Good Friday Leads Into an Easter Eve Vigil

Posted on March 31, 2013 by lovelylinda

A cross of flowers is more truth for me.

Having been raised in the Catholic tradition, Easter holds many memories for me. Good Friday with its fish fry in the church basement, the men and women in the kitchen, sweating over the deep fat fryers, turning out the golden crunchy pieces of fish and french fries. Huge bowls of coleslaw at the ready to be plopped onto your plate with big spoon. The older women in their aprons manning (now isn’t that a funny expression? manning??) the homemade pie tables that we kids were the most interested in. Berry pie, apple pie, rhubarb and sometimes a chocolate or banana cream pie.

We would have started our day with hot cross buns that came fresh from the oven as my mother loved to bake. In the early evening, we would have headed to church to walk the stations of the cross, reciting our prayers at each image placed on the side walls inside the church. The evening shadows would have added to the mystery of being in the church, reflecting the dark events depicted of Jesus carrying the cross. I always tested myself if I would have offered to help lift his burden, and my heart cried out a yes from my small frame. I did not understand it but wanted only for his suffering to end.

Altar of golden light with flower icons from my day at the museum flower show.

This Good Friday found me deep in contemplation, feeling the connection to the Essenes and many lifetimes in cloisters and abbys. A connection with a friend brought forward that there remained a bit of guilt in my field. I saw the perfection of it coming to my awareness on this day. I felt the release as I turned my attention to clear it. I went from hours in the cave of my heart to popping out to watch a movie and eat pizza! From the sacred to the mundane, my system created balancing. We celebrated Holy Saturday as our Easter as my younger son was working on Sunday and for my daughter it was Easter in New Zealand. We had a lovely day, with a long video call included, so we felt the family unity and support. I experienced waves of emotion on and off all day. Tears right at the surface in response to everything; the sunshine that allowed us to eat breakfast on the lawn, the hugs of my sons, the laughter of my daughter so far away, my former hubby grilling the salmon, the grace said by my son and felt by all. The earth seemed to be rolling in energy waves beneath my feet, an excitement building and with it the letting go of what has been. My sons were feeling the emotional waves and one pointed out that some tears were for what we were leaving behind as we move into this new energy. Despite our overwhelming desire to be in the new, in our humanness, we mourn the passing of the familiar.

Evening came and everyone dispersed to their homes. Alone, glad of the quiet, I hopped into bed. A memory came of a dream the night before of my beloved taking my hand and raising me up. He said, “You have not known true love and now you shall.” I felt the truth and wonder of it flow through me. There would be no separation between us.

A friend then texted, telling me she had a message for me. She asked if I felt excitement and did I feel the beloved approaching. She could feel him coming for me and was given the words, “You will never be alone again after the rain.” My body tingled with the truth of those words. I had lit a candle before getting into bed, next to my beloved’s image. I had never done that before but felt to do so this Easter Eve. After our conversation, the rain began to fall. A thunder and lightening storm ensued which pulled me from bed so as to have a wider view. I love the energy of storms. I sat in the dark and watched until the lightening played itself out. I then got my computer and had a conversation on facebook with a friend feeling her ascended master beloved coming through also. So many soul connections happening in the past few days, my heart knows something powerful is afoot. A friend had posted a Gregorian chant for Easter:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hw9FQYwQc1I&feature=youtu.be

I lit some candles, popped a croissant in the oven and made myself a hot drink to see me through the night.The voices of this chant filled my heart. I felt called to a vigil, to witness the earth being cleansed of the old energies of pain, persecution and suffering. I want to greet the dawn of the resurrection energies with the sun. The rain continues to pour down, more gently now. I have no idea of what is next for me or any of us. I offer myself to this mystery. The candles, the soaring music, the heat of my heart as it feels the fire of resurrection……all create this moment. I have no expectations. I am full of gratitude for my warm robe and drink, the roof where the rain drums its rhythm while I lie here snug, for the song of my beloved singing through my cells, for all the hearts that I love around the world and the way this computer makes that connection possible. Truly I am blessed.

A stone being that I created the other day that felt like me in a contemplative lifetime.

May your Easter dawn bright with promise and may you feel the truth of this gift of resurrection from our brother, Jesus’ and our sister, Mary Magdalene’s hearts. The Christ consciousness is alive on this earth, in your heart and mine. May you feel its blessing.

Flowers Float Me Through This Play

Posted on March 28, 2013 by lovelylinda

The blossoming that is taking place deep within each of our hearts is beginning to spill out into the outer realms.

We are riding these spring waves of energy, up and down and all around. I have to laugh at the way the universe challenges us to truly own who we are. I recently had a conversation with a friend, describing my state of peace with where I am, despite my personality self knowing my current location is not the one where my heart dances freely. I felt more in tune with my path of a “be- er”, holding the frequency of love with the earth, than ever before. From the world’s perspective, I do not “do” anything and that has had its share of challenges, both within myself and from outside.

So, the evening after this conversation, my soul created the opportunity for me to clarify and more fully embody this sense of peace about who and what I am. Oh, it is so amazing to me how swiftly we are graced with the opening to further solidify our truth. My former hubby/roommate came home from days away with the question not mentioned since the end of the year, “So, what exactly are your plans? What are you going to do? And what about our son who follows this being path?” His fears tumbled out about security and making progress in life and how much money do I have left and all the what ifs. I was able to be present, to hold a field of love that allowed the fears to be strewn upon, acknowledged and embraced. I was grateful for the opportunity to express my not knowing, my commitment to walking this path with no idea of the next step, my willingness to move or change the situation if it causes him too much discomfort, my surprise that I was still here, my gratitude for the ease of this arrangement and his generosity in allowing me this space. I felt so unattached to where or how I live or what the next step might be. I expressed a desire for his comfort as well as mine, that we must each do as we are guided. I was grateful to feel the solidness in myself of having faced these fears, time and time again. I did find that my body needed a brisk walk in nature to move all the energy through and allow serenity to settle in once more.

The transformative energy of this year’s snake spiraling up as we blossom.

We congratulated one another for being able to have this conversation in a spirit of respect and appreciation for the other. It is so important to express the feelings fully, to allow them movement and acknowledgment. It is freeing in itself and does not have to result in action. The expressing of the feelings is what is important. It allows space for the right action to arise in a field of love rather than being coerced by the feeling’s rushing energy. Often, no action results as the expression did the clearing needed to flow forward with life.

I have a sense of playing a part in a play, one that I am not passionate about. I simply show up and say my lines. It feels like a holding still point. Neutrality about everything. There is a peace in this as well as a flatness at times. In those moments, I sit and drink in the essence of flowers. I am a flower being as I have always felt them to be my language, the one that truly expresses my feelings. I have a deep knowing and trust that the new world is landing in more fully each moment. I believe in this time of magic and miracles and delight as I witness it explode in my world like a burst of bloom with a wild randomness. In the in between times, I am set at neutral, idling along. I know my soul is engaged in her work with the earth and the galaxy, so this surface self drifts along in this play that is winding down. We have performed it so many times that the juice is long gone, the lessons long mastered. The play of my heart is in development, last minute editing and assigning of parts taking place. My heart knows mine is the role that I have desired to play all my many lifetimes. I know that I have the skills to play it masterfully.

A mirror of flowers to show me my true self.

Today, I sit here soaking up the brilliant yellows of the daffodils and the mockingbird’s song outside the open window. The doves are cooing, the sky is overcast and the earth feels blanketed in a soft mist. I feel like a seed in the moist earth, having burst the hard covering to send my tiny green shoot up to find the sun. I know I will break through, that I am reaching in each moment towards that light. I am at peace in my earthen home, knowing myself as the blossom at the other end of this shoot. All is in right order. All comes to fruition. My part is a grand one as we each step out to shine our true selves on the stage of this new world. Feel the peace in this and use this time to rest. Once this new play gets underway, the action will be quick. For today, I sink into this space of stillness and drift on its currents of love.

My Beloved Anchors Within My Body

Posted on March 27, 2013 by lovelylinda

At the Shakespeare Garden in Golden Gate Park, the cherry blossoms framed the men doing tai chi. I loved how the two were mirroring one another…..the balance being shown to me.

The day after our Equinox celebration, a friend and I drove to San Francisco for the yearly flower and art show. The city enlists florists to create their interpretation of a piece of art in the museum’s collection. It is a day of wonder for me, combining two of my passions, art and flowers. As we were driving down to the city, I began to sob. I felt my beloved enter into my body and anchor himself there. He said that it was time and that he wanted my cells to adjust to his energy before our meeting when he will take physical form. I have needed the past few days to integrate this experience. I am grateful for my friend’s presence as she felt his energy enter and witnessed my words. He assured me that was part of his planning so that I would have confirmation as to what had taken place. Oh, to be loved so!

Since that moment, it has been an amazing feeling of balance within me. Today is the full moon in Libra, bringing its gift of balance. I feel a deepening of the truth of love being all that there is. I am floating in a new softness that came in with the winds of the Equinox, so gently leading us all more fully into our hearts. I am humbled and awed by the beauty of the plan for awakening. After miles of travail and hardship, I have landed on a soft carpet that floats on air. The magic carpet ride we have dreamed of for so long!

When I look into the mirror, I see his eyes looking back at me and it makes me laugh. Hello in there! He winks and if I continue to stare, I dissolve in tears as his love is reflected to me. I breathe deep to hold this love, to offer my chalice with a steady hand that he might fill it to the brim. How wise is he, to offer me this gift of time to allow our energies to mingle and assimilate to one another. He is the other and yet he is not. He is me, and I, him. We know oneness in this union. I have no yearning for the next step, as his presence fills me so fully in this now moment. I know that he will take physical form, that we will know the joys of playing in this new earth, together in form. I surrender to divine timing for the when, how, where questions, trusting in the wonder of it all.

A friend had a dream of bumping into her beloved a few times, not speaking but knowing he was important to her. She felt a sense of guilt about her husband, how would he be? But she was assured that all would be well, this is a win win world where all find their heart’s desire. She then wanted to meet her beloved and speak directly but was told that in truth we love surprises. She was to hold the knowing but surrender as to how or when it would happen.

I loved this as we have spent so much time trying to figure out how to take the next step on our path of awakening, and yet, it can only be known moment by moment in the heart. Our minds get a bit frantic as they felt charged with keeping us safe. Now we can let our minds know that all is well and that our mighty I AM presence is on the job, directing all aspects of our lives. Our hearts are our truth barometers and will not lead us astray.

The cheery blossoms with their pink and green hues.

I am so grateful to be in this soft world of brilliant colors, smells and feelings. I crawled inside a friend’s lilac bush the other day, recalling doing the same as a child in the lilac bushes on either side of the barn door at my grandparents’ home. I sucked the sweetness from the tiny trumpeting petals and felt drunk from its fragrance. We are in the new land where magic and miracles live. My beloved is a miracle to me, humming his tune as I dive inside to weave my heartsong with his. I am blessed. In our oneness, we fill our chalice to the brim with liquidlovelight and send it out in ribbons to the hearts of all to awaken to their own beauty. I drink to him, I drink to you. We are one heart, beating strong.

A Bolt of Lightning Jolts Me Awake

Posted on March 21, 2013 by lovelylinda

That bolt came like a trumpeting of AWAKE! Love is here.

Last night, just about midnight, I was jolted awake by what felt like a bolt of lightning going through my body. Wowzer! My whole body jerked and spasmed, vibrating for a few moments in what felt like a total recalibration. I then found myself in pitch darkness, though a moment before my room had been lit by the half moon shining outside my window. Within this darkness, my ears were treated to a new pitch as they rang in the Equinox energies. The tears flowed as I opened to it all and declared my intent to walk in love, in unity, in wholeness. I surrendered to it all, stating that whatever it took to move from the old, I was ready and desirous of it all. Bring it on! My fiery self could get used to lightning!

The sky has been so magical of late.

This morning I am feeling the blessing of love. The sun is rising in an overcast sky, grays and soft blues opening to a softer, more muted light. I am so grateful for this ascension process, the way it has moved so softly through our hearts, melting all that no longer serves us, breaking down the old walls we erected to feel safe, washing out the inroads of self condemnation and unworthiness, pouring down on our judgments of others and situations until they ran into the ground, becoming the soil for the new to sprout in. We stand as if naked in a downpour, all is dissolved in our watery sight as past and future collapse and there is only this rain of forgiveness, of self, of all others, of life, of the Creator. Oh, this glorious season that we have entered in. How amazing to think that our past can become the compost to enrich our present and future! Let it all go, get your compost pile steaming by heaping it high with all the debris of your life. Oh, this is fun! Pick up your shovel and let the old emotions of not being enough go flying, scoop up all the judgmental voices in your head and toss them, clean out the corners of self pity and any feelings of injustice, bend your knees as you pick up your heavy heart of old and fling it to the top of the heap. All makes way for the new to blossom.

This tiny violet emerging from the old concrete spoke so eloquently of this moment. Nature’s way of speaking surpasses any words I have. I bow to her wisdom and accept her gift of love.

My heart is singing with the birds, my soul dancing in de-light, my being vibrating in love. Thank you Creator for this gift of re-birthing ourselves into the light and love, once more. It is true, we have come to bring heaven to earth and it has arrived. Hallelujah!

The Equinox Brings A Moment of Stillness

Posted on March 19, 2013 by lovelylinda

This was at the entrance to an old theatre in town that I was at. Use it for this Equinox

As I was walking in the nature center with a friend, we were stopped by a palpable field of stillness. It was quiet and profound. The path had a large oak tree arching over from either side. My friend acted as a conduit, holding a branch from each tree in her outstretched arms, as I spoke the information given. The trees were anchoring into the earth’s grids, a field of stillness for all to access. My friend and I were being used as conduits of this stillness due to our work in the prior week. During the Equinox, the earth comes to a point of stillness, her day and night being equal in length. All of humanity will be gifted with a sense of this, offered by Mother Earth and Father Sun in love. I was shown that some might ignore the gift, but all will feel its presence. We are wise to open ourselves to this gift when it arrives. By sinking into this silent space, which you will feel as a blessing, you open yourself to receive the seeding of the Christ Consciousness codes of light. Oh, this is magnificent!

Our path will now be strewn with petals of joy and love!

These are holy days as we prepare for the Equinox and the resurrection that Easter symbolizes. We are about to be reborn into the truth of who we are. This is a Spring like no other (I see it as Spring even in the southern hemisphere, symbolically) and to think that we are truly here takes my breath away. I have been communing more and more with my expanded self, knowing myself as a cosmic being of great light. As I play with my blossoming image from my last blog post, I see the Creator as a big bumble bee, seeking my nectar, deep inside my flowering petals. I laugh as She/He flies off, covered in my pollen, off to mingle it with your pollen and so many others. Oh, we are being cross pollinated into unity consciousness! I drink deeply of the Creator as She/He drinks deeply of me. What a dance!

Rejoice!

As I awoke this morning, I poured myself back into this small vessel from the vastness of the cosmos. We are so beautiful! My son sent me a text last night that he was: “cleaning and anointing my expanded self, such a treat!” When this moment of stillness arrives for you, open yourself, surrendering all doubt as to your true starry nature. Listen to what emerges for you, feel your heart and rest therein. I will be holding an equinox gathering and as I anoint those souls gathered, I will be placing the drops of oil on your forehead too. I will be intoning the sacred tones, proclaiming you as holy. My eyes will reflect your dazzling beauty back to you, as I witness the Creator in you, looking out at me. Let us drink in that light and be made anew. In Lak’ech Ala K’in, (I am you, and you are me).

Anxiety Amplifies As It Prepares Us to Bloom

Posted on March 15, 2013 by lovelylinda

There is so much anxiety running rampant on the earth at present. Waves upon waves of it are swirling about, looking for handholds in our fields of light. Simple things can set off a dozen triggers in a second. An injury can trigger fears of not having insurance, of whether or not I can afford to seek medical attention, of how long I can remain out of the regular workplace with its security of insurance, of how I have no social security nor retirement to fall back upon, how long will my savings hold out, of will I be ok, will I have basic food and shelter, will I end up alone? These are all fears that I have faced and neutralized yet they can spring up in a moment and feel overwhelming in their intensity. Our basic sense of survival is being lit up as the economy and present system sway and collapse, as a result of the incoming energies. We are attempting to find a foothold in the new land where we know all security is found within and abundance is our birthright. We are being compressed from every side, our fears being squeezed out into the light of day. Only then, can we release them. It is a time to call upon our angels and one another for assistance.

The past few days, I watched self-judgment stroll in, asking what I am doing. “Why haven’t you written that book? Why are you not painting every day? Why are you not taking advantage of this time to get something done? ” Quite a colorful chorus. I would breathe deeply and move back to observer mode, witnessing the parade. It made me feel slow and heavy, permeated my being.

This morning, the judgment lifted. One moment, I was answering emails, the next, I fell into an opening and began to cry. I knew not why. I sat with the tears to see where they sprang from. They were not sad, no rather they became sobs of joy. My heart cleared and I knew that I had bloomed, my being had blossomed into a flower of great beauty. Oh my! I saw hearts blossoming all across the earth. So many varieties and colors, it was magnificent. As we blossom, we emit a fragrance and a tone that is our energy signature. Oh, the sweetness! Sounds and smells and visuals surrounded me as the earth became a field of flowers such as I had never seen. It was a continuous motion of flowering, like those videos that fast forward a plant’s growth. Dazzling. The greatest aspect was in that blossoming, I knew myself as part of the whole. A unique fragrance and tone to be sure, yet one with everyone and everything. This truth was known by all as soon as they flowered. We opened to the oneness and wonder of unity.

I knew then that the anxiety and feelings of compression were catalysts that allowed the blossoming to take place. We had to come to that point of feeling we were ready to burst out of our skins. I had reached that as I had felt so flat, so done with the old, no juice left in any idea that I could come up with. No desire to create in this old world, and so tired of waiting for the new to manifest. All of that ran through my system in anxiety, self-judgment, compression, stuckness. Suddenly, it all ran free as if a dam had broken and I could once again flow. I was struck by the perfection of it all. Over and over, I am shown how I am loved. How carefully my life has been crafted to lead me to awaken to my own beauty. Every hardship, every sorrow and pain, every day of lying on my couch, all opening me to this flowering. My gratitude is immense as I rest in the feeling of offering my blossoming self to the Creator with all the love that I am. Now I will tone my tone throughout my cells, bringing all into harmony so as to emanate my note into the ethers, the earth, the grids of light. I will breathe my fragrance out with each breath, swooning in its heady perfume.

As I sit within my blossoming heart, inhaling my own sweet perfume, I hold this knowing deep, that all will blossom. You cannot know the joy that sets alight in my heart! I stand witness for the unfurling of each one’s petals, and breathe in the sweetness of those fully opened, knowing that all is well in this new world of ours. We are so loved. We ARE love.

Opening to Our Wildness

Posted on March 13, 2013 by lovelylinda

Pink blossoms that I could sleep in, what a dreamy bed!

Spring is in the air; new buds about to burst all about me, lovely shots of color in the blossoming trees, birds singing gaily in the gentle breeze, the sun rising higher in the sky, allowing my clothesline to receive its warmth and dry my sheets once again. It is a magical time as I savor the ground warming beneath my toes and the tiny violets poking their velvety heads above their green leaves. My spirit is responding by opening to the energies of newness, to the quickening of sap rising in my veins, mimicking the trees. I am ready to burst forth in radiant bloom. I am a rose woman, love the fragrance, the enfolding, unfurling petals, the rich colors. It is my protection, a gift from the Creator some years ago, a pink rose. Its perfume is associated with Mother Mary and Mary Magdalene, and being a Mary, I resonate deeply with it. My idea of heaven in my thirties and forties involved living in a rose garden surrounded by faeries and angels. I tended a rose garden of old fashioned fragrant blooms for years.

Today I am desiring to burst forth like a poppy, translucent petals, flowing like a gossamer gown, the sun’s rays clearly shining through. Exuberant is the word I feel when I look at them, dancing with the breeze, responsive to every lift and puff. The blossoms only last a short while, yet they are so alive in that time! I want to open myself to that wildness, that level of play with the elements. I am ready for the bees to burrow into my center and gather my scent to trail out into the world. I am tired of being tame and controlled. It is time for us to burst out of our old ways and let our instinctive nature take over. I want to live each now moment fully and suck the juice out of it. If it is a moment of anger, I want to feel its fire in my veins, scorching if need be. If of joy, I want to sing it out in notes so colorful that the birds look up to discover the source. I want to breathe in the sylphs of the air and play with them as variations of the in and out breath arise. The undines of the water caress my body in the shower, cleansing me each day of the old and renewing me with their touch. All can be more sensual, more intoxicating as I open to it. I run out barefoot on the ground and my feet feel delight in connecting fully to my mother earth. I twirl about until dizziness spins me flat on her surface to feel her heartbeat, to attune my own.

I watched a fat bubble bee dive into this center with an intensity that was sensual in its wholeheartedness.

The elementals are asking me to play with them, allow them a richer connection. Through this connection, I am able to delve deep into myself with love, discovering pools of it inside. In so doing, I become more fully my truth. I want to swim in the seas of love for myself, be on the lookout for more aspects of myself arising to claim themselves as love. I am allowing the force of love I am to flow through my heart into whatever my hands touch, my breath moves, my body dances, my eyes land upon. My desire is to so be love that it is radiated for miles from my being. To be shining in form, to have golden sparkles on my skin and the scent of roses arising from my body. Truly, the outer forms are not the goal, rather playthings to envision and delight in.

As humans, we are gifted the ability to express emotions, one of the delightful aspects of our beings. We have been taught that many of our feelings were unacceptable, that they were to be tamped down or hidden away. By suppressing them, we created a shadow self. We were taught to keep that hidden at all costs or we would be exiled from the group. We concluded that we were unacceptable, unworthy of love. Our bodies have become toxic dumping grounds that have served to keep us tethered to what we cannot own, holding self love in abeyance. How can I claim myself as a being of love when all this darkness is hidden inside? What would happen if my shadow self was revealed?

I want to dance the colors, sounds, scents out into the earth with all that I am.

We were not taught the freedom of feeling everything deeply. We were taught to fear what in truth is our path to freedom. We throw up walls to the low notes and the high, prefering to live in the “safety” of a middle tone. We have given up our wildness, our fiery hearts to live in the confines of a single tone. The repetition, the isolation of that one note, became soul numbing. Isn’t that what makes us depressed, the sameness of the routines we have been locked into? The 9-5 routine that forces part of ourselves underground, as it would be a disruptive force to that lifestyle based on productivity at all costs. We give up parts of our soul as we are programmed to believe that our value comes from the work that we do. When we meet someone, one of the first questions is what do you do? Your value is constructed by your position in society and the amount of money that you make. All contrived structures that keep us from a natural rhythm. When we see expressions of wildness, we sedate them, lock them away, idolize them, or damn them. In doing so, we separate ourselves from our own wildness that desires to be lived.

Every blossom a bell to be rung, my heart is in each one.

Spring is asking my wildness to come out to play. She is encouraging me to re-imagine my idea of heaven and to trust that I can bring that vision to life. I am breathing that in as I see myself in the spider web glittering in the sunlight by my door, as I feel myself dancing in the diamond sparkles skittering across the pool’s water, as I inhale the fragrance of the pink hyacinth that asked to come home with me from the store, as I feel myself in the center of the heart rock that I finger in my bathrobe pocket. All are nudging me into the inner planes where I know myself as a tone that can hold the deep notes in love and yet burst forth in trills that spark hearts alight. All of nature is calling me home to the knowing of myself as a magical being, in oneness with the all that is. We are being asked to come out and play in the fullness that we are. How delightful! Bring your wild heart to the fore. Let us become little children once more, romping through the wonder land that this earth truly is.

March Magic

Posted on March 12, 2013 by lovelylinda

My favorite rock being at the temple.

March continues to unfold in new ways as I surrender to the currents that are flowing. I recently spent an afternoon with a few friends and the crystal skull, Marie. We had the sense that she wanted to be bathed in the river, a bit of an undertaking as she weighs almost 40 pounds and one must walk a ways on a gravel path to reach the river’s edge. All was accomplished and Marie seemed to luxuriate in the cold waters flowing over her. A laughing buddha carved from petrified wood accompanied her and sent his laughter spilling out in waves. We played the crystal bowls and drums we brought but mostly chatted and enjoyed the sounds about us. One of the group brought through her vision of beings of light, come to form a circle about Marie, in an act of honoring. Marie embued all with a new note which reverberated throughout space. Wave upon wave of sound was released. The waters carried the sound to all the waters of the earth, being such a potent conductor of energies. We each took turns pouring the water over Marie’s head as she sat in state. She is such a being of love. The divine feminine and Mary energies were very present. As the sun began to descend, a chill came over me and I knew it was time to leave. By the time I reached home, I felt like I was in shock, in need of wool sweaters, warm drink and food. It is amazing how powerful the energies can be though it seemed we were not “doing” much of anything. My body knew otherwise as I rested and recovered in the evening.

Marie and friends in the river.

The next morning, I could sense an expansion in myself. I sat toning in the yard and felt that I would lie on the ground, and tone with another, “weaving lattices of light”. Those were the words that I heard. I texted my elder son, thinking it was with him as we had done just that the day before. It turned out to be with one of the women from the day before. The energies of Marie accompanied us as we took a walk in nature. There is a place where folks have stacked rocks called the temple, that she suggested we go. As we walked, we stopped to eat miner’s lettuce that was growing along the path. It is a spring green with a tiny white flower rising from its lilypad looking base. I knew that our bodies were being calibrated by ingesting this plant. I could feel an expansion and opening within me. We played in the temple area for a time, stacking rocks and enjoying sitting amongst them. I felt an urge to move into the open field of sunlight beyond the temple area, lie on the ground and tone. Indeed, my friend joined me and I knew she was the one I was to weave lattices of light with. She lay down with her head touching mine, in a straight line. We began to tone and felt others come to join us. My friend saw beings come out of the hillside to our left.

The buddha delighting in his bath. He sent such joy flowing!

They laid down with their feet pointing towards us. I was guided to hold a rock in each hand. The rocks tied me to earth in a deep way, and I felt faeries tethering me with their gossamer threads. Two of the beings placed their feet in my friend’s hand as she giggled. We laughed, gasped, panted, cried, toned, as colors swirled and our bodies experienced movement, things being pulled out, added to, opened. I felt a stone being placed in my belly. It dropped down as if to the bottom of a lake and I felt the waters rippling out from it. My friend felt the ripples hit her. I was the lake and the stone….the earth I lie upon and the breeze that touched my brow. I was all things. Time did not exist as we were fully in the experience. Worlds opened and spun with us. To our right, there was a small hill with an enormous oak tree with spreading branches, touching the ground in many places. It is a tree that feels sacred. I sensed and my friend saw, faeries on every branch, joining in the energies at play. The beings who joined us were Agarthans, our brothers and sisters from the inner earth realms. They were toning and used our bodies to send their notes out into the world. I was told that this was a continuation of our Shasta Christ consciousness experience. Our bodies were a chalice that could now be used to seed the Christ energy into the earthplane. We felt the honor of being used thusly. At one point, I knew to reach up and hold my friend’s head as she reached for mine. She is a cranial sacral practioner and knew we were adjusting one another as guided. So much took place yet it felt like a dream. Marie, the skull, was present with us as well as many masters and angels. As it felt complete, we heard a round of clapping and we joined in. It felt so celebratory and I knew so much had happened that was beyond my scope of understanding. I felt immense gratitude.

One of my successful balancing acts.

We took off our shoes for the walk back to our car, as I knew we needed grounding. Also, it anchored the energies more firmly in the earth with each step. We both received the idea of ice cream, as we were to celebrate what had taken place. We stopped and bought some and sat on the porch and savored each bite. I later spoke with the friend who had been with us in Shasta and whose presence I felt as we lie on the ground. She said we were doing a ceremony to complete the cycle of the last moon and welcome the new moon’s energies in. She also related a wonderful dreamscape that resonated with me as truth. She found herself on a ramp that was a treadmill. She was struggling to keep a forward momentum to move up the incline. She looked to her left and saw me gliding up an escalator with a big smile. As I drew near to her, I reached over and touched her across her shoulders and told her, “Simply stand still. ” As she did so, her treadmill became an escalator and she too, was effortlessly moved along. I smiled at her and we both knew this was the new way. The time of struggle and hardship has ended. Neither are the way to move forward. It is simply allowing ourselves to be carried by our higher selves into the light that we are. Surrender, opening, trust are all a part of it. This weekend’s experiences all built upon another, each piece following as I tuned in, listened and acted as guided. As we do this, we align with others and our energies co-create new fields of light. It is magic and marvelous, humbling and heart opening. We are becoming little children, playing in the fields of life. My gratitude abounds!

A branch of the oak tree that I walked out upon. She told me that I am supported always. All of nature wishes to play with us, for the good of all. Hallejuah!

A Past Life Experience Coming Through

Posted on March 8, 2013 by lovelylinda

The blossoms of beauty that spring bring.

March is surely cleaning out my closets of emotions. I had an intense experience the other night that swept me up for a half day or so. I spent yesterday in a cocoon space, recovering my equilibrium and peace as the event had depleted me. Awake now since 2 am, feeling that strange sensation of energy swirling inside alongside, a sense of calm. Not one or the other, but rather both at once. Finding a place to breathe and balance within this newness. Standing on shifting sands, my beingness learning to make minute adjustments every moment.

My experience came through an encounter that one dear to me had with a friend of his. This person made an unusual suggestion to him that created confusion. He relayed his sense of confusion to me, triggering me mightily. My truth meter, which is highly sensitive to manipulative energy, went on high alert. I felt an energy move from this person, directly to my heart. It was as if a poisoned arrow landed in my chest. I was reeling. My whole system was flashing danger, danger! I reacted with anger to the one dear to me, as he was not seeing the danger present. This anger, brought about by fear for his safety, was not something that had not occurred between us. I knew that my reaction was beyond what the circumstances would have elicited. I could not get any understanding as I was thrown into an abyss of pain that I despaired being able to return from. It was as if my breath were taken away, the phrase, unspeakable pain, floated in my mind. I felt the energy of death. I knew I was in the grip of something powerful. It was working to separate us and was succeeding as a chasm opened between me and my loved one that resulted in a hang up of the phone. This was an unheard of behavior.

My mind ran about wildly, searching for information to put to the overwhelming emotions. Tears flooded as I attempted to breathe and find any foothold to move myself from this abyss of pain. It was searing. A loved one came to check on me and witnessed a part of this experience. His calm presence helped me to step back enough to look around for any tools that might help me. I thought Ok, this is an emotion wanting release. Witness it, allow it movement. Panting my way through the waves of pain…..feeling it in every part of me. My mind like a wild animal caught in a trap, “What is this? What is happening?” My heart caught in a current so powerful there was naught to do. There was only barreling down this river of pain as best I could. I surrendered wholly, there was no option. It wanted me and it had me. It lasted a matter of minutes measured in this time, but it was an eternity by some clock. Even writing this, I just found myself taking deep breaths.

The aftermath took some hours. Apologies came for the hang up, the confusion energy was identified as a warning flag and my loved one, determined to sit with what it all meant to him while I sat with what had happened. The depth of our love was acknowledged though this had felt like an ending to me. On the surface, this made no sense but that is what I felt. Speaking did not clear it, I had to get warm, comfort my body and sit with myself. Eventually a past life came forward with the three of us involved. This same dynamic had played out. This woman had been in my community and had been jealous of me. She had determined to hurt me in some way. She chose to use her seductive sexual energies to lure my loved one away. She knew the depth of our bond of love and she determined to destroy it. She was successful and it resulted in his death. I was inconsolable in that life and never fully recovered from the pain of that separation.

I felt plunged into the darkest of nights.

In this life, I have not met this woman but the plan had been for me to meet her. She is a friend, not a girlfriend yet presented energies out of keeping with that relationship. I found it amazing how the energy could come through her, to my loved one, to me with such precision. I knew that in this life, she was not conscious of what she was doing, but the energy was present and created a cloud of confusion about my dear one. I felt neutral towards her, not knowing her, yet anything but neutral to the energy moving through her. The pain found me wanting to separate from my loved one, in a self protective gesture. I called in Archangel Michael to cut all cords binding us, something I do regularly to make sure I am not corded to anyone nor by anyone. My head knew that my present day relationship was intact and would survive, but my heart felt it irrevocably changed. I felt that I had lost him. I held us all in pink flames of love for much of the night, asking for clearing of all the records of that past life.

During this time in travail, a dear friend had called, leaving me a message that I did not listen to until hours later. When we finally spoke, she told me that I had appeared to her in great distress. She was sitting sewing but lifted me onto her lap like a child and rocked me. She sang to me for a half an hour, attempting to calm and soothe me. She said that I told her, “I do not want to be pregnant anymore. “ She knew that was not a possibility and that it was a metaphor for something. After a time, she laid me on a blanket on the floor where I rested. I finally got up and hugged her and told her that I could now go back.

Heart rocks do appear to me regularly, signs to me that I am loved.

I am so grateful for her loving mother’s heart that cares for me so. I find the whole thing amazing. That some aspect of my being, found its way to her for comfort. That she was so tuned in to me that she was present with me. What a gift! The not wanting to be pregnant metaphor felt to me that I did not want to be responsible for anyone any longer. I had uttered that in the midst of my pain, wanting to cut all ties to my dear one, in order to distance myself from the pain of his loss. Oh my! The way we instinctively build walls to attempt to stop the pain from being felt. I experienced the all of the pain of that time.

It took me a full day to open my heart fully once again to my dear one. Our relationship has changed. We both felt it was a refining of how we relate, a new clarity present about boundaries and how to navigate with one another, demonstrating honor and respect. I have detached from how he proceeds in his relationship with this woman, knowing it is his journey of self discovery. This took me some time to get to. It took trust, trusting his I AM presence to guide him to his highest good, knowing that at times we have to play in an energy to learn from it. Knowing that physical death is not at hand yet that a death of innocence may be, for him. My life has seen me held in the grips of manipulative energies that took me down deep, time after time. I had to learn my own power and how to stand in it. I now have a pretty clear warning system that flashes at the first sign of confusion energies, alerting me to step back and take a broader look at what is presenting. I am trusting that he will develop his own warning system and step into his power more fully, as we each are being led to do.

I am grateful for all of this, knowing that it has served a purpose beyond what I can sense or know. This life is mysterious, magical, maddening, mercurial. It is a learning ground for love. My heart is enlarged and enlivened by this experience. I am loving me and all involved with a grateful heart.

Laughing and Loving With Me

Posted on March 4, 2013 by lovelylinda

A heart carved by the elements, asking me to see the beauty of my heart, carved by the elements of time.

Yesterday came and went without writing after stating my intention to write each day in March. How I am laughing with myself this morning. All is well! My non-writing is a perfect place to love myself. I realized that the idea of doing anything that does not organically flow from my being, has dropped from my world long ago. Yet, here I set myself up in the old way, which so beautifully gave me this space to appreciate the way I do flow. I love that I move from my inner promptings rather than from the structure of my mind. I allowed that knowing to rain on my heart.

March seems to be showing me the old templates that I once inhabited in order to feel appreciation for my newness. After not living by a calendar or clock for these past few years, I found myself buying a calendar to track my exercises (only recently feeling moved to move again). I wrote a couple of things down and realized how old it felt. It came from the old list maker in me, who loved to write things down and cross them off. There was some sense of accomplishment in doing these outer activities. I could look at them and feel that I was doing ok, or not. They were a way to gauge progress or movement, or so I told myself, as often as not, they were a way to beat myself up for not staying with a set program. Oh, that needed a deep breath as I sat with my calendar and felt into a deeper place of trust with myself. Can I trust that I will move my body as it directs me in the moment without looking at a list or a schedule of planned activities? I asked my body this. She assured me that if I open a space for movement, she will lead me in the way that she desires. My back has been sore for a time, she is telling me she desires more gentle movements. In loving myself today, I am allowing this space for her to move me.

Admiring the tiny blossoms emerging from the old dense wood. A yearly cycle that speaks of newness.

I went to an event yesterday and ended up sitting with someone who had been a big part of my life during my years here in Sacramento. I had been holding her in lovelight just the day before though I had not seen her in many months. I was making the rounds in my heart, of anyone where the energy was stuck or unclear between me and another. There are a handful of folks, who I no longer interact with, through their choice or mine, yet I desire for the soul love to flow free. I am loving myself by staying current in my heart field with all others. So how beautifully the universe responded to my lovelight by placing this person next to me. The love flowed freely and all was softened for which I felt such gratitude. I desire to live free from hard edges with anyone. I trust that this happens, whether the person and I ever meet or speak again. The truth of love is there, watering the garden of my heart, by holding only love for all others.

I cannot see around the curves ahead, but I can walk each step in gratitude.

When I returned home from the event, I left my observer role, as I felt as though I were the actor in the movie, Groundhog Day, where he finds himself living the same day, over and over. The loop of my life found me back in the same place, residing in my former house, living in an area that never felt like home, speaking with a family member in the old way. I went into judgment about it which did not feel good. Thoughts of, “You are stuck in the same place, this is old energy…run!” flew through my mind. After a time in this space, I made a conscious decision to go inside to seek more information. My old way would have been to stay churning in these thoughts, lashing myself with recriminations. Honoring me, I allowed myself a more expanded viewing angle. My heart opened into love for myself and my courage to return to the old to make it new. There has been tremendous growth and healing for me, my former husband, (now dear friend), and my adult children. This time has been of great benefit for me and all involved. I have had a place to rest deeply when I was so in need of it. All involved had an opportunity to learn new patterns of relating in love. Oh, that feels better! I held that judgmental part of myself in a deep embrace of love, knowing she was doing what she thought best to protect me. I assured her that we are safe and change can come with ease and grace. I thanked her and told her that she could let go of her fears, that we are doing well. Our higher self has us well in hand and continues to take us on the path of greater expansion and love.

Following the arrow of my heart, trusting where it leads.

I then interacted with a friend which further clarified how positive this feeling was as it brought me to an fuller awareness of a loop being completed. I had a foreshadowing of this at the beginning of February, as I could feel this cycle of time, at this place, coming to a close. That feeling of discomfort and panic of yesterday was further confirmation that change is at hand, get ready. In stilling the knee jerk reaction of my mind, I am opening to what is next, allowing life to present the hows and wheres to me, without holding ideas of what it will look like. A couple of friends suggested it might be in this same area, or it might be an inward move to a new state of consciousness rather than a new geographical state. Neither felt like the bigger change that I was seeking to a place with water and open vistas. Yet I allowed myself to open to a yes and a yes to both ideas. I am allowing myself to be with all as it shows up for me. I have set my intent to move and now am alert to signs to guide my path. I know that it often comes in the guise of something not expected or looked for and not in keeping with my personality self’s desires. My soul rules and she steers me aright. I trust her.

My blooming skirt that made me smile.

These are some of the ways I have watered the garden of my heart, the past couple of days. I trust you have been watering yours with compassion as you pulled any weeds of self judgment. We are the tenderest of beings, so pure in our love. Breathe that in and let it shower your garden in liquidlovelight. I love me so and in that love, is my love for thee.

Liquid Love Light

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Monthly Archives: March 2013