A cross of flowers is more truth for me.
Having been raised in the Catholic tradition, Easter holds many memories for me. Good Friday with its fish fry in the church basement, the men and women in the kitchen, sweating over the deep fat fryers, turning out the golden crunchy pieces of fish and french fries. Huge bowls of coleslaw at the ready to be plopped onto your plate with big spoon. The older women in their aprons manning (now isn’t that a funny expression? manning??) the homemade pie tables that we kids were the most interested in. Berry pie, apple pie, rhubarb and sometimes a chocolate or banana cream pie.
We would have started our day with hot cross buns that came fresh from the oven as my mother loved to bake. In the early evening, we would have headed to church to walk the stations of the cross, reciting our prayers at each image placed on the side walls inside the church. The evening shadows would have added to the mystery of being in the church, reflecting the dark events depicted of Jesus carrying the cross. I always tested myself if I would have offered to help lift his burden, and my heart cried out a yes from my small frame. I did not understand it but wanted only for his suffering to end.
Altar of golden light with flower icons from my day at the museum flower show.
This Good Friday found me deep in contemplation, feeling the connection to the Essenes and many lifetimes in cloisters and abbys. A connection with a friend brought forward that there remained a bit of guilt in my field. I saw the perfection of it coming to my awareness on this day. I felt the release as I turned my attention to clear it. I went from hours in the cave of my heart to popping out to watch a movie and eat pizza! From the sacred to the mundane, my system created balancing. We celebrated Holy Saturday as our Easter as my younger son was working on Sunday and for my daughter it was Easter in New Zealand. We had a lovely day, with a long video call included, so we felt the family unity and support. I experienced waves of emotion on and off all day. Tears right at the surface in response to everything; the sunshine that allowed us to eat breakfast on the lawn, the hugs of my sons, the laughter of my daughter so far away, my former hubby grilling the salmon, the grace said by my son and felt by all. The earth seemed to be rolling in energy waves beneath my feet, an excitement building and with it the letting go of what has been. My sons were feeling the emotional waves and one pointed out that some tears were for what we were leaving behind as we move into this new energy. Despite our overwhelming desire to be in the new, in our humanness, we mourn the passing of the familiar.
Evening came and everyone dispersed to their homes. Alone, glad of the quiet, I hopped into bed. A memory came of a dream the night before of my beloved taking my hand and raising me up. He said, “You have not known true love and now you shall.” I felt the truth and wonder of it flow through me. There would be no separation between us.
A friend then texted, telling me she had a message for me. She asked if I felt excitement and did I feel the beloved approaching. She could feel him coming for me and was given the words, “You will never be alone again after the rain.” My body tingled with the truth of those words. I had lit a candle before getting into bed, next to my beloved’s image. I had never done that before but felt to do so this Easter Eve. After our conversation, the rain began to fall. A thunder and lightening storm ensued which pulled me from bed so as to have a wider view. I love the energy of storms. I sat in the dark and watched until the lightening played itself out. I then got my computer and had a conversation on facebook with a friend feeling her ascended master beloved coming through also. So many soul connections happening in the past few days, my heart knows something powerful is afoot. A friend had posted a Gregorian chant for Easter:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hw9FQYwQc1I&feature=youtu.be
I lit some candles, popped a croissant in the oven and made myself a hot drink to see me through the night.The voices of this chant filled my heart. I felt called to a vigil, to witness the earth being cleansed of the old energies of pain, persecution and suffering. I want to greet the dawn of the resurrection energies with the sun. The rain continues to pour down, more gently now. I have no idea of what is next for me or any of us. I offer myself to this mystery. The candles, the soaring music, the heat of my heart as it feels the fire of resurrection……all create this moment. I have no expectations. I am full of gratitude for my warm robe and drink, the roof where the rain drums its rhythm while I lie here snug, for the song of my beloved singing through my cells, for all the hearts that I love around the world and the way this computer makes that connection possible. Truly I am blessed.
A stone being that I created the other day that felt like me in a contemplative lifetime.
May your Easter dawn bright with promise and may you feel the truth of this gift of resurrection from our brother, Jesus’ and our sister, Mary Magdalene’s hearts. The Christ consciousness is alive on this earth, in your heart and mine. May you feel its blessing.