Tag Archives: chalice

Dissolving Into Fluidity

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I loved the heart shaped opening on this rock, nature will do this to us, if we allow.

I loved the heart shaped opening on this rock, nature will do this to us, if we allow.

These days between eclipses are so new, so challenging, so exhausting, so wired, so weird. I heard someone use the expression: tired/wired. I get it. It is 3 a.m. and I am still awake. I am grateful I do not have to work or I would be adding anxious to the mix.

Everything is dissolving. Our old stories of who we were, our ideas about how anything works, our thoughts about what is reality and what is illusion……all flowing down the drain. Dreams leaving me with a bittersweet feeling as I say goodbye to what might have been. My body is having the most difficult time. She senses death, decay, dissolution. Indeed, I feel as if all of my organs and tissues have turned to liquid mush inside of me. My brain is spongy, soggy, heavy. Everything is flowing towards the earth, wanting to lie with her, decompose into her, fertilize her for the next cycle of growth.

I offer her comfort, chocolate chip cookies and milk, as I would a child. I am the child. Cookies thrown on the floor, foot stamped; No! There is no comfort to be found in food. I lie in bed and feel electrical pulses buzz in my left hip, then my neck. Finally the all body vibration that I have come to enjoy. At other times, the intense feeling that comes in is so uncomfortable that it does not feel possible to remain in this body for one more moment. Take me, I plead. Yet here I am.

All this has been going on for years. My body is not impressed. She is tired beyond belief. She is no longer interested in a bedtime story of ascension. She does not want to hear that she is becoming crystalline. Our light body feels like an imaginary friend that she has out grown. She has heard the tales over and over and now demands a new story.

The waves toss out the old, there is no making sense of it, just let it go. Debris to be dissolved into something new.

The waves toss out the old, there is no making sense of it, just let it go. Debris to be dissolved into something new.

What can I tell her? I stand at a nexus point, dying and being enlivened all at once. The crone and the babe inhabiting the same space. Of course it feels weird and woolly. We have not done this before. By all rights, I should be dropping this body to the earth, which she very well knows. She is attempting to follow the script that we have enacted in myriad  lifetimes. This is a new script, a role she has not played. There was no rehearsal, all happening live on this stage of life in 2014.

I stood on the beach today watching the waves pound the shore, relentless in their march. I felt their fluidness in my cells. Our bodies asked to hold the form while the energy flows in and out, over and over. I feel eroded by the energy, ground down to a husk. Then the sun broke through the clouds, and I knew moments of grace, transcendence where all felt light.

I know myself as the chalice, offering my heart as a container into which the liquidlovelight can pour itself; the body, the vehicle that anchors it all into the earth. We are being asked to bring heaven to earth through our bodies. The knowing is deep as to the privilege I have been given to have a physical vessel of the earth. It is what allows the Creator’s essence to seed itself deeply into our mother’s body. I do so want to witness our Mother Earth blossom from these seeds of love. All held, the desire for death, the desire for life. Two becoming one. Oneness.

We are walking through the dissolving imprints of duality. Everything has a fuzzy quality as it shimmers and fades. Time is unhooking its grip, speeding up till it is no longer considered at all. Decision making is no longer easy as we are asked to choose from a palette of whites. How can I pick one when all look just about the same? Neutrality is the new game. Good and bad have had their day. How do we navigate this new landscape, that is shimmering into view? If you look straight at it, it disappears. You cannot fix it to a point, it is fluid and changeable. There is no catching it, holding it. All we can do is BE it. Allow the energy to flow through.

My teacher of the day.

My teacher of the day.

Today at the beach, tears flowed. I no longer look for cause. My mind has given up as it is no longer important to understand, there is only feeling it fully as it moves through. It flows in, flows out. I watched the waves crash against a large rock jutting out of the water. The waves approached in their steady way, only to hit an immoveable surface, which sent them leaping into a thousand sparkling fragments. We create our own rocks to smash against when we hold some thought or emotion as fixed. We shatter our hearts over and over on our journey, splintered fragments flying as our souls wrestle us from known forms. We love to put equal signs between things, to firmly place our period as if to nail it all down.

As I watch the water drops fall back to the ocean’s surface, rejoining the processional waves’ motion towards the shore, I feel a way being shown.  Once the waves meet the shore, there is no ending, rather they are swept back out into the ocean’s embrace. No beginning and no end. We thought it was all about reaching the shore, achieving a goal.  But no, it is about being part of the dance, flowing in the ocean of the Creator’s love. Being the light. Bringing the light. Claiming our essence as liquidlovelight.

The violet light, transforming all into the love it is.

The violet light, transforming all into the love it is.

4 a.m. and a candle flame flickering in the dark. I, too, am the flame. Being with this moment, breathing in the fresh air flowing through the window. I know nothing. I AM this flame, this breath, this love. And you are too. God bless us all. Children of the Sun, of the Moon and the Stars. We are creating our own welcome home.

Birthing the Christ Consciousness Through the Feminine

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Communing with Mount Shasta in the sunlight.

Communing with Mount Shasta in the sunlight.

My experience in Mount Shasta this past weekend was a culmination of all that I am. I did not know if I would share it as it was so sacred. I have prayed about it and been given the signal that I am to share, as the time of the Christ consciousness being seated on the earth has arrived. I felt the power of it building as the time approached and asked to be strengthened to receive what was to come. The day before, the restlessness in my body was intense. All that I could do was  ground myself over and over into our mother earth. The weekend was arranged according to friends’ schedules but of course, Spirit made the arrangements for it to be the weekend of the new moon as well as the beginning of the Chinese New Year, the year of the water snake.

1Two of us drove from the south and one from the north. We shared photos and tonings along the way through the phone. From the south, we were guided to weave the energies of the mountains to the west with those to the east. Mount Lassen stood out like a beacon in her white coat, asking to be utilized. We felt that we wove the masculine and feminine energies of the mountains and elemental beings into a tapestry of light that converged at Mount Shasta. We arrived at our rental place which was surrounded by trees with a view of the mountain out our window.  We set up our altar with a red scarf,  the color of the Chinese New Year. The lamps flanking it were red, of course! We took out the crystal bowls, which are infused with various minerals and gems  and were instructed to work on one another. There was much clearing and aligning of the masculine and feminine within each of our beings. My womb was a focus of clearing which I would understand later. Our three fields were brought into harmony and resonance. We went into town and were guided to purchase a bottle of red wine for our ceremony. I do not drink, never having enjoyed the taste of alcohol, yet I knew that I would partake. None of us knew what was to take place, only that we were to be present and offer ourselves as vessels for the light. We returned to prepare dinner and drink a toast to Mary Magdalene and Mother Mary. They were present with us.

The two major crystals as well as the Prince card that came to me. All the cards I picked that morning were to do with transformation.

The two major crystals as well as the Prince card that came to me. All the cards I picked that morning were to do with transformation.

The next morning, one friend shared her dream of a Lemurian master beckoning her into the mountain. As he opened a portal, she saw many beings dancing in celebration. The master informed her that the celebration had begun and we were to join in. She also discovered a picture book on a shelf, showing the mountains of the world. This fit into her vision that we would be opening a gateway on Mount Shasta that would connect with all the mountains of the world. We took the images into our beings and allowed our energies to flow from Shasta along the waves of energy that connected all the mountains.

I had a seemingly unrelated event as I attempted to turn the kitchen water faucet to a drip rather than a stream as we were instructed to do so as to prevent the pipes from freezing. I broke the faucet and with that felt a flood of shame. I observed it and breathed through releasing it. The call was made to the owner and all was resolved. This weight of shame of the feminine had to be released for the next step to take place. I am in awe of the ways of our Creator and how all is aligned for the light to flow.

The sun dancing in delight on the mountain.

The sun dancing in delight on the mountain.

We had felt that our triad was to be squared by a fourth person. I called a lovely woman that lived in Mount Shasta, that I knew only from facebook. She was able to come. (Again Spirit at work, aligning all so beautifully!) The four of us sat with the bowls placed in the four directions and toned and played as we were led. The bowls played to align her energies with the group and we harmonized our fields of light. We were guided to go to the mountain. We took a tarp, blankets and food up to Bunny Flats, the highest point that the road was cleared to, on the mountain. It was a crystal clear day. We laid about, talking and resting. I saw our fields dancing and weaving together. I was told that there was no need to “do” anything, that it was all happening by our being together. I relaxed and trusted the process. Later, we said goodbye to our new friend and returned to our place for dinner.

We decided to watch one of the movies in the place. It was a heart opener and we all had tears. My eyes began to tear in earnest as it felt like a pin was being stuck in them, first one and then the other. This sensation of having something in my eye had been happening on and off for a couple of weeks. This time it was very intense and painful. My vision blurred and I began to sob. I had such a longing in my heart for my beloved, as myself as well as a partner. I felt I could not bear the separation one moment longer. My friends both noted that this was a pattern that happened to me right before I made a shift in consciousness. They were right. A doorway opened and I found myself in the embrace of Mother Mary, Mary Magdalene and Jesus. The two Marys had been working with me to stand in the flames of their hearts over the past several weeks. I had gradually increased my ability to hold the energy. Jesus then reached out and touched my heart. My body shuddered and the sobs poured through in waves. I touched my friends’ hearts, transmitting his love. I was then taken into his heart flame to be purified. There are no words for this experience. The three hearts became one and my heart was held within this trinity of light. I felt the sacred heart of my Catholic childhood and knew that the images of the swords and thorns were illusions of suffering. All was now dissolved and seen for the truth of love that it always was. My heart was ablaze with a heat that felt like a roaring inferno to me. I felt their hearts weaving my heart into a chalice of golden filigree light. The heat intensified.  As this reached a cresendo, the heat moved down into my womb. My emotional body continued to sob as it attempted to adjust to what was taking place.

The shadows and the light dancing into wholeness.

The shadows and the light dancing into wholeness.

I was guided to lie down, with my head at the foot of the bed. My eyes were open only to the inner vision of what was taking place. The space was full of beings of light. I was told that the prior four months I had spent in solitude and stillness, had prepared me for this moment. I was to be a vessel for the Christ consciousness to be anchored into the earth plane. It was to come through the feminine form at this time on the earth as a balance to the masculine having birthed it through Jesus. The two friends with me were a gift to me, to assist in the process. Both have told me that they “have my back” and have supported me, time and time again, as I have grown in the light. This was a fufillment of a contract made long ago by our souls. Indeed, it was a birthing for all of us as the trinity energies held true. I knew that all of my lifetimes were a preparation for this present moment.

The clouds of love appearing as the setting sun's rays reflected over the mountain.

The clouds of love appearing as the setting sun’s rays reflected over the mountain.

My body began to undulate like the snake, shaking and shuddering. My one friend received a shock from my crown chakra as the energy was released from my head. She placed her Christ consciousness crystal which has a phallic shape on my torso. I felt it working with my inner fires. I then asked for the Mother Shamballa crystal to be placed between my legs. It is a heavy sphere of smoky quartz which my thighs grasped and held as my body continued to undulate in waves. There was an intense sexual energy of creation at work and I sensed the priestesses gathered who had initiated me in this process eons ago. My heart was calibrated with that of our mother earth as well as the Great Central Sun. As that  beat was established, I felt the ribbons of lovelight spread to the hearts of humanity and all were held in my embrace. One heart, one love. That is our truth. My voice toned the sounds of birthing. My friends anchored my palms with a touch at the center of each one and assisted with their voices. I was told that I would now see all through the eyes of love, hear with ears of love, taste with the sweetness of love, speak with the tones of love, touch with the sense of love. All my senses were birthed anew through the flame of love. I heard myself saying, “Father into thy hands I commend my spirit.” I felt complete in my mission and I knew my Mother’s/Father’s blessing and joy.

As I came out of this experience, we were able to share our understandings over a celebratory glass of the red wine, sealing what had been birthed. Our talk allowed a fuller picture to emerge. The original triad was of Joseph, Mother Mary and Jesus……the Holy Family. Mary Magdalene came in as the fourth as she was the beloved of Jesus. At that time on the planet, the Christ energies could not be accepted through the feminine though Mary Magdalene carried the consciousness with Jesus and assisted his path to its fruition. The point held above this square was held by Anna, grandmother of Jesus, mother to Mother Mary. She held the feminine field of love at that time long ago as well as now. The bottom point to the diamond was held by Joseph of Arimathea. He was the masculine energy which held and aided the Essene community and provided so much support for the mission of Jesus.

The pink love flames touching down.

The pink love flames touching down.

The Christ consciousness is not a person but rather a field of consciousness. It is being birthed through the feminine form on the planet now to balance its birthing through the masculine over 2000 years ago. It is neither feminine nor masculine. It is a consciousness of wholeness and oneness. This was reinforced the next day when we went to the crystal bowl shop and spent a couple of hours playing with bowls. I was drawn to the only chalice shaped bowl in amongst the hundreds present. It was of a purple hue, with reflections of magentas, emeralds and blues. It brought through the energies of androgeny. I laughed when told that as it is the next evolutionary step. We come into balance in our being with our own divine masculine and divine feminine and this prepares us to enter into the wholeness which we label androgenous.

I share this story not to glorify myself in any way, rather to illuminate the doorway in your heart that opens to your own Christ consciousness. The earth can now hold this frequency. It is here, birthed through me and so many others and the numbers will increase until all are walking in full Christ mastery. This is the time of magic and miracles that we have waited for. It is the second coming of Christ, not limited to one individual, but rather being birthed through all of our hearts. Ask and be open to receive your birthright. I raise my glass to you in your birthing.

In Lakech, Ala K’in.  We are all one.

 

 

 

 

Allowing my Feelings to Flow Fully

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I continue to marvel at the way life brings to us exactly what we need, when we need it. I look back at all the years that I lived my life trying to orchestrate events through my mind. I was not able to accept life as it presented itself to me. I attempted to control how others should act, to control my feelings, tamping them down in the mistaken belief that life would be easier that way. I believed that I would be happy if a set of circumstances that I held to, came to be. I spent a great deal of time and energy opposing what was, in an attempt to create my own version of the magic lands.

I love the fierceness and wildness of some of the Maori images. They are expressing truth.

And lo, and behold……I am living in those very magic lands these days. I arrive more fully each day as I begin my day with a surrender to my higher self, Sophia, to be in the driver’s seat. I put all my trust in her, which of course, is myself. I trust me completely. I trust the benevolent nature of this universe. I trust Creator. From this place of trust, I observe everything that comes into my world. The energies are becoming much clearer in vibration and tone. I watch the interplay, hear the music that is being sung. There is only one tone that captures my attention these days. It is the tone of love. I want to listen to it, broadcast it, be bathed in it, sing it with others in conversation and silence. I hear it underneath all other tones, asking to be heard and amplified through my heart. The tones of love are what make up this world of ours.

Love resides in everything. It is the most freeing of feelings as we are born to love. We are love! I am feeling the freedom of loving all of life. It is a fiery feeling, the intensity is immense. I used to be afraid of my feelings, of the power of love that I felt coursing through me. Society taught me this from a young age. I felt too much, I wanted too much, I was too much. We were taught that you could not love freely, it was reserved for certain people in certain times. We were taught that you must love your parents, even if they were awful to you. We were taught that you could not love someone if they were in a relationship with another. We were taught to mistrust others of our own sex, that they were competition for the scarce commodity of love that was out there. We were taught that our feelings were dangerous and were to be hidden from others to the point where we hid them from ourselves.

In doing so, we have allowed the shadowlands to grow in size and scope. We are a society riddled with addictions, fearful of owning our truth, fearful of being seen. We have lost the ability to see others as we have not been able to fully see ourselves. We have been taught to shine out our bright side, to hide any sign of weakness as our enemies might use it against us. We have created an us vs them world. Yet, there is only us….one people on planet earth. One tribe, the tribe of many colors, the rainbow tribe. It is time to take off the masks and uncover the truth of ourselves. It is truth that what we judge in another is a part of ourselves needing love.

I have just finished reading, The Flaming Serpent by Aine Armour. Here are some of her words that resonated deeply in my heart:

“You must be honest with your feelings. You must allow yourself to feel them. They are the language of your own soul speaking to you…So often humans judge their feelings as wrong and so they suppress them, repress them. The feelings do not go away. They go into the body, into the energy system and continue to create-feelings create.  They are the juice of creation, the water of life. If they are repressed and unacknowledged they begin to create the shadow of the feeling they originated from….It is not the feeling that causes harm, it is what we do with the feeling that can cause harm.”

We fear the flame with its dying, forgetting it unleashes the seed of the new. In every death, exists the rebirth.

I so enjoy uncovering another belief that I have been unconsciously living by. I love the freedom that comes as I dismantle the lie and allow myself to breathe fully in the open space now at hand. I AM LOVE! This I know in all of me. I can allow myself to feel this love fully in all of its aspects. I can use my discernment as to when and how to act upon my feelings as they show up in my world. Who in this world has enough love? Who would not be grateful to know that they are loved? We have so limited our version of love. If it be for someone of the opposite sex, we bring sex into the equation. We do not trust ourselves to love deeply for fear we may cause harm to another. Yet, it is our intention that is all. I intend no harm come from my love. My love is a cosmos and we limit it to a physical expression that is the tip of the iceberg. We are taught that romantic love is all with its erotic charge that quickly grows stale. We are taught the sanctity of the parent- child relationship without allowing it the freedom to be more or less than that.

Love is to be fully felt, fully given in each moment. We can look into another’s eyes for a moment and exchange lifetimes of love. There is such a blessing in this for both parties. I am learning to love so fully that I no longer hold anyone or thing that I love. I bring all of me to each moment, allowing the love to flow in a continuous stream from my heart. I am free to bathe all of it in my love. I recognize no limits nor confines for this love. It flows in a never ending stream from Creator to my heart. My chalice which I offer anew each day to my Mother/Father, is filled with a radiant stream of liquidlovelight that overflows from my heart to yours. I am a conduit for love. I am the stream of love. I am infilled with love. The wonder of this!

I used to hold it in my heart, even close off my heart from receiving what my Mother/Father freely gave. I used my mind to decide where the love should go, who was deserving of my love. I gave time and again from an empty cup as I did not believe myself deserving of love. I felt flawed, damaged. If I expressed any emotion but love, I crawled into the shadows of the cave of shame where no light entered. Anger sent me there, impatience was a pass to the cave. I judged myself harshly and meted out punishment without mercy. Talk about an executioner! Whew, I wielded that sword with a vengence. Each time I crawled out of the cave, determined to be love, to walk in light, to take the high road in all situations. Each time an emotion other than love rose up in me, I took myself to the cave, asked for the nails to be hung on the cross of shame and guilt. My self loathing grew with my rage. My former hubby used to say that he was a good guy 26 days out of the month, but watch out for those other few days. That was when the illusion broke and the moon in her wisdom, drew forth the fiery truth of my soul. I would find myself raging, as feelings stuffed all month long, came pouring out in a violent cascade. They came to teach me, to ask for honoring. I would respond with horror and as my hormones settled, I would stuff them back into the recesses of the cave and place myself at the entrance, setting guard so that they would never see the light of day. 26 days later, they would overwhelm me once again and make their escape into my outer world. I suffered, those around me suffered their wrath. The remorse, the incrimination would enter in and the cycle continued its mad merry go round.

Part of a Nicholas Roerich painting that was a wedding gift eons ago. I have always loved this image of a man sitting on a mountaintop, tending the fire of his heart.

Eventually, I went deep enough into the darkness that I longed only to stay there. That is when I discovered a flame inside of me that illumined a truth. It told me that I was good, that I was love, that I was lovable. By holding to that flame, allowing it to burn within, I found my way out of the cave. I live in a state of grace and peace these days. I feel every feeling that comes my way, fully and completely. I can feel anger without spewing it at another or myself. I did not know how to do that before. I accept all that triggers me as my own, not looking to another to be the cause of my feelings. I thank each person that flips a trigger in me as it allows me to let go the charge. Once fully felt and met, triggers disappear. No one taught me this. I have learned to use my voice to express whatever feeling is present. It is the quickest way that I have found to move energy. I identify where the feeling is in my body and allow the sound it is holding to come out. I do not judge if it is a pretty sound or a grating sound, a groaning or a whining or a keening. All is welcome to be expressed. I tone until the space is clear and empty. I then use my voice to infill that space with my Mother/Father’s presence of love. I ask Sophia to more fully inhabit that space, to love it completely. I know of someone who had cervical cancer. She realized that the cancer grew in the place where she had not fully loved herself. The space she had not fully occupied. Nature abhors a vacuum. I wish to occupy my whole self, this beautiful body which works so hard to hold my light and points out to me where the darkness is that is seeking release through the tones of love. Our bodies know all! They are the wisdom keepers. Ask and you will be shown where you are unaware, where vacuums exist, where cobwebs have been allowed to grow. How many of us have parts of our body that we think unkind thoughts to; “I hate my butt, my shoulder is a pain, my breasts are too small…” The litany goes on. Our body is our friend, seeking love as we are. We can speak to it with tenderness, gift it with what it needs rather than what our minds tells us is the latest news as to how to treat it. We are unique and there is no one size fits all treatment for our bodies though society would have us believe it. We would rather see a doctor and take a pill than take the time to listen to our body. It will tell us exactly what it needs to be a healthy container for us, but we must become able to translate its thoughts. We do this by engaging our senses in the subtle realms of spirit.

We are all looking for permission to feel without judgment.  I give you that permission this day. In doing so, feeling everything that shows up in our world, we begin to know ourselves. And what beauty is there, waiting to be seen! Claim it! I love you.