Author Archives: lovelylinda

LIquid Heart Light

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 I knew that these days alone held a gift for me. The other night as I was lying on the couch, playing in my heart space, an amazing sensation came over me. I was expanding the chalice of my twin flame heart. I work with my twin on this each day, pouring my love into it, asking for his love and calling on my Mother/Father God to add theirs to the mix. I then ask for the elixir to be used for peace on earth, the awakening of hearts, abundance for all……you know the list. But this night, the flame filled me and flowed out from my heart into my hands. My palms were on fire with it. I knew that they were radiating creative life energy and could indeed create the movement of returning things back to the reality of love that is in all. Wow, it felt wonderful and powerful and humbling to be an instrument in this way. My heart was on fire with this liquid love light….golden elixir. 


This is my recent take on the heart, see the gold that exists as well as the tears and scarring. A bit battered and bruised, covered over, scrapped  away at, stab wounds….this heart has it all. Yet the fire of love burns ever bright and is growing in size by the day. We are in transformative times and our hearts’ fire are burning through the dross, the woundedness, the victim consciousness, the buried pains from so many lifetimes in density. There is a purifying aspect to the flame. That white hot heat that releases all back to the primal elements. I relish the almost pain that I have felt flooding through me as I know that as I turn on my heart light to fan the flames, I am being given freedom. I am being given my heart anew. All scarring disappears in the heat of the flames. My heart is freer to hold and radiate light and love. My chalice expands which allows me to offer more my cup of lovelight. All on the planet are being offered this gift. You can close the door to your heart and let it pass by or choose to throw the door wide open and invite the flame to enter in. Allow the feelings of loss, of suffering, of betrayal, of grief to surface. Feel them fully and give them to the flame. Feed the fire with all that you are ready to let go of. Let it all go, stoke that fire and watch the bonfire of your heart ablaze! The freedom is worth it all. When you watch a fire burn hot and finally burn itself out, there are only the white and grey ashes left to blow in the wind. How beautiful a process….to turn all that pain into carbon that returns to the earth. Our mother accepts our sorrows in this form as now it feeds her, allows new growth to come. When we limit the flow of lovelight through our heart by storing all our refuse there, we create a burden that our mother cannot ease. Our hearts are leaden and our steps on her surface become heavy. Once we allow the fires to transmute it all back to love, we are lighter and our steps reverberate with that love. 



Here is my take on my inner sun. I am pulsing pink and orange and gold with some turquoise thrown in for my watery nature. The dolphins and whales need a place to swim in me! I am feeling called to go the the warm waters and swim with the dolphins once again. Today I experienced the rays of the sun, illuminating the cold wintry air here in San Francisco. I shared a walk and lunch with my beautiful daughter who came to me 28 years ago today. Oh, how we have tested and hurt  and enlivened and loved one another’s hearts through those growing years. She has been my mentor, challenging me to be more love. I am so grateful for the way our hearts now flow in such unity, how all the pain of the lessons we came to gift one another, has been fed to the flames. The ash nurtured the flowering that has bloomed so bright. I bought her a gardenia and pinned it on her as a corsage so that she could smell the sweetness of the love that she is to me. Sweet young woman, sweet heart of love. Liquid lovelight shining bright. 

Finding My Perch

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Oh, I love hot water bottles! Just hopped into bed to write this before sleep; clean sheets and duvet cover,  a gardenia wafting its fragrance from my nightstand, my feet warmed by my “bottle”. Ahhhh….heaven on earth is with me in this moment. I discovered tonight that when I am alone I sing to myself more. I sing my songs that amaze me as they come out…sometimes very silly and sometimes flowing with poetic rhyme. I have a few days of solitude once again. Spirit is gifting me this time to go within and be. I can feel that a gift is being offered and  that there is something for me to discover in this time. 


I went out for a walk to my hill of rocks in search of a spot of sunshine. I did not make it to the top of the hill as this tree called to me as I walked past. I pass him each day on my walk but had not stopped to connect to him. As I came closer I discovered that a branch had been sawn off many moons ago. It jutted out like a perfect seat. I tentatively tried it out. I had to reach up a bit to land my fanny on it, but once there, I discovered that it was a perfect fit for me. I pulled up my legs and crossed them, took off my  hat, closed my eyes and simply basked in the sun’s warmth. After a bit, I leaned back only to feel the delightful support of the tree branch. Truly, this was my giving tree (remember that story of the tree

who gave himself for the boy?). I sat for an hour or so in 
utter delight, drifting with the sun’s rays lighting up my closed eyelids with beautiful patterns and colors. Oh, I am made for this, I thought. Peace….deep peace given freely. It had been a few days since this feeling had been with me. I have been going through the emotional releasing process of this eclipse cycle which culminates with the approaching full moon/ lunar eclipse as Saturday dawns. Lots of sadness, lots of tears. Nothing personal that I could point to rather an impersonal emotion that needed an outlet. We are past the time of needing to understand the whys of how we feel. It is time to feel fully, giving expression to what is there and  to observe it as it makes its way on through. 


Let it all go. I am surrendering it all. I do not know what is next, I know we are moving at the end of the month. Perhaps my son with me for a time, perhaps each off to our own journeys. I know not. I am so appreciative of this tree and the peace that he granted me today. He helped me to find home again. To find that place of knowing inside that lets all else fall away. As a society, we are losing homes, jobs, relationships, health. All that we set up before we came into this life to help us find our way back home. As we lose the outer security, as we feel overwhelmed by the circumstances and conditions of our lives or those around us……we finally lay our heads down and surrender. We may howl a bit before laying down but at some point, we are too tired to fight or resist. We let it go. We can no longer figure it out with our minds. It is our hearts shining moment as we must turn inward to our hearts and let them lead. It is time for our hearts to show us the way. to lead us out of confusion and despair. 


This beautiful tree reminded me of a story that I had read to my kids when they were children. There was a farm wife who worked hard from sunup to sundown each day. her husband’s work on the farm was what got noticed and was where all the money went for labor saving devices. Her work in creating a home and all that entails, was unnoticed. She had no labor saving devices in the house. A young orphan boy comes to visit and he does not see only the barn and the male side of the farm but he sees her and takes note of  how hard she works. He asks her what is her greatest desire. She points out a tree up on the hill that she has longed to walk to, to sit under and watch the sunrise. For 15 years she has had that wish each morning yet has never been freed from chores to do so. She feels that if she can just get to that tree, she will breathe easier and life will be better. This sweet boy offers to do some of her chores so that she can take that walk. I am crying just from recalling this sweet story! It is Michael O’Halloran by Gene Stratton-Porter. She was my grandma’s favorite author as well as mine. She wrote many delightful children’s books that were filled with the love of nature as well as hearts. 

I think that it is time for all of us to take that walk to watch the sunrise. I am visualizing it for everyone on this planet. The freedom to live their dream, to know the peace that I found sitting in my tree. To have the time to notice the beauty that abounds. Look at this tree bursting forth its blooms that waved to me as I made my way back home. Purple and pink delight! Yesterday in my sadness, I noticed the litter on the street, the dog poop that assailed my nostrils and the sirens that went screaming by. I was the deciding factor in what was brought to my attention. I can create heaven or hell by what I chose to focus on. So, remember this quote that someone posted on facebook. It made me laugh as it is so true! Our thoughts can be quite fearsome, tormenting, ridiculous or glorious and uplifting.  I am choosing to listen to my heart, whether it is weeping or singing, it is one to me. It is life on this beautiful planet of ours. Hear me, oh universe….I AM grateful!
 

Accepting Our Grandeur

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Happy December! Today the sun was filled with such joy and sparkly energies. The day seemed to have many parts to it. I felt as if I am living out different aspects of myself throughout the day. It began this morning with a dream about El Morya. He is an ascended master who was the first channeling that I ever heard and the one who was dearest to my heart.  Mother Mary is my dearest feminine master. They are the two who I asked to serve as my father and mother in this life after my parents disowned me in my early thirties. My kids used to call El Morya, “Mama’s main man” when they were little. They were right. I am following a 7 week program of focusing on an ascended master each day and asking to go to their retreat at night to receive their gifts. El Morya was the one I was focusing on last night which was a joy for me. I recalled how I had channeled him recently and how he had shared that I was an aspect of him. Here is some information about him and the program: http://www.therainbowscribe.com/sevensacredweeks.htm

El Morya works under the authority of the Blue Ray representing God’s Will to the Earth. He gives assistance to all governments and stands by any of us desirous of doing God’s Will as the planetary servers of the Divine Plan. In previous embodiments, he was one of the three wise men making way to the Christ Child, King Arthur during the time of Camelot, Sir Thomas More, Akbar the Great, founder of the Mogul Empire of India. With great determination, he teaches us how to concentrate, to have unwavering focus, and to build our strength of character as this is in absolute divine alignment to the Divine Plan and Mission of Earth. His sacred fire of the blue flames gifts us with the Power of Command and expression of Divine Truth through all forms of our expression and media. His retreat is in Darjeeling and his electronic pattern is the chalice.
myiampresence.org
I was thinking of my beloved and it occurred to me that I had never heard of El Morya  having a divine counterpart as most of the masters seem to. I wondered why. I awoke from my dream feeling that I was El Morya’s beloved. Immediately my ego mind said, “Oh, please! Who do you think you are? An ascended master? Really?” Yet my heart felt this warm glow and I felt El Morya’s smile. The day moved on and I forgot all about it. After dinner I was sitting and knitting ( a long forgotten skill I am reclaiming) when the memory popped back in. I breathed it in and allowed it room even as my ego had a go again with his disdain. Just then a dear friend called who I work with in other realms. (do you see how Spirit arranged this call to reinforce the idea as it popped in……I love the timing!) I shared my dream with him in gratitude that I could without being thought mad. He said, yes, I can see that. He reminded me that we are gaining our ascended master selves and we will walk once again as brothers with the ascended hosts. So it makes sense that my beloved would be from that realm. Whether it is El Morya or not is not the point. Rather it is that I am being asked to expand my vision of who I am. I will be partnered with a being who matches my frequency as we enter this new earth. I am sure that this being will carry aspects of El Morya, being my other half how could he not, as I carry aspects of El Morya. I saw how the dream was an opening to more of me. To let go of any limiting ideas of who I am or what I can do. Rather to accept that I am a mighty being of light as we all are on this planet. We are all coded to wake up and play our parts in alignment with divine timing. We are being asked to move into our largeness and accept our grandeur. This photo that I took in Muir Woods of these mighty redwood trees holds this lesson for me. They are among the giants of the tree kingdom and they do not apologize for their height and beauty, nor do they stand there thinking themselves an apple tree when indeed they are a redwood. All trees are beautiful and have certain characteristics that make them special as do all people. Yet one variety of tree does not try to be another. They do not worry about comparisons. They simply are who they were created to be. I am being asked to own my tallness and to spread my branches heavenward and my roots deep into my mother’s heart. Tonight I am owning who I am. I am turning from the voice that says, “Why do you believe that you have to have a larger than life kind of life? I am agreeing with my friend who said, “You came here to do just that!”  It is what I was born for and I am finally at the time where the energies are arriving to support it. And as I claim my beauty, the path is widened for others to claim theirs. It is time. 

Hawk Medicine Woman

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Here is part of the walk that I took today. Aren’t the shadows beautiful! It has been a recent discovery, this lovely park that has a tremendous view of the city. You can see way out to the bay, watch the freighters moving their wares, marvel at the frenzy of buildings that make up the financial district, rejoice in the few spots of green that send out nature’s calls. I am so in need of the company of trees and rocks as the city’s constant energy surrounds me. This park is one of the best things that I have found. Golden Gate Park is amazing as is the ocean but I have to drive to both and there are days where I simply do not have the fortitude to engage in traffic. A walk is so much more in keeping with my being these days. The energies of this eclipse cycle seem to take so much…..with the dark descending so early it seems that the days melt into one another. Naps are essential times of deep communion with some part of myself. I feel as though I fall into a well so deep and it is not easy to come out. I honor all those who work in the day to day….I truly have no idea how you do it! I feel as though I am moving underwater, slow, slow. Lots of deep breaths and staring into space where time disappears. 

Can you see the freighters way out there beyond the city? Mount Diablo rising past the waters, school children’s excited voices echoing up the hill. A beautiful hawk flew overhead as my son and I made our way back home. He flashed his underbelly for me to see his colorings as he floated so lazily on the currents, circling over me. Sighting a hawk has always felt like a gift to me. I love them so. Ha…..this just led me to read about hawks as a power animal or totem. I knew them to be messengers and connectors to inner wisdom. But I clicked on a description of a hawk medicine person and it so fit me! I am a vision keeper and it went on to describe some of the challenges that I have faced from others:Hawk medicine people like many who carry strong predator totems may be shunned by others who sense and fear their inner power. Others may sense that this is a person who can see straight through them and as many folks think in terms of judging things as being good or bad, they are afraid that the Hawk person will see who they “really” are and so they strike first in an attempt to keep the Hawk person at bay. This resonated with me. It was illuminating to read more of the article:  Many of the messages Hawk may bring are about freeing yourself of thoughts and beliefs that are limiting your ability to soar above your life and gain a greater perspective….Hawks need to stay focused on Spirit as the true messenger and that they are the Hollow Bones for the energy to flow through. 

Copyright © by Lynx Graywolf





So I gained a new perspective as I had never thought in terms of carrying an animal’s medicine but I am owning that right now! I am a hawk medicine woman! I surely see that image each day as the hollow bones for the Creator to flow through and play upon. Love when we are gifted with this kind of synchronicity! 


I read an article today that resonated also for this eclipse cycle we are in. http://lightworkers.org/channeling/147573/what-expected-you-not-who-you-are. Brenda Hoffman does a great job of illuminating how you are not what is expected of you…..not by your family, your friends, your boss. She encourages us to return to our toddler days of truly expressing ourselves. The time of duty is fast passing. Being a duty girl, myself, I know how ingrained this can be. Holidays bring up so much of this in the family circle: doing what is expected rather than what fills you with joy. I believe that more folks are opting out of these limiting patterns this Christmas than ever before. With the Occupy Wallstreet movements, people are rethinking being pawns for the corporations with mindless spending in the name of love. I am hearing from friends who are opting out of the traditional family time that has become a duty and not a joy. We are called to honor ourselves by being with those who uplift us and allow us to be who we are at present rather than holding a mold from times past that we are meant to fill. Break the mold, step away from toxic relationships and empty spending and create what brings you joy. I have no idea what my Christmas celebrations will be but I know that the music, the candlelight, good food and companions of the heart top my list. I do not know how that will come together as my companions are scattered far about but even if I am on my own, I know that I can find it in my heart with no props at all. 









Solitude Continues and Brings Gifts

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Watershed day…quiet and alone for the most part. My sons are still away and my daughter and her love stopped in for a few moments to pick up their turkey and pie to take home. I was not feeling up to stirring from the couch today. Yet the world came to me. Don’t you find it interesting how that happens? I do get a kick out of the universe and how it works. I took this picture somewhere at some time in the past few months but my memory is shoddy. I can feel the mist on my face and my feet on the rocks as I climbed closer. Today has been a watery day…tears flowed as I felt so close to the Creator. I was in the bath, offering my heart after clearing it of any remaining cloudiness. I had done the exercise I spoke of yesterday from Peggy Black about healing our wounded heart. I was imagining my heart like a crystal bowl, so pure and clear. It felt crystalline in my chest. I allowed its tone to rise as I played it in honor of the Creator’s presence in my life. I offered it and myself as the hollow reed to play those notes of Her/His love on this plane. A new sound emerged that I had not heard before. It felt good in my chest and it carried me along for several minutes in ecstasy. Ah, so good to feel that passion arise once again. 



A friend called and was describing his back country skiing trip. I could feel the cold crisp day and sense the beauty and quiet of the wintry landscape. I love this newfound ability of late of getting the energetic download from someone through conversation. It is as if I am there with them and feel it all. So much transmitted through our hearts these days. I like to include new pictures that I take but today I sought out these old ones from this summer to convey the images that I felt. Water, snow….I have been craving a winter landscape with a fireplace and cozy indoor scene to enjoy it from. Trees hushed as the blanket of snow is laid on their shoulders. Frozen ground crisp underfoot. I can feel all this. Funny as Hawaii has been filtering in and out for the past couple, few weeks. But despite my love of warmth, the winter scene is what is speaking to me of late. Another friend sent a message from her mom that I will be gifted the land for my community and that it is in Oregon. Hmmmm……who knows. I know that it is coming but not any particulars. I did feel a jolt of happiness that someone was picking up that energy in the field. A confirmation. Bring it on universe, I am ready!


Another friend called to speak of her desire for greater mastery. She wanted to be clear in stating her intentions and to be unattached to how they were received. I was able to affirm for her that she was in her mastery, that we are masters. We expect it to be linear and in every area of our lives at once. Yet we can be masters of abundance, yet kindergartners in setting boundaries. We do not achieve 100% in every area at once. We are masters in training and we can claim ourselves as such. Indeed in the claiming, we become that. I am a master and I am continuing to evolve and grow. It is a never ending cycle. We strive, we reach, we attain, we fall back, we move……we are spiritual beings playing at this game on our beautiful mother earth. I am learning to know myself as a master and to feel such compassion and tenderness as I act or think in old ways. To see it all as one, not good and bad. Simply me being Linda on this earth plane, sometimes wise, sometimes childish, sometimes kind, sometimes harsh. Bringing as much presence and awareness to each moment as I can and knowing that all others are doing so as well. 


As we spoke, my friend spoke of retrieving a part of herself that had been killed when she spoke her truth. As we looked at that, we both saw her laying in state. I then saw the essence of this woman rise to enter and fill my friend. At the same time, she entered and filled me. I realized that this sleeping beauty (that is who she appeared as to us both) had been waiting for us to call her back. We can claim our master selves to return, there are so many parts of us wanting to enter in at this time. It feels good to have her here with me tonight. I know that I can speak my truth in these times. I can claim that power. It felt great to share this new connection with my friend, with whom I  share a deep soul bond. I love how we can help one another to remember who we are. 


In a meditation, one of my former names was given to me. Shazara. I like the sound if it. Shazara….sounds like a master with a magical cape and a wand! I invite her in to play. So you can see how a day spent alone can bring such gifts. My agitation of the past few days has departed and a deep peace fills me tonight.  I know that I am a part of this magical, mysterious life on earth and I feel such gratitude. I do not have to know what is to come, only to live each moment fully, accepting all that presents itself and allowing it to move me where it will. From the space of my couch, I visited waterfalls and snowscapes, conversed with Sleeping Beauty and Shazara. I felt ecstasy and peace. Truly I have been gifted in this day!





The Gift of Solitude

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I have had the last two days alone. How beautiful solitude can be. My sons traveled to Sacramento to work on building frames for my younger son’s upcoming art show. I was meant to go to a “No turkey” party the day after Thanksgiving and spend the night with my dear friend. I had been looking forward to seeing many old friends and connecting once again. Yet my emotional releasing has spread to include physical releasing also. Drip, drip of the nose, sore throat, fatigue and achiness has kept me put. My body is so gentle with me, asking me to sit quietly and be in the stillness. 


The clearing out of old emotions continued its program with me. Yesterday I watched three different romance movies on netflix’s instant movies. I cried and felt the pain of not having a partner in my life. Realized that I have not experienced romantic love very much in this life. It was there for the first years of my marriage and a brief storm of it last year. Not so much in a 55 year old life. So the mind does the why thing that yields no answers. Why do I feel so deeply, want so much, dream so big, why have I not met a man who loves the way I love? Easy to ask these questions, not so easy to know that I have created all my experiences so why have I not loved myself the way I want to be loved?  I did not want to find that peace inside…..I wanted to avoid it with movies but chose ones that cracked open my wounded heart. I knew what I was doing. One, Bride Flight, was particularly poignant, what does a woman do when faced with caring for young children and staying in an unhappy marriage or losing her children and going to the love of her life. There were lies and secrecy and following religions that beat down all expressions of joy. It was a period piece set after WWI, yet so much remains true today. Women are so brave. They are the ones who are on the front lines of the pain, seeing the suffering of their kids and trying to make it right through their own sacrifice. (Not to exclude dads as I know that there are times when it is the man who is left to hold it together and explain why mommy has left but for the most part it is the women who hold the family together). What a species we are, so often not expressing what our hearts are feeling. Today’s movie, Shadowlands dealt with unexpressed love. C. S. Lewis, the famous children’s author, married late in life and had his heart cracked open by his wife’s death four years later. He had lived an intellectual life  in the company of men that shielded him from navigating the emotions of the heart. His wife, Joy, allowed him to enter into that landscape of the heart that he had closed off from the time of his mother’s death when he was a young boy. Together they entered in to the joy of love expressed. Truly we are love, it is our natural expression and all that has sought to repress it, all the ways that we have been taught to block it off to protect ourselves, have been lies. Hearts love…..it is their natural state of being. 


Many cleansing tears for me. Crying it all out, all the times and ways that I had not been loved in this life, the ways that I had not loved myself.  A friend said to me today, “I am glad that I can cry.” I agreed as the tears are healing for our emotional bodies as well as for the earth. As we shed them, we water our mother and allow her a deep sigh. I watched and felt the struggles of the movie characters and knew their suffering as my own. And then the peace finally descends. I remember how surprised I was when I first discovered that at the bottom of the well of grief, there was peace. Who knew it was hidden there? I read a channeling from Peggy Black and her team of angels called Heal the Wounded Heart: http://www.therainbowscribe.com/healthewoundedheart.htm 
She speaks of the importance at this time on the planet to clear out our heart spaces to make room for that greater connection with the Divine. It is time to heal our wounded hearts. She gives a beautiful exercise to hold what you wish to heal in the chalice of your heart and set your intention to transform and release it. She suggests breathing into it and making the sound of it. This is very powerful . To give voice to the pain and allow it to release rather than remain locked up, this is the path to freedom.  Our mother’s heart feels our pain so in releasing it, we allow her release and freedom. She then has less need for earthquakes and upheavals as we each clear our part of her density. The eclipse energies are asking us to do this work now, revisiting all the old lingering wounds that still cloud our hearts. I marvel at how the universe orchestrates the bringing to us of all that needs to be healed. 


Feeling the blessing of the love that I am stream in from the Creator. Knowing the blessing of dear friends who love me and see me for who I am. Loving that I see me these days and know my own beauty. Grateful for my children who understand me and cheer me on. My elder son and I spoke today and heard each other’s hearts so clearly. Joy! There has been an agitation working in me as my soul works out this next step on my path. Knowing that there is a template of new relationships that my sons and I are creating and also knowing a change is on the horizon. Allowing myself to feel into it. Knowing that is the only way forward. 


I lay here and dreamt of this forest glade. I felt myself walking through it, marveling at the sunlight streaming through the branches. Loving the softness of the forest floor under my feet. I envisioned the first picture, the feeling of watching the sun as it rose through the clouds to announce the new day. I want these. I want a partner next to me to share this beauty. I want a community around me of folks who are co-creating with me…..art, gardens, raising children, animals, flowers. All of this I want. So I am dreaming it into existence. I will follow with inspired action where and when I am led but I know that the dreaming is the important piece. I want natural beauty around me. Being such a plant being myself, I need nature in close proximity. I want it feral and wild so that my heart can revel in its true nature as I dance and sing its vibration. For in truth, our hearts are wild places, full of untamed, dark and mysterious landscapes. We all long to dwell there, shivering with excitement as we walk the dark paths through the thickest growth, dancing with abandon in the moonlit spaces, floating effortlessly on the gentle waters, letting them carry us where they will.  


I have been blessed by this solitude, this journeying into my heart’s space. Tomorrow all three kids will be here for a repeat of Thanksgiving dinner as my daughter has been away. I am glad that I did not lay guilt on her for making the choice to go away with her love rather than being here with us, glad to allow the breeze of freedom to blow through our relationship. (A new pattern from the command performances that my family of origin demanded.) We will open our hearts to one another and ride the next wave. We can create it all anew, how we interact with one another, how we let our hearts sing. Sing a new song and create a new day. 











Emotional Cloudbursts

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Today is Thanksgiving and it has been a day of ups and downs for me. I am so grateful for the beauty of my life and yet even when the exterior shines, all is well, there is constant movement underground as I shift, release, engage, and evolve. Today is a new moon as well as a partial solar eclipse. We are in the last eclipse cycle of 2011 (from today till Dec 10th’s full moon which will be a lunar eclipse) and it is asking us to expand and then expand some more. It is a wonderful opportunity that we can take advantage of. In order to expand, we have to clear out the old to make room for the light that is wanting to fill our bodies. Remember the plan is for us to inhabit our light bodies, hence the light entering in. This is where all those strange physical symptoms come from that traditional medical docs can’t figure out. Headaches, joint aches, ringing ears, farting (yes, it is true with all the bloating), hot flashes, cold flashes, sensitivity to different foods…..the list goes on. It reminds me of being pregnant, all the weird and wonderful feelings that I experienced as I grew a person inside of me. I am pregnant once again with my new self. She is wanting to be birthed. I feel that I am in the transition stage….too far along to call out for the pain blocking drugs, (have had moments where I wished that I was someone who could take drugs or drink or escape somehow) nowhere to go but through, nothing to hang onto though moaning and screaming may help! I am not a screamer these days (had those days, believe me!)but deep sobbing and sighing.


The first pic is a view overlooking the city from a new park I found on an early morning, walk/jog through the mist with my son. Lovely! Recovered from last night’s cloudburst, literally a five minute deep sobbing session after seeing a pic posted by a friend on fb of my old love and his new girlfriend. This on the heels of a strange email from my former husband after months of no contact. The sobs came from the grief that neither is a friend, they would not go for the friendship and peace that I desired. And boy did I try over and over again. That has been a BIG lesson to me in this life, I cannot create peace with someone, only with myself. Neither took the high road in the end, could not face that and so to face me means to face themselves, therefore, no contact with me. Sigh…..heartache. All perfectly orchestrated to come into my awareness at this time to be felt and released. Nothing random about any of it.  Now I can say, thank you universe! I am preparing an empty room in myself where I know that I am worthy of love (wonderful gift from these two men, showing me where I did not love myself) and that I am love. I am so ready for the new. And let it be magical, please!

The day goes on and in preparing for our small, quiet Thanksgiving dinner, more cloudbursts. . I am currently living with my two sons in a small San Francisco apartment. My elder son pointed out that I 
was in the old mode of mom planning dinner… not being in the mo-ment but speaking out loud all that needed to be done in a manner
that felt stressful to him. He was right yet I did not receive it graciously as I felt he was being pedantic and that alright already, I got it, 
back off. Too many words. Oh, yes, such childish feelings. Left the 
room and gave into the cloudburst of sobbing. Victim consciousness descended who did the grocery shopping, who baked all day yester-
day…you get the picture….old,old feelings. Ok, try again. Watched the boys tying up the turkey and 
placing it in the oven in a new way, breast down (all the juice ends up in the breast meat this way). We did not have a roaster pan with a rack (all the things left behind with the house and marriage) so we 
laid it directly on the rack with the disposable roaster pan underneath to catch the drips. It actually worked well. Time to relax, turkey in the oven, vegies prepped. We sat companionably in the living room, me with a book and the boys watching a game on their computer. Peace. Took a lovely nap as the 
smell of turkey roasting seemed to have a soporific effect. Awoke refreshed and ready to finish up the 
meal prep. My younger son started making the stuffing, I wanted my older son to do it as it was his 
stated contribution so called out to the back garden for him to come in. Younger son says that I should not be pushing at his brother…do you see the cycle? Me trying to protect younger from doing too 
much, younger trying to protect older from my controlling ways, older following his own rhythm whichfelt like a cop out to me. Yikes, what a stew! Cloudburst again….descent into victim consciousness.
Time for me to go, do not want to be living here any longer…blahblahblah. Dry my tears and forgive
myself and each other. We are quick to do that and acknowledge our piece in the mix.


The dinner was a success, only one guest so quiet and lovely. Laughter, joy and grace descended.
So as I sit here with the candles and the vibrant orange-gold tulips, eating delicious pie and drinking 
tea, enjoying the laughter of these beautiful young men, I feel the blessing of this Thanksgiving. We all 
stated that we were thankful for ALL of it, the
tears, the misunderstandings, the old patterning,
all of it. We are creating a new way of being
together that drops old roles (yes, I had thought I
had finished this but it seems not) and sees us
relating as the mysterious, wonderful, amazing
masters that we are. We have experienced many moments in unity consciousness as well as mo-
ments of unconsciousness. We embrace them all 
as part of ourselves. The flashing billboard in myhead says, “Let go, let go, let go.” It truly is the 
time to let go of all that no longer serves so that 
what does serve, has room to enter in. I am amazed at how old these patterns were….it had been years since we interacted in this way. So strange how they can come back yet this is the final releasing of so much. Bring in the light, I am making room. Blessings and peace to all of you on this holy day of gratitude. Not the day I expected but the day that fit me perfectly.

Feelings of Thanksgiving in the Air

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I drove home from Thanksgiving grocery shopping and saw this view. My eyes welled up with tears as I felt such love for San Francisco, the low cloud bank that was illuminated by the setting sun, radiant in its depths, the cables for the electric buses, the buildings on top of each other……all of it seemed so dear. I love this city. I prayed for the city of divine love to be made manifest over this city and for the love and peace to permeate everything and everyone. I have let go of when and how but I have the knowing that it will come and that a huge part of my being is engaged in bringing it to fruition.


The past few days saw me falling back into old ways. I went through a scarcity fear as the numbers of my bank account fell below the figure my mind registers as comfort. That led to the old doing model…what can I do to make money? It has been a long time since I worked and brought abundance flowing in rather than flowing out. I have used these past years to allow a new relationship with money, seeing it as energy. I have enjoyed using it to support my kids, to support friends’ work as healers or artists, to explore new ventures and landscapes for myself. I had abundance from my half of the house from the marriage days. I chose not to own anything and rather enjoy the energy of the money in ways that brought me more joy. The thing that I forgot for a day or two was that we can no longer create in the new energy in the way that we did in the old. I knew how to make abundance in the old model, work hard and if that does not work, work harder! The new energies of creation are different. It is about following our bliss and trusting the universe to provide the abundant flow. It is about less action and more feeling. We have to feel the feeling that we want to experience, visualize it and let it go. Then wait for inspired action to manifest and follow it when it arises. There has been nothing in the old 9-5 way of working that interests me at all. The educational system as it stands, must fall away. I know that the new coming in will have a place for me as a teacher once again. Until then…

I am enjoying my art making. I have an idea for a body of work that I can then pitch to a gallery for a show. I would also like to begin to use my sound healing in some manner though I have to get over my aversion to the word, healer. I believe that everyone is a healer, the healer of themselves. And there are those who are gifted with healing hands and energy that can provide amazing assistance. My knowing has been that I am a teacher, known that since I was three years old. Knew it as my dharma. So…that term totally resonates and healer feels foreign to me. I asked for assistance last night before sleep and awoke in the middle of the night with the words, Heart Whisperer echoing in my ear. That is what I am to print on a business card. Been a long time since I have had one of those! I see that I could begin to offer services as one who listens to someone’s story, then reflects back the beauty of their heart (oh, this gets me so excited as my prayer each day is for every person to awaken to the beauty that they are). I would then allow whatever sounds chose to come through me to work with the energies that needed releasing or anchoring. I am ready to be more out in the world and to work with others. I like the idea of setting my own schedule and being able to do sessions in

person or through skype. There arises the fear…do I have what it takes to help anyone? Wonder if it does nothing? I read an article recently that said it is time to step out on faith and trust that your spiritual gifts will be given as they are called for.We have to take the leap and know that we will be caught. I know that I can see the beauty in others’ hearts, it is second nature to me and I know that there are times that I need others to reflect my own beauty back to me to truly see it. I can do this, I can be wonderful at this.Wait a minute, I AM wonderful at this! It is the thing that I am most passionate about..heart light, liquid love light. Those words fill my consciousness. I passed this passion flower on my walk today, its brilliant purple essence and its starburst of gold..yum! I am a passionflower of love!

I think that the Thanksgiving energies are here already. I am feeling so thankful for everything today and the world reflected it back to me. I had a call from a friend tearfully expressing her gratitude that I am in her life (gave me the opportunity to express the same sentiments back to her as she has been my elder sister in so many ways), my son brought me a cup of tea as I lay in bed this morning (bliss! He is an angel), I had delightful interactions with a number of the other shoppers at the grocery store (there was a feeling of excitement and joy that permeated the store), I added coconut to my standard oatmeal, chocolate chip, walnut, orange cookies, packed some for my daughter and her boyfriend for their Thanksgiving camping trip and received a text, “World’s best cookies!”. I arranged some new flowers and drank in their beauty. Blessings abounding.

I feel excited, energized, full of creative ideas. I am so appreciative as it has been some time. Even my body wants to move! Hurrah! The past couple of mornings I have danced to this song: The Long Time Sun by Snatam Kaur on utube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5tJvY_P9vg&NR=1 and it made my heart dance with my body. Joy!

Love and Rage……the dance

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This is my latest painting, first one done in my son’s art studio here in San Francisco. It is such a joy to paint side by side with him and critique one another’s work. Our styles and subject matter are very different but our sense of beauty is shared. Of course, my focus is divine love and the beloveds coming together. Yes, still waiting for mine to show up! Painting the feeling that I have, helps me to anchor it here in the physical. The golden chalice is a reoccurring theme for me. I believe that twin flame couples have a chalice that they fill with their love each day. I invite the Creator in to add Her/His light and love and offer it in service for the highest good of all. This painting brings my beloved closer as well as reminding me that he is always with me.


11-11-11 happened and much energy was moved. Exiting duality is tougher than I thought! This is a deity whose name I cannot recall from the Retreat into Snow Mountain that I did with Tom Kenyon. He said that this was one of the protectors who he called in to secure the space while we went through our transformations with White Tara and Black Tara. A fierce being who helps in destroying (releasing is a gentler word) all that no longer serves us. It seems that the energies of 11-11-11, released blocks that we had. Once released, all the emotions that had been stuck, could suddenly move. It felt a bit overwhelming to have old, old stuff coming up. I had to remind myself and friends who called, (love that we can share these experiences without judgment) that it was coming up to be felt once again before departing for good. Feel it, witness it, let it move one through is my mantra. I felt it was the final uncoiling or unwinding… please say it is so!! I found myself going into judgment of myself as I felt and expressed anger. My oldest son was bringing me his understanding of unity consciousness and my ego sprang into attack mode (see the claws on this creature!!) as I felt judged. My ego wanted to impress upon him that I have been on this path for longer than he, hence I should know more. Ha! He was being the mirror for me to see all the places where I was judging myself and not loving me. He did have new knowings that benefit me. So there was a fear that I was not so wise and wonderful. A fear that I had missed something and had gotten it wrong.

We have to love every part of our shadow. All the icky parts that we have hidden away have been released and are asking for love. “Will you love me, Linda even if I got it wrong? “On the heels of this melt down that involved all the ways that I have not been seen in this life, I interfered in the relationship between my sons. Yikes! Ok, duality consciousness again, judgment of myself again. Ego ran screaming, I want to live alone! What am I doing living with my kids??? As if that would protect me from painful things coming up. No, I know it does not work like that. I can be all alone and things will come up through a phone call, an email, an encounter. Life shows up and our higher selves are ever vigilant to continue bringing us what we do not want to look at. They know that until all is brought to the light of day and loved, we are bound. And we are freedom loving beings. We want to be free emotionally. We want to live our truth in each moment. We want to be the love that we truly are.

Surrender seems to be the name of the game over and over. Surrendering and returning to that place of peace and love in my heart. Calming the inner storm, allowing the truth of the love to make itself known once again. And loving the wild woman who surges out as in loving her, I am released from her. I am grateful for all of me that is showing up. I am grateful for the light that is filling in the spaces where I let go of the past. I am grateful for a new moment to begin again. I am grateful for all the loving hearts that reflect my love back at me. Thank you!

Walking in the city of Heartlight

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I was standing on a hilltop here in San Francisco, watching the sun go down. I felt so blessed to be able to be up so high and see so wide. The city lay spread out at my feet and I could feel the love vibrating from it. It truly is a city of love and heart. Each day as I walk about I see sights that make my heart sing. I do focus on the beauty as with any city there are parts that are waiting to be transformed back into the reality of love. Yesterday I took a walk and took a few photos of whatever captured my imagination.



I love the rainbow flags that line the Castro district where I am currently living. It is the gay district of San Francisco and in my mind represents freedom of expression. Each time I see this flag I feel that I am coming home (which I am) but in more than the literal way. I can feel

the hearts of all the men who had to stand up to cultural and family pressures to be able to follow their truth. There is a sense of acceptance here as most have had to walk a tough path to find their way home to their truth. This is the place where Harvey Milk lived his life of courage and opened the playing field by being a gay man holding a public office. There is the distorted side of sexuality that the world condemns and yet is fascinated by as evidenced by the tourists who come to walk on the wild side! You can pass store windows full of all kinds of unusual things, many of them involving penises as that is the side of homosexuality that gets all the press. But there is a heart side that is more the truth as there is in all relationships. The men (and women) here have asked to live in peace, to fly their flags and proclaim their right to love another man (0r woman). To have the same respect shown them as heterosexual couples. I am here to clear some of the sexual distortions and turn it back to the love that is the base of it all. In the end, that is what everyone is seeking, not a new sexual position rather to love and be loved.

The next thing that caught my eye was this beautiful garden that someone had created in front of their house. There were planter boxes on both sides of the sidewalk, full of sculptures, plants, rocks and delights. This clock was tucked amongst the greenery, showing its face with

its hands marking the twelfth hour. I did indeed feel that time stood still as I made my way through this little bit of paradise. From the harshness of the city streets, someone had taken the time to create a separate world. They did not concern themselves that someone might steal their treasures but put them out for all to enjoy. There were two comfortable outdoor chairs positioned against the wall inviting you to take a seat and a breath and still yourself, just like this clock. I was enthralled. This person or persons, has gifted the city with a reminder that life is good. A testament to his/their belief that people are good. An offering to allow a space of reflection to come back to the heart. To come back to the love. A simple walk, a blessed day. Breathe it in, the love is all around. We are asked to have eyes to see and hearts to feel. Everything is LOVE.