Tag Archives: Home

Holding Steady

Posted on by
8
I allowed myself to be cradled in the Creator's arms today, just like these rocks are held in the wood's womb.

I allowed myself to be cradled in the Creator’s arms today, just like these rocks are held in the weathered wood’s soft womb.

The days roll by in interesting waves. Yesterday I arranged for more time here as I keep hearing  “wait”. Today I intended to live in the stillness, dropping all thoughts of where to, what next for this pilgrim. I awaited a response from a woman about a possible house share that came about  through following an inner prompting. She is assisting her mom as she transitions to another realm, so I knew that was where her focus was needed. I expanded into that breath, allowing it to move in its right time. Two days, that felt stretched wide, had passed since our contact. Two other offers came of temporary spots, how I appreciate these dear hearts. Still, the “wait”.  I went off to further explore the island. I was prepared with snacks and water this time as I intended a longer walk. I took off my shoes and stashed them behind a tree so as to feel the earth and rocks. I went a ways, took a call from one so dear to me. He offers yet again, the support of a landing spot and assistance in finding and furnishing a place. If I am at the end of my tether with this no home situation, he is ahead of me. He wants me safe and settled as he has been the backup support for too long. He is tired, I am tired of me. I end up feeling beleaguered. Tears, even defensiveness come up in me. Yes, my moving about does not make sense on one level; yes, I want a place; yes, I want community; yes, I want to participate in life. No, my actions have not facilitated any of this and yet…and yet. The idea of a lease and commitment to future time feels impossible to me. The thought of gathering furnishings feels like a weight that will bury me. Still there is the impulse to run back to the known, to be held for a moment, to be assisted in doing all of this as nothing else feels right. Something holds me back.

Eagle on wing, flying into the treetops.

Eagle on wing, flying into the treetops.

I hear the “wait” once again. I turn back and retrieve my wool socks and hikers as suddenly I am too tender to be walking with bare feet on the cold earth. I press on to the sea, watch two eagles follow one another into the forest. I find a weathered tree toppled along the bluff that offers a lunch spot. I take out my hard boiled egg, carrots and celery, feeling smug that I am so prepared. I answer a call from a friend. A moment later, a bee or wasp, stings the base of my thumb on the hand that was holding the phone. It went flying as I screamed in pain, scraping the insect away. It felt like a wasp as it is still sore, hours later. I had cleaned out my backpack that morning and forgot to put my first aid kit back in. I carry this green tin of Bert’s Bees’ res-Q-ointment that works for bites, burns and scrapes. I regretted my lapse as it would have offered some relief. I asked my body what that was all about. I heard, “activation and time to head back.” I don’t need any more shocks!  I felt teary, the wind had turned cold and suddenly I needed another layer on. What is this fragility that I seem to live in of late?  Everything is on the surface, I am as raw as the wind blowing off the sea. Time for warmth and a hot bath.

This was my gift as I turned from the sea, the sun spilling her silver liquidlovelight for me.

This was my gift as I turned from the sea, the sun spilling her silver liquidlovelight for me.

I lay in the tub, feeling underneath the rolling of my emotions to a deep stillness that is carrying me. I am a wave, being carried ever closer to the shore of my desires. Shambhala, that misty place, my heart resides. I feel each drop that forms this wave, all of us, courageous hearts.  We make our way, up and over, crashing and churning, relentlessly moving. An ancient knowing drives our movement, to leap and throw off what no longer serves, to dive deep to the place of remembering, to steadily surge forward towards that shore. No time given for arrival, no knowing what awaits…….Christopher Columbus and his men had nothing on us. We are explorers of an inner land. No landmarks, no navigational tools. Only this instinct, surging and moving us onward. Elemental. Yes, reduced to the elements. That is how I feel. I am carbon, crystal, water. A flame, a torrential storm, desert sand, the mist that floats in.

I AM. That is all I know this night. I AM.

The Tightrope Dancers

Posted on by
6
The sun bursting through the clouds.

The sun bursting through the clouds.

Awoke with this image of so many of us, on a tightrope. We sense that our landing spot is just ahead, though our vision is limited at present. We glance over our shoulder at how far we have come and know that there is no turning back. If we look below, (always a tricky business as we are trying to maintain our balance, after all) we see all the things that we have jettisoned in order to have made it this far. So much that was near and dear to our hearts has been let go of. We feel the lightness and are glad. The wind picks up and begins to blow and it takes all of our focus to maintain our balance on our rope. We start to think of that warm coat, (think traditional employment), the hat that kept off the rain, (think owning a home), a warm meal eaten by a fire, (think family and possessions) and all that we knew to represent comfort and security. Yet, here we are, balanced on a tightrope across a chasm deep.

Our hearts tell us that a new world is just around the corner, we can feel its pulse. Our eyes have yet to see it, our bodies have yet to be warmed by it, our thoughts struggle to understand it. Our hearts dance and twirl with the feeling of it. Expansion ripples through each cell and threatens to throw us off balance with their movement.

We strain our eyes to see through the mist as we are so ready to stand on firm ground and feel rooted once again. The tightrope that lured us, has lost its appeal. Our feet ache from the strain and our bodies long to lie upon the earth. Being an adventurer has grown old, and the onlookers have long gone home.

I feel so many around me, taking the leap from the old ways into a new that they cannot name but can no longer resist. Many of my friends are like me, living in a room in someone’s house, staying with their adult children or camping out of their car. We move about as we are called by our soul, a modern day group of nomads wandering the highways and byways. We see the seeming safety of the old world, folks with mortgages and retirement accounts and settled “normal” routines. We wonder, have we made the fool’s choice? Yet, we go on.

There is a palpable feeling in the air and the earth that says we are at the threshold. The mist may lift in the next second, hold on! Hold on! We are about to land.

I see us like children, set free to run and play!

I see us like children, set free to run and play!

I bow to the courage and tenacity of all my fellow tightrope walkers. My heart sends out a ribbon of support as we take these last steps when it seems all the elements have conspired to press us ever more fiercely. We let it all go, let it flow over us and through us, feeling the flame of love engulf us. We are being welcomed home. There is a whole new galley of folks cheering at the finish line. Our brothers and sisters from the stars and our inner earth family, all come to whistle and hoot and clap their hands as we take our last steps on this tightrope. They are ready to wrap us in arms of love and show us around this new world we have longed to see. I see myself dropping to my knees to kiss the ground as I  sob with the relief that we have arrived.

Of course, tomorrow may find me in a well of depression, flat on my back and unable to move.  I am simply savoring this second day of feeling joy coursing through me. I am sharing this tightrope vision but am unattached, allowing the feelings to expand in me, no longer holding to visions or dates or anything outside of my heart. We are wiser beings now!

 

Pink Blanket of Peace

Posted on by
5
My life lessons had stretched out in an endless series of arches to make my way through.

My life lessons had stretched out in an endless series of arches to make my way through.

After a day of extreme restlessness and nausea, where I felt claustrophobic in my own skin, I have come out on the other side. It is interesting how our bodies are such wisdom keepers. I honor mine for all that she imparts to me. During the day of unease, I searched for a way to contract into some kind of comfort. I began to think, “Oh, it is time to rent a place of my own so that I can be alone during these times.”  I was feeling the challenge of birthing the new energies in the midst of sharing space with various frequencies about me. I recognized that as a contraction, a pulling in to a perceived place of safety. My higher wisdom advised me to breathe and allow the feelings to flow through me without attaching to a need to act about them. This is so counterintuitive to our conditioning. We have been trained that if we feel something, we must then do something. In truth, to express our feelings as they arise, is all that  is necessary. We do not have to act on them unless we are truly guided to. In these times of planetary clearing and cleansing, most feelings are arising to be fully felt. They are seeking some attention and are then happy to be lovingly released. We are being gifted with a thorough vacuuming of our inner space. All the rubbish that we stored in our hearts and souls, is now wanting to be cleared out. Our divinity awaits entrance, room must be made as we are these immense beings of light. Our human bodies are so small in comparison, it is an amazing feat that we are in the process of, flowing our divinity into our human forms. We are bringing heaven to earth through our beautiful bodies.

The river flowing with my heart.

The river flowing with my heart.

Yesterday, I awoke after the best night sleep I had had in years. I felt alive and healthy. I floated in the water, took a long walk by the river, went to the farmer’s market and was enlivened by all the fresh vegies and fruits calling to me, came back and napped deeply,  lay under a shade tree and played with the dancing shadows, back into the water, drank gallons of juice, beet, carrot, cilantro, strawberry and watermelon in many different combinations. My body felt so happy! It had loosened its edges, expanded to accommodate the increased light of my divine self. I felt wrapped in a pink blanket of love and peace. The earth herself seemed wrapped in this garment of peace. A hush resounded from her heart to mine.

This morning I am awash in this pink light of love. My guidance is to live this pink. To breathe pink peace, in and out. To dance it, to tone it, to exude it. I AM this pink lovelight. There is no trying, no more thought, no more seeking. The knowing arose that I am complete. There is nothing outside of myself that I need. All is contained within as I am the all.

IMG_3668I had felt the need to release more folks, as our frequencies no longer matched. There was some sadness in this despite having done it so many times before.  I recalled that this was the way when I initially took a leap forward, I would find myself by myself and with myself for a time as the energies integrated and anchored in my form. I knew it was all temporary, simply a fading from view for a time and then the reunion as we all find ourselves back in the arms of the One. Trusting the process and the wisdom of it all. Knowing I am flowing on a river of grace.

I was gifted with a vision of completion. The work in Scotland with the Rose line of love, was the last of my heavy lifting. The death process as I left that country, was the clearing that allowed this soft, expansive, divine aspect to enter in. I am made new in these energies of love. My body now needs only rest and space to renew itself. A new life is about to be born. I am standing on the cusp of it as the Solstice and full moon approach. The energies of both are pulling me forward, like a mother’s arms supporting me, as I begin those first attempts to relax, let go and float on my back in the waters of life.

The pink allows us to come down from the cross of separation. The rose and thistle reunited as we come to know all as love.

The pink allows us to come down from the cross of separation. The rose and thistle reunited as we come to know all as love.

My heart is wide open with the wonder of it all. Who knew it was possible to move in the world with a heart on fire? Waves of leaping flames consume me, followed by a gentle blaze that I rest in. In breath and out breath……fanning the flames or calming them. All in perfect order. I am in the earth, in her fiery core, breathing with her. I pull the pink blanket of love about us and we let the flames rock us to and fro. There is only this. I am this pinkness, I am this peace, I am this love. Every pain and sorrow lived since the initial separation from Source, has been worth it. For this now, this knowing, this completion. My tone rings out in gratitude. I feel your hearts, singing with mine. We are home, once more cradled in our Mother’s/Father’s love.