Tag Archives: frequencies

Kali Breathes Her Fire

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IMG_0717Ah, calm is returning to my soul. I have been in the grips of Kali’s fiery energy the past few days. Sleepless nights as I tossed and turned with my mind spinning in webs of confusion. One dear to my heart, has stepped out of the old victim, playing small energy that I had lived for many years of my life. Witnessing the unfolding brought echoes of the old pain to the surface. Seeing one holding the stance of power over, with all its many guises, brought that energy into sharp focus. The gaslighting, the manipulation, the shaming, the guilt, the lies…..all presented in technicolor for me to view.

It was exhausting to be in such energies without allowing Kali’s fire to burn it all down. I felt that I was a match ready to ignite all in a fiery conflagration. I felt the impact of the imprisonment that we have lived lifetimes under on this planet. I felt rage at the forces that feed off of humanity’s misery. My personal world was reflecting the macrocasm and my inner being was on fire as the microcosm. I am amazed that my physical form still stands!

The ocean crashes against the rocks, creating something new in its wake.

The ocean crashes against the rocks, creating something new in its wake.

At one point, a small voice said, ” You are not being spiritual.” Then a deep laugh followed by a roar from Kali. Ha! Spiritual! She quickly extinguished that voice and every cell in my being knew that this anger was truth. I had to forgo saying goodby to one who was here highlighting this energy for me, as I knew that I could burn him to cinders with a look. I sent regrets to a family gathering as the anger needed my full attention and it was not to be diluted with any niceties. Truly, it felt that I was breathing fire. One night, I ate two half pints of gelato in an attempt to cool my being down. I felt scorched from the inside out. The outside temperatures mirrored this as it seemed that all are in the fire as the intensity ramps up. It will not lessen soon but continue until there is no longer a need.

Stones balanced on a bit of sand as the tide flows out. We are called to our own balancing act as our former foundations crumble beneath us.

Stones balanced on a bit of sand as the tide flows out. We are called to our own balancing act as our former foundations crumble beneath us.

Being around the unconsciousness that is rampant on the planet, is so much more tiring than in days past. I am so grateful to have been gifted a sanctuary space to rest in. I sit here in this beautiful cottage, a tiny bird dipping its beak into a birdbath outside my window, my heart being fed by its presence. The trees all stand with me, offering their shade and strength . All of nature and the elements conspire to assist us in this evolutionary change. All is being changed. All are being given wake up calls. There is so much fear and anxiety running in the collective. Nature is a wonderful antidote. We think of her as being peace, offering peace. This is true and yet there is more.

I have known that I am a pillar of peace on this planet. Yet, here I have been, deeply engaged in anger on a personal and impersonal level. One does not negate the other. Kali has shown me the place of anger.  Peace is not without anger. Peace comes through being with all of it, without resistance. Feeling all of it. Riding the waves as they crest and smash against the rocks. Nature shows us eruptions, fires running out of control, lava spewing forth, waters rising, winds whirling. It is all part of the picture. All to bring that stability, that new firmament upon which we can begin to build the new.

Much of the new age thinking has touted a lie. Encouraging peace when fire was raging below the surface. Telling folks to think positive and all would be well. Shaming folks for their anger, their pain. A lie. Another way to harness folks’ energy while appearing in the guise of “spiritual”. It continued the work of organized religion with its oppression and guilt.

Today I feel depleted, emptied of the fire. The settling as my breath cools. I am so grateful to this body elemental that withstands such energies flowing. I am grateful to be a part of this dance.

We stand in our beauty and strength to bless all.

We stand in our beauty and strength to bless all.

I witnessed a squirrel sounding an alarm yesterday. A louder than car alarm noise, that came unbelievably from a squirrel. He stood stock still on a branch and rang his alarm for all that he was worth. No idea what it meant but it sounded like a wake up call to humanity. Wake up! Let go! Surrender and allow. It is time, past time to make a new choice. To let go of narcissism, let go of holding onto material forms of security, to ride the waves and flow with the energies which are landing in. He was brilliant at his work.

May we all live what is true and trust that it will all turn out in ways beyond our wildest dreams. This I know, all is well. It is done. We have anchored the light as we allow ourselves to be true to what is seeking expression. This is the path to peace. Hawaii is showing us this now as her eruptions destroy as well as create. New landmass is being born as what no longer serves is burnt away. Nature is a teacher if we choose to learn from her.

Observations On The New Year’s Energies

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An unusual ET Buddha found sitting in the dark woods.

An unusual ET Buddha found sitting in the dark woods.

It has been an interesting step into this new year. It began with newness and excitement as I sensed a large opening ahead as I heard a doorway closing behind me. Not softly, but with a clang as it shut. I sensed this for the collective and for me personally as the choice point of the Solstice had been passed. It seemed that the past seven years journey of playing at the wandering mystic had come to an end. I had the sense that I would be able to “be in the world” in a new way. My heart quickened with that thought and my curiosity was piqued as to what that might look like.

It was not a pretty sight! It took me once again to the underworld, to a further dissolution of self. I felt dreamy most of the time, floating along, frequently having adjustment seconds where I reoriented myself to myself. There were moments of sheer joy mingled with an unknowing that left me unhinged.

The other day I took a nap and as it came time to return to my body, I could not find it. I was in a dreamscape of billowing curtains, pushing them aside as I searched for the right body to return to. It was an uncomfortable sensation. I landed in with a shudder and awoke with no idea where I was nor who I was. An apt description of my current state.

Standing at the portal, ready!

Standing at the portal, ready!

I sense this larger, richer, more vibrant life awaiting me. All the chapters have been read and I am awaiting the new one. I sense deeper colors, more intimate connections, physical passion, natural beauty that enlivens and creates with us. Yet I am in this space, a bridge perhaps between spaces, no handrails, no place to place your foot until you actually take the step. Confusion energies swirl like angry bees about me, causing teary despair to envelop me. Will I totter to my death from this space? Do I fear this dissolution of self? There have been so many deaths. I do not fear it, yet I can find no comfort anywhere.

Each step has its own flavor. I sense that events are transpiring to pull reaction energy from us: guilt, anger, depression, sadness, the list goes on. They flare up, white hot. Is it to see how quickly we can let go of judgment of self around our reactions? Can we love the part of us that reacts in sadness, fatigue, anger? Can we be with these feelings without fleeing? Can we accept ourselves in all of our moments, loving every part of the tapestry of self?

Redwood, burnt out yet the brilliant green moss so alive.

Redwood, burnt out yet the brilliant green moss so alive.

Perhaps all this must take place before we reach the new shore. Emptied, all bits shaken loose. The lint and crumbs hidden in pockets tossed out on the surface to be seen, acknowledged. Every bit asking to be loved back to its truth as love.

I did some deep clearing, ancient energies working against one dear to me, whose intention is to bring in community in the new frequencies. It was making him ill, pulled under so that he could find no traction. The energy responded to the mother’s love, softening, loosening and accepting it was time to return to its own home. The old anger was not there for me, more of a redirection, like with a wayward child.

Playing the bowl in the redwoods.

Playing the bowl in the redwoods.

Another day, a friend and I were doing a card reading for the new year. It is an old system, from the seventies called Stargate,  that takes a couple of hours, going deep with its images and words, calling forth gems from the subconscious. This time was new as we had to stop and use our crystal bowls to clear energies that arose in the reading. At one point, I found myself chanting in a way that made the hair stand up on my neck. Catholic priests, satanic rituals, images floated through in rapid succession, as my voice sang their intentions. Light language followed that rent the air with its shattering power. It was like sword blades swinging in its intensity. Then the bowls’ song of peace and love, gathering it all up. I could not tell you what it was all about but it followed this theme of energies outside the bounds of what we consider good and acceptable, coming to the surface to be seen. To be loved, to be returned to Source for recycling. Ha, think of recycling our mental and emotional stuff into living light. How wonderous is that?

The where of housing my form has yet to appear. No place lighting up, no direction given. All like ash in my mouth as my mind scrambled in its old way, searching, searching. Bringing me closer to the edge, closer to emptiness. I was harsh in my judgment of self as it seems the simplest of things…decide on a place, commit to rent it, find things to furnish it. Or take the furnished sublet route……yet for me, neither  is easy. My sensitivity is off the charts, everything is felt, registered. Nature is the place where I breathe free. Otherwise, the discordant notes play through me from a piece of furniture, a jammed space, corners that feel too sharp. I desire to land in, begin this newness yet the timing is not quite here. There is still this misty landscape to navigate as my spirit flies amongst the stars, playing chords with frequencies, aligning, harmonizing. So little attention remaining for the body and its animation. Everything in me desires to dive deep into the silence, to fly free in the universe within. The outer world feels like distraction pulling at me. I know it is where I  intend to land, with all of myself, all of my divinity brought to bear to create anew.

See how the dark defines the light.

See how the dark defines the light.

Surrender, once again. Trust, my byword. I am here in love, for love. Dreaming my vision of the world I wish to live in. At times I feel I have outlived my life, yet this spark of creation desires animation. Desires form. Divine timing rules. Open, allow, trust. In that trusting, I honor my path. As I see others about me stepping into new creations, finding their loves, their homes, their passions, and I am living in a flat land of greys…….I trust my path. I agreed to walk this, to be who I am. It is not comfortable at present but it is too late to be second guessing my choice.

The knowing is strong. 2015 is a year of change, of magic and miracles. Dichotomy of deep darkness standing next to the brightest of light. All swirling, merging, rearranging into the Oneness we are. It is a messy process bringing heaven to earth. I am grateful to play my part. Thank you for playing yours. We are creator gods, just beginning to understand the tools in our hands. May we play well, loving and living our unique gift to the whole.