Author Archives: lovelylinda

I Am the Purple House

Posted on by
Reply

Watching myself these days, here in the void. It is truly amazing to see how many layers there are inside of us. You peel one back, (or twenty!) and find that you are in a new landscape yet again. You look around and say, “Hey, some of this feels familiar. I am tired of this, I want something new. New, do you hear me? Is anyone listening?”


Curled up on the bed, letting the headaches and nausea have their way. Another layer of surrender is at hand. You would think that I would be a veteran of the surrender game, after these last few years. Possessions, home, friends, place, predictable schedule, (any ability to predict a day ahead) ……..so much jettisoned on this path to mastery. Yet I stand before a door that requires a new level of surrender to enter in. I must surrender all of me that I have come to know in these last few years. All the hard earned wisdom that I gathered on my many miles of traveling about…over the side it goes. I have to “unknow me”. I read that phrase somewhere recently and it struck like a hot iron. Yes, that is where I am. The new earth requires letting go of all of the old and that includes any idea of who I am. My mind has many stories about the work that I do, the path that I am following. I am being asked to stand in the void and orient myself. There is no sun rising to establish East nor North Star to point out North. I am free falling in space and I am beginning to sense how to be at peace in this space. That is where the surrender comes in big time, let go, let go. No knowing, let go of the need to know anything. I sense that I can orient myself in my heart. I am still twirling and whirling but there is a center that I can almost grasp. I sense it rather than see it. I am moving closer all the time. It seems counter intuitive to let go completely in order to find my way. We are moving out of the reign of the mind and into the new reign of the heart. Takes a whole new set of skills. This free fall is the gateway.

Watching people move in and out of my life. A call from my former spouse (who had put me on the outs, do not contact list) expressing concern that I was in a dark place. His family (they read my blog?) had gotten that from my blog and alerted him. The interesting thing was that it was the drama that was the draw. The adrenaline rush of seeing a “problem” and wanting to get into the thick of it. Drama has been a way of moving through life for so long, going from problem to problem, feeding on the hit of energy generated. It was a strong thread in his family as it was in mine but the vibration feels so foreign to me now. It interested me how I can now see the energy behind the words spoken. We are moving into transparency where nothing will be hidden as we will all read one another’s intents. No longer will I experience that strange sense of being told something and having my heart feel the opposite. My mind would struggle with the contradiction and conclude that I was wrong in my read of it. Now I trust myself and my ability to read what is truly being said. This is my time as my truth telling open heart can sing its song and know that it is received with love by me, by my mother and father God. I will no longer abandon her to someone else’s truth.

That is the other thing, my heart feels like it has shattered, over and over. I have watched explosions taking place, like big fireworks inside as I felt my angels and guides step back, leaving me to myself. The void is all encompassing. I am understanding that is the way to the openness required. That is why I am seeking a protective space for a time. I cannot put on the covering that is required to walk about in the 3D world. I have to leave myself wide open, heart on fire, open to the air to burn brightly. I see the white fire and know that I am it. Purifying all, burning through the barriers, the protective coverings. I am reminded of the images of my Catholic childhood of Mother Mary’s and Jesus’ sacred hearts. A bit gruesome
to a child but I am understanding them in a new way today. All the darts and arrows turn to ash as every perceived wound or hurt is consumed.

I feel like this purple house I passed as I took a short walk in the city today. In many places, this house would be out of place. Too loud, too bold, too bright. Yet in San Francisco, it is just right. It matches the mood of the city. I am entering a land where I am just right. Where I match, where I know the right colors to wear and my heart light shines in delight. The welcome home sign is being prepared to be hung. Oh, I can hear the faint notes of the band tuning up. There will be a celebration as we enter in, heart lights streaming. (my new favorite phrase!)




Gratitude Returns as well as Acceptance

Posted on by
2

Thank goodness life changes and we can move into newness. After a few days of “stormy weather” in my being, I am experiencing a peaceful dawn. I had gone into a resistance mode to the sudden onset of physical detox symptoms as well as to the void that I found myself in. Taken together, I was ready to depart this plane. Nothing made sense as I could not touch anything. My usual delight in the simple pleasures of nature and people had departed. My desire for anything was gone, holding a vision seemed too heavy, my body seemed to have revolted and left me flat. What was there to hold onto? My faith that has been my pillar and rod, was sorely tested. I knew that I had come for this very time on this planet. I came to help birth the new earth. It mattered not, I could participate from the other side of the veil where at least I would see the big picture and understand my part in it. Where I would be in my lightbody rather than this physical vessel that felt too heavy and cumbersome. I called out to God to take me home.


She/He did not act on my request. She allowed me to find my own way home again. I am grateful for Her belief in my abilities. I am grateful to be back! I am grateful to smell these blossoms and delight in the colors and form. I am grateful for this tree outside the window. I am grateful for the talk with my son that helped me understand that I am not strong enough to camp in the desert right now. I am grateful for Marlene, the Rainbow Scribe writer, to be back from her vacation and for posting Hilarion’s weekly update that settled my heart this morning. http://www.therainbowscribe.com/hilarion2011.htm
I am grateful for a dear friend who has been my angel for so many years who has once again stepped in to offer me shelter when I need it. I did not want to impose and prayed for the energy to locate a safe space to be in for this transition time when my body needs rest. As my mind wrestled with Craigslist and looked through options, I felt more muddled and confused. But this morning, my guides have shown me that this dear angel is offering what I need and I am to be gracious in receiving. Not having a mother to turn to when you feel like a child who needs nurturing, has been my experience for the past 30 years of my life. I have had Mother Mary who has rocked me in her arms more times than I can count but I was in need of something on this physical plane. This friend has been that mother energy to me. How fortunate I am that she has continued to love and support me through all my changes.

I am embracing this void as the next stage in my evolution to becoming the butterfly that I am. I had thought that the five months of hibernation in San Francisco would have done the job but there is more to do. The chrysalis is breaking open, which was the impetus to packing my car and moving once again. I felt the faint stirring of air on my newly grown wings. I took that as a sign that I was ready to soar. When I came crashing down, I wanted out of the whole game. I felt cheated, manipulated, used. Every time I was in the magic and miracles realm, it disappeared before my eyes. And believe me, I had entered that realm time and time again over the past couple of years with my whole heart singing its song of love and oneness. Yet the vibrations around me did not yield and I was back in the lifting mode. Enough!

I see now what I had missed. I have watched a butterfly emerge from its cocoon. It struggles to break free from that confining crust. That takes energy a plenty. It then rests and oh so gently begins to unfold its wings. Even when the wings have opened and dried in the air, there remains a period of stillness as it adjusts to its new form. I can recall the butterfly sitting so peacefully in the sun. No longer struggling with the cocoon yet not ready for flight. I was dazzled that I could hold out my finger and it would gently climb aboard and rest with me. So open and vulnerable and trusting.

That is me. I am craving stillness and rest as I unfold these new wings and adjust to life in a new form. I feel hyper sensitive to energies and vibrations. It feels like I have no skin, no boundaries in this new body. There is still detoxing to go through as the physical vehicle is being changed to its new crystalline form. I am in the process of metamorphosis. As I breathe into this new space and see myself as that butterfly, I feel such compassion for myself and all my brothers and sisters on this planet. We are so courageous and beautiful. We open our hearts wide and trust that life will treat us gently. We know that is our birthright, to live in a world that supports and embraces open hearts of love. Where there is no need of defenses nor boundaries as there is only love.

The tears and gratitude flow as my heart expands in this new space of love. I can embrace myself as I unfold these gossamer wings of light, that I now know, will carry me into the light of the new land.



Recalibrating

Posted on by
Reply

After a few days in Morro Bay it was time to be off again. The drive through the hills was so lovely. I sang and said my ho’oponopono

(‘I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you’) as the miles went by. This oak tree called me to stop and spend some time with it. I loved the lichen and moss covering it in gray greens and yellows. So twisted and scarred yet so majestic. Something in me resonated with her (she felt feminine to me). So firmly planted on the earth even though to appearances, she looked off balance with the weight of her limbs listing to port. She knew who she was and there was a strength and dignity to her that infilled my being. I drew a deep drought of her essence into myself and felt a firmer connection to my mother as my roots mimicked hers and tapped into Gaia’s heart. She let me know that I, too, was beautiful even if to outer appearances it may look as if I am off balance in the way I live my life. This dear oak reminded me that our mother sees and knows our beauty and will reflect it to us if we ask. That is my truth. My mother loves me and I love her.


I passed through the wildflower covered hills, enjoying the purple lupines and fields of yellow flowers. The gentle hills rolled under Maxie’s wheels as she laid down her tracks of rainbow

light as we moved along. Then the clouds moved in and the rain

began. I had planned on visiting the poppy preserve, an area where there are hillsides exploding with California orange poppies. The rain gave me a new direction. I had been experiencing bouts of nausea and headaches for the past couple of days and these increased. When I came out of the hills and hit a town, I stopped at a store to see if there was anything that I could eat that would quiet my stomach. The rain became a downpour and I could not navigate in it. My daughter called and asked me to join her for an upcoming race that she wanted to participate in . I agreed to change direction and head north as my physical condition precluded me heading to the desert to camp. I realized that I was not feeling strong enough to follow that path at the moment. I love to camp and the desert had been calling me but I knew that I needed to feel more fully present in my body to do so. My body has been recalibrating from all the recent upgrades that this past week has brought. I need to get to know this new me and allow it to settle in. I have to be gentle with this process and care for myself during it. I saw myself like a baby, wrapped in a giant leaf, being rocked by mother earth and tended to by my Mother/Father God. Ahhhh, that felt nice!

I made it to a hotel and took a long hot bath before falling into bed. A rough night where I wondered about this ascension process and whether or not it was time to return to home. I felt free from any ties, felt ready to move to the light. I surrendered to that light. The morning brought sunshine and a lightness in my being. I called my son and drove the few hours to his place. I knew that I needed some connection and anchoring. He embodies that strong earth energy in a masculine form. Exactly what I needed! We cooked and ate greens and root vegies which further anchored me. Now I am awake in his room that has a bank of windows on two sides, allowing the morning light to stream in. I slept well and deep which was a blessing. The birds are singing their morning song and a nearby church is ringing its bells on this Saturday morning. I have no idea of my next step but this moment feels rich. Having no home and anchor can be a challenge when the body is undergoing changes. I know that my anchor is internal as is my sense of home. I do carry it with me yet I will be glad to find a place where I can put down roots. To awaken each day and walk on land that knows me in a more intimate way. I know that I am being guided. I trust in diving timing. It is there awaiting me and I shall know it. For today, I will lean on my son’s strength and draw sustenance. There is the grace.

I AM the lighthouse of love

Posted on by
Reply

The birds are singing their delight in this morning of sunshine. I awoke and threw on some clothes quickly to join my friend for her walk up the hill to see the sunrise. My body started out strong, enjoying the climb and morning dew. Before I reached the top, I was out of fuel. Need to carry that packet of almonds and dates with me at all times as well as water. My body is so sensitive these days, too hot, too cold, nausea, fatigue, dizziness…like being pregnant. It makes sense as I am in the process of birthing myself anew as is our mother. I am mirroring her birthing pangs. We are all becoming crystal beings of light. Once I reached the top, I sat and allowed the sun to fill me up with fuel for the return trip. I drank her in like an elixir.


Yesterday I was visualizing myself as a lens from a lighthouse, refracting light all around. I had passed one that day, displayed on the street of Cambria. Huge and beautiful. Later I read a meditation from Archangel Michael channeled by Carolyn Ann O’Riley:
In the meditation, the Creator asks you to visualize yourself as a lighthouse, beaming your love out to the world. I LOVE when my thoughts are confirmed so quickly, it is fun! We are all getting the same messages of love, connecting our hearts. The crystalline grid that surrounds the earth is the planetary Internet and it carries information quickly to and fro. A friend posted a utube video of a virtual choir that was such a wonderful example of how interconnected we all are. It gave me chills as it is an example of how the new earth operates.
I do love facebook for all the beautiful songs, messages and thoughts that others share. It is a morning smorgasbord of delight.

I experienced so much shifting yesterday. I kept feeling that I was falling between worlds and would feel a jolt as my body reoriented itself. The ground felt fluid, I felt fluid. I wrote to thank Carolyn for her meditation and she told me to see how much further I could expand my light, so that is what I was practicing. Sending my heart light out far and wide. It took me into an altered reality. I am also beginning to embrace my own worthiness more and her meditation truly spoke to my core, knowing that I am on point, being who I came here to be. The anxious mind seems to have settled and there is a deep peace permeating my heart. Today I am ok with the uncertainty of the future, ok with not knowing what tomorrow will bring. I am breathing deep and relaxing into the flow. I saw a vision of myself in the desert with the spring flowers and it is calling me for some deep connection time. I have not been a desert woman, love the water so. But I am feeling the expansiveness that the desert is ready to gift me. I am open to receive.



Dark and Light Side of the New Moon

Posted on by
Reply

Driving along the coastal range of California, admiring the gently rolling hills dotted with oak trees, I feel such a love for my adopted state. My sense of time has disappeared. I know that it has been quite a few days since I have written. Images are swirling in my mind of what has transpired. Attended a “miracle method” workshop on April 1st which fit in with my idea of this truly being the miracle month. Energy is an interesting thing, you know it is all around you, it is us. So did I receive a transmission of new energy? Or was it the emperor’s new clothes, can’t see it but belief makes it real? I do believe that I received some activation but I also realized that I can call that forth on my own, without an intercessory. Good to know! This is a sign of more of myself coming into my being. I am understanding more of my power.


Saturday was the dark side of the new moon and so time for shadow stuff to come up. Mine did in a big way. I felt irritable, my mind wanted some control back, wanted to push and pull things into submission. I felt anxiety run through me. It was interesting to witness as I had not felt these emotions in some time as I have shifted into more of an allowing mode. But there they all were, as bold and brassy as you please, demanding attention. I was driving to have breakfast with friends. Google maps showed that Hwy 1 on the coast took the same time as driving inland on Hwy 101. I started off, it was foggy so it seemed that 101 was the best route as it was direct with few turns. My hit was to take it. My mind then taunted me, “Oh, taking the safe route. Why not drive along the coast, the fog may lift. You can follow the directions you wrote out, be bolder.” When my mind is a bit spacey, I tend to take the easier route so as to not have to think. Took the scenic route, fog did lift and the ocean was its magnificent blue self rolling in. Then came the road up into the canyon which curved and jogged along for miles and miles. Many miles past google’s description, and my irritation levels rose higher and higher as Maxie and I climbed the canyon. Finally called to see if I was anywhere in the vicinity of my friends. Arrived with a big sigh of relief. Day floated on by, Eagle was interviewed by a guy who has traveled the world interviewing spiritual

leaders.Eagle had been doing lots of interviews on this trip and the excitement this time was that after initialing refusing to be interviewed, his partner, Shannon agreed to participate. Lovely to see a sister stepping into her power! I encouraged her to step into her role and she encouraged me to let go of heartache and begin to get out there with the men, shining my feminine light. These were the folks who were with me when the last relationship began. Of course, the universe lines it all up for the release at the perfect time! I love how it all works. I was gifted with affirmations of how far I had journeyed on my path which is always so good to hear. I was encouraged and supported and loved even though I asked Chief if I could help him get into his “costume” when it is called “ceremonial regalia”. Sparked a discussion of honoring all things, all paths and how vocabulary can limit the heart’s intent. Eagle loves to joke and laugh so it was all good.


I had also taken time in the day to have an angel reading with a new young friend that I had made on facebook. I love supporting folks who are doing

their heart work so I had scheduled a reading. The time came not long after I arrived at the house where my friends were staying. Cancel the call or take it? Took some letting go for me to go outside and talk for 45 minutes. Totally against my “good guest” mode but it felt right to do. Decided to relax into it. A lovely experience. Archangel Metatron showed up which was fun as I had recently been speaking to him in my mind. He gave me assurance and told me that there was one thing I had forgotten. He said that I knew how to connect to Gaia’s heart and give her love but did not take the time to allow her to gift me. He said that she needed my permission to give me her gifts. That was a revelation and it has been a new and beautiful experience for me. Our mother earth wants to show us her love, just as we desire to honor her. Lovely! I was reminded that I can manifest my heart’s desire through my joy. Truly time to let go of any expectations of the timing or look of anything that I desire in my life. Be the joy and peace and all will come. I KNOW this deep inside but it felt far away at this moment as frustration, irritation, and anxiety strutted their stuff.

I left before dinner as I had planned on staying with a friend that was 3 hour drive away. I had expected to arrive in the early afternoon and now it would be 9 pm. The anxious energy that was running in me, kept me thinking of the next step instead of staying present. That can be the burden of plans yet meeting up with folks that I love is a joy. Fortunately, I am blessed with friends who get that I may or may not show up as planned. I was wishing that I had stayed for the night but as I drove I spoke with a friend who helped me release all this intense energy that was running through me. I realized that I needed the time alone in the car. I love to be with folks but then I need to be with myself to process the energy and come back to my own center. Especially all this new moon energy that was throwing me for a loop!

I drove along, stating my intentions to the universe and using my friend’s new tool. Instead of simply “releasing” my mental programming around control, I could state my gratitude for how it had helped me feel safe in my life, and then hand it up to my angels to place it in my akashic records. It was part of me, I did not have to negate it or toss it. I could simply hand it up to go in the records as a part of my life. It had a gentler and more honoring quality to me. I was amazed at all that came up to go in the record book. I do not have to carry these habits any longer. I witnessed how they had served me and then allowed them a place to reside. The drive flew by as I was busy, crying and laughing. As each thing was placed in the records, I felt lighter and lighter. Freedom blew in the window and each breath I took felt deeper. I was so ready for an upgrade! Ready to move from my head to my heart. I want to live and move solely from my heart. I want to speak the language of love, be love, feel love, receive love.

I felt so happy and light. I told my friend that I felt that I was finally not too much nor too little, that I was just right for this time on the planet. She laughed and said that I was like Goldilocks, I did not have to sleep in the bed that was too hard nor too soft, but could cuddle up in the one that was “just right” for me! Nothing was too hot or too cold, all was “just right”. What a relief! Truly for the first time in this life, I feel that I belong. I know that I have gifts to give and that I was born to this time. I know how to move in this energy and to begin this co-creative process that we are embarking on with Gaia. My heart sings with this knowledge and the joy is immense. Hear me, oh universe, I AM grateful!

When I arrived at my next spot, my phone kept ringing. I did not want to speak, having just arrived and needing to connect with my friend before collapsing in bed. It had been an intense few days and the intense head pressure and nausea were still present. I finally took the call at my friend’s request to end the ringing (could have turned it off) to check on someone dear to me. She needed me to help her shift a big upset in her life. I told her I loved her but simply had no energy at the moment. A big boundary setting experience for me as I knew that she was hurting. Honoring my needs before another’s, has been a steep learning curve for me. I told her that I could speak in the morning. Another layer to an already multi-layered day.

The next morning was the new moon and it was with such joy that my friend and I climbed the nearby hill to honor the occasion. We dressed in her belly dancing skirts so that we

could be wind chimes on the walk. She is a fairy child and knows how to play in a big way! I took my ceremonial pouch and laid out a crystal mandala, we made an offering of tobacco, took off our shoes and danced and sang on the rocks. It was so lovely to see the misty morning come alive. I asked which crystal wanted to be gifted to the earth, and sent it flying into the bush with love and gratitude. We packed up and skipped and danced our way down the hill. Here is my friend dancing along in her beautiful colors. I love how free she is in her joy. She gives others permission to be in their joy as they see her feminine beauty expressing itself. It is time to be our authentic selves and not hold back for fear of what some might think . To set boundaries though others might not understand why. To flow with life’s timing rather than following the linear dictates of society. So much is up for change and movement. We have been taught to play small when in truth, we are mighty beings who crave freedom above all else. This new moon is in Aries, a time of new beginnings. Time to step boldly and claim the beauty of who we truly are. I am seeing myself more clearly and I am so beautiful!

Spring Cleaning, inside and out!

Posted on by
Reply

Lesser egret along the swiftly moving river. He had beautiful yellow feet, a yellow tint on his long legs and yellow markings around his eyes. Quite the dandy looking fellow!


A beautiful spring day. I began with a lovely cup of coffee at a dear friend’s house where I had spent the night. It was a treat to share her and her hubby’ s art and light filled space the night before. We had had fun cooking dinner together after an afternoon picnic down by the river. Laying back on our blanket after eating our sandwiches and cookies, we were content to sigh and drift on the sounds of the running river at our feet and the birds calling in the air. We saw two black butterflies flitting about and after quite an enchanting dance, they mated in mid-air. Later on our walk, we noticed a hawk in a tree, our eyes followed as he flew to another branch where his lady love sat. They began their mating act, high above us. No wonder I am falling in love with everything these days. Truly spring is in the air!


I said goodbye to my friend and went off to the dentist for a cleaning. This was taking care of myself in an overdue area. My friend had marveled that I was able to get an appointment on such short notice ( I called the afternoon before). I appreciated her comment as it reminded me to be grateful for the way life is lining up for me these days. I have become used to it yet do want to remain aware and appreciative of each synchronicity and blessing in my life as they happen. I know that what I focus on expands and I am expanding this flow in my life.

One of the things that came up with my friend was the weight of her office “mess”. I did not
see it as she said that it was off limits and she used the word, shame to describe how it made her feel. This was a red flag to me as it is time to let go of shame, guilt, blame…all of it. I recalled that this had been a weight that she had spoken of a year or two before so mentioned that perhaps it was time to release it. We spoke of how paperwork can seem personal and how would anyone else know how to sort through it all. I told her that there were folks who loved to organize and set up systems who would know exactly how to approach the task. I suggested that she gift herself by hiring such a person. She said that she would think about it. I believe that it is time to do whatever we can to let go of things that weigh on us. Literally, they do weigh down our energy. They are usually tasks that we are not gifted at. I know that I spent time feeling guilty that I did not know how to be “smart” about finances. It was not an area that interested me. We each have beautiful gifts and it is time to recognize what ours are and what they are not. We can use the services of others in our community, supporting them to utilize their gifts as we are supported to use ours. Money is energy and freeing yourself from an emotional burden, is worth far more than an object or a dinner out. Spend your energy (i.e. money) in ways that liberate you. Spring cleaning is a healthy thing to do on an energetic level as well as the physical level. We can pare down, de-clutter and simplify the space inside and around us.

It is a symptom of modern life to walk about with burdens that are ever present. As much as possible, now is the time to do whatever is necessary to identify and let go of our burdens. To be in the present moment requires that all of us show up. When we carry worries and concerns, some part of us is engaged in carrying that baggage. I know that I have been graced with a life free of many of my former concerns as I no longer own much of anything and my family is grown. It has been a huge freedom for me and I believe a big boost in my ability to be in the present. I have a yearly car insurance bill which is required to register a car in California, my cell phone and credit card bill (I like the ease it provides when I am traveling). Even two things a month, seems too much to me at times. I do not like my mind to be taken up with many details as I need so much space to drift in. Lately the drifting is so delightful that I want to be free to be there more and more. It is a quiet, peaceful space that is filled with a sense of well being.

Modern life takes so much energy. There is all the time spent doing the work that brings in the money to operate the home, then the buying and maintenance of the things that fill the home, the care of the garden, the house interior and exterior, the pets, children, the paperwork, bills and all the rest. We are meant to know how to do it all and keep it all moving. Truly, we have been enslaved by a system that requires us to spend so much of our energy simply to exist. Once you step out of it a bit, the lies that we have been fed about what constitutes a successful life, begin to show themselves. There has to be a better way.

The birds sitting high up on their nests (on the middle tree, far in the distance) know a better way. They are at one with their environment and one another.

The new earth that we are stepping into will be one where we have so much less. And yet we will find that we have so much more. More time to enjoy one another, more freedom to create, more sharing and more space in our heads. Spring is here and inviting us to shed our winter coats and expose ourselves to the sunlight. Therein lies the metaphor for embracing this new light. Shed all that you can; possessions, habits, thoughts, emotions. All that no longer serves who you are becoming. Expose your hearts and throw your arms wide to the sunlight that is streaming in. It is the light of our Mother/Father God wanting to fill us with love. Let us make room for this love and transform ourselves and our earth. Oh, the beauty that awaits takes my breath away!


Spring Expansion

Posted on by
2

A new day, a new dawn. We have truly stepped into a new world. The clarity is flowing in and will continue to open us all to our higher truths. Peace is beginning to permeate the planet from deep inside our mother’s heart. It is asking us all to find peace in our lives on many levels. I had a phone call from someone who was once a friend. As I have shifted my vibration over the years, many friends have dropped away and new ones have come into my world. This used to be emotional for me. I had this feeling that I had to hang on to everyone that I loved. The parting was wrenching for me. I have learned over the years to flow with life more and understand the cycle of beginnings and endings. All is in divine order. It is the way of the universe. Nature offers us such a gift if we take the time to look. Her constant cycle of growth and decay is a schoolroom for us to study in. She does not try to hang onto her leaves when autumn comes, this butterfly did not decide that change was too scary so let’s stay in the chrysalis. No, she expanded her wings, fragile as they were, into the light of the new day.


Due to the nature of who I am, as these friends have dropped away over the years, there has often been an energy of anger directed at me. The other fears the change they see in me and use the anger as a weapon, hoping to keep me contained and their world steady. At first, this was hard to bear and my heart has experienced many sorrow filled moments due to this. Yet, I have come to see what is behind the anger and know that it is not personal to me. The other day, an old friend called to apologize for this. It was a sweet call and we were able to communicate the love and caring that had always been there. Truly it is a matter of vibration. As our vibrations change, we no longer resonate in the same way and it becomes increasingly uncomfortable for both parties which is what provokes the break. There is no blame or shame in this, it is simply a universal law. Like attracts like and we are in a state of constant motion to an ever evolving state of oneness with Source. We are all in our perfect place, receiving the lessons that we need to move us closer to our best and grandest version of ourselves.

I am letting go of the idea that I am too much for everyone. I am finding folks that resonate where I do and I am just right for them! My higher self is giving more and more glimpses into my own beauty and radiance. This is a new energy, not ego based. I am seeing my power and claiming it in a way that would have felt like aggrandizement to me prior to this. I am understanding my truth and no longer being surprised by the company that I keep. I am understanding the beauty of my energy field and how many folks want a piece of it. I am learning discernment. I am honoring myself by choosing who and what I allow to enter my field.

The past two days have held some sadness as I am letting go of where I have been. My daughter came home from her weekend away saying that she felt a need for more space. All three of us have known on some level, that our time together was coming to an end. I had felt the web around me vibrating with some new movement. It did not crystallize until my daughter articulated her feelings. All of a sudden, my inner knowing lit up and I knew that Maxie (my faithful 16 year old car) and I were to be traveling in the world again. A wave of grief went through me and my son, daughter and I hugged and gave gratitude for the gift of

these past few months. I had come for a few days stay and had remained for five months. None of us foresaw that but it is what came to pass. We created a mini community of support and nurturing love. So, I am not quite sure of the dance or flow at this moment but know that there will not be weeks of time remaining in San Francisco. I will pop back to take stock of the things that have gathered around me in this length of time (yes, books and art and stuff) and sort and let go so as to travel light once again. I am heading to Ventura, in Southern California later this week for a workshop and my knowing says that there is something for me to experience there. I have no idea where I will be led but am trusting the process once again. A wave of uncertainty presses in as I float out into this untethered place once again. I breathe deep and reassure myself out loud, “You are fine, love. One step at a time and all is well. Trust the process.” My heartlight is turned on and I am following its beam.

















Stepping into Mastery

Posted on by
Reply

This is a mural on the side of house that Jimi Hendrix’s lived in in Haight Ashbury. My daughter used to live in a room in this house. I was a bit young for the flower child time but it seems that Jimi expressed as much Jimi as he could in his very short life. He died at age 27 but he is considered to be the greatest electric guitarist of his time. He fit his piece of the puzzle into the whole. He was being his Jiminess.



Today was my first time out at in a group setting in quite awhile. I went to an all day workshop by Lee Harris. He did a beautiful video of 2011, http://www.youtube.com/user/LeeHarrisEnergy )and writes monthly energy updates. Young man from England, very sensitive and sweet energy. He channels a few beings and so we experienced a couple of those channelings today. The focus was on caring for our bodies as we go through these intense times of planetary and personal release of so much fear and negativity. Our bodies are the tools through which the energy gets processed. Water is the conductor which flushes the energy through our systems. So, yes, tonight I am drinking glass after glass of water as there was a great deal of energy moving through the group today. I have had an appreciation of my body elemental (yes. it is an elemental just like the fairies, undines, gnomes and all the rest) for some time now but it is a good reminder to check in often as to what it needs and what it is telling us. Our bodies are a storehouse of wisdom, of our stories, of so much of who we are. The channels emphasized the importance of giving yourself body work such as massage or reiki to help move energies that are releasing as well as dancing, running, swimming or whatever brings your body joy as it moves. For me, I know that my body is craving hot water. Anyone want to go to the hot springs with me? I need a long day of soaking and sauna. I can feel my body asking and I have told her that in the next couple of days, we will do this.

A couple of tools were given for releasing energies. One was to put your issues, problems, concerns into a balloon, see it floating above you and imagine cutting the string that ties it to you. Allowing the old energies to float away. They stressed that you did not need concern yourself with letting go as anything that was needed, would definitely show up again in your world. Another tool was imagining ourselves in a hot air balloon, riding in the sky, letting g
o of the weights inside so as to ride higher and higher. The weights were packages that as you picked them up, you asked them to tell you what they were before dropping them over the side. They were my concerns or recycled thoughts about an issue that I could now let go of. As Lee was channeling this scene, before he got to the second package, I had already tossed all
of mine overboard in my imagination. I was so ready to be free and to fly higher!

As the hot air balloon rose, we came closer and closer to the sun. We were bathed in the sun, it was calling to us. I began to sob as it felt like it was calling me home. I filled myself with its energy and we were instructed to keep that energy for ourselves, to nourish ourselves as we go through these challenging times. I am going to remember to return to this meditation in my mind, this refilling my center with the sun’s energy. Allowing myself to be the sun, radiating my light into the world.


Lee made a good point as he said that we are all feeling the trauma of losing some of our brothers and sisters. Even though we know that all that is transpiring is part of the ascension of our planet and ourselves, we still grieve the loss. We have to be gentle with ourselves as we honor our grieving process. We are all one and it is being felt more and more. We are feeling
our hearts opening wide with the divine love that is streaming in. The disasters fuel this love and compassion on a global scale. Picture of part of the city in the mist as I walked to the workshop today.


We are in the time of mastery. We are being asked to step up and be more of who we truly are. We are being asked to shine our lights and no longer hide for fear of censure or rejection. It is time to speak our truths, master our thoughts and let our heart lights shine. We want to live in a world of peace, harmony, abundance for all and so much joy and love. So we have to have a mind that thinks peaceful thoughts, a heart that embraces one another as self, eyes that see through the mist of the personality to the beauty shining there, ears that hear the fearful child when anger is being expressed and arms that can reach out and hold the other through those fears so that harmony can sing its notes. We do not have to carry the weight of the world, yet we are responsible for our own weight that adds to the world’s. We have to carry the weight of our interior world.

To have a peaceful world, our inner landscape needs to reflect that peace which we choose. That means peace in all of our relationships, whether we do that on a physical level or energetic one, it matters not. What matters is coming to a place of peace and resolution in our
hearts. We are past the time when we can carry grudges, resentments, old hurts. All must be released if we are to birth this new earth for ourselves and the generations to come. We are being asked to care for ourselves first and foremost which goes against the training that most of us were raised with. We are being asked to honor our deepest desires and no longer give our energy away to support someone else’s dream. We are being asked to step out of the old service mentality that has been deeply imprinted in many of us. This is a paradox and one that caused me much confusion as I tried to understand it. What is true for me now is that my first responsibility is to my own happiness and joy. If I am to emanate love and joy, my tanks have to be filled with what brings me that joy. I know that doing for others, caring for others can bring joy but so often it gets out of balance. Especially for women who have that care taking role deeply ingrained as well as some men who express more of their feminine energies. This forces me to look at why I am doing something. Is it because it brings me great joy or because I think that I should do it? Do I do it because it makes others believe that I am a nice person? Do I do it so as to not create conflict or difficulty? Amazing how much of my life was lived out of duty. The patterns still show up occasionally but I recognize them quickly and can move in a more authentic direction.

I had a reading a couple of years ago to discover what my core wound was. I was told it was duty. I believed that I had a duty to do good, to be good, to serve. I had to turn it around to duty to self. To care for myself, to honor my passions and desires and put myself first. Once I did this (a learning process that continues) I have begun to see that the greatest service that I can offer the planet, is being the most Linda that I can be. Dancing, shining, twirling my Lindaness out into the world. Does it seem too simple? If I am in my joy, the world can be in joy. If I am expressing gratitude, the world is expressing gratitude. How simple and sweet it all is.

There was a young man who had traveled all the way from Mexico City for this workshop. He had the most soulful eyes and open heart. He felt so alone in his city and country as he had no one who thought like he did. He had found Lee on line so had made the journey to have an opportunity to connect. He spoke with Lee and shared how he had cared for his mother through an illness and was now caring for his girlfriend through hers. He wanted to leave his relationship with the girl but felt guilt due to her illness. Lee helped him to see that we can get caught up in believing that there is no one else to do the job. That it must be ours when if we truly believe in a limitless universe, we would know that another would be sent in our place. Sometimes we have to step down or out of a role in order for someone else to have the opportunity to grow into that role. If we follow our heart’s desire, it will lead to our highest good and that can only be for the highest good of all. It is not possible for our highest good to be in contradiction to anyone else’s. In this unity consciousness that we are entering, only that which is for the highest good of all, will grow and be sustained. Our egos can lead us to believe that we are irreplaceable and a job must fall to us, even if we do not like it. Our ego is being fed with the idea that we are doing good but we do so much more by doing what brings us joy.

The truth is that we each carry a gift that no other has. We each have a piece of the grand
puzzle. If I am busy helping you fit your piece in neatly, I am leaving a void where my piece belongs. That is the wonder and magic of the Divine, of our Creator. That what is our greatest joy, what makes our heart sing, is our piece of the puzzle. That simply floors me! What I love to do, what seems as simple as breathing, what makes time stand still…that very thing is my piece of the puzzle to contribute. Whew, what a relief! You could see this young man’s face as he felt the relief, the permission to move in the direction of his own joy. As Lee told him, your friends and family may resist your moving from Mexico (he knew that he must leave, it was not his place on the earth) but in time, they will see how good it was for all. This young man will bring his joy back with him when he returns for visits and will open the door for others to find the courage to make a move for their heart’s desire.

A full day for which I am grateful. Shared some talk and laughter with a few of the women over a yummy Indian food lunch. Enjoyed the meditations and inner journeying. Lee felt that I would be rooted somewhere within in the next three or four months (yes, my community wil
l be birthed!) and he affirmed my heart’s ability to create love on any level that I desired. I

shared a deep connection with Alejandro and will begin an email and facebook correspondence with him. He needs community and support and the Internet makes that
possible. I have a knowing that I will see him again. The deep looking and seeing of one another’s hearts was a jewel that I pocketed. I collect these jewels and string them on a necklace that I take out at night before sleep. I finger each jewel lovingly and feel gratitude for each one’s beauty and light. My gratitude necklace that adorns me with heart light.
This was part of a piece of art that I saw the other day. I loved the jewels and colors and patterns!

Trusting that the Universe Has My Back

Posted on by
Reply

This was one of the pieces from the art and flower exhibit I attended last week. It speaks to me on a deep level. The veins in the leaves are made out of branches and twigs. The image of leaves is outlined by real leaves, one thing forming another. Am I the leaf or am I the branch? The leaves are transparent, like I am becoming. Am I Spirit or am I this body? It is the illusion within the illusion.


Each day, I am discovering on a deeper level to trust life. I believe that my higher self, has my highest good in mind at all times. It “has my back” in a manner of speaking. I was talking with a couple of friends recently about this new space that we are in. I am finding that my personality self with its likes and dislikes, is being overruled by my soul. The personality self can be a bit “grittchy” as one of my dear friends describes it, during this time. She is about to celebrate a decade birthday and for a reason that her personality could not figure out, she decided not to go to Hawaii to swim with the dolphins and sing with a singer/teacher that she loves. This would have been a dream come true but her soul would not go for it. Another friend finds herself in a work environment that her personality self finds difficult to concentrate in, yet her soul is happy at the arrangement. I have been in hermit mode and my social self has looked at classes and activities with some longing yet my soul is happy playing in my heart each day.


More and more of our true nature is inhabiting our bodies these days. Our souls are shining through and wanting the freedom to dance with the universe in a new way. We have all lived parts of our lives with our daytimers scheduled to the max. Being busy became almost a status symbol. Our appointment books were stuffed to the gills with nary a free moment. We used the business of our lives to keep us from connecting to our hearts. We could operate on automatic pilot, moving from one task to the next, checking items off as we went. I was numb for many years in this way. Operating like a robot, so that I did not have to feel that pain in my heart. I even treated my body like a machine, doing “power” yoga or hot yoga a few times a week. I pushed my body to “get it in shape” rather than listened to my body and its needs. A true yoga practice of breath and gentle postures would have benefited me much more to counteract the pressure of my work environment. After I left that life, I recall doing sunrise yoga in India at the K-12 school where I was staying for 3 months. The schools all employed a yoga master to lead classes. At this school, they were held at dawn. The master taught meditation, breathing, and sun salutations where you were really saluting the rising sun!! He laughed when I showed him some of the yoga poses and described the hour and a half heated sessions. He said, “You Americans train your bodies like machines. Yoga is not an athletic sport. Yoga is connecting to the Divine.” What a revelation! My heart knew joy as I have always wanted to connect to the Divine. That is the yearning in my soul, to be taken to God.

My life at present is about trusting. Today when someone told me of how their life shifted in new and exciting ways, my personality asked, “Hey, what about me? Where is my excitement?” This person had been gifted some money, won a trip for 2 to Las Vegas, been offered a job that she would love, and had discovered a new level of making love with her boyfriend! All in one day! I was thrilled for her (don’t you find it so much easier to truly feel a deep joy for others as we realize more deeply that we are all one?) but my personality did a split second comparison loop. In the next breath, my soul settled in and felt that love flowing in my heart. Ahhhh, this is where it is at for me right now. This is my truth and my soul knows it. I know that everything that I have dreamed of, is on its way to me. Actually, I am on the “or better” program. I tell the universe and my higher self what I desire with the words, “this or better” added on. My imagination is not as fertile as I would like. I want what I cannot imagine, a world that exceeds my expectations in every way! I do not want to be limited by what I can dream, I know that there is more for me than that. And more for everyone, a world of abundance, harmony and love. Because my more, involves everyone’s more. I want the joy of waking up knowing that everyone is waking up to a world where their needs are being met. I am also trusting divine timing in all of it. I have let go of pushing at the timeline or pulling at an agenda. There is no more push or pull or using our will. That energy does not hold anymore. I do not have to worry about when my community will come into fruition or my beloved will appear. I know that it will all come in the perfect time for me and that I am in the flow that will lead me there. I have surrendered to it. What a relief when I shifted into this new way of being!

So I am going direct with my guidance. I know that everything that I need will show up in my life. My part is to listen and follow that guidance when it comes. Knowing that my mind could not organize nor orchestrate things as beautifully as my higher self can. This inward time has opened me to connecting to my heart in a way that I did not know was possible. I can feel our mother’s heart in a new way, even living in a city environment. That amazes me but it is true. I know that my heart is being entrained to Gaia’s and the universe’s spacious stillness. I know that part of my path is to be the still point, the calm in these times of change. Many hearts are holding this. I am one of them. I have been in heart training this past winter. My daughter is an athlete who trains a couple or few hours most days. She competes in an individual sport and it takes a great deal of focus to stay motivated and push herself. The biggest thing is to be consistent each day in doing her physical activities. The same is true for heart training. I do not follow any schedule as I flow with where I feel moved to and this is an essential part of the practice. I spend time in meditation each day, whether that is sitting with my eyes closed and taking a sunbath or walking in the park or lying in my bed before arising and connecting in to Source. I am present with beauty as it arises in my world, allowing it to fill me. I am in the moments and there is a sweetness to that. All pieces of my training that bring me closer to my goal of oneness with all that is.

Today I was delighted that my body wanted to go for a run. It has been years since that desire came on for more than a minute or two. I like to walk, but running has pretty much disappeared from my world. It felt too energetic to my slower moving pace. Today, it was raining and I craved being out in it. I wanted to run in it and feel it differently than walking. I jogged down to and around the neighborhood park. Came back wet and happy. Even did some stretches afterwards. Felt good to feel that level of energy moving in my body again. Will it be there tomorrow? No idea but I enjoyed each moment of its expression today. I thanked my body for performing so well. Gave her a long hot shower and lavender oil rubbed on. She was happy! I like to give her what she wants in gratitude for all that she does for me. I trust her as I am trusting my soul. Our bodies hold so much wisdom and know how to connect us back to Source. Lately my body wants potatoes, greens, and bread. I love the sourdough bread of San Francisco! Oh, not to forget chocolate chip/walnut oatmeal cookies..homemade. I let her have whatever it is as I trust that it is what I need. I hold my hands out at the market and whatever feels “right” to me, is what ends up in the basket. I cannot see the energy around the food as many can but I can feel it in my palms.

Hail on the windows, wow! Going to stand on the landing and feel this! I love being in this body on this earth.

Hearts Overflowing

Posted on by
Reply

This blossom represents to me our hearts, that are being opened by the light of love that is streaming onto our planet.


Hearts are overflowing with emotions these days. I am seeing it in my loved ones, as so much comes to the surface. Today my daughter and I each shed some tears as we moved through some old patterning. My sister said that she seems to cry all the time these days. My son came home depleted from work, I suggested a salt bath and a good cry while he was in it to let some of the tension drain away. It is more difficult for men in our culture to allow themselves the tears. I can recall a Friday afternoon at work, getting ready to head home after an intense week. My boss and I were speaking of an issue that had been troubling, I said, “I am going home to watch a sad movie and have a grand old cry.” He looked at me in amazement and replied, ” I wish that I could do that.” I wished that he could allow himself that release also. More than water is produced, there are actually chemicals released that help us shift our moods. It is interesting how more and more, science is proving what was thought to be simply stories or old wives’ tales, to be fact.


I believe that we have to learn to dance through this shift that is taking place. We have a few tools at our disposal: being in the moment, letting go of shoulds, expressing our truth, letting go of the why about life, taking a deep breath, accepting what is, expressing gratitude are some that come to mind . There are others but we are making much of this up as we go. I see it as a dance, moving back into a known series of steps here, exploring a new step there, finding that fun, taking a few more twirls, getting off balance, returning to the familiar to stabilize ourselves, a breath or two and then stepping out there in a new way once again.

In all this, we have to be so kind to ourselves and everyone around us. We have all lived through our own internal earthquakes and tsunamis. We can say, “I don’ t have it as bad as that person in Japan or that man in Libya.” Yet, our internal landscape is being uprooted and no one on the planet is immune at this time. We cannot tell by looking at someone, no matter how self assured an appearance they present, what they are currently dealing with. Dealing with losing your home is not worse than watching your loved one become lost in the fog of Alzheimer’s. Losing a dear pet is no less a loss than losing your business. You can say that there are degrees of loss or of difficulties but the heart feels it all as loss. Degrees do not matter, the heart registers pain. So, be gentle with yourselves in your losses, your letting gos. We are all going through it and even when it is some part of us that we are ready to release, there is still a grieving for what was. I think that we need to honor all that is going and honor ourselves as we move through this process. Kindness is the new currency of the land. It asks to be spent every day, on ourselves and others.

The love is streaming in, opening hearts far and wide. All the events on the world scene are working on our hearts, softening them, opening them. Our hearts are becoming entrained to one another. I participated in meditations this past week that had 50,000 people online all focused on emanating love for our brothers and sisters and for our Mother Gaia. Isn’t that amazing? So many people want to help, want to be of service, want to be a better human being. I have been praying in a way suggested by Dr. Emoto, the water crystal photographer and scientist from Japan. It is a simple practice, done in my kitchen each morning and night. It takes a few moments of time and yet, I believe that it is powerful. http://www.therainbowscribe.com/japandremotoprayer.htm

It is our intentions that make the difference. My daughter and I discovered that this morning as an old pattern came up, we were both feeling one another’s words as arrows when neither of us sent them that way. Once we cleared the old pattern that came up for release, and spoke of the intent held behind our words, we could clearly see the love that was being sent by each to the other. Our wounded aspects called them arrows but our hearts showed us how to see those perceived arrows as love. The wounds were drawn up to be healed and by staying present with one another, the healing happened. These are the moments to celebrate and recognize. We need much kindness and witnessing of one another as we stretch and contract, stretch and contract our way through this new landscape of the heart. Our hearts want to be clear vessels and are bringing everything that is blocking that pure love, to the surface to be healed.

Makes me think of Cupid with his arrows of love. Perhaps that story is pointing the way as the arrows that inflict pain to our heart, are sent in love (even if the sender does not know what he/she is doing) to awaken our hearts from their hiding. The pain is an awakener in a way that we do not really understand. I cry a couple/few times a day. Oft times it is in response to beauty as well as to sadness. I cry as my heart comes on line and I feel it more and more. It is so beautiful and I ache with that beauty. Our hearts are weaving a beautiful grid of light around our planet. We are connecting, heart to heart in new and magnificent ways. That is something beautiful to put our attention on, something worth opening our hearts’ doors to. We are becoming one tribe. The rainbow tribe of many colors that Little Grandmother Kiesha Crowther talks of. http://littlegrandmother.net/default.aspx (She is offering a meditation for Japan at 9am PST this Saturday, if you are interested.)

We are learning to witness one another’s pain from a place of neutrality as this allows the other to tap into their own strength and knowing. We can no longer see one another as victims as that energy no longer serves. We can offer our hearts, our aid in any way we feel called. We can honor one another for walking our walks. We can offer that larger, softer view that can see the new growth peeking out from under last year’s withered branches and leaves. The old must be cleared away as I used to do in the spring with my perennial plants, clipping off the old stalks so that the tiny new shoots could reach for the sun. We are all in need of a good pruning in this springtime of our lives. We want to blossom forth and show the world our beauty. Oh, the colors and new forms that are to appearing! I believe that we will harvest bouquets, this autumn, that have never been seen before. We are about to be dazzled by ourselves! So, I stand at the still point, honoring the losses, the letting go, the dramatic changes and the suffering as well as holding the knowing, deep in my heart, that there is new beauty being born.