Oh my, these final exams of the heart are not easy!
There are times where the process takes us so deep, we cannot catch our breath to reflect. I am on the fast train to mastery this month, judging by what has shown up in my world. I am grateful for the inner images that pull me into daytime naps and dreams. They are what is sustaining me. A couple of days ago, a friend arrived to do our favorite Stargate card activity. It is an old deck and system, from the 70’s she thinks, yet retains a power punch. It gives an accurate reading of where you are in your life but requires you to do the interpretation work. By doing it together, we offer one another our insights. Before we began, she stated that she needed a 20 minute nap. I love friends who are as present to their needs as I am.
We each lay down on a couch, she fell asleep and I went into a dream like experience. I was praying and doing some healing work on my dear Joseph. All of a sudden, hundreds, then thousands, then millions of folks lined up behind him to receive the healing. I saw how we can stop thinking small, we are expansive beings and what we call forth for one, we can call forth for the multitudes. My heart was throbbing like a drum in my chest as I felt the ribbons from my heart reach out to each one. Amazing. I was then spiraling with Joseph. I was riding a red dragon, his was gold. We were spiraling up to the Great Central Sun and diving back down the core of the earth, like a corkscrew. We turned into a pink flame of love pulsing in the inner core of the earth. Any separation dissolved as there was only light and love. To be that flame was the all of all. The flame burst into a million stars throughout the galaxy, each star appearing separate as a point of light but I could see the firmament that wove them all together. All was connected. All was one. Glistening, shimmering so bright. We have been trained to have such a limited view like a pinprick instead of a huge telescope of understanding. We are expanding into oneness, unity, heartlight.
I recalled Joseph saying that he had begun to see people as neither masculine nor feminine, rather simply energy. We are moving to this androgyny as all duality falls away. The light from that flame moved up through the earth and I saw how everyone is being fed this love from our mother as well as receiving it through the sun’s rays from our father. Wonder. Later as we pulled out our card decks to play, I pulled the healing heart card. I loved the image as I had visualized myself touching his heart along with all the others.
A dancing oak tree, so tall and graceful. I lay against her and asked to be tutored in her ways.
This morning I feel a clarity that is sharp. I see that we have been given opportunities to close loops with others. I see myself moving as quickly as I can to activate, expand, complete with others. Once done, I feel that that particular lifetime is closed. It is a strange feeling as I can have been in such closeness, experienced a fullness and depth of sharing only to hear the click of the lock as that book closes. We are clearing our remaining karma with folks, completing our commitments to hold the door open for others. Last night, a final one with a loved one swung closed. The depth of love is so great, I have stood holding the gate open with full hearts. Many are desirous of the warmth of the light but reluctant to take the steps to claim it as their own. It is a lesson to me to allow him his path. To finally close the door on the pushing energy that is second nature to me for all those I love. I felt sadness as I surrendered him to the holiness of his own timing and path. I have done my work, I bless him in his and now I step back and allow.
Surrender is the name of the game, over and over. Trusting the divine timing for each soul on its path. Grateful for the tests that challenge me to my core. I felt such a Kali type anger flow through me the other night, so tired of the deceptions, the lies that continue to exist, the desire to continue in the comfort of the old dead story. It did not come out with grace nor softness, it was hard and pointed. I felt remorse move through me at my action. I had to forgive myself for allowing the pain of all the years, to color my eruption. I asked for forgiveness of the other and had to allow my own.
Oh, the dearness of all of our hearts. The more impersonal life feels to me, the greater my love for humanity. I feel so deeply the dearness of each one striving to move through the mountains of pain and suffering. I watched the old shadow of being exiled, being cast from the tribe, the community, arise. Oh, how many lifetimes had I been rejected for stating my truth. I felt gratitude that this feeling was here to be loved. This dear self who longed so for community and acceptance, without having to live a lie. I embraced her and told her we would become a community of two, I would hold to her always. Then I gave the feeling of loneliness to the earth and she took it with such love. Sigh…..more inner space to now be filled with my own Christ light of love. I breathed out the loneliness and breathed in the love of Source. What a magical exchange. We are so gifted. We are so loved. Everything that appears in our world these days, is of importance. Everything a gift to be opened with a grateful heart. Hear me, oh universe, I AM grateful!
