Tag Archives: quiet

Deepening of December: Wondering Giving Way to Wonder

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IMG_5222Lately it has just quieted down and I feel peace and joy in every simple thing. My world is very small and yet expansive right here on this little suburban lot. Grateful for the times like my recent trip to Shasta with friends, some play in the magic that I love but no more so than the quiet day I have just had at home with my son. We planted bulbs, feeling the spring beauty as we did so. Neither of us knows if we will be here to see the blooms, feels like a no, but in this now moment, it was time to plant bulbs. I am so grateful for where I am. LIving each day as if I live here because I do live here now!!

Sounds so simple but for the past few years of wandering, I have had the sense of impermanence. Wondering where my place was on the earth, searching for community, wondering what my purpose was. Now all of that has fallen away. I am here now. The past and the future do not grip or push or pull me. There is no more seeking. The noise of all that wondering has receded. Ha, wondering……my word of late is wonder. The old way of wondering where my mind went in circles has left and my new sense of wondering is about awe, a deep reverence that wells up for the beauty that is ever present. It happened as I moved from my head to my heart. Wondering transformed into wonder.

It is so freeing as I am left fully present for the bird song, for the fire dancing in the hearth, for a shared moment of laughter and the cold of the frosty lawn that I just walked barefoot on to say good morning to Mother Earth. Everything becomes a blessing, every place, holy. I had read and heard of that but never fully experienced it until now. I know its truth.

One of my little figures, communing with our mother.

One of my little figures, communing with our mother.

I am so comfortable in my body. There is rest and ease with her as I tend to her every desire. I read a quote from Osho, an Indian master and the part that struck me was about letting your lion roar. What I took from that was when we allow ourselves to fully express and feel all of our feelings, joy, sorrow, anger, irritation……we keep the stream clear and flowing in our bodies. As he says, “then the lion can come in and go out” freely. There is then rest to be found in the body. But when we bottle things up, allow stagnation, there is no clear space to rest inside. I no longer seek to avoid anything, rather embrace it all as the love it is. I also no longer try to hold on to what I deem good as I fully trust that I am ever evolving into more love, more joy, more beauty. I know that I live in abundance in every area of my life and live that knowing.

A dragonfly on a hummingbird's nest that a friend found in her yard. Wonder

A dragonfly on a hummingbird’s nest that a friend found in her yard. Wonder

The sense of wonder and curiosity are present as I play witness to the outer world. Hearts are opening like flowers, folks so desirous to be the truth of love that they are. My interactions are few, I so appreciate my friends who go out and spread their light in the working world each day. My calling is to hold a specific tone, deeply. It is my work and I am well suited for it. My personality self has had its times of resistance, wanting it to be different, but all that has shifted. The years of driving around the country seeding lovelight were hard but fortunately, I did not realize how hard at the time. I love how my I AM presence coaxes me along each step of the path, telling me whatever story I need to hear to take the quickest path home. Now I feel such a sense of privilege for the part I have been assigned. I am grateful for the soul family that flow into and out of my world as we encourage and acknowledge one another. I am grateful for space in this house and the tender community we have created here. I am grateful for the flow of my days, a gentle wave that offers deep peace.

I am grateful to each one of you for sounding your note, finding your truth, walking your path with such courageous hearts. Know that you are cared for and loved in ways we can hardly comprehend. That knowing has been imparted to me, bit by bit, and it sets my heart afire. They call us “the legends” for what we are doing. Stand in that knowing and give your lion free rein. These are the times of wonder.

November Enters So Peacefully

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Liquidlovelight showering through the leaves on my walk yesterday afternoon.

Liquidlovelight showering through the leaves on my walk yesterday afternoon.

I am appreciating the stillness this first day of November is offering me. My housemates have gone and I breathe in the expansion as my energy fills the space. I assisted both mates with small tasks, ironing a jacket here, gathering overnight bags there, as they made their departure. In the beauty of our flow, I received a green smoothie from one and a bacon grease fried egg with sauteed kale from the other. He is having a love affair with bacon at present and I am enjoying its punch of flavor. For good measure, I threw in a mini packet of M&Ms, leftover from last night’s trick or treaters. Tummy full, I pulled out my sage,  cleared myself and the house, setting the tone for the new month’s energy to enter in.

My sage and sweetgrass, always willing to bless me with their sweet fragrance.

My sage and sweetgrass, always willing to bless me with their sweet fragrance.

Still in my robe, I took a wander around the yard, giving some water here, pulling a weed there, contemplating a number of tasks that I might do. It is a perfect autumn day, unbroken blue sky, soft air that offers a deep breath, not a leaf in motion. I could rake and level the new garden bed, pull the weeds and mulch to discourage others from popping up. I ask my body if that feels good. Perhaps, she says. I move back into the house, wash up the morning dishes, respond to texts from a couple of friends, download yesterday’s pictures to my computer. I feel into a couple of art projects that I would like to begin. Is that today, I ask my body? Perhaps, she answers. I think of doing a load of laundry, to take advantage of the warmth in the air but decline as I do not wish this stillness broken by the sound of the washing machine.

Bacon grease flavoring the eggs and kale, yum.

Bacon grease flavoring the eggs and kale, yum.

I see that the morning has passed and I am lying on the couch, marveling at the play of light upon the trees outside. Russet oak, red tinged golden-green maple, deep green oleanders sporting a remaining summer blossom or two. The quality of the sunlight speaks a nuanced language to my heart. A breeze washes through, sending a few leaves spinning to the ground. Squirrels are chattering as they busy themselves gathering the nuts dropping from the Papa tree in the yard. A jay screeches his news of the day and my body has come to its truth. It wants only to lie here, to feel this beauty, absorb it and broadcast it through my heartspace. Tasks and projects are for another day. I have been a busy beaver, clearing and cleaning and removing loads of stuff, externally and internally. Today is a day to savor, its wide expanse open to for me to take flight in.

This is my truth. In unity with my couch, and yes, a second packet of M&M’s unearthed, if the desire arises…..sweet bliss.  Drowsiness heralding a nap, here in my robe, on the couch. This is all that I need to know, opening to receive more of myself flowing in while I dream the day away. Happy November everyone. May you take time to savor the gift that you are, feeling your own beauty soaring.