Tag Archives: no time

Dreamy

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Hearts show up everywhere. My grandson loves to find them for me.

Hearts show up everywhere. My grandson loves to find them for me.

The wheel of the calendar has turned and I lose track of where I am. A new year that may see time dissolve as a measuring stick. There is a dreaminess to the landscape that I am floating in, upon. I show up for my grandchildren, hitting the mark of time that their parents need. Other than that,  I drift. I read. I watch videos or read books online, go for short walks in woods blanketed in snow, lie on the couch and watch fat snowflakes dance outside.

Today, my fingertips went numb inside my heavy gloves, my driver’s side door froze. Hitting the zero and below temperatures of winter that require some focus to navigate. I pulled a sled filled with firewood my former hubby cut in his woods and my grandson helped load. Back and forth, woods to house, house to woods. Abundance and warmth present in the loads, knowing an aliveness offered in all aspects of the cycle.

Sunset blazing out my back window tonight.

Sunset blazing out my back window tonight.

It is difficult to project ahead as it has no weight to it, no anchor. I use notes to myself, timers on my phone as reminders to enable me to show up and do the few tasks that are yet mine. I sense myself in all of it, but do not really feel attached to who I am. I see versions of myself, snapshots of times. Nothing has weight or even connection. Movement within, without. No tethers to this drifting. As if I am riding alongside this life, I stop and get out to shoot a scene, then get back in a vehicle that transports me to the next scene. I do not direct it….all happens of its own accord. I trust the design, the timing, the sets, the characters. All showing up for me, for my expansion and growth. Even those words seem empty and old. There is only this.

Wood piles and snow.

Wood piles and snow.

I no longer study my lines, try to set the stage in any way. There is not a sense of getting it right or getting it wrong. It is. I AM. My heart feels the love. I intend love moving through it all. It is a peaceful place, this drifting space. As though I am an octave away from life. I feel a great tenderness for us all, a love that permeates everything. I am in everything and yet removed.

A swirl of energy will surge up and catch me, engaging me in some old pattern. It takes me up and away until it drops me out. I wonder at the intensity. How did that happen, what was that? Then the drifting again. The lines are dissolving and the spirals opening or tightening as they are want to do. We are moving at lightening speed as we stand still. The cosmos dances and my body slumbers. I feel the speed and the stillness. All awash in lovelight.

A One Way Ticket To the New

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IMG_569711:11p.m. and I have not been able to fall asleep as yet despite a feeling of exhaustion that has been with me most of the day.  Just grabbed my computer, turned the wifi back on and took note of the time as I began to type. We are in a surreal time. There is a dreamy quality to the days of late. It takes more and more energy to do things in this environment. I feel that I am moving in slow motion. My legs and feet weighted with the effort of taking on much in the way of outer activity. My mind processing information slowly or not at all. The grasp of memory loosens and fades. The dream world calls me ever deeper.

There is a peace that has infused my being. I feel so complete with everything. I sense I am leaving. On one level this is true, I have a one way ticket to travel yet on a deeper level, I feel I am leaving this dimensional space. In less than two weeks, I am to fly to the East coast where my three children and my grandson live. Time is disappearing so any idea of projecting plans into the future becomes more and more difficult. There is this now moment which informs me. I take the action as inspired. The ability to make things happen through thought is fading. More and more there is only feeling our way with our hearts.

I have this desire to clear my wake…..getting rid of things and packing what remains in some orderly fashion. I have done this dozens of times and can barely muster the energy to engage with it all again. I am at the house where I raised our kids. My former husband has graciously allowed me to return over the years whenever one of the kids has come back for a visit or I was in need of a temporary resting space. I have a strange sense that I will not return to this house. I am feeling such a sense of completion with this part of my life, even this area of the country.

Have we come to the edge of the known world? Are we about to take that step into the new?

Have we come to the edge of the known world? Are we about to take that step into the new?

The one way ticket feels true on many levels. We are preparing to travel and we will not be returning to life as we have known it. We do not know how any of this works. How will we get from here to the new earth? Will our vision change and we will perceive a dimensional space that was previously closed to us? Will we walk through a portal that suddenly appears? Will we take our bodies? Will we flash into our light bodies? I first heard of physical ascension in 1990 and immediately I knew that was an experience that I planned for this lifetime. My sense is that I will retain my body but it will be refined and rejuvenated. I sense we will get to choose its appearance. I like the idea of my thirty-three year old self.

It is all unknown. I have a few folks around me who are feeling this also. I have heard the words, “I am ready” for the past year or more. The difference now is that I feel so at peace. So satisfied with what I have done in this lifetime. I received the message some time ago, that I had completed what I came for. I anchored the frequency that I brought from home. I had thought that I wanted to have the experience of a beloved as well as living in a love pod with those of like resonance. Those have been my dreams and visions for so long.

I love how the vine supports the increasing weight of this squash. It is now twice as big and still hanging on. It has ripened to a golden tan. Will it drop off soon? I see myself in this squash.

I love how the vine supports the increasing weight of this squash. It is now twice as big and still hanging on. It has ripened to a golden tan. Will it drop off soon? I see myself in this squash, ripe and ready for harvest.

Now the yearning is gone. I sense all of that awaits me but in a new space. I am ready to enter that space. There is nothing more to do. There is no juice left in the old. Most of it feels heavy and dense. Nature offers her beauty and that allows me to float through my days. For now, there is only the loving and savoring of all that is here.

Is my one way ticket to the stars? To my love pod? To a ship in the sky? To a new life in Montreal or Vermont near my children or somewhere brand new?

I know that there is a level of fatigue from all the lifetimes spent on this beautiful planet. There is a desire to rest deeply amidst beauty, in harmony with all. To return to the Oneness and merge. There is also a sense of excitement, of wonder that is running through me at what is around the corner. I am grateful to be here witnessing it transpire. The land of our dreams is calling us. A new journey, a new frontier awaits. May all beings be free to hear the call and cross into the land of their dreams.

 

The Lull

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The dancing diamond light delights me.

The dancing diamond light delights me.

Sweet dreamy days followed by nights of little sleep, back aching in an elemental way. In the middle of the night chat with a friend on the other side of the sea, she asked me if my back was related to Gaia. My body shuddered a resounding yes. So many I know are experiencing intense physical symptoms at present. Gaia then gifted me a vision of her shaking off an outer layer. It is time. We are part of her, as much as the trees and mountains and oceans. We  move with her and feel her as she does us. I saw this physical pain departing, being shook off as this layer departs. As the dis ease moves up and out, it is magnified in our experience. We are called to breathe through this movement, allowing the inner earthquake and tsunami to move through unchecked. This layer of density has completed its work, we no longer need pain to teach us. We are stepping into a time of more fluidity and ease, a time of radiant health.

Time, itself,  has become so fluid and incomprehensible. I am called up short when someone mentions a month or a date. My mind searches for where that fits….is May soon or long ago? The old linear pathways are dissolving and it takes focus and effort to place myself on them. Each moment we are invited in, to live it fully. Past and future fade in its embrace.

Like many, there is this creative energy stirring and swirling. Yet there is this pause, this lull, this stillness. We are so active on the inner planes, aligning all for the coming equinox and eclipse cycle. On the physical level, we are being held still by our bodies, our wisdom keepers. Now is the time to dream big, to trust with every cell in our bodies, that a new world is being birthed through us, with us. The trust and faith bones in our being are  strengthening with each surrender, each letting go. Ours is to breathe it each moment. To know and feel it within our hearts, that the Universe is conspiring to bring us our deepest desires in ways more magnificent than our imagining allows.

imageFor me, there is no doing. There is the being of appreciation; for the hummingbirds that visit the manzanita bushes’ pink bells outside the window, the mountain that glows in the moonlight in her bright whiteness, keeping me company through the night, the roommate who offers me a delicious smoothie elixir for a morning drink, the list goes on. I do not have to search for things to appreciate, they are all about me. We are becoming part of the song of gratitude that the elemental kingdom has sung for so long. We are singing to one another with our hearts full of love. Our Mother Earth sings us a lullaby and we coo back at her. My back sings a tune that I sway to, my feet touch the ground and feel the swirl of its motion. Everything is alive in song and movement.

Pathway through the woods.

Pathway through the woods.

We were taught to fix ourselves to a point on every level. Now we are asked to let go of our anchors so that we can float with our mother as she rides this expansion wave. Think of children playing, holding hands and running free. If one sits down, holds to the ground, the line of movement comes to a halt. We are asked to let go, to allow her to fly free without being anchors,  checking her movement. Let the ship fly! Let our beings fly with our mother in an exhilarating free fall. She is our mother. We can trust her love. We can trust ourselves to know where to move, how to flow with the currents of change. We have waited for this time, now that it is upon us, let us savor the ride in all its mystery. It is the ride of our lives!