. I picked a bouquet with buttercups and do indeed feel filled up! I love you all.

In the Stillness

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Dreamy misty landscape that I drove through as I carried the eclipse energy up north.

Since the solar eclipse, I have been enveloped in a misty dream that I am floating through. I was somehow transported out of my normal (ok, I do not live a normal life, I know!) movement into something more aligned with the air element. Perhaps it is the ethers that have captured me. I saw that I was to drive north with the energies of  the solar eclipse on an out breath and then drive back down for the second eclipse at Mount Shasta on the in breath. I saw this two week window as a sacred passageway. It felt different than the seeding work that I have done for the past three years. I was now laying down tracks of liquid lovelight that were penertrating deep into the earth’s core. From there, they could be radiated out through the land.

I drove north through one of the most intense rainstorms I had ever experienced. It was difficult to see and it seemed strange to be flying down the highway at great speed, wipers madly beating back and forth, trusting that my dear Maxie (my car) would keep me safely on the road. It seemed a metaphor for this time between eclipses and the Venus transit. We are blindly moving down the road of our lives, not able to see much ahead, yet trusting that we are moving towards our destination.

The view out of the huge window of my motel room somewhere in Washington state. So peaceful to lie in bed and watch the rain dance on the water.

My destination is the new earth. I am ready to live in the land of my dreams and for the first time, all the signs seem to be aligning with my heart’s murmerings that whisper, we are here. I feel deep rolling waves in our mother. It has made me a bit unsteady on my feet at times as I feel the rocking and rolling. It seems that this two week window is activating inner earthquakes while there is a stillness present on the surface. This is taking place in all of us. Do you feel the waves as old belief structures come tumbling down? We are being given a choice, do we surf these waves and move with our mother or do we resist the upheaval and cling to what was. You cannot do both. It is truly time to ride the waves of emotions and situations and allow all to flow through you. I am feeling more grounded into the stillness each day even as I feel the rumblings under my feet.

Sweet fragrant wild roses greeted me at the ferry landing. I tucked this one in the end of my braid. Perfect placement to enjoy its fragrance.

We do not need to create a story about what is taking place nor hold onto the feelings that are erupting. Simply witness the movement and be grateful. Our mother is granting us ease and grace in this shift of the ages. We do not have to experience cataclysm and hardship. We can move into our hearts and allow them to open wide. We can let the pain and fear release now rather than waiting for an outer event to trigger it. We are so loved by our dear mother as well as all our starry family, that we are granted this time of internal upheaval in order to let go the shackles of our pedestrian lives. We are moving into our heart’s desires, into a time of joy and wonder that we have hardly dare dream of. Yet, this is the time to dream and dream big!

Watching the weather brewing at the ferry landing.

As I go into my heart and gently expand its perimeters, I feel how vast I truly am. We are such amazing beings of light and we are the ones to create this new world of delight. I am breathing deep into my core knowing that takes me deep into my mother’s core as well. The oneness is becoming palpable. Oh, how that makes my heart sing!

There is something about the cellular changes that are taking place, that require water! I drove through wall of rain, slept with a view of pond, took a ferry across the water, napped with water lapping near my feet, danced in the raindrops, drank gallons of Mount Shasta water that I fetched from the headwaters, and am now resting on this small island surrounded by water. My cells are rejoicing! The month of June has appeared watery to me for some time now. I have three events calling to me yet nothing has clarified as yet. I cannot see through the mist. I am curious as to what all this water means.

I love following paths into the wood!

For now, I continue in my dreamy state, feeling such appreciation for the flowers, the foliage in its many hues of green, the friendships and hearts aligned with mine. The tears come as I feel this peace pierce my heart and hold me in its stillness. I feel the waves crashing in hearts across the lands and I pray that all will see that it is in the shattering that we are set free. For as our hearts feel the waves of pain we have kept hidden for so

A tiny fairy bouquet that i made today. It brought me such joy!

long, and they shatter like glass, the shards fly far and wide. I was amazed to discover that was what I had been desiring all along. To be able to open my heart beyond any measure I thought possible. To follow those shards across the sky and know them all as me. I had feared that I would not know how to exist once all my pain was fully felt. What I discovered was how to truly live as love in the world. How to see all through the eyes of love. How to melt all back to love that comes to me. Sink deep into this stillness and feel your heart beating with mine. We are in this together. We are touching, heart to heart. We are bringing this love into the world. I am so grateful for your courage and mine, to open to the wonders of this love and birth a new world.

 

Eclipse and its Gift of New Energies

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Ring of fire at the full eclipse, amazed that I was able to capture it with my camera awkwardly held behind the eclipse viewfinder.

The solar eclipse came in with new energies streaming like ribbons of light. I felt drunk with the energies! And this from someone who does not drink. Every cell was alive and being filled with this new light. I arrived in Mount Shasta the day before to meet with two friends. On the drive up, I saw many clouds shaped like ships and felt a communication with them. They said that they were gathering for the event, just as I was. We were all sharing in the excitement that we felt! That evening after dinner in town, we did a clearing on one another that involved letting go of deep ancestral patterns for ourselves as well as for the general population. Through our intention, we can move things from the microcosm of self to include the macrocosm of all. I heard that we needed to be as clear vessels as possible in order to maximize our abilities to be channels for the eclipse energy. The work continued in our dream states. I awoke seeing many women stepping out of their “inner tubes” of weight. It is time for the divine feminine to assume her power. Women will no longer have to cloak it in excess weight. It will come off effortlessly as we love the divine feminine that we are. I was putting lotion on my legs and thanking my vericose veins for supporting me when I believed that life was about hardship and suffering. I lovingly stroked them and knew that they could now be absorbed back into my body as we are living in a new time of freedom and joy.

The river water vibrating to a new rhythm in the crystal bowl.

My friends and I spent the morning south of Shasta, visiting the three waterfalls near McCloud. My one friend filled each of her crystal bowls with water from the river which she then “played” and energized. She then gave it back to the river and we intended the vibration of love and purity to flow to all waters across the globe. The energy of the waterfalls was cleansing for my cells, opening me in a new way to receive the gifts from our father sun dancing with our mother moon. We returned to our room for a nap as we felt the energies escalating as the day moved on. We wanted to be prepared for the eclipse. There were many gatherings taking place around

The newly charged river water bathing the crystal whose energies wanted to join in with the river.

the town but we were guided to stay quiet. The motel had a large grass area with trees and picnic benches that was lined with a row of lilac bushes in full bloom. What better place to be than this! The day was full of ease and grace. We laid our blankets out and set our crystals in the sunlight to absorb these amazing energies. There were a few other folks from the motel joining us for the viewing. You could feel the excitement, like Christmas Eve when all is prepared for the great unwrapping and you are in that place of quiet. I felt deeply that I was prepared. I had done the clearing work. I was fully anchored into Gaia’s heart, I could feel her heartbeat. And now there was only to surrender to the gift that was being offered.

The moon beginning her journey across the sun.

I danced around, stood to look through the filtering lens to watch the moon’s progress across the face of the sun, then dashing over to view the mountain and sing songs that emerged from my heart to his. Then back to chat excitedly with the others, then laying down for moments of deep stillness. There were moments of group toning, creating new patterns of anchoring light. The crystals were singing in delight. Such aliveness in the air. We were blessed with a clear view of the entire eclipse. As soon as it was over, the clouds moved in. It felt like a blanket thrown over all to allow it to disseminate as well as to give us a breather to integrate what we had received. There was a sweet parting as one of  our triad had to head back south to make it home for work the next morning. Two of us stayed another night, sleeping with an sense of peace and joy. The energies take a few days to integrate and I am still feeling the sleepy effects. I drove to Portland yesterday, a six and a half hour drive. I felt that I was moving in a dream space and asked the angels assistance to keep me alert. I was asked to carry the energy up to the Northwest as in out  breath and will then journey back to Mount Shasta in two weeks time as the in breath for the partial lunar eclipse and the Venus transit that will happen then. I am grateful to do this. What a blessed time we are in. Our world has been reborn on many levels and we will see the evidence around us. Of course, the biggest evidence is found within our hearts where we are shifting to unity consciousness. Oh, blessed day!

Mount Shasta!

Feeling our Father’s Love Raining Down

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My mother's day card from my eldest son. Our tradition has been no gifts except a handmade card, the biggest gift of all. I am feeling like this tree today, grounded in the lotus of our mother and touching into the love of our father.

I awoke this morning from a dream where I was being bathed in liquid lovelight from our father. This is the gift being given during the upcoming solar eclipse on Sunday. I will be in Mount Shasta, one of the prime viewing spots to receive its download of light. It is there for all of us, simply intend to open and receive his blessings and love. The sun’s gifts are masculine and the moon gifts us with her feminine energies. In a couple of weeks, we will have a lunar eclipse to balance ourselves before the June 6th Venus transit. Venus is the planet of love.  I drove home from the movies last night…my second solo movie adventure within a few days……singing to the Venus love star. She is one of my home planets. My family are Venusians, here to bring in beauty and love. In another aspect of my dream, I was gathering folks from different rooms to speak to them about their concerns. As I went to a last room, a woman came out of the central meeting place and said, “You knew the truth of this before the rest of us yet I could not hear it.” I laughed and said, “Good for me and good for us that all are hearing it now.” The it was the truth that all is love. All. Every bit of everything is about love. That is the truth that sets us free.

A pair of white pigeons has been flying about the yard. This feather floated down to me as i sat and watched their dance. A blessing.

Today is my last day here with my former hubby for a time. We sat and had our morning cuppa together and spoke of the gift this time offered and how we took it. Our higher selves are rejoicing in the love that was born anew during this time together. Our minds would not have planned for this yet our hearts led us to this time. The Venus transit is bringing past loves and wounds to light so that they can be made whole, returned to the love that is their truth. We are so blessed and so loved. I am awed when I see in each moment how I am cared for. All shadows can come out from hiding if we offer them the warmth of our love. I am seeing that happen more and more. Folks having almost tourettes’ type moments of strange utterances spouting from their mouths, totally out of context of the conversation. Yet I see that it as the shadow, peeking out to see how it will be received. By holding a space of love, the person’s shadow can feel a sense of safety and come into the light to be transformed. We can do this for ourselves and one another. What a gift!

Beautiful dragonfly gifting me with its transforming presence. All of nature is speaking to us as they work to remind us who we are.

Movies, I rarely go to theatres as the sounds and visuals are too overwhelming for me. I went to the old classic theatre in town that shows movies abit out of the mainstream. Last night I saw The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. It was delightful with wonderful British actors/actresses and the glorious visual colors of India. A group of British retirees moves to Iindia to live out their lives in a place where elders are honored and pounds have more buying power. Each of the members of the group have transformative experiences, choosing to allow the new to enliven them or for one member, rejecting the experience to return to the familiarity and comfort of the old. It so exemplfies the space we are now in. Our familiar way of life is leaving and we are being gifted with the opportunity for unparrelled growth. We are here at the shift of the ages. We asked for this privilege, and yes, it is indeed a privilege to be on the earth now more than ever. Millions lined up and only 7.5 million of us were chosen. We were chosen because we were masters. We are the strongest of the strong. Yes, everyone here on the earth is a living master. Think of this when you look into the eyes of a homeless person, watch a politician spinning lies, feel the sharp words of another. All are here to offer their gifts, all are trying to remember who they are. We came in knowing the power of love and vowing to not forget it this lifetime, as we had in so many others. We came to be transformers, to open hearts, to care for the earth, to bring all back to oneness. We each came bearing our gift and the only requirement is to become that gift and offer it to the world. I am called to be the best and brightest LInda Marie that I can in each moment. To play large in the field of life. To be a heart that can transform all that comes to me, back to its reality as love. And only love.

The swift moving river on my walk the other day. Stirs my blood!

The other movie that I saw was Salmon Fishing in the Yemen. I cried for over half the movie, it was so beautiful. There is a wonderful love story and once again the transformative personal experience of someone leaving their staid life and reaching for greater happiness and joy. The water scenes and desert landscape scenes undid me. I sobbed at their beauty, It was only yesterday that the reason for my response became clear. Archangel Michael had told me about three years ago, (through my friend, Celia Finn before I knew that I could channel him myself or that he was an aspect of myself!) that when I understood the lessons of the desert and the ocean, I would be able to do something wonderful. In the past years as I drove all about the USA and crossed the southwest deserts many times, I always felt that I was spreading seeds that would one day bloom. I would hear, “You will rebloom the desert.” Maxie (my lightworker partner of a car) and I would faithfully lay down our seeds in trust and love. I would imagine the flowers flowing out behind me in their many hues. The sheikh in the story shared my vision as he wished to bring water to his desert land. He held a vision of it in bloom. I fell in love with his eyes, the way he carried himself and his philosophy of life. This film spoke to me that the time of miracles is at hand, that deserts will rebloom, that my sheikh is on his way as in my dreams he is asking me if that physical form was pleasing to me. Oh yes!

This bird sat above my sons and I and gifted us with his gift of melodious song. Lovely!

We will remember this time as one of magic and miracles. In the film, it seems that all is destroyed in the end after years of hard work. Yet, the true gifts arise and the characters are able to grasp them and rejoice in them. There may be some chaos as the new makes itself known but you and I know to go deep into our heart spaces and hold to the beauty and light found there. All will be well if we believe it so. We are creating the world we wish to live in. Stay in your heart and shine your heartlight so bright!

 

Happy Mother’s Day

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Some children's sidewalk chalk drawing that I passed today. It said, We love mom

Mother, what a fundamental part of our lives. She can be nurturing, supportive, dismissive, critical, challenging, a pain or a blessing. It matters not, she stands big on the horizon. The divine feminine is returning to the earth and we can feel her love penetrating even the densest of hearts. Our Mother Earth is infilling us with her lovelight as seeks to bring us in alignment to her evolving energies of oneness and love. We are all growing and expanding into the love we are. As our earth becomes the star that she truly is, our galaxy evolves also. We will be a part of the Golden Rose Galaxy. Oh, that fills me with such delight! I am a rose girl and so resonate with this.

Roses surrounding the bench as we waited to be seated for brunch yesterday. My sons took me out to celebrate Mother's Day a day early to beat the crowds. I am wearing a dress of my grandmother's, who did show me a sweet love.

As for our personal mothers, it matters not whether we are relationship or not, whether we delight in their company or not. We can honor the soul contract that they agreed to by giving birth to us. We can feel gratitude for the love which they surrounded us in or the withholding of that love. All of it is in the name of love. The mothers that did not play out the sterotypical loving presence, were following a more difficult script that we assigned them. They agreed to play the challenging role in our lives to allow us to remember that we are love. Some of us needed the exposure to the polarity of love to find it once more n ourselves. Of course, once we found our truth, that we are love, we can honor ourselves and love ourselves by stepping out of any non-loving script and writing a new one.

Part of the sidewalk art that expresses the little child in all of us who loves her mom, no matter what.

You can then choose love in any form you wish! In that way, you can be blessed with our mother’s love no matter what you scripted for yourself with your biological mother. I left my family of origin script, decades ago as it no longer served me. My mother ended the script by disowning me which allowed me to chose Mother Mary as my comforter. She rocks me when I am in need and crones sweet lullabies to me. I still call on her in this role, despite being 56 years old. We all have need of the mother’s heart. I am so grateful for mine for stepping out at the perfect time and Mother Mary for stepping in. How beautifully and completely I have been enveloped in the mother’s love all my life. My gratitude flows.

May has been a month of such cleansing energies as our Mother/Father God offer us assistance to return to more of our truth. We are being asked to mother ourselves in a deeper way, to be gentle with our hearts and bodies and emotions. My heart has never been so exposed, so raw and vulnerable. I am being newly born into the lovelight on the planet and I treat myself with the tenderest care. Rest all you can this month, spend time with Mother Nature as she has healing gifts to give. Be rather than do as much as possible to allow yourself to be transformed. A newborn spends its time eating, eliminating, sleeping, crying and gazing about in wonder. That describes my days! So on this mother’s day, mother yourself like the sweetest of newborns because you are being newly born. Honor our Mother Earth by sitting with her, lying on her, delighting in her. Honor our divine Mother by loving yourself as she loves you. Let go of critical judgments of yourself in any and every way,  replacing those thoughts with the ones you would speak to a newborn babe.  Oh, you sweet one. Oh, you beautiful being!

 

 

Needing Love

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The trees and clouds are reminding me that they simply "are', fully in the knowing of how they are loved.

I awoke from a dream where my vision was clouded. I could not make out much and felt confused and disoriented. I drove to an event that I will be attending in early June. A gathering of Lakota folk as well as others. In the dream, a group of guys were standing together and one called me over. He was a friend and put his arm around my neck. We were laughing and talking about his baby to be. I looked around and saw the man who I had had a relationship with from this group. He did not even acknowledge me. I greeted him and he responded that he had done a lot of healing. That was it, no reference to a need to do any of that healing with me. No words or gestures towards me. I felt pain go through me. I stumbled away and tried to find my car and my way out of there.

I awoke feeling that pain. I found myself thinking that I would not attend this event. I do not need to be where he will be. Oh, yes, I was triggered. I breathed into it and sat with this pain. Interesting that I was looking for something from him. Seeking something outside of myself to know that I am loved. I thanked my higher self for bringing this up in my dream state for me to look at. I found the me that lived most of her life this way, looking to others for validation that I am worthy of love, that I am loved. Oh, she is the dearest thing. She has this big heart but lived with a false belief running that heart. The belief that love comes from anywhere but inside. People can reflect it back to us, but to truly know love is to know it from the inside out. I thought I had mastered this yet my dream was showing me where I was still carrying a wound that only I could heal. The opportunity of attending this gathering is for me to need nothing from this man. No look, no acknowledgment, no words. To hold him in lovelight, the light that streams in to me from Creator and flows out. That is the stream I need to look to, that is what nourishes my soul. To laugh at any expression from him or anyone that is less than love being reflected to me. Knowing that I am love and love is my truth. Knowing the truth of the love that we shared for a brief time and that our souls have always known. The love does not die with the ending of the relationship, it is eternal.

I feel as tender as these delicate blooms.

So, time to take my dear self for a walk, to breathe deeply of that love that rains down so gently on my soul. To bless this man and this dream for showing me part of me that needed tending today. I am loving her so and will treat her with the upmost care. I have assured her that I will not abandon her, that I will be right there, holding her hand as she stands in a place that formerly held pain. I am her love, her beloved. Pain is an illusion as there is only the reality of love. Together, we will burn through that illusion with the help of my angels, the violet flame, the flame of love that I have asked to hold my dear self as well as this man. Let the love burn bright and let me not seek it, rather feel and know this inner flame. Oh, the dearness of us all.

Clarity Coming In After the Chaos

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Pink peonies are teaching me soo much. Look at all the different petals, hundreds in this one bloom. This is our multidimensional aspects, all contained in us, just beginning to unfurl into full glory!

The super moon loosened its grip on me last night and I found myself standing in a place of clarity.  Yesterday I felt that I was ill, not physically but emotionally. Fragile, raw. Who would take care of me? How would I exist? As a society, we have little patience for time outs as all is geared to productivity. There are a few mental health days, sick days and even three days alloted to process your grief if a loved one dies. Imagine! I needed a time out even from myself! This moon was like a tornado that had captured me in its eye, churning everything about and then suddenly dropping me from mid air onto the ground. Bit of a bumping landing.

Here is the bud, tightly packed with potential, the ants crawling about encouraging the blossoming.

I looked at an apartment yesterday, it was the first hot day here. I saw myself contracting to fit the space, knowing that to be wrong as I am to expand. Heat…what was I thinking? I can’t do heat in this valley. I am craving island mists and water and mountains. I was given a vision of the islands off of Washington, knowing that is where I am to head. A new friend popped into my mind. Not sure where she is, but somewhere up there.  Ok, follow that energy stream. Whew, relief to know something, feel a thread to follow.

Joy returned, I could feel my senses coming alive again. I made a birthday dinner for my son. We watched Ponyo, a beautiful Japanese film for all ages that shows the energy of the new earth. Treat yourself to it, you will not be disappointed. It shows the magic and beauty of life and how love trumps all. Feel the layers behind the layers of the story.

The tornado moon wiped out any further interest in anything smacking of “New Age”. So many things have been done for so long and have become an obstacle to moving forward. The dancing I attended…nice but the vibration was not mine. Everyone craving connection but for me, it did not bridge that gap. Workshops, paying to listen to anyone feels old. We are stepping into our own experience of knowing. There is joy in sharing but we need a new format of coming together to co-create and play….not work. Playshops? Our vocabulary itself is outdated as there are not words for what I am wanting to express. A tone does it so much better. This new energy is streaming in along with our own newness,  gifted by the super moon.

Created this months ago, year ago? Started connecting all with gold thread...we are all connected.

This morning I read a response to my blog and the person asked me to send healing to her son who was struggling. Without even processing the words long enough to think about her request, a stream of energy flowed into my crown, down into my heart and out to her son. I began to tone, speak and sing in “light language’ ( words and sounds not deciferable). I reached out and touched his chakras and sent love into them. I felt his sweetness and picked him up to rock and cradle. I sang him a lullabye. All of this transpired within minutes with no thought on my part. It was beautiful. This is the magic I am wanting!

Later the friend I had thought of in the northwest called, first time hearing one another’s voices. Delight. She saw me there on the island, our place to begin whatever it is we are to begin. Laughter as our vibrations played together.Joy in discovering a fellow pollinator.  My heart danced with the frequency of magic. This is it, simple, sweet, easy. No real thought required. Ease and grace all the way. Wow….I feel a bit giddy that it is finally here. The “I am ready” that I have been feeling is for this time. Something big is happening, is hovering in the wind and will soon be upon us all. The way to be ready is to be in our hearts. To connect to the grid of love that encircles the earth, the one we have all co-created. Ponyo showed how to do this. To hold the vision of beauty and truth and the knowing how we are loved. Fear is the trap. I was grieving this life as I knew it, for despite our limited view, we have all glimpsed moments of breath stopping beauty. Yet, what is ahead is beyond any idea that we could dream of. This is what we are on the cusp of. It may come wearing a disguise, may look like chaos and confusion but it will drop us all down into fields of splendor. This is what the moon was teaching me as she swirled me in her super charged energies.

Feel the love, see the love all around you, hold to the reality of love. Our world is changing and it begins, one heart at a time. I am turning on my newly polished heart light. The tornado scrubbed it bare, no filters, no covering remains. I am practicing breathing it, filling it, expanding it. Seeing if I can produce a high beam. Pink light flowing, just like my peonies. I am connecting to each one of you.

Magenta and soft pink....I am feasting on these peonies today.

Bulletin! My second friend called from back East, she will soon be reuniting with her beloved. Same as my friend above. Interesting, me holding the container of this knowing when each has kept it quiet, not wanting to expose the tenderness of the love to others. I feel that my beloved is right here with me, holding the energy of the six of us. We are the seeds for the community of divine partnerships that I felt I was to help birth. Oh, the wonder of this. She too feels all that I have been experiencing. We are on the cusp of something so profound, so life changing. Each moment, each day until the eclipse on the 20th, is to be savored, to be present with in reverence and love. We are in a sacred passage. Honor it, honor yourself. Call on one another for strength and comfort. I am here, beaming my heartlight to each one of you. There is an endless stream as our Creator streams HIs/Her love through us. Call it forth and drink deeply. I love you.

Supermoon: Sadness, Softness, Sweetness

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The supermoon rising over the shed in the backyard.

The supermoon of Wesak took me on a  journey of several days that I am just returning from. First she and I entered the realm of sadness and grief. Tears flowed with no known cause yet I knew there had been a completion of significance for my Spirit. Those of you who have journeyed with me these past few years, have witnessed many endings. As recent as six months ago, I recall a death experience where I felt I was done with this third dimensional life, never to take up the reins again. Yet, the cycles began again, as did I. These past few days there was the sense that it was for the young to bring in the new earth. That I had played my part, spread my seeds and now wanted only to sleep in my Mother’s and Father’s arms once again.  My son reminded me that elders were needed and that there was more to be experienced and brought forth. This I knew but could not touch, the sadness engulfed me. I wanted to park my body somewhere and let me Spirit fly free. I did not want to have to care for it, figure out where I am to live, how I am to live. All seemed flat. We need a resting place for weary lightworkers, a way station where the body can be tenderly tended while the Spirit takes a sabbatical to the Great Central Sun, to Venus, to home.

Soft light for a magical sight....the sculptural quality of this calla lily drew me in.

Yesterday I spoke with a facebook friend who has a radio show. I called in and asked about my grief and she affirmed that I had completed by blueprint, and had the option of leaving or staying for more. She said, “You have raised your hand for more.” Yes, I have wakened morning after morning hearing myself saying, “I AM ready!” My physical and emotional bodies have been moving to catch up with my soul’s ever eager desire to serve the light. She told me that my team said, “Linda Marie rocks!” Deep breath…breathing that in. I do rock! I have given everything I have to this path these past few years.

Pink peonies full of perfume and passion, come ignite mine!

A softness washed over me next as I felt the air, the earth, the trees all blur their forms. Everything appeared slightly out of focus, felt softer on my skin. The rawness that I had been feeling so appreciated this.The world had been too bright, too intense for this being that was being birthed from the old Linda. I felt vulnerable and unable to protect myself in the old ways. My heart was fully exposed now, and no intent nor thoughts could cover it again. This softness was letting me know it would be alright to be this exposed. I felt grateful for this place of sanctuary with my sons, sheltered by their love. I even joined a friend in a sweat your prayers dance event. My personality self had no desire to be in public, my back still felt tender and stiff yet my soul was nudging me forward. Ok. soul trumps all. I went. I danced mostly in my own space but even allowed brief encounters with others, even men. Whew…big for me. My soul was right, the dancing moved the sadness out in a bigger way, allowing the softness to take me. I had the evening alone, which I savored as the gift it was. As my son said, “It is a win win for all of us,” as he and his brother and friends departed.  Always I am shown how I am loved. We are all so loved.

This morning, I awoke to sweetness. Yes, I could feel the dearness of life as I moved about

One of my Japanese maples, its shadows dancing on the shed, showing me the way.

the house by myself, smudging the rooms, clearing the energies after the gathering for the Wesak birthday party for my elder son. I had participated in a limited way as the grief was still upon me. The sage did its magic, wafting its sweet fragrance in the air. The wind of the past couple of days was gone and I felt the gentle greeting from the trees and bushes in the yard. The water in the pool sent a sweet message up my leg as I dipped my toes in. Everything shimmered with new light. I cut a couple of peonies to bring into the house that the wind had flattened on the ground. Ummmmm, sweet fragrance. Moving slowly as the Wesak moon and I complete this

The swing that will rock me today in the cool shade and dappled light.

journey. Being gentle with this dear body as she strengthens herself for what is ahead. Allowing myself seclusion from phone calls and friends for the moment as I tend to this new being that is here. I feel as I did with my newborns, simply wanting to be with them, and no other. I can recall the pleasure of night time, when the other babies and husband went to bed and I was alone to nurse and commune with my baby. Oh, the bliss and sweet joy of looking at him or her. To kiss and pet, to ohh and ahh. I am falling in love with these new aspects of me that have arrived on the light of this moon. Stardust and love’s mysteries and a sound that rings in my ears of angel choirs. Time to rock this babe in my arms.

Watching My Garden Grow

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I am so glad that it is today! Yesterday’s energies were difficult, I felt irritated, despairing, fleeting moments of joy followed by moments of whining with this back pain that has resurfaced. I felt tender and raw, sensitive to the extreme. No desire to talk on the phone nor connect on the Internet, wanted to withdraw into my shell and felt the frustration that I did not have one.

The amazing cloud formations yesterday.

We are clearing (does it ever end??) all the dross for the light of Saturday’s super moon to infill us. I went out last night and basked in her almost full light, clouds back lit by her, sky luminous. I thanked her for the energy she brings, asked for the blessings of Wesak to be bestowed upon me.  Wesak is a celebration of Buddha’s birth/death/enlightenment. The ascended masters gather and grant boons to humanity.  Asked for assistance in being centered, asked my Mother Earth to ground me in deep. Felt the settling after a day of swaying this way and that.

Another friend wrote of finding her beloved. Knowing home for the first time, understanding what it means to find her other half when she never thought herself incomplete. Beyond words. My heart swells with joy to witness the joy of one of my sisters. Her joy is mine as her discovery lights the path to my own. The beloveds are coming, our hearts are opening to the wonder of our truth as love and only love. We are so connected. Another friend called to tell me of her role as midwife to her younger sister’s passing. How she recognized that birth and death are a process that take time. How a baby has its mother’s heartbeat to entrain to and how she decided to entrain to her sister’s final labored breathing with her own breath. She matched it, slowed down, followed it till it was no more. She felt a reverence, awe as she felt the trust her sister had shown her by allowing her to lead her once again, this time from physical life to a new life in Spirit. Grace.

The universe asked me to clarify my desires further. I received a message from an old friend about sharing her house with her. I had clearly stated recently I am ready to anchor in somewhere, that I want my own space within the shared community space of my pod of light. Here was that old pattern, will you be the battery once again for another to shift or will you honor yourself by holding to what you desire, trusting divine timing. Grateful for the opportunity to clarify, making my desire more luminous on the grid of life. Once we are clear in our intent, we are tested to see if that is what we truly desire. This is the time to hold firm to our heart’s desires as they are within reach like never before.

The two palms in the yard of my former home. Despite the messiness of their dropped fronds that are so hard to dispose of, their seeds that sprout all over the yard and have to be dug up, the feathery puffs that fill the pool .....we could never bring ourselves to cut them down. For a couple of kids from Buffalo, NY, they were a symbol of the exotic.

Magic arrived to bless me last night in an email from my former husband to our kids. He talked about the value of doing something again with consciousness and how that frees the original doing. Of his desire to honor me for the 30 years of being a supportive partner. Of honoring the friendship, newly found. That their hearts could feel the ease that we have so recently discovered. When I think of all that went in to this healing……beginning with me being here in the first place, him allowing me to this space, a friend inviting me and my sons to an event that I wanted to attend but found I had no energy for. Sons going off leaving me alone with former hubby, me not knowing he was to be here.  Retreating to me room, coming out only to answer his query about irrigation needs of the newly planted garden that lead to yard project that led to conversation and anniversary and…..you get the picture. So much orchestration for me, for my growth, for love to flow. I am that loved, as are you. When you become conscious of life, everything speaks to you and you begin to see the many layers of every action and interaction.

Squash blossom about to birth its fruit

Full circle, releasing old patterns and embracing the truth of love.  We are stretching, shifting, expanding. In that process we are asked to have compassion for the opposite that comes along, contracting, blocking, stopping. We are asked to fully honor ourselves, love every part of ourselves in this now moment. Can you accept all of you, the good, the bad and the ugly? Can you see it all through the eyes of grace and love? In doing so, in beginning right where we are, with full hearts, with such tenderness for our limitations and lack…..we bring it all to fullness, to the light of love. We are poised to birth our divinity. In our humanness, we were not meant to reach perfection. That was a lie given to keep us feeling less than. It is only in our divinity, that we can know the perfection of our humanness, all of it. We can embrace our anger, our smallness with a smile as we would watching a 2 year old throw themselves on the floor in a tantrum. (of course, when it was my 2 year old child I was not always smiling as it triggered my own pain body.) But in our wisdom, we can feel the frustration and pick the child up and embrace her with such love and compassion. Yes, it is hard to be small and feel powerless. Hard to feel so deeply and passionately. Oh, we are the tenderest of beings, having journeyed from the oneness with the Creator to this land of separation and story. How confusing and frightening it has been. How comforting is this time of remembering that we have never been separated at all. That we are one with our Creator as we are one with one another. My, that sends a river of peace through my soul, my body, my being.

So much more flowing in, enough for the moment. We are so loved, I take this knowing into my dream space as a nap calls me.