Delphiniums lighting up the shed wall.
Today I spent time with both my grandchildren. At some point in the day, each of them got hurt in some manner. The 18 month old cried and made use of sounds and gestures to tell us what happened. Her dad held her as she cried it out and he acknowledged what had happened to her. Then she wanted to tell me the story. As she did, she cried again. Next she told her aunt and had another cry. She told her story and felt her emotions until they cleared. It was beautiful to witness.
How many of us would benefit from allowing ourselves to fully feel the hurt. We are trained to “get over it” quickly and move on. Yet, often the emotional pain remains and is not fully dissipated after the initial tears. To have our feelings acknowledged as we give them full rein is a freeing experience. To be able to tell of our hurts as many times as it takes to come to that place of peace frees us to be present for the next moment. In a matter of minutes, my granddaughter had recovered and was off to play with her cousin.
My grandson had a melt down at the end of our morning out at my former husband’s property. He wanted to bring home one of his big toys that stays out at the place. After his big explosion of tears and anger, I gathered him in my arms as he sobbed. Later we were able to talk about it calmly and feel appreciation for having two places to keep his toys.
A tiny cherry heart in my ice cream, reminding my of how I am loved and cherished.
What was so powerful and joyful for me, was seeing how my son and daughter have honed their abilities to be present through the emotional storms of their children. They are calm witnesses, there with acknowledgement and compassion. They listen and reflect the child’s pain or desires as well as provide clear guidance as to what is to happen. The boundaries provide safe containers for their children to thrive in.
I am learning to be a better listener, to sit with another’s pain, without trying to fix it or offer distraction from it. It is wonderful how each generation evolves to be better parents, more whole beings than the previous one. We are all getting better and better! Grandchildren offer us another opportunity to grow. I feel so blessed in this.
