Daffodils are poking up and some are beginning to form buds. Nature showing me where I am at.

Whew, we have lived through this huge shift of the eclipses and the January 12th astrological alignment. Everything is made new. Yet, it does not feel that way. Yesterday I was playing with my four year old grandson who is so in tune with the energies. We were reading three letter words from little books I made decades ago when I taught my three how to read. I had one little book with the word, metamorphosis on it. I had made it as an anomaly. Inside was a picture of a caterpillar and a butterfly. He loved that word, metamorphosis, loved clapping out the five syllables. He wanted to be wrapped in a blanket like a cocoon. He did not come out as a butterfly…..he said he was the mush before the butterfly emerged. We played that over and over. Then it was flying mush….he could fly but was not a butterfly. Yes! He allowed a new direction, a new form to emerge. I found this fascinating.

The caterpillar is like us, all those legs attached to the earth as it stuffs itself full of food. We  have had so many attachments to this realm as it requires a million things to attend to in order to simply live. We have stuffed ourselves with every manner of experience over our lifetimes on this planet. We were so eager to be a part of this experience, to feel ourselves separate from Source. We have donned every costume…evil one, lightworker, slave, deformed, hideous and beautiful. We have played all the roles and now, like the caterpillar, we have spun our cocoon and find ourselves resting inside. Our legs that have been our means of attachment have disappeared, our desire for more of anything has left us, we are full, satiated with this 3D experience. We have pulled our energetic cloak about us and hear the admonishment to allow this deep repose.

Moss and violets and camellia blossoms and the new tile I chose and helped put up.

There is a stirring that brings an agitation, a sense that change is imminent. We feel disconnected to our old life, our old ways of doing. None of it makes sense anymore. Yet we do not know how to move. The way is not clear. No guidance is present, it is murky. Fog covers our eyes as we attempt to see our way forward. Our minds have anxiety arise as they spin trying to figure it out. What is next? How do we move? Where do we move? Who are we? There are no answers.

There is a feeling of surrender and deep trust in this process. The butterfly does emerge, we know this. There is a larger life that awaits us all, if we choose. I have witnessed some around me choosing another go round in this reality. It feels so strange to be with them as I  sense an energetic wall between us. Almost as if they were a ghost. I so honor their desire to play out some scenario or expression further. It is not for me as I feel complete with all that has been. Doors have closed behind me as I lie here in my cocoon. No passion, no direction, no desire….an emptiness. The mush stage in all of its uncomfortableness. There is no doing, only being. Tendrils of dreams so dear to my heart, flow in. They move me to tears with their power to touch the deep core of my being. Like a coal in my breast, the tendrils ignite a low fire that burns. Ever steady, ever there despite all outer appearances. It tells me that rejuvenation is at hand, that energy will course through my body once again, that I will be lit up and live the fireworks of joy and passion.

Cookies and chips followed by drinks of blood orange juice picked and squeezed by my grandson. Sauerkraut made by my daughter from her winter garden’s bounty. All of it nourishing me.

Our mush playtime yesterday allowed an exhale. We are in process. I can trust this process. I can relax into this space with no need to know anything. I am present. I breathe in the beauty that is here. I breathe out all that was. I feel our mother’s heartbeat under my feet, I soak up our sun’s rays on my face. I let go of any ideas of how it should be or is. I float in my cocoon, buoyed by the love of dear ones and of myself for myself. Past and future selves present in this now, drifting along. We wave at one another as we float, no need to grasp ahold of anyone or anything. Surrender to the peace that is there, under all the rest. Peace to us all.