Teachings From A Two Year Old

Scottish cows grazing peacefully under the looming sky.

Scottish cows grazing peacefully under the looming sky.

As I spend days with my grandson, I marvel at how free he is. When he is unhappy about something, he lets out an “ahhhh” cry that can last two seconds or thirty seconds. Quickly he dispels the energy of frustration and is then fully present for what is next. He has a wise mom in my daughter, who allows him to voice his feelings in sounds. He is not fully verbal and truly what words are as effective in moving energy as a quick sounding of the feeling. Sounds are so much closer to the truth than the language we use which so often falls short.

I found myself asking my daughter if this was something she should try to get her son to stop. She pointed out the freedom in letting the emotions come fully through without shame or attempts at regulation. I saw how conditioned I was to some old standard to what was acceptable behavior in children. I could see how quickly things moved through my grandson. He is such a teacher in being present with what is in each moment. I am grateful for his example and honor my daughter for her wisdom in trusting him completely to be his true self. She nurtures that capacity in him which in turn, hones her own capacity and all who come into contact with this little one.

Nature shows up, ever present with what the seasons bring.

Nature shows up, ever present with what the seasons bring.

My daughter verbalizes his frustration as he vents. She says, “I see you are upset as you wanted to read another story” ….or whatever it is. She acknowledges his feelings, and in that acknowledgement he is seen and can more easily let it all go. Oh, that we could all emulate this behavior! Our bodies would be healthier as nothing would be stored deep in our cells to cause illness or disease. All would flow, moving swiftly through without getting stuck by creating stories about any of it.

This is a lesson for our times, to allow all feelings. To understand that feelings are not right or wrong, they simply are. It is what we do with our feelings that can cause harm. If we act upon them in ways that are harmful to others, then we have to take responsibility for that. Yet the feelings themselves are not harmful. We are invited to fully feel each feeling, allowing it room. I remember my shock when I allowed the feelings of bereavement to surface after my marriage dissolved. I had held them at bay for the first year or so, frightened that they were so huge as to undo me. Once I was able to face them and allow them room, I found underneath, a sense of peace that enveloped me. What a gift!

The sunlight illuminated these ferns so they seemed to glow from within.

The sunlight illuminated these ferns so they seemed to glow from within.

Everything is asking us to flow. Our world is shattering forms about us as we come to a new way of living on this planet. All is change, flowing from moment to moment. We witness time morphing and disappearing at an ever faster pace until we will live only in the now. No past nor future as a lens to look through. We will be free! Imagine that, the feeling of being present with whatever is in front of us, trusting explicitly that it is just what we need to continue to grow and expand as a being of light.

I tip my hat to my grandson for teaching me the ways of freedom. He continually shows me how to access more joy and wildness within my own being. May we sit up and take notice of the love that these little ones are streaming into the planet. May we open our hearts to be tutored in these wild ways of loving and living. I am so grateful to be where I am.

Mother’s Day Beyond the Hallmark Moment

We can sit alone and be nourished by our Mother's love.

We can sit alone and be nourished by our Mother’s love.

Today my three adult children will spend the day with me, making me a brunch. Not so very different from our usual Sunday routines as we love to go to the farmer’s market and come home to whip up our goodies in delicious ways. We have not been a family who bought into the Hallmark corporate holidays, instead infusing the spirit of these designated days with our own sense of meaning. Mother’s Day has meant a homemade card from each with heartfelt sentiments, my true treasures gathered over the years.

My mom is still alive and I trust, folded in love by two of my siblings who, last I heard, were living with her. A triad of emotionally and mentally damaged individuals who have not been part of my life for over thirty years.  I wrap blankets of pink love about them all and bless them. I feel grateful for all the lessons my mom gave to me, most especially rejecting me so that I turned more fully into the arms of Mother Mary, who received me wholeheartedly. She gave me a gift by setting me on the journey of mothering myself.

If I could, I would gift every human on the planet, with a pink rose of the Mother's love.

If I could, I would gift every human on the planet, with a pink rose of the Mother’s love.

Today I am celebrating all men and women who have learned to mother themselves. Who have grown past laying blame at their mothers’ feet for their emotional issues. Who have evolved into gratitude for the love that was present on a soul level to play that dissonant note, allowing each of us, to seek the harmony within. I played out my mother wounds with my children, praying for guidance as to how to move to wholeness within myself so as to be present for them. I failed short a thousand and one ways, day in and out, striving to overcome my own pain body and its limitations that came out in moments of anger and upset. I also had a thousand and one moments were I was the mother’s love and flowed it truly through me to their beautiful hearts, which taught me the power of love. I have forgiven myself for all of this and been graced by forgiveness from each of my children, where I was not able to be what they needed and deserved. I have honored myself for what I was able to be and give. We understand that we have each created the life that our soul knew would lead to our greatest growth.

I honor each one who has found a way to feel safe inside, who has been the soother of their own tears, who has learned to sit with their fears and sorrows and bring it all back to peace. In healing the great mother wound, we have opened the way for our children and grandchildren to lead a life of greater peace, joy and love.

Mother Nature's love is always in action around us.

Mother Nature’s love is always in action around us.

Today I honor Mother Earth for her love that has sustained me, nourished and cradled me. She is the great mother, truly giving of her life’s blood so as to allow us all time and space to grow into the light that we are. Her gift is one beyond my comprehension, I feel awe when I contemplate it. I flow my love and gratitude to her as I bathe in her generous ocean of nurturance and support. To hold 7 billion souls in a continuous stream of opportunities and love…..there are no words.

Today I honor Mother God, the Divine Mother in all her forms. I honor this life that has been given to me to weave a tapestry of love. I am called to honor and love myself as an expression of the Mother’s love. We were raised to give love to get love. Conditions abounded. The most freeing love is that of the Mother, she gives love because she is love. It is pure and whole, knowing love is the fabric from which we stitch hearts only to watch them grow and expand. Love begets love.

So whether you are a mother to your pet, your child, your niece or nephew, your garden or your gifts…..I honor you this day for flowing the Mother’s love through your heart, allowing its note to be sung as part of the great symphony of love that creates and sustains universes. We are one being and the mother’s heart, beats within us all.

 

 

Triggered by An Emotional Storm

My son painted this as a gift for me. Embedded within is my path home. We assist one another in ways seen and unseen.

I have to laugh at the way tests come when we proclaim ourselves at peace. “Really?” asks our higher self, let’s try this out. Last night, our family went through an emotional storm. I was the target and I was triggered. I felt the flash of anger, the heartache of the mother, the heat of uncomfortableness of not knowing how to move, the sitting with the pain. In the aftermath, I allowed myself space to state my need to go to my room and have a good cry. What a release tears are. I was grateful for those of us who trusted our love enough, to stay present, to cook and eat a meal together in the aftermath of the storm. I honored another’s need to leave, to regroup in order to come to balance.

Whew. I am feeling a bit fragile and tender this morning. “An emotional hangover”, as my former partner stated. Knowing all is well, that at times there has to be the separation or break for a new way of coming together to be found. Honoring each of us for speaking our truth and listening to one another’s hearts. Gratitude for the way we are walking each other home.

Uncovering my flowers to see how they fared in the freezing temperatures, just as we are taking stock this morning of our hearts. How did they fare the storm of last night?

Uncovering my flowers to see how they fared in the freezing temperatures, just as we are taking stock this morning of our hearts. How did they fare after the storm of last night?

I am grateful for not collapsing in the old way, of not accepting another’s interpretation or judgment of my path over my own knowing, of feeling my truth and allowing it to come out raw and unfiltered. This is growth, to accept my truth while honoring another’s and allowing the distance between. To allow anger without feeling shame for expressing it, (Oh, that is a big one.) To witness the old momentary desire to run and choose to stay.  I realize that it has been a long time since I have been in such a storm. It was an opportunity to practice opening to embrace the experience with love rather than closing off and burying any part of it in my heart. I watched the child in me desire to lash out and knew the grace of taking her hand in support. There was a new dynamic as my former partner stood in support of me. That felt good and true. A sturdy bridge we have built between us in this space together.

I sit here looking at my mother’s heart that desires to see everyone “comfortable”, to place a soft blanket around each one. This has caused me trouble and heartache as I created dependencies that then have to be severed. I also see the mother flame that wields a sword of truth dispassionately, cleaving falseness aside, knowing the fallout will land about her. The mother bird who kicks the fledgling out of the nest, trusting it will spread its wings and fly…..holding her breath yet allowing the crash if it is to be. Always the love there, knowing it has many shades. Trusting myself to be the shade needed in the moment, regardless of the cost. Knowing full well, it can cost everything, yet to be out of integrity is too high a price. Peace at any cost is not peace. Love without truth, is but a shadow play.

New landscape to walk upon....Gabriel's art carrying the new codes and seeds of love.

New landscape to walk upon….Gabriel’s art carrying the new codes and seeds of love.

We are all coming into balance within our beings as our Mother Earth leads the way. The earthquakes and storms are as necessary as the gentle breezes and strong rays of sunlight. It is all good. There is an opening created by the upheaval that we can all move in. It is new ground, freshly excavated by exposing our hearts’ truths. It is fertile soil for new plantings of love’s blooms. New colors and scents to be had. I sit staring at the flames in the hearth on this frosty morning, knowing the power of love to melt all into truth and beauty. Trusting each of our souls to move onto this new ground in our own way and time. Trusting our I AM presences to light our paths. Honoring the holiness of each one.

Artwork for purchase at gaberobertsart.com/

Super Moon Sunday, Are You Still Standing?

A ring around the sun that appeared the day before the solstice. I love the rainbow ray that was reaching out to me and the pink orb of love.

A ring around the sun that appeared the day before the solstice. I love the rainbow ray that was reaching out to me and the pink orb of love.

This Solstice weekend has felt like being squeezed through a wringer washer of old. I have come out like a limp, damp rag on the floor. I have been surfing waves of energy, riding high in the realms of knowing that all is well, and tumbling into the troughs of despair and emptiness where walls surround. My physical body has been bloated, uncomfortable with waves of nausea passing through. It is as if I ate this super moon and I sit here rubbing it! Not as the laughing Buddha but more as a pregnant woman who is feeling the extra weight hampering her movements.

And yet……there is this excitement of the impending birth. A sparkling that flows through my veins along with the sluggishness. It makes sense to me that as duality is ending, we would be experiencing both ends of the spectrum. Our minds question how to navigate these choppy waters. What I am discovering is a greater capacity to fully feel both ends of the spectrum and all that lies in between while retaining an observer’s mind. The questioning of the what, why, hows in my life has died down. There has bloomed a deeper knowingness. The seeking has left my heart. I AM enough. I AM here. I AM showing up with an open heart. There is simply the surrender to the ride, up and down and all around.

Sunlight streaming in, transforming the old patterns of suffering of the cross into the new patterns of joy.

Sunlight streaming in, transforming the old patterns of suffering of the cross into the new patterns of joy.

I spoke with a friend last night and came away feeling so much surer, so clear. By telling one another our stories of the past week or so, (in which we have lived lifetimes!) we both came to a fuller understanding and knowing that all is well. I fell more deeply in love with Sophia, my I AM presence, for her orchestration of my life to align with my divine plan. I fell in love with Linda Marie, for her dearness, her willingness to open to love again and again. I so love me! We both had experienced a death that left us limp and empty. My body is moving slowly as I allow my divinity to flow in unimpeded. I accept that I AM divine. I AM love. My guidance has told me that it is time for me to receive love. To bring the balance of giving and receiving. My heavenly family knows of my gratitude, their message this week was: “Enough Linda. We know your grateful heart. Now, allow yourself to receive our gratitude for your work, for your contribution.” My personality self was surprised by this, had to breathe this in and find room for it. To open my cells and let their lovelight stream in. Yes, it is liquid goldlovelight that is an elixir that I did not know I craved. One drink, and I knew it was the nourishment that I needed. I am drinking gallons of lemon water as I allow this elixir of appreciation and honoring to flood my cells. It carries peace, of a peachy-pink hue that melts my body into the couch, the water, the ground.

This is contrasted by the moments of claustrophobia, when my skin feels too tight, body too small for the light that streams in. I bite my fingernails, flush hot and then cold, toss my hair off my neck, flail about restless as the contraction pulls me in. Comfortable? Not in the least! Oh, the wonder of these bodies, doing this work of internal change while still in operation mode. At times, it feels I have taken a bite of the magic apple that has put me in a semi-sleep state. Words disappear, objects go missing and then reappear in unusual  places, knowledge of how to use things evaporates. The other morning, I awoke to my cell phone ringing. I picked it up and could not for the life of me, remember what to do to answer it. My mind registered, “This is a communication device.” Strange wording and I sat there, trying to access the knowledge of how to use it. I knew that once I had known this. It was one of the many surreal experiences that are happening with greater frequency as we move between dimensions.

Trust. I trust the process. I surrender to it. What else is there? I thank God for nature as when I am jumping out of my skin, sitting with a flower, watching the leaves move with the wind, smelling the grass, allowing the water to caress me……these bring me into the moment. I can live there when all else is chaos and confusion.

IMG_4072

I pulled this card of passion the other day. I know this dancing flame is in me and will surface when my body is ready.

The outer world is reflecting the dismantling of the old. Our inner worlds are being mirrored in more and more hearts as the love streaming in does its magic. My dream world is giving me glimpses and assurances that it has already happened, we are in the Golden Age of Peace. I find the ground beneath my feet is more solid, even if I am inclined to lie upon it rather than dance! I know that the dancing is to come as I embrace the doldrums and let myself be. All is part of the whole, the unease and the joy. I AM ABLE for this. As are you. This is why we came, to take all of this experience into our bellys, hold it and rub it with love and send it forth in a shower of light. Like Fourth of July fireworks going off, one by one, we are adding our light to this world. The variety and ingenuity is amazing. No wonder the heavens are smiling in delight!

Living My Truth

Allowing the stream of life to flow through me without resistance, is so freeing!

Allowing the stream of life to flow through me without resistance, is so freeing!

I am engaging in an interesting experiment. I am presently sharing a house with my former hubby, now dear friend, as well as my sons. Most of the time I am alone. Former hubby spends weekends out of town with his girlfriend and her son, and has commitments on all but one night that he is here. My elder son alternates his time between here and his girlfriend’s place and my younger son makes occasional trips home from the Bay area when he needs respite from the urban life. (My daughter continues to add her love from her current home in New Zealand). We are all committed to living our truth and respecting one another’s space. We have long past cut all energetic cords of mother-child, husband-wife, sibling-sibling. Believe me, cord cutting is powerful and was felt strongly by all when we did it. We share love and honoring for one another and act as mirrors, reflecting the highest vision of one another. We have let go of the old stories of pain and suffering and come full circle to a place of supportive love. I am so proud of each of us for committing to our own growth and walking our way back to the love that has always been the light of our family unit. It has been a mighty work of alchemy.

As my sons are in and out, we are desiring to live here as if we were each alone. Enjoying the times where we come together, but staying true to the movement of our heart’s impulses. The house has its own energetic patterns from fifteen or so years of the raising of the family. There were some heavy patterns from the years where the marriage was a crucible of pain and separation. There were the imprints of truth not spoken, the confusion  of duplicity, rage flaring only to hide undercover in shame as well as patterns of control where I worked to keep all as I thought it should be. An amazing amount of my energy was caught up in trying to keep everyone happy…….of course, that meant attempting to control others to do as I thought best for their happiness. It was ironic that when I finally left the marriage, I had no idea what made me happy though I knew what did for the other four. Fortunately, we have all worked to allow those patterns to dissolve and change. There is a deep peace that permeates the place now and a sense of sanctuary that offers nourishment. I am so appreciative of my former spouse for maintaining this home for us all. It sat mostly empty for years but has come alive again in a new way.

We each have our own patterns and they change day by day, moment by moment, like the clouds.

We each have our own patterns and they change day by day, moment by moment, like the clouds.

It takes presence to be true to one’s inner landscape and allow it expression. We are learning to allow each one our own rhythm by flowing in what is our truth of the moment. That means that if I want to cook, I do so for myself, at the moment the desire is there. I may ask if others desire to join me or not, depending upon my mood.  If I do not feel like doing dishes, I don’t, leaving them until I or another feels drawn to washing. Trusting that all balances as we only do what gives us joy in the moment, doing no thing out of duty but rather desire. We laugh at how ingrained is the pattern to put off an impulse that arises, thinking to get to it at another time that will work better. We are programmed to put off joy and creativity until the “work” is done. But time has a way of disappearing and I do not get out to the hot tub as I planned or the sun sank before the walk could take place. So we are living our experiment with presence, with following where our hearts lead. I just went into the kitchen, intending to leave my glass and plate in the sink with the other accumulated dishes till the morrow. Instead, I felt the movement to wash and clean the area. A minute before I did not know I would do that, but here I was washing dishes with joy. So much is timing, by allowing myself to flow with it, things get done with ease. Each moment gives rise to the next movement.

It has been a challenge to my nurturing, mothering nature to feel into where I am in old patterns of behavior or being true to my heart’s desire. I discovered that I do love moments of caring for others,  as nurturing is part of the flame I embody. I have also discovered delight in receiving as someone makes me food or folds my clothes or restocks the wood by the fireplace. It takes presence to discern the well from which my impulses are arising; the old co-dependency patterns, the giver/martyr pattern or from my inner joy. Choosing to be authentic in each moment means some things do not get done and that is as it is for now. We accept that. There is no assigning of tasks nor judgment of what each one chooses to do or not do.

Gently flowing, river of peace.

Gently flowing, river of peace.

This new way requires non-attachment. If I desire companionship to do an activity, I have to be ready to go alone if no other has that as their desire in the moment or seek a new companion.  If I want to talk and another does not, I have to trust the perfect time will arise. The old laying on of guilt to achieve my desires is past. We find as those moments of sharing appear, they have a sweetness to them. Without planning, it feels richer, quieter and more nourishing. We honor one another and are sensitive to close doors, talk on our phones away from others, call if anything is needed if we are at the store, all allowing breathing room. This was a part of our former family life but there is a newness to it as we come from a place of greater truth and authenticity.  In the old life, I would have left whatever I was doing, to do for another at any moment. My own needs abandoned to tend to another’s. No one asked that of me but it was the role I chose to play. Thank God, I abandoned that role and all roles. Now I honor my flow and my needs first and foremost, knowing that is a gift to all around me. Knowing that we are each following our own prompting, eliminates any need to wonder if someone is alright. All the gymnastics my mind used to go through in making assumptions about the meaning behind another’s behavior, are disappearing. There is such delicious freedom when we attend to our own happiness! We free all others from having to think or concern themselves with us and we are freed in the same way from concern for them. We trust each other to speak up when there is an issue, directly and clearly to whomever is involved. Trusting ourselves fully and trusting others to do the same, brings such clarity. We are maturing which is a cause for celebration. We are understanding what it is to be a healthy adult, fully responsible for the world that we inhabit. By taking ownership for the wake that we leave behind, we allow all access to the beauty at hand.  We are in the process of honing this inner freedom, understanding the need for clear boundaries, trusting each other to be true to self, knowing that what is in my highest good cannot conflict with your highest good. As you are me, and I you.  We are co-creating a world that I have dreamt of living in. And we are doing it right now!