Monthly Archives: December 2015

Living Our Divinity

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Ice skating rink lit up on a rainy night.

Ice skating rink lit up on a rainy night.

Awake at 4 a.m. with Christmas carols playing in my ear via headphones, lights of the city’s waterfront sparkling outside the wall of windows, chatting to friends on Facebook across the land, warm quilt covering me, baby’s muffled cries coming from his parents’ room…….I am blessed.

I have been here in Montreal for the past two weeks, tending to my daughter and her new little family. It is such an adjustment to motherhood and parenthood. It has been a privilege to play the role of elder, to ease the tension and witness the resiliency of a powerful young woman. We are such amazing beings!

My heart has been so full….music fills my heart to swelling heights. I love Christmas carols and the soaring voices. This city has a Catholic heritage with its devotion to Mother Mary. I am greeted with her image as I stroll the cobblestone streets, feel her heart in the smiles of the fur hooded folks bustling about, see her love in the eyes of my daughter gazing at her infant son. I feel her sorrow as I hear news of a friend’s reoccurring illness, another friend’s sadness at the urge to call a parent who no longer answers on this plane of being.

I loved this altar in the oldest chapel here.

I loved this altar in the oldest chapel here.

I am so filled with the wonder and mystery of this life. My heart is singing hallelujah for it all. We have chosen to experience the depths and heights, our hearts miraculous instruments that can shatter and heal to shatter once again…..always growing, evolving in our capacity to feel the thrum of the Creator’s love through it all. We wanted to discover if we could experience a sense of separation from the Oneness that is truth. Could we believe ourselves separate, create darkness so deep we knew ourselves drowned and still find the light of love within?

 

 

IMG_2234What a game we agreed to! I am reveling in all of this humanness. I am eating my fill of warm croissants in this French city, drinking hot chocolate made with spices from far away lands, kissing and breathing in my grandson’s presence and delighting in bringing forth smiles by making silly sounds and faces. We hold conversations using light language, remembering who we are to one another. The lights on the tiny Christmas tree seem to waft the fresh pine scent about the condo, diapers fresh from the laundry folded in neat piles fill me with satisfaction as does the smile on my daughter’s face as she nurses her babe to sleep. The French language flowing about me like music at the nearby produce market tucked into the old building next door, the courteous family who runs it, assisting me by going out back to bring me a bunch of kale “fresh from the shower” as I requested something more lively than the limp bunch on display.

A few locks shorn

A few locks shorn

I followed my daughter’s suggestion to go to her hairdresser, something I do not have a habit of, instead trimming my bangs when they cover my eyes or having a friend give me an occasional trim of my long locks. This small French woman had 40 years at her trade and wasted no words nor movements with her scissors. She told me she could trim my waist length hair but it would do nothing for me. I asked her what her vision was, she told me that she would liberate my hair by chopping most of it off. But she said, as she directed me to the cloak room for a gown to wear, you are not ready. “You have to be ready for change” , she tossed out as she went back to her other customer. As I changed, I asked my body, ” Shall we do this? Do you want your hair cut?” I received a “Yes!” Ok then. The mistress of hair was pleased with my answer, feeling it her due as the master in this situation. I sat and watched as one snip took years of growth off my head. And away we went from there. She spoke of blowdrying and mousse and that you must put in effort if you want to achieve beauty. All foreign ideas, for the most part to my simple routines. We reached a compromise, I walked out with my new swinging hair, old energy left lying on the floor but no coloring of my silver strands as she desired. Blonde, she insisted would create the sex appeal….oh, the fun worlds we each create! I realized that there was a slight attachment to  the idea of myself as having long hair and it felt freeing to let that go. How easily we attach to things, people, places, routines. How freeing it is to step out of those confines.

Finding my city legs and loving it! Even the black ensemble...

Finding my city legs and loving it! Even the black ensemble…

I followed this, days later,  by an afternoon of window shopping by myself as the family enjoyed some together time. I went into a tiny shop with natural fiber clothing sustainably produced here in Quebec. The owner and I had a great time, finding me a few new flowing outfits to match my flowing locks. I love the feel of loose soft clothing. Shopping in regular stores is not my thing, but this experience was fun and full of ease. She made a comment that struck me as we were talking about the mild winter that the East coast is experiencing. She asserted that she loved the lack of snow and warmer temperatures after last year’s brutal winter but felt concerned as she knew it wasn’t good for the planet. I found that so interesting, to enjoy something but pair it with a lashing that this can’t be good. Why not savor the warmth? Feel and express gratitude for the sun this day or whatever is appearing, trusting that the planet knows what she is about. Yes, there is climate change, yes, there are man made practices that have harmed our beautiful planet. Feeling bad does not help, rather it hinders a positive outcome. Focus on that which you desire. Do we know what is right for this earth? Perhaps the whole earth will become temperate and we will be able to eat from the bounty of the warmed earth. I do not know and so I live in appreciation of what is present and allow my love to warm my mother earth as she warms me…or cools me, or rains upon me. All a blessing.

Fun grafetti

Fun grafetti

We have been trained to feel bad about something, anything. It has been hammered into us, day and night, guilt, shame, the old bogey men out to get us. Where is the training in appreciation, in wonder, in delight? It is flooding this planet at present if we open to it. We are divine beings granted the privilege of walking a planet back to the Creator’s heart of love. How can the wonder of that be lost? Love flooding each cell of my being and all of life. I loved witnessing my daughter talking to their tiny Christmas tree as she gently released its branches, strung it with lights, placed the wooden star she made with her dad last year, on top and gave it a drink of lukewarm water. She honored its essence and it returned the favor by honoring this home with its radiance.

Notre Dame angels lighting it up.

Notre Dame angels lighting it up.

All day, in everything, we are given the opportunity to know grace, to feel wonder tingle through our body, to sigh with delight. In the midst of the darkest space, there is an opening to our own light. Our divinity sits in attendance, awaiting our glance. All of life does the same. Love it all! Enliven ourselves, enliven our neighbor, our food, our trees, our skyscrapers, our littered streets, our starry skies, our hungry hearts. Feed it all our love and  witness transformation all around. Love, can we sing it, feel it, express it with our bodies, dance it with our toes? I AM divine, as are you. Christ is not a person to follow, it is a presence to embody. Our Christ consciousness awaits, will you open to it this day? It is the lightest of garments to wear……goes with the new hair!

 

Singing Your Note

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The glory of the sky!

The glory of the sky!

My elder son just called from Brooklyn, where he is at present in his travels. He had just come from a performance of Handel’s Messiah and was feeling the fullness of the music and the power of the lyrics. My aunt was one of the singers, a tradition that she has been a part of for over thirty years. I am listening to a recording now as I type. The Prince of Peace! Emmanuel! We have waited for this Prince and this remembrance that God is with us (the meaning of Emmanuel).  We are the prince, we are the peace. This holy season offers us a further opening to receive our Christ self into our hearts. “Unto us a son is given”…it is up to each of us to make room in our hearts for this babe, this Christ child.

I was speaking with a friend the other day about the notes heard about the world. There had been another shooting and she was speaking of that note. We saw the whole world as part of the Creator’s orchestra, She/He as the conductor. We knew our notes and when to play them as we had honed our instruments over lifetimes. Others are just picking up their instrument, getting to know it. Still others are tuning their instruments and some are feeling a stirring to play an instrument. It is inevitable that all will play their instrument, all will contribute their note to the whole. Some come in early, and others later in the piece.

Big, little, dark, light....all part of the autumn delight.

Big, little, dark, light….all part of the autumn delight.

I observed how differently I now respond to outer events. My soul has played the full spectrum of notes….played villain and victim, deceiver and saint. I can witness the discordant notes as well as the harmonious ones and know them all within my being. I can  embrace them in love and know them all as love. There is no need to judge them as wrong or right…..I can feel them as part of the whole. Perhaps that is what we do, in experiencing lifetime after lifetime, we are playing each note until we come to know all notes as One.

We can let go of blame, shame, separation, divisiveness with all others and most importantly, with ourselves. We can trust the symphony to carry us on its currents of love. We can play our note with our whole soul and not shrink from the crescendos. Do you feel the part we are in? The stirring, the fever pitch, the wave about to break upon your breast?  I do! Somewhere within my being, I have heard this music before and know that it ends with a blast of such joy and Hallejuah! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoqxYqTNKmU

My bit of fun on a walk today, creating beauty and sending it out with joy.

My bit of fun on a walk today, creating beauty and sending it out with joy.

We are here to enact this pageantry. All that is asked of each one of us, is that we play our note with all of our heart and soul. That we are true to our note, that we drop all comparisons, all beliefs about what constitutes a “proper” note. That we allow our note to swim in our blood, surge through our hearts, expand in our lungs and dance in our cells. The conductor has raised His/Her baton towards me and I know it is my time to shine. There is no holding back. In order for all the clashing and clanging and trumpets to be brought to a triumphant finish, I must hold my note, I must play for all that I am worth. I am a note of peace and love light. As are so many of you. We knew, that this lifetime, we would be called to play this final note in the great symphony of earth’s ascension. We would bask in the beauty that will be created as peace descends upon the earth. Oh, the glory of this now. My heart is overflowing with the pure note that my son transmitted to me this night. May your note be heard and stir others to sing our theirs. I love us so.

Do You Feel the JOY?

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This tulip is singing the notes of joy!

This tulip is singing the notes of joy!

There is joy singing in my cells. Joy, dancing in my blood, joy reverberating in my heart.

All the while, my skin is itching in various places, my belly continues to bloat, I feel a heaviness and just plain uncomfortableness in this body. I am eating day and night…toast and cookies, chocolates and chips. A fridge full of greens and I crave anything but healthy foods. Though yesterday I made a green juice and it went down pretty well. Most days, the thought of cleaning the juicer makes me head for the chips in the cupboard. Ease is important! Nausea and head pressure lasted for days. Early evenings coma like sleeps and middle of the night wide awakes. Gas, oh my, the farting! It is like I have been blown up with gas inside.

And yet…..there is this joy moving! Joy. I know that none of these outer twinges and creaks are permanent. I am to have a newly regenerated body along with the rest of you. Radiant health is to be ours. Feeling the middle of the month, a veil will be lifted, that will make my dreams of a Christmas of magic and miracles, the new reality. Freedom for all, that is the sound wafting on the breeze that the slyphs are singing to me.  I have felt the possibility these past few years, held the dream. Now I am living the feeling of it. Believing before seeing as it is the believing that leads to the seeing of it here on this plane.

There is nothing new about the physical components except that this wave lasted longer and with more sustained intensity than I had previously experienced. Observing this brought on the joy buzz even more strongly. We are stronger, we can be a conduit, a chalice for greater amounts of liquidlovelight pouring through. I felt almost giddy with this knowing. This is the push that puts us over the edge, the tipping point where we slide into our new Christed selves with laughter and tears.

We have held the seeds within all along. Now is the time of bursting forth in all of our beauty.

We have held the seeds within all along. Now is the time of bursting forth in all of our beauty.

I was shown the date, December 15th, over and over like a flashing neon sign. I am not attaching to that. I have learned my lesson about adhering to dates in any fashion. I sense it is an individual inner process before the collective outer experience.  Instead, I am riding the wave of freedom by allowing myself to see beauty and love everywhere. I am allowing my deepest heart’s desire out to roam and romp on the playing fields of my imagination. I watched the movie, “Kate and Leopold” last night. I had watched it years before but this time I was struck by Meg Ryan’s character owning her deepest desires that she had not dared allowed out as a means of self protection from disappointment and pain. She owns her desires and takes the leap to live them. In the movie, she travels to the past to live part of her future……time is all interwoven, past, present, future. So many concepts that I missed years ago.

I am loving everything that comes my way. I had jury duty, and the thought flitted through…I hope I do not have to go. Immediately I replaced that thought with openness to what would be, a yes to serving or not serving, knowing that whatever is for my highest good, will appear. I did go, I was chosen as a member of the jury, it was estimated to be a two week trial. It lasted just over a day before the defendant changed his plea to guilty, and the case was settled before it had hardly begun. Thank goodness for all parties involved. It was a case of sexual molestation of minor girls by their step granddad. As a woman of almost sixty years of age, it is not an uncommon story among my peers. The change is that in our day, it was never talked about. Now it is out in the open, spoken of, and recognized for the harm that it causes. I was able to shine love on all involved with a dispassionate heart. I was able to love my teenage self and my grandfathers, who both grabbed my breasts at some time during my teens. I was able to send love to all those involved in this activity, perpetrators and victims alike.

I took the case being resolved quickly, as a reflection of how I am seeing things in the world change. Abuses and wrongs are coming to light in all areas of our society and world. The light of love is bringing change and resolution. The blinking of an eye…..I take that as truth. It can be that quick as we never know when that tipping point will have been reached. My gut tells me we are at the precipice and about to take a glorious ride, the ride of our lives.

We came for this. We are able for this. We trust in the light. We trust in the love. We are love. We are one. There is no going back. On the inner planes, the celebrations have already commenced. It is a done deal. Peace on Earth is a reality! Please believe with me until we see it. Live it in your heart as I am living it in mine. Let the chaos swirl about you, your job and mine, is to be the peace. To offer that hope, that joy, that smile, that hand to hold. Heart by heart, we are doing this. I so love us all.