The day before the Equinox hit, I felt under the weather. As if a storm cloud was hovering over my head. The pressure felt heavy, my body compressing under the weight. On the day, it began to lift. I decided to go for a swim as that is one of my joys in life. It was a magical experience. There was no one else at one of my favorite sites, a small lake called Big Hosmer. Little Hosmer is nearby but is ringed with private cottages so does not have open access like Big Hosmer. I threw my clothes on the wooden bench and quickly immersed myself in the water. I had my hair up as I did not intend to get my head wet as I had misplaced my wax ear plugs that are helpful as the water cools. I set a destination for myself and was surprised that it was one further than I had swum previously. The sky was overcast but the sun peeked out and sent a shimmering, sparkling wave of light towards me. It seemed to follow me as I swam. I felt so buoyant and strong. As I turned around to swim back to shore, I used the backstroke so my head indeed got wet. It felt good. I found myself pulling up a couple of times and was grateful that each time it was to avoid an area near the edge where logs were protruding from the water. I love how our higher selves are always watching out for us!
When I got out of the water and started to dry off, I had a strange sensation that my legs were muscular as if I were a professional swimmer. Wow! My body was tingling and it felt so real. I could see it clearly. My sense is that this is the beginning of the changes that will sweep our world. Perhaps we will feel it first until it will reach through to the physical plane. Rejuvenation here we come! We have prayed for these changes, envisioned them for years, if not decades for some of us, and now we are on the cusp of it all.
My heart is soaring with a new energy. That heavy dullness seems to have passed. It may return but I sense that it will not be as heavy again. Something has shifted and I am celebrating!
All this came on the heels of my trip back to the Buffalo, NY area to attend my 50th high school reunion. Talk about divine timing as there were so many completions as I visited the physical spaces of my childhood. I reconnected with two dear women from those days and we took trips down memory lane, visiting our childhood homes and the neighborhood that was our stomping grounds. As we were driving around, we crossed an intersection which triggered a memory of being hit by a car that ran through the stop sign at that particular intersection. My friend and I were in our bridesmaids dresses as we were on our way to the third friend’s wedding. We arrived just in time to walk down the aisle, a bit disheveled but present! There were a few memories that unfolded in a similar way during my time there. It felt good to clear those energies and call back all of myself to this now.
It was amazing to see so many folks at the event, not recognizing most as I had moved out of state for most of my adulthood. The senior portraits attached to our name badges, gave clues to who was who. The photos brought memories flooding back. All the girls had long hair, parted in the middle, usually straight. The guys shared the long hair. It was a more colorful era with wide legged pants, printed fabrics, embroidered designs, and halter tops.It was interesting to see how we have all aged. Most women looked younger than the men due to how common it is for women to dye their hair. There was a board with the name of those who had passed away. I teared up reading the name of one of my friends who died our senior year. He was the yearbook photographer and had been taking photos at the football game. It was raining and he stood under a big tree. He was struck by lightening and instantly killed. It was the first tragedy of my young life and it struck me to the core. He was a popular guy,I was not part of the “in crowd” yet I was good friends with a lot of them. I was quiet and shy but was sought out as a good listener for the guys talking about their girls. This young man and I bantered back and forth and liked each other but never dated. I did not date in high school. I remember where I was…..working at a hot dog/ice cream place trying to save money to go on the Rotary Exchange Program the following summer. Someone came in from the game and asked if I had heard what happened to this friend. I could not believe it. I would have been at the game if I had not had that shift at work. Ever since then, lightening is something I like to watch from afar. I get my kids and grandkids out of the water or off the trail if it begins. It is not something to be ignored. I still think of Darryl every time I see lightening. He was only seventeen years old.
Another part of the trip was visiting my grandparents’ home and neighborhood where I spent the happiest times of my childhood. There was a dairy farm down the road where we spent a lot of time, always sure of a welcome. The farmer had passed this spring while I was in Australia so I was not able to attend his funeral. It was so special to stay in the farmhouse with his daughter, who I grew up playing with and who had cared for her dad in the last times. It was bittersweet to feel his absence as well as his wife, who was a wise woman in all the best sense of that description. She had passed years before. I missed them and could almost feel their presence as everything was as it had always been. A time capsule to the past. Of course, nature took over the barn which had collapsed and trees grew up or grew so old as to be cut down, changing the look of the place.
My aunt’s art work hung throughout the house bringing back more memories of the years she and my uncle owned my grandparents’ house. We were thrilled that they kept it as we could still go and stay and enjoy the familiar comforts of that home. They lived in Brooklyn but came each spring to plant the garden and then returned to enjoy the summer months. My kids were able to spend time there when they were little and to enjoy many of the pleasures of the place. The attic was full of trunks of old clothes and hats and shoes. There was a victrola with records, that were quite thick, lined up in the bottom section of the cabinet. You had to wind it up with a crank on the side. The top was hinged. It was so much fun to dress up and dance to the silly songs. There was a clay bank at the creek that ran at the bottom of the neighboring pasture. You had to crawl under the electric barbed wire fence and avoid the cows that grazed there. It was a bit frightening as a child. I recall one of my sisters getting caught on the wire and the cows all coming up to investigate. I had to run back through them to get her free. The cows seemed huge and menacing and we ran to get away. Of course, that seemed to encourage them to run after us. Once we made it to the creek, we walked up it to the bend where the bank was made of clay. We would throw water up on it and create wonderful slides. My aunt was an artist and she inspired us to sculpt figures and objects from the clay. We would arrive back at my grandparents’ house, grey with clay. Our bathing suits never came clean again so we had clay clothes at grandma’s that we could don.
My friend was carrying on her parents’ tradition of an open house where folks stopped by to sit on the porch or come in the kitchen to visit. There was always food on offer as well as a listening ear. I am so grateful that she held on to the farmhouse and intends to repair and keep it. A daunting task but she is an amazing woman, much like her mom.
Another part of the trip was visiting my youngest sister, who lives nearby in a nursing home. She has battled mental illness for decades after suffering abuse from both my parents. She was the youngest and had it the worst. She is doing so well and is intending to move to her own apartment soon. She shared some flashbacks that have come up. Hard to listen to and feel yet how much more difficult to have lived. I had to breathe deeply and allow the feelings of guilt on my part that I had not protected her though my childhood nightmares were of trying to protect my three younger sisters from a lion who lived in our house. I was only a child too but was spared the abuse for some reason as I was considered the “little mother” who looked after the girls. When my youngest sister was born, we girls had stayed with a family friend. My father came to pick me up early to return home as I was to help with the baby and she was considered mine to look after. I was five years old at the time. Of course, there were three, now four children after me so I must have appeared much older to my mother’s eyes.
The trip was filled with memories, long forgotten, brought into the light of my heart to be illumined by its flame and then to dissolve. Some took more than a moment but all moved through me and released. I felt the blessing of the timing of the trip. The release of the old before the Equinox energies came streaming in the new. It is time. Change is the byword now. We have to be ready to drop old beliefs in a moment and pivot to embrace what is presenting in this now.