Where We Are Now

14361310_10154769770703273_8562860245197946457_o-1The month of September saw me on the East Coast of the USA, anchoring energies as the eclipses took place. As my spirit is generous, it aligned with my grandson’s first birthday celebration and the preparation for my youngest son’s wedding. I was in Montreal, Quebec for the first and then a couple of hours south for the second in Vermont. Two spiritual powerhouses in the form of two dear friends from the West Coast, joined me in Vermont for the equinox as our trinity absorbed the light and let it flow. They were also working alongside me to weave and stabilize the mantle that my son and his bride to be would wear. That all sounds like joy……and it was…..and it was challenging to the hilt!

We rented a house in Vermont for our family of five and the soon to be married couple to stay. And our grandson, of course! Relationships were high on the transformation list with the energies streaming in. My elder son and former hubby both received clarity to end their current relationships of almost a decade. My daughter and son in love, were faced with a storm of issues that sought resolution. The baby, who had no teeth at the age of one, decided to cut six at once. My younger son, the groom, had friends flying in on different days to participate in his overnight camping bachelor party. The house held six, then ten, then twelve, then three, then eight……lots of comings and goings. My mother flame flickered, waned, strengthened, expanded. I was the heart holding it all.

Daily offerings from the woods.

Daily offerings from the woods.

The house itself was an initiation for me. It was relatively inexpensive but came with a host of issues that saw me almost collapse under the weight. It happened slowly, not all at once. I would get adjusted to one issue, then the next would present itself. The firewood was rotten, the property manager said they would send a man with a chain saw to cut the big logs outside. Chain saw? No, not what I wanted. Firewood resolved, fire merrily blazing until someone sleeping in the basement area noticed it filled with smoke. The bathroom upstairs reeked of urine. We cleaned it, it still reeked. Manager came with white vinegar….still reeked. Mice in the walls, leaking ceiling in the basement, refrigerator that froze the veggies and had water that collected in the bottom that had to be mopped up a couple of times a day, stove and oven that burned hot and fierce. Manager resolved that by stating that both were slated to be replaced the day after we left. Truly, that was supposed to make my experience better?  It felt like a form of water torture…one small drip after another testing my peace. When I first arrived, my son was there before me and said, ” It looks shabby but it seems clean”. We kept looking for the positive, lovely view from the outside deck, perfect two mile loop walk out the door, trails in the woods just across the dirt road. The beauty of the autumn leaves catching fire day by day. The biggest issue was not mentioned in the airbnb ad. The water came from a spring shared by three houses and we were to limit showers and usage. That stress was not needed and on the last two days, the water did indeed run dry. We had asked for another rental but there was none to be had that would accommodate us all. As well, moving us all would have taken more energy than any of us possessed. I felt used up, every drop of me in motion on the inner or outer planes.

The elementals are so present in these woods.

The elementals are so present in these woods.

I had to laugh at all of this for my initiation! There were moments I did not feel gracious, moments of complaints, fatigue (my teething grandson had short nights and I was the relief for my daughter), as well as much laughter and joy. Watching my grandson discover the pleasure of slurping noodles, as well as his delight as he started walking and talking while we were there. He had stairs to climb and railings to stick his head through…all delights. We had lots of meals with many cooks in the kitchen. We filled jars with maple syrup for wedding favors, we organized apple picking and crisp making for the wedding dessert.  We watched and then stopped looking at the ever changing wedding weekend weather report. The weather had been warm and lovely but was slated for a weekend of rain and cold. We called on the elementals to assist. We were rewarded with sunshine in the woods on the wedding day but we rented heaters for the huge barn to offset the freezing cold temperatures that came in.

fullsizerender-7-1It all worked, it was magical. We created an altar in the woods that held the energy of the elementals’ magic. I had asked my son the night before if he understood the mantle that was to descend upon him and his bride the next day. It was from Jesus and Mary Magdalene. A mantle of love for them to carry as a couple into the world. He said he did and he stated, “I am ready.” He was. It descended as did a pillar of light over his bride as she received the Kumara lineage that would allow their children to carry our family’s flame onward. Powerful weekend that affected everyone who was a witness. My son had invited so many, he had told me that those who were to be there, would come to receive. He knew it was a frequency that he and his bride were offering and he did it consciously. The joy was palpable and we were all graced by their love.

14380005_10154770176718273_1237624372275109394_o-1What I found so interesting was how I felt. It was beyond the observer. I was present and yet distanced. Immersed on all levels of my being. I could feel my divinity within even when my personality self was challenged to the hilt. It is a new space we are occupying. All is part of the whole. No water…part of it…..love vows……part of it. The ceremony by their friend asked us to turn and honor the four directions, we had the four elements on the altar, their first vow was to themselves…..to care for themselves first and foremost. They truly are anchoring the new relationship of sovereignty and wholeness. Two wholes creating together with the Creator. A trinity of the highest order.

The stage is set

The stage is set, whether through love or death, the portal is open for to walk through to embrace more of ourselves.

My heart beats out the tune of, “All is well, all is very, very well”. This intensity has not stopped. I have come back to California to be with my friend who is dying. My knowing had allowed me to be gone for the month and she said she would  wait for my return. We knew it would be fine whatever way it happened, that our spirits would be together.  I have agreed to open the capsules with another friend and mix the cocktail that will send her through death’s door. California is one of five states that allows assisted death. She may not use it, she may slip away but it provides her comfort and peace to know she can make that decision if her body lingers.  She is so present and conscious in facing death. It makes the moments so alive. I am privileged to be a witness, to be informed by all of it.

The tiny houses at the wedding site.

The tiny houses at the wedding site.

A rich time for me, memories of my grand baby’s entrance a year ago, seeing him flourish in such a strong, sturdy body after such a tenuous start, the love vows and mantle carried by my youngest son and his bride, the conscious living and dying by my friend, the inner work that my friends and I did as we assisted with the Jesus and Mary Magdelene’s mantle of love, the dissolution of relationships that held the old energy of care taking and codependency, freeing all to greater honoring of self, the young folks talking of community and tiny houses, the knowing of my capacity to hold seemingly disparate pieces in wholeness and love. We are becoming grown up. We are becoming sovereign. Such joy! The love pods are forming in the ethers and we are feeling the tugs towards our soul groups. Even the wedding barn, with its tiny houses around, surrounded by nature, was a template for the new communities. Beauty and love arising. May we open our hearts to receive it all.

Thank you to Bev and Julia for the wedding photos. I did not take any so am grateful for the use of these!

Shadows Come Knocking

These oak trees created a portal on the pathway, gracious branches touching the sky.

Love day came and went, bringing in all heart light and stirring up all the undercurrents of my life as well as many others. Shadows coming up to be loved and embraced. I spent the last couple of days witnessing shoulds and fears coming up in me. My new exercise routine took a dive, my energy shifted and my joy quotient plummeted. When I was in Maui, I went deep into the Mary Magdalene energies with my friend. We were immersed in them for days on end. I came away wanting to offer an initiation that Mary Magdalene spoke  of in Claire Heartsong’s book of the Magdalenes. It was called, “Opening Your Mouth” and she said that it was time for women to do just this. Time for the truth to be spoken. I was shown the women to invite to such an event as I flew back to California. That was about three weeks ago and so now it seems time to do this. My ego was going on about how if I am a way-shower, it was time to be showing something to the world. Yet my being is loving this time alone in my own space and not feeling sure that I want to use my energies in this way. I am not wanting to be with lots of folks, rather meeting folks one on one for a walk or talk.

The shoulds came out in force: “You should do this, what else are you doing?:” “It is way past time for you to be engaged with the world!” ” What is your purpose anyway?” On and on they went. I wrote up the flyer, began the list of names to email and kept hesitating on a date. I found myself waking up and beating myself up by saying, “OK, today you have to send out that email! You know how to run a workshop or an event. This is easy for you.” Another day would roll by and I would not have done it.  I had loads of ideas flow through yet something in me kept hesitating. I did not want to commit, never knowing how my energy will be on any given day though of late, I have had more energy. Surely, I could commit to a two or three hour event.

This morning I woke up with the weight of this event on my mind. I asked my Mother-Father God to hold me in love and show my the way through this. I was taken up through a Maxwell Parrish sky (you know all soft blues and pinks and fluffy clouds), and was bathed in lovelight. I saw myself become infilled with light, I came apart in a way as I saw all of my cells as separate units being filled with love. I was amazed! A love filling station! After a time I came back down and found myself in my bed once again. I laughed and said; “May I do that again?” It was such fun! Up I went and I was assured that I could return at any time to be filled with love in every cell of my body. Wow! I also knew that it mattered not what I did, it mattered what I was. If I was joy and love, that is my gift. My “job” is to emanate the love that I am. I am love so that is easy. Oh yeah, if it feels easy and good……it is!! My ego had gone back to the old I must struggle and force myself to do something. Those days are over. I follow my joy. I do what I am inspired to do and trust that is my work. It matters not if someone sees it or if I am “teaching” in the traditional manner. When I do something with joy, it reverberates throughout the  universe. Love is all there is!

This bud is from a bouquet of lilies that have been providing me with joy for over two weeks! This one is just about to burst into bloom, much like me.

So, the event will happen but when the timing is right. For now, I crave this space of silence and solitude. It is a short window in time and I want to suck all the juice that I can out of it. I will know when the time has come for the event as I will feel joy in the whole process rather than anxious and uncomfortable. Our emotions are our guides and truly if I stay in the joy zone, I am on track! I feel like this beautiful lily bud, you can see the soft beauty, the fragrance is a hint in the air and the opening is but a breath away. That is me at the moment. There is a deepening that has been happening and I am ready to burst forth with wonderment at who I am. I am shapeshifting, finding new aspects of myself that stand at the door of my heart, waiting to be invited in. These past couple of days, I have had a visit from the shadows, asking to come in to the warmth of my heartflame. Yes, anxious self, come in and sit down by the fire. Oh, you controller, you want entrance, come, there is a cup of tea waiting for you. And you, the one who calls herself, Too Much, come on in, you are welcome here. All the shadow selves coming to the heart flames of love. I celebrate each one of you for how well you did your jobs. You helped me to feel safe in the world. I am here now to let you know that you are safe and so very loved. All is well. We can move forward in joy!

My latest couple is feeling the joy! The Rumi qoute for this one is:

They say there is a window from one heart to another. How can there be if no wall remains?”

I love seeing how the couple appear. They are like characters that come alive under my fingers with my paint, beads, and gold leaf. I have so much fun creating them. My beloveds…..for that is part of the delight awaiting us all as we reunite with our other half. We have done the inner uniting of masculine and feminine and there will follow the outer uniting with the other. Some are in this already. I know it to be beyond the romantic ideals that we have held as it is a uniting in service to the world. Our ideas of love are enlarging as so many new ways of experiencing love will be present. I am loving myself by creating these images. They are all me! I will be excited to meet the man who can match the love that flows from my heart! And of course, there is the match for each of us as we are one another, two halves of the whole. This I know as I now know that my cells love the love fuel most of all!