Tag Archives: heart flame

Always Learning

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Snow folks that my granddaughter and her mom made on the back steps.

Snow folks that my granddaughter and her mom made on the back steps.

There had been a disagreement brewing with one dear to me. My heart was sore with the feelings of anger and resentment. I ended a call quickly, not sure how to continue. How to maintain a boundary and yet be the love? I breathed in and felt a loosening. I expanded it and allowed the love that is true to flow through me. I wanted an apology, an acknowledgement of wrong doing. It was not to come. How to sit with that? All of this was mine to do. I could continue to feel the emotions like a weight on my shoulders or ? Again, the knowing that this was mine to do. It was not dependent on the actions of another. I realized that it is not my  job to ensure that someone “gets it”. I am not responsible for the way that others walk this life. I do not have to teach them a lesson. I do not have to make them understand. I am responsible for myself and how I walk my love in this world. Amazing to think that I know what is best for anyone. How long have I carried this sense of responsibility? Too long. It is time to let it go.

I had a choice. I sat and allowed the lovelight to infill that area of pain. It slowly began to warm that part of my heart with its glow. Deep sigh. I picked up the phone and made the call expressing only love. There remains differing views of the situations. It matters not. I can choose my boundaries, choose what feels lighter, express my truth and then let it go.

Later, a dear friend called and expressed that she had struggled with the same emotions that morning. We were able to laugh and feel the lightness as we moved through the heavyheartedness. We acknowledged that we are getting better at this. We feel it all and let it be present until it washes away like a wave.

fullsizeoutput_4f2aIn the afternoon, a wave of loneliness came over me. I took myself out for a walk, intending to go to a nearby woods. I saw that the trails were closed due to deer hunting season. Ah….I had forgotten that. My bright orange vest was back home, it is an essential part of the wardrobe during hunting season to make sure that you are seen. I ended up on a different walk about the common, taking in the views. The sky was alive with patterned clouds as it decided whether to drop snow or rain.

I love the sweet face that he made on this little being.

I love the sweet face that he made on this little being.

I went home and cleaned out my pantry, finally putting away groceries that had been sitting there awaiting space. I emptied my cupboards and ended up with a box of give away dishes and implements. It felt good, clearing in the physical can often clear our heads. I then settled into making more fairy wands to sell at my first craft fair this coming weekend. I imagined the children dancing with them and laughing. My grandson made two and zoomed around flying them up and down. He is so creative, I love seeing what he comes up with. I am grateful for the time with my two little ones. They keep me laughing and experiencing joy. May we all have that child inside, lit up. Cherish yourself as we cherish one another.

 

Winter!

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fullsizeoutput_4aceThere is a beauty that comes with a blanket of white snow that is wondrous. I was able to take a snowshoe hike from my home on the recently opened snowmobile paths. There are thousands of miles of trails across Vermont and other northern states that open in the winter. Farmers agree to open their fences and gates to allow the snowmobile riders free access to zoom across their fields. There are also miles upon miles of groomed cross country ski trails in the town where I live. I have not taken up that challenge yet..you have to know and purchase different kinds of skiis for different conditions. It is more work than snow shoeing so I have stayed with that for now. My grandson has racing skate skiis as well as regular cross country skiis as part of his ski club training. It looks like fun and  perhaps at some point I will make all the purchases and take lessons but for now the snow shoes fit my budget and desires.

IMG_0144As I was snowshoeing along, I thought of friends that I wished were there with me. I miss having friends to take walks with. I have my family and enjoy time outside with them, especially my grandson who keeps me young, by sledding and tumbling in the snow with him. Yet, I was craving a peer to enjoy the beauty with. Then I realized how I enjoy the silence in the woods, the sound of my breath, the movement of the branches as snow weights them down, the freedom to choose my path forward. I imagined a friend with me, felt her heart and knew that she was walking next to me. I can have the silence and the companionship!

Today is sunny and very cold. -14 degrees with a wind chill that brings it down another 10 degrees. Brrr! I had a dentist appointment this morning in the next town over but cancelled it. It simply is too cold to be out and about unless it is a necessity. I will take a short walk to get some sun on my face but no lingering outside. My fingertips and toes grow numb quickly in these temperatures despite good gear.

fullsizeoutput_4ac8I have a sewing project to do today and have gotten out my knitting needles and yarn to see if I can take it up again. It has been decades but I discovered that youtube has tutorials that may help me get back into the rhythm of it. Lovely that folks take the time to share their expertise with others. A different world than what I grew up in or even raised my kids in. It was libraries and card catalogs to find out any information.

Flower websites are a lovely distraction in this cold. I have been searching for old fashioned roses that grow in this zone 3B climate. Not a lot but there are some available. I used to have a rose garden, that was added to every Mother’s Day by my kids. I had only very fragrant roses….pinks and peaches and creams. It was my delight. It is time to have that in my life once again. I do not own property but live here at my son and daughter-in-love’s place and they have room for roses. The bigger property of my former hubby that holds the rest of the family, has acres of meadow space to grow in. It is sandy soil so we are intending to try lavender plants this year. There are a few old fashioned red roses on the place that offer a lovely fragrance. It will be wonderful to add in some more plants in the pink-cream range that I love.

fullsizeoutput_4ac9We live in a time of little permanence as all changes so quickly. Yet, there is the energy of creation and beauty that calls. I think of folks eating all the delicious citrus and stone fruit that we planted in California. They are enjoying the fruits of our efforts and it is time to dig in here in Vermont and see what we can create. Even with a shorter growing season, there is so much beauty that is possible. I am amazed at the vibrancy of plants that return each spring to dazzle the senses. After a monochromatic landscape, the flowers’ colors seem richer in their impact on my senses.

There is a layer of ice under the snow that makes walking outside treacherous. I have grippers to wear on my boots and a dear son who salts and clears my walkway each morning. We took a walk yesterday late in the afternoon up the hill to see a neighbor’s cow and pony that he keeps for his young daughter. My granddaughter, at almost one year’s old, can say “moo” and likes to go visit the cow and listen to his moo. She rides high in her backpack on one of her parents’ shoulders, her round rosy face poking out as she looks about. Once she is older, winter will be a magical time for her.  My grandson, at six years old is in love with it. He gets to help clear trails in the woods with his grandfather, go sledding with friends, build forts and snowmen, cross country ski, skate on a neighbor’s pond with bonfires and treats. Outdoors is a paradise.

A deer statue peeking out at the local cemetery that I can snowshoe to.

A deer statue peeking out at the local cemetery that I can snowshoe to.

I am grateful to see it all through these young ones’ eyes. Everything is a discovery and there is enjoyment in it all. It helps me keep my sense of wonder as I see the patterns of frost on the windows in the mornings, the icicles dripping as the sun hits them, the magic of the trees coated in snow, the ponds and creeks frozen over with layers of ice, with currents of water rushing under and through. May the magic of nature fill our hearts and keep us warmly glowing.

Solitude and Community

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fullsizeoutput_144bI am sitting with a warm drink, looking out at the snow covered hill behind this condo. I feel so grateful for my solitude which has a new flavor these days. Are you sensing the greater connection that is happening? It is the knowing that those whom I love, are residing within the same field of lovelight as I am. There is no separation. I can savor being in my own energy field here and at the same time, feel the heart connection streaming and weaving between and amongst my dear ones. These threads of liquidlovelight are growing in their capacity to weave tapestries of immense beauty and form. Our imaginings are about to become physical as we bring heaven to earth.

Moss wreath from my daughter-in-love's hands.

Moss wreath from my daughter-in-love’s hands.

We are preparing to live in the love pods as we each step into our sovereignty. This will allow us to live in community in a way that nourishes and expands our lovelight. I sense that December is the deep cleaning phase of our emotional bodies as we release all that has been a part of our journey to this now moment. It is time to let go of sadness, of the traumas, of the pain, of any feelings of being unloved or rejected. Now we step into our mastery, knowing how loved and cherished we truly are. All is sourced from the One Source, within our hearts. We no longer need to look to another to validate or direct us. We open to our own internal GPS system and allow it to move us. We surrender in deep relief to the knowing that our higher self, our I AM presence has it all in hand. Everything that enters our world is there for our own growth and enhancement. Yes, even the parts that do not feel good in the moment. If we allow and trust it all, the gift will show itself.

Winterberries collected from their swampy homes in Vermont by my daughter-in-love. Now gracing my windowsill with their cheery red.

Winterberries collected from their swampy homes in Vermont by my daughter-in-love. Now gracing my windowsill with their cheery red.

Yesterday afternoon, I lie in bed as a pool of sunshine drew me in. I had opened the window to feel the cool breeze flow down the snowy hillside from the forest of trees above.  I snuggled deep in the duvet, as the sylphs flowing in that air, sent a wild stirring to my blood. Something huge is about to burst forth. December is the time of the waning light as we move to the Solstice. Candles and starlight feed us as we go deep within to find the flame of our own heart light. Many are feeling this drawing in, this time of reflection. We are gazing in the pool of our own being and choosing who we desire to be in this new landscape. We can drop the heavy burden of the past and flow freely into the present. What a gift! We can let go of the crown of thorns we have worn with such fortitude. It is time to hold our heads high to receive our crown of Christ light. Oh the joy!

Wreath making in Vermont

Wreath making in
Vermont

This wild stirring of my blood was enhanced on my recent trip to Vermont to see my sons and their loves. I felt the edges of the dream come alive in my being. The beautiful farmhouses and open landscape filled my heart. The gently rolling hills soothed some deep part of me as I met and listened to folks who are dug deep into the rhythms of the earth with its seasons of change. I could feel my love pod shimmering just out of sight. It draws closer as our hearts weave their lovelight. As each one reaches for more joy, more spaciousness, more is created for the All. As we honor our own needs and desires, we honor that in one another. We let go of duty and old programming that insists we adhere to the old ways of relationship. We move where our joy takes us and trust all will find their way. Clearing and walking our path of joy, offers a wider pathway for those following.

fullsizeoutput_142cMay our dreaming see all beings with enough food and shelter and the absolute knowing that they are loved and cherished. May we cherish one another as we warm ourselves at the fire of each one’s heart light.

Inner Fire

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imageAfter days of brilliant sunshine, yesterday dawned with a pink glow on the mountain that was soon enveloped in a white mist that spread into a wool blanket over this place. Everything felt muffled and muted. A wintry feel that matched my inward desire. It was a day for staying in my robe and pjs, lying on the couch, staring into the flames of the fire, dissolving into the whiteness outside. I did go out at one point to walk barefoot on the grass in the yard, but otherwise, it was a tea and toast kind of day. Bodily comfort reigned as I walked between worlds. No desire to speak to anyone or deal with anything beyond heating up some water and food. A day for communing with my heart’s flame.

Today the white blanket persists but my energy is more communicative. A walk feels possible and some talks with friends. I have learned to honor my body’s rhythms, allowing the quiet days and the active ones. Riding the wave of energy as it presents itself.

imageMy dreams have been active in releasing old energies. Interesting situations arising, experiencing the pain or sorrow. Taking time to breathe it through as I awaken with emotions running. Calling in the violet flame angels to transmute it all. Thanking myself for releasing in dreamtime…an easier path than on this physical plane.

Spoke with one dear to my heart, he was experiencing extreme anger at the news of someone killed by police officers. The pain of all that is corrupt and harsh in this world, bore down on him. I honor the aspect we are each here to feel and express. I do not follow the news. I live in a bubble of beauty and peace. I have felt that rage move through me at various times, in the past. Perhaps I will feel it again. I have no knowing of how it all fits but I do feel how we are each called to play our part. For me, it is holding a vision of the new land, for some it is being the voice that cries out at injustice and others are the ones who work to right the wrongs. I bless each one for being true to their calling. There is no right or wrong way, there is only your way, what you are guided to, what I am guided to. All offering their piece that works together to create a more loving and harmonious world.

imageBright orange lilies breathe their joy to me. I am reading a fantasy novel of bears and princesses and adapting to new places and ways. All informs me. All touches me. This flame in my heart is burning bright with hope and anticipation of love flowing around this world as our hearts ignite in a conflagration. We are ready to live and love as one. My heart bows to your flame.