Sifting through our buried emotions reminds me of coming upon these bones on a trial in Southern India so long ago. We are asked to reclaim our feelings just as our mother reclaims our bones, freeing all for new growth.
I awoke from a dream where one of my children was crying in distress. My heart is still feeling this as I tune into the earth in these quiet pre-dawn hours. There are many souls in distress as we move more fully into the light. My mother’s heart wishes to enfold all, as I echo our Mother Earth’s heart that holds us all with such love. I hear her intone the age old mother’s sound, “Hush, hush now my child.” Soothing us, as I did my babes, with a hand caressing our brows. February began with that energy for me, a hush from the earth. We are in need of this soothing touch as the love streaming into our planet is touching each of us in such personal ways. Any wall that we had erected about our heart, as a form of defense, is being melted away. Indeed, the light is piercing inward to all the closets and drawers where we stored feelings that we did not know how to handle. It is as if a mighty wind has blown through and we are left with all our belongings tossed on the curb, for all to see. Distress is indeed present as we attempt to gather the feelings up and stuff them back in drawers. But the winds of love have done their job well as the drawers and closets are damaged beyond repair. There is nowhere to hide these feelings, no place to stuff them safely away. Each feeling must be picked up and addressed, one by one. There is no other way. You may believe otherwise and take off running down the road, only to discover all your baggage following you. You may try to throw it on your neighbor’s pile, thinking no one would notice, but it all comes back to land in front of you, once again. You may stand and shout, “This is not mine!” But it all carries your identifying signature. There is no escaping it. Embarrassment, worry, fear, panic, rage, anxiety…..all may arise in response to all these unfelt feelings. Many are sitting on the curb, wailing their laments. Others are begging for help, which is a wonderful first step as our angelic team awaits our call in order to step in. The process must begin and no one can do it for us. It takes our commitment and love to release the stored energy. All of it wishes to be freed back to the reality of love that it truly is. All of our feelings arose to assist us in our growth. We were misled, taught to store feelings that felt too powerful, too awful, too raw, into our beautiful bodies. We were taught to erect a shell about our heart in order to be safe. We were taught that we were not strong enough nor good enough to face the world straight on.
We are strong enough. We are good enough. Say that out loud to yourself a few times: I am good enough. I am good enough. I am good enough. How does that feel? Do you believe yourself? Hold that thought and pick up the first feeling in the pile you see lying in front of you. Oh my, it is from my twenty- two year old self, who has just listened to her mother screaming; “Who do you think you are? You will never get that knight in shining armor you seem to think is coming!” Breathing it in, recalling my mother’s pain when I refused a marriage proposal. Oh, this was about her desires and disappointments, not mine. I let the feelings go through, compassion arose, for all her dreams that had not come true. A smile burst forth in my being, I AM going to be met in love. It has not happened yet, but the knowing of its arrival is strong in me. I am worth dreaming big for, I am going for the gold in love. With that, the feeling of pain disappeared. One down, what is next? Oh, this is my three year old self who realizes that she is not to play, but rather be responsible for her siblings. I feel the pressure to keep them safe from the angry adults but am so small myself. I hold her and tell her that I will watch out for the others and she can scamper off to play. She can be the child.
The lightness we feel when we allow our inner light to shine!
One by one, we are the adults who can now clear up all this debris. It is possible to have fully open, spacious hearts, allowing each moment a wide field of love in which to unfold. We can choose to feel every now moment completely. If pain arises, I can sit as witness to that pain. I can open my heart field of peace and allow it to be enfolded. There is nothing to fear. This field of love can handle guilt, shame, sorrow, grief…….all of it can be projected onto its screen and viewed as the cry for love that it is. We can sit back and watch it and let it go, ready to view the next scene. We do not have to replay a scene over and over. That is the old way and it got us nowhere. By being the viewer, the observer, we allow the scenes to come and to go. This pile of unresolved feelings begins to disappear. Our hearts grow lighter and we move with new freedom in our bodies. Massage and other body work can be helpful to dislodge deeply embedded emotions. I have sobbed on a yoga mat as a movement released some feeling as well as on a massage table. A loving voice of a friend, can provide a release as can a piece of music. There are so many avenues open to us to welcome these feelings in and allow them to release back to the love. Acknowledgment from another, validating what you experienced, can be liberating but is not always available. I did not have that opportunity with my parents but give it freely to my children, apologizing for harmful behavior that my awareness now allows. I give it freely to myself, playing the parental role.
We are only as conscious in the moment, as we are. This thought can bring freedom as we let others off the hook, knowing that they did the best that they could at the time. That thought has helped me through many a dark night. The majority of humans want to be good, do good, bring good to others. They give as much as their woundedness allows. We are poised to create a new earth, we need to bring our wholeness to the task. That means we must take the hand of our inner child, soothe them and strengthen them so that our actions reflect our inner field of peace, acceptance, and love. So, pop a batch of popcorn, sit on the sofa and begin the viewing of all that is ready to depart. See it, feel it, love it and release it. Consider it your earthwork, recycling heaviness into light. Our mother will be smiling at you with such love and gratitude.
