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Holding Steady

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I allowed myself to be cradled in the Creator's arms today, just like these rocks are held in the wood's womb.

I allowed myself to be cradled in the Creator’s arms today, just like these rocks are held in the weathered wood’s soft womb.

The days roll by in interesting waves. Yesterday I arranged for more time here as I keep hearing  “wait”. Today I intended to live in the stillness, dropping all thoughts of where to, what next for this pilgrim. I awaited a response from a woman about a possible house share that came about  through following an inner prompting. She is assisting her mom as she transitions to another realm, so I knew that was where her focus was needed. I expanded into that breath, allowing it to move in its right time. Two days, that felt stretched wide, had passed since our contact. Two other offers came of temporary spots, how I appreciate these dear hearts. Still, the “wait”.  I went off to further explore the island. I was prepared with snacks and water this time as I intended a longer walk. I took off my shoes and stashed them behind a tree so as to feel the earth and rocks. I went a ways, took a call from one so dear to me. He offers yet again, the support of a landing spot and assistance in finding and furnishing a place. If I am at the end of my tether with this no home situation, he is ahead of me. He wants me safe and settled as he has been the backup support for too long. He is tired, I am tired of me. I end up feeling beleaguered. Tears, even defensiveness come up in me. Yes, my moving about does not make sense on one level; yes, I want a place; yes, I want community; yes, I want to participate in life. No, my actions have not facilitated any of this and yet…and yet. The idea of a lease and commitment to future time feels impossible to me. The thought of gathering furnishings feels like a weight that will bury me. Still there is the impulse to run back to the known, to be held for a moment, to be assisted in doing all of this as nothing else feels right. Something holds me back.

Eagle on wing, flying into the treetops.

Eagle on wing, flying into the treetops.

I hear the “wait” once again. I turn back and retrieve my wool socks and hikers as suddenly I am too tender to be walking with bare feet on the cold earth. I press on to the sea, watch two eagles follow one another into the forest. I find a weathered tree toppled along the bluff that offers a lunch spot. I take out my hard boiled egg, carrots and celery, feeling smug that I am so prepared. I answer a call from a friend. A moment later, a bee or wasp, stings the base of my thumb on the hand that was holding the phone. It went flying as I screamed in pain, scraping the insect away. It felt like a wasp as it is still sore, hours later. I had cleaned out my backpack that morning and forgot to put my first aid kit back in. I carry this green tin of Bert’s Bees’ res-Q-ointment that works for bites, burns and scrapes. I regretted my lapse as it would have offered some relief. I asked my body what that was all about. I heard, “activation and time to head back.” I don’t need any more shocks!  I felt teary, the wind had turned cold and suddenly I needed another layer on. What is this fragility that I seem to live in of late?  Everything is on the surface, I am as raw as the wind blowing off the sea. Time for warmth and a hot bath.

This was my gift as I turned from the sea, the sun spilling her silver liquidlovelight for me.

This was my gift as I turned from the sea, the sun spilling her silver liquidlovelight for me.

I lay in the tub, feeling underneath the rolling of my emotions to a deep stillness that is carrying me. I am a wave, being carried ever closer to the shore of my desires. Shambhala, that misty place, my heart resides. I feel each drop that forms this wave, all of us, courageous hearts.  We make our way, up and over, crashing and churning, relentlessly moving. An ancient knowing drives our movement, to leap and throw off what no longer serves, to dive deep to the place of remembering, to steadily surge forward towards that shore. No time given for arrival, no knowing what awaits…….Christopher Columbus and his men had nothing on us. We are explorers of an inner land. No landmarks, no navigational tools. Only this instinct, surging and moving us onward. Elemental. Yes, reduced to the elements. That is how I feel. I am carbon, crystal, water. A flame, a torrential storm, desert sand, the mist that floats in.

I AM. That is all I know this night. I AM.

Mountains, Eagles, Dancing Flames Melting in Love

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Crystal clear energy on the mountain.

Crystal clear energy on the mountain.

I see that it has been twenty-one days since I last wrote. Time is an illusion……flowing in wonderous ways these days. March has been a whirlwind of motion after months of stillness and rest. I traveled to Boulder, Colorado at the invitation of a friend. We shared some glorious days together, soaking in the beauty of the mountains. I had a day of snowshoeing with a beautiful new soul family member and my friend, a wonderful trinity of love. It fed my craving for snow, trees, sunlight and love. There were moments so full, we could do no more than look at one another, our heart light often bringing tears.  My friend and I lived in a state of love,  intoxicating and demanding in its force. So much energy in motion, knowing our fields were creating, drawn deep in the swirling spirals. Of late,  I am finding that after a brief conversation, I have to go and lie down, dropping in and away for five minutes or fifteen…..long enough for the fine tuning and recalibration to take place from all being created in the sharing.

Everyone we need to complete with is coming to us. Everything we need to clear within is flowing or screaming its way to the surface. It is so important to not attach to any of it yet feel it all fully. You can feel depressed, depraved even yet know that is not defining you. You can be angry and know it is not who you are. All is looking for release. By being a field of love, we invite the energies within us that are less than love to come out and be seen. It is crucial to not judge ourselves when this happens. We can imagine holding out our arms to these recalcitrant energies as we would to a wayward child, inviting it in to be held and comforted.

A snow heart left outside the backdoor, a gift from the sun/snow/elementals reflecting the love I felt everywhere.

A snow heart left outside the backdoor, a gift from the sun/snow/elementals reflecting the love I felt everywhere.

A Native American man with eagle in his name showed up to complete work. Third powerful eagle energy in a Native being for me to work with. I sang to his heart which allowed our beings to spiral upward and down deep, bridging heaven to earth…..our contract and work.  I could feel his wings and talons wanting to consume in the old way, as his spirit recognized and felt the liquidlovelight of the feminine. The work was for him to feel it, and slow down enough to find it inside himself rather than grasping at me to provide it. My work was to be the field of love with presence, a soft carpet beneath his being, allowing him to feel supported while he accessed that love inside, without my being trampled upon. I had to trust myself to know when to gently remove my carpet, showing him that he was standing on his own foundation, as his feminine came into balance with his masculine within. Society teaches men to find it outside and contain it as theirs, an old paradigm that keeps both sexes entrapped.  A friend cautioned me in my contact with this powerful being yet I knew my feminine’s strength and power and that she was able for the task my soul called me to.

Krishna playing his flute on the mountain.

Krishna playing his flute on the mountain.

We shared an evening of kirtan at the Star House, in the mountains outside Boulder. A beautiful building, surrounded by a circle of standing stones where the music lifted us into the planes of ecstasy. The first song was to Ganesha, my dear elephant friend, who has been working with me for the past month or so. He had come to me on the mountain at 9000 feet where I had co-created a crystal grid that lay in the snowy sunlight. He had shown me that the love pouring into the planet was melting people’s hearts as surely as the  sunlight was melting the snow about each crystal, so gently and softly does it touch our hearts. I knew that Ganesha was there as my protector and that I was to allow myself to be carried by the intensity of the drums and voices and the Eagle being beside me. I surrendered to the energy and chants and was rewarded with a dance with Shiva. He came to me as a flame in the sky, fiery and bright. We danced in patterns of  golden light that sent a shower of liquidlovelight streaming earthward. I laughed and marveled that I was dancing with him (I had recently read a story of a flaming man, dreamt of flames and felt myself consumed) and he told me that we had danced together many times and this was our joy. Then Krishna was there playing his magic flute which seemed to dance me into a frenzy of love. I saw myself sitting on the floor, in the circle of folks and yet knew our spiraling energies weaving patterns in the sky. At one point, my Eagle friend went from swaying movement to deep stillness. I knew he had accessed that stream and later he related that he knew himself being the bridge between heaven and earth as he felt the power of the connection in his being.  It is his role and mine, he the pillars of support, me the flowing stream that wayshows the path he upheld. We played our roles large as the music wove its patterns of love.

A snow being who greeted us on our hike.

A snow being who greeted us on our hike.

Later, the asking for more and my knowing the completion of our work. Each must integrate and discover the empowerment in self. We can assist one another but we cannot walk the path for another. We can only shine a light on the power and gifts that reside within so that the other can see them for themselves if they choose to look. This wonderful brother of my heart, asked some questions that brought me to another level of healing of a heart wound I was unaware was yet bleeding. I am so grateful for him showing up to do the  work that was ours to do. He played his part well.

I was grateful to my feminine that set the boundary and declared my time of healing wounded warriors to be over. Knowing all must heal their own wounds, sit in the flame of their own fire and bring it all back to the love that is. We are the fierce mother flame that kicks the fledging out of the nest when it is its time to use its wings, holding the image of his soaring like a bright coal in our heart. As well as the lovers and friends who see the beauty of the other and act as a mirror to shine it back at them.

IMG_6226 My friend illustrated this powerfully by holding her hands up, palms facing one another. Sovereignty facing sovereignty. The old energy, one leaning into another or leaning away. Both disempowering stances of victim/persecutor or aloofness masking fear.  We can stand face to face, heart to heart and allow the love to flow freely, fearlessly when we have discovered our masculine’s strength balanced by the feminine’s flow. We are able vessels for this lovelight as it is what we are. Breathing in and sighing deep with the love that I am. Breathing in and savoring the love that you are. Tears of wonder at the love that is. A deep bow to us all.

Choosing to See and Speak through the Eyes of Love

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Our Easter lily trumpeting the news of our Christed natures coming in with the resurrection flames. You can almost hear the trumpets sounding!

The days are flying by, I arise, blink and the sun is setting. I feel the movement as slow and deep in my emotional world as layers upon layers are turned over, the tilling of myself so that I may have a prepared bed in which to plant the seeds of my heart’s desire. I am awaking from dream states where I am expressing old emotions. The other morning I found myself trying to get someone to see me. Telling them that I was a big heart player on the earth scene. Wanting to prove my spiritual credentials in some way. Oh, what a painful feeling. I was so glad to awaken and know the freedom of not needing anyone outside of me to show or tell me who I am. Not needing anyone to see me as I now see me. It has been a journey to this place of freedom but the sweetness of the knowing of myself is a nectar that I love.

I sat with a couple of friends the other night for dinner and the discussion turned to the

the beauty of this landscape

Native Americans here in Canada and the USA. It moved into a downward spiral of energy as we talked of the injustices that they have suffered, the problems of alcohol and drugs on the reservations, the loss of their way of life of living on the land…….I awoke the next morning knowing that I had missed an opportunity to raise the conversation to the vibration of love. I had to forgive myself for missing that chance and ask for another. The universe will grant this with so much love. A couple of emails arrived that morning speaking to this issue with such clarity. The first is from a “wise one” whose name I do not know:

“When one focuses on what is wrong, there is judgement upon something, someone..It may be subtle, but it is there, for right or wrong, good bad is a duality experience. To take one’s consciousness beyond duality is important for the raising of vibrational frequency. Whatever vibrational reality you focus on with your light is what will come to you. Do you always want to be fixing things on the planet? Is this your true purpose here on earth? “

Oh, those Rocky Mountains! I am drinking them in with all of my senses. Overdose on your senses today!!

I used to believe that fixing things was my purpose but I am a creator, as we all are. We came to create heaven on earth. To do this, I can see everything through the lens of love. All very well you say, but how do we change things if we do not focus on what is wrong? For me, I believe that the old must collapse like a wave. It is the way of the wave to rise and then fall. All the efforts to stem that fall will be fruitless in the end as it is its nature to collapse. Looking through the lens of love, I can see the perfection of this as well as see the new potentials. Jesus did not come in and try to change his society’s systems. He came and emanated his light which is what created a shift of such immense magnitude.

“Remember what even Einstein said, “You cannot solve a problem on the level of the problem.” You must lift it up through the resonance of your heart. You must become the source of magnetic power. You must place your creative focus, beloved ones, on what you want not on what you don’’t want. These things you already know. What you don’’t realize is that the world of Love is more Real than the world of illusion, and that the power of your hearts is far, far greater than the power of your ego or your little mind.

If you shift to your heart, then you serve the world in the most powerful way, by being the power of Love, by remembering that only Love truly exists, and that by changing the vibration in which you live, YOU CHANGE EVERYTHING. And it is done from the LEVEL OF THE SPIRIT. It is not done from the level of the world.”

There Are No Separate Hearts. The Messages from God, Circle of Light

through Yael and Doug Powell at Circle of Light www.circleoflight.net

I thanked the universe and friends for sending me the words that I needed to shift to love.

An eagle soaring over head, taking me with him/her for a beautiful flight. I am so free!

After all, what is created from a conversation like the one I engaged in? It stirs up feelings of anger, hopelessness, despair. What of beauty is created from that? Again it goes back to accepting all as it is, trusting that all is part of the divine order. We do not fight against, as that keeps us playing in the fields of duality. We are moving to unity consciousness where all are/is one. We envision that which we desire. I want Native Americans and all people to live lives of abundance and freedom. I honor my Native American friends for the wisdom they hold as I expect to be honored for the wisdom I bring. We have all been every race, lived lives of lack as well as plenty, wielded power with a heavy hand, as well as with justice. I want to live in a world without labels where we recognize that we are all part of the rainbow tribe that has come to co-create with our beautiful Mother Earth. It is time to drop the labels that divide and become one people intent on creating the paradise that our hearts know so fully.

A 400 year old family barn, taken apart in Germany, crated and brought here to BC to become the home and restaurant of some newly made friends. I love how creative we all are, sharing our gifts. This couple bringing the Alps to BC, connecting the two lands.

Do you see how exciting this is? To see everything that comes into your world, as an opportunity to see it in love. To see a friend’s pain and open your heart wide enough to hold it all in love, not judging it as good or bad, simply surrounding it all in love. It takes all of me to do this. I fall down, I forget and revert back to the ego and duality. But I return, by the grace of God, more quickly these days, to the truth of love. Our hearts are here for this, they are conduits of love. We can live this love each day and as my world begins to reflect only love, I help create that reality for all. Can it be this simple? Yes though it is not a simple thing to hold to this love. You must reach deep and see through the eyes of the heart when the illusion is grasping to hold you in duality’s grip. Let go, soften your heart and focus and this world will shine with your heartlight….yes, you can wear your rose colored glasses. Rose is the color and the power of love. I love you all more than words can express. The ribbons of my heartlight entwine your hearts and I feel your beauty.