Tag Archives: anxiety

Trusting in the Beauty of It All

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IMG_1152Glorious cool mornings following hot days here in Northern California. Wearing my robe and slippers and sipping my coffee in a state of peace. I have a bouquet of sunflowers beside me, reminding me to radiate my inner sun. I am just settling back into my cottage space after a couple of weeks away. I went to Michigan to visit my sister. I so enjoyed the wide open vista of her property in the countryside. She had lovely woods on either side and meadows of orange cosmos that she had planted in waving drifts across her property.  So much beauty, she excels at creating beauty.

I was hit with the flu the night before I departed. I knew I was to be flying on 9-11 but had no idea of the endurance required. I was feverish and chilled, and had about a 12 hour odyssey ahead. I was able to connect to the pain so many live with, the harshness of this reality and the endurance and courage it takes to keep going. I felt such love for humanity, for our heart light that blazes forth despite the tight boxes we have had to exist in. I felt the depth of the lies that permeate every facet of our society, including the 9-11 experience, the truth of which has yet to be fully revealed. I was locked in my bubble of illness, breathing and praying my way, moment to moment, hours of sitting with my little throw up bag, grasped tightly to my chest in readiness if my stomach gave in to its urges.

The clouds and sunsets have been so magical of late. They nourish me!

The clouds and sunsets have been so magical of late. They nourish me!

Fortunately for me, it was one day of misery whereas for many, it does not end. I knew and could feel the pineal expansion taking place. I feel our organs and digestive systems are being over hauled. I sense we will soon be able to exist and be nourished by sunlight, food being a pleasure we can indulge in but no longer a necessity for our bodies to function. I felt my torso elongate and more light flow within. Fatigue is once again back, needing afternoons and evenings of stillness and quiet to integrate all the lovelight flowing in. Our bodies can go into anxiety as truly we are dying while living. The physical ascension time is here. Our light bodies are coming online more and more. All strange, new and at times, disconcerting. Dream time is becoming more vivid as this reality begins to shift and feel to be the illusion.

Sun dappled road, breathing in the trees' gift.

Sun dappled road, breathing in the trees’ gift.

It is a time to reach out to one another, to offer reassurance and receive it. It can be a wobbly experience with highs and lows. I felt positively pregnant the other day. Smells were assaulting me, nausea present, irritability and fatigue levels were high. I have not felt so fragile in a long time. Sunshine and warmth outside yet I wanted to stay curled up inside, cocooned in a smaller space. The desire for solitude, rest, quiet, peace is overwhelming. Yet there is chaos abounding. Intensity in the body, the psyche, the emotions. Many at their breaking point and beyond. I know that I am here as a pillar of peace in these times. I can feel the low thrum of my inner being, sending out the “all is well” tone while the surface churns and rumbles.

I trust this process despite feeling stretched wide and thin. We did not know exactly how this transformation into the new era of peace would transpire, but we did know that we would be a part of it. It is a time of massive completions for our souls. We are finishing all the loose ends of our lifetimes on this planet. Wrapping it up, seeking closure with one and all. For me, this is my final lifetime here and I know that I am staying to participate in co-creating the new love pods and systems. I desire to experience the joy of freedom, on what has been a prison planet for so long, and carry that experience forward into new worlds and universes.

Magnificent rainbow that we watched form on the 9-9 gateway. We are being invited to enter in.

Magnificent rainbow that we watched form on the 9-9 gateway. We are being invited to enter in.

I trust that this is happening as I can feel and sense its completion. It is done. We did it! Now to live each day in the knowing, breathing that into the collective to uplift all as we move through the dismantling and chaos that change brings. Trust yourself, trust in the love. Know that we are always moving to more, not less. More joy, more heartfelt connections with soul family and our mother earth, more radiant health, more freedom, more knowing and truth. Embrace the changes, even in the moments of extreme discomfort as all heralds the new. It is time, We are becoming our true selves.

Be gentle, oh so gentle with yourself. We are birthing ourselves, our I Am presences descending into form. Our bodies are offering themselves as bridges to bring heaven to earth. Honor them. Honor their needs.

A deep bow to each of us for showing up and keeping on. I love us so.

 

 

Anxiety Amplifies As It Prepares Us to Bloom

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IMG_2938There is so much anxiety running rampant on the earth at present. Waves upon waves of it are swirling about, looking for handholds in our fields of light. Simple things can set off a dozen triggers in a second. An injury can trigger fears of not having insurance, of whether or not I can afford to seek medical attention, of how long I can remain out of the regular workplace with its security of insurance, of how I have no social security nor retirement to fall back upon, how long will my savings hold out, of will I be ok, will I have basic food and shelter, will I end up alone?  These are all fears that I have faced and neutralized yet they can spring up in a moment and feel overwhelming in their intensity. Our basic sense of survival is being lit up as the economy and present system sway and collapse, as a result of the incoming energies. We are attempting to find a foothold in the new land where we know all security is found within and abundance is our birthright. We are being compressed from every side, our fears being squeezed out into the light of day. Only then, can we release them. It is a time to call upon our angels and one another for assistance.

The past few days, I watched self-judgment stroll in, asking what I am doing. “Why haven’t you written that book? Why are you not painting every day? Why are you not taking advantage of this time to get something done? ” Quite a colorful chorus. I would breathe deeply and move back to observer mode, witnessing the parade. It made me feel slow and heavy, permeated my being.

IMG_2939This morning, the judgment lifted. One moment, I was answering emails, the next, I fell into an opening and began to cry. I knew not why. I  sat with the tears to see where they sprang from. They were not sad, no rather they became sobs of joy. My heart cleared and I knew that I had bloomed, my being had blossomed into a flower of great beauty. Oh my! I saw hearts blossoming all across the earth. So many varieties and colors, it was magnificent. As we blossom, we emit a fragrance and a tone that is our energy signature. Oh, the sweetness! Sounds and smells and visuals surrounded me as the earth became a field of flowers such as I had never seen. It was a continuous motion of flowering, like those videos that fast forward a plant’s growth. Dazzling. The greatest aspect was in that blossoming, I knew myself as part of the whole. A unique fragrance and tone to be sure, yet one with everyone and everything. This truth was known by all as soon as they flowered. We opened to the oneness and wonder of unity.

IMG_2927 I knew then that the anxiety and feelings of compression were catalysts that allowed the blossoming to take place. We had to come to that point of feeling we were ready to burst out of our skins. I had reached that as I had felt so flat, so done with the old, no juice left in any idea that I could come up with. No desire to create in this old world, and so tired of waiting for the new to manifest. All of that ran through my system in anxiety, self-judgment, compression, stuckness. Suddenly, it all ran free as if a dam had broken and I could once again flow. I was struck by the perfection of it all. Over and over, I am shown how I am loved. How carefully my life has been crafted to lead me to awaken to my own beauty. Every hardship, every sorrow and pain, every day of lying on my couch, all opening me to this flowering. My gratitude is immense as I rest in the feeling of offering my blossoming self to the Creator with all the love that I am. Now I will tone my tone throughout my cells, bringing all into harmony so as to emanate my note into the ethers, the earth, the grids of light. I will breathe my fragrance out with each breath, swooning in its heady perfume.

As I sit within my blossoming heart, inhaling my own sweet perfume, I hold this knowing deep, that all will blossom. You cannot know the joy that sets alight in my heart! I stand witness for the unfurling of each one’s petals, and breathe in the sweetness of those fully opened, knowing that all is well in this new world of ours. We are so loved. We ARE love.

Anxiety on the Rise

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Beautiful bridge as I drove into Vancouver. Like two ships sailing the waters.

As our planet is being blessed with energies pouring in from our sun as well as other star systems and planetary bodies, the levels of anxiety are rising. We are being gifted with energies that speed up our vibrations, which will eventually allow us greater ease and movement in all of our bodies; physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. This is an amazing gift. But right now, it may feel like anything but!

LIke this photo, the mast head could be likened to our crown chakras where the light streams in . It then is filtered down through our bodies’ circuitry to enliven all of our cells. I am a transducer, along with many others, allowing the current to be stepped down through my body so as to be more accessible for the  masses. So on a high energy day like yesterday, I was in reclining mode as all my being was fully engaged in this process.

I love how the clouds move and change throughout the day. It is time to allow that fluidity into all aspects of our lives.

As the light floods in, the debris rises to the surface to be sloughed off. It is a cleansing process. This is where the anxiety kicks in. The ego self feels that it is about to lose its job and it is fighting to stay in control. Our higher selves are moving in to bring us to unity consciousness while the ego strives to maintain its separation. The ego cannot win as we are coded to evolve and move into oneness. You can help your ego out of its anxiety by having a conversation with it. I never understood the notion of eliminating the ego. It has served me well when it was in charge and I have expressed my gratitude. I then let Henry (yes that is my name for him) know that he had reached retirement age. I gave him the gold watch for a job well done and introduced him to Sophia, my higher self, who now runs the show. For the most part, Henry has been gracious in his retirement though occasionally he throws out some advice which I thank him for, reminding him that he is free to drift along now, not concerning himself with the workings of my days. He has grown to be fond of Sophia and admits that she is skilled in running my show.

There is a clearing that is taking place to allow room for the new aspects of ourselves to enter in. We are in the process of bringing our entire soul group into this body. We can invite in all the highest vibrational aspects from all of our many lives and make use of our myriad gifts garnered throughout time and space. How fun is that!!! The anxiety arises in the letting go. The fear that we are losing something instead of the joy of all that is to be gained. This is being outpictured through the loss of jobs, relationships, homes, security. The outer structures of society are crumbling, forcing us to go inside for some connection. This is all part of the plan to move us from an outer directed world to an inner directed one where we know our connection to Source.  All of our security is internal. We were taught to look outside to social security, an insurance policy, dollars in the bank, a corporation as the means of survival in this world. Now the pendulum has swung and we must face ourselves in a new way.

Two insects mating, i moved them outside and they did not register my interference at all. They were so fully in their moment that the outer disturbance held no import for them.

To let go, we must trust that there is something better coming our way. We let go of old angers and find the freedom as love flows. We let go of focusing on the ills of the world and discover the peace of the space around us. We let go of possessions and discover the lightness that brings. We let go of trying to control other people’s lives and discover that we have work to do in our own. We let go of seeking answers outside of ourselves and  discover the wisdom within. Everything that we seek, can be found within our own being.

So as the anxiety rises up in your being, greet it with a smile. Thank it for alerting you that things are different. That much is falling away, that much is crumbling. Rejoice in this news and surrender to the dismantling of the old way of living. Allow the new to flow through you and see where it takes you. Stay in the moments, feeling each emotion fully and then releasing once again. The in breath and out breath. We are being newly born. Treat yourself  with the upmost tenderness and care. We are birthing our divinity. What a sight we are!