Tag Archives: rebirth

Birthday Ponderings

Posted on by
11
Dancing with the diamond light.

Dancing with the diamond light.

Today the calender states that I am 58 years old. Throughout my “frumpy forties” , as I called those years of numbness and pain, I had looked forward to my “fabulous fifties”, knowing somehow that those would be my years to shine. Indeed, at fifty, my world as I knew it fell apart, and the journey to myself began. Today, I survey the landscape I stand upon with a smile.

There is no more looking to escape pain, no more closing myself off from joy, no more “duty girl”, trying to please. There is freedom, there is love, there is quietness, there is richness and there is knowing. I know that I am love. After begging for direction from on high for a year and being told, to “be”, I have truly settled into that path and claimed it for my own. I was given to understand that my role in this ascension process was to open a pathway of being. After fifty years of doing, “being” was not anything that I understood. I have anguished over it, rallied against it, judged myself harshly, been judged by others and yet……walked into it with everything I had. Surrendering over and over again to that inner voice’s insistence that this was the way. Trusting even when I was terrified, stepping forward even when I wanted to run back into the known and familiar.

A rope swing in the redwoods inviting me back to jump into its crystal pool.

A rope swing in the redwoods inviting me back to jump into its crystal pool.

Just yesterday, a friend shared that I had helped her to let go of judgment. She related that she would find herself judging my path, “Why can’t Linda just settle down and get a job?” (Believe me, for everyone who asked that question, I asked it of myself thousand of times!) Yet she saw me hold my tone of beingness, over and over which she says allowed her to loosen some of her fears of life. If I could live without structure or form, she could trust her own life more fully as well as appreciate the structure her job, groups, and family provide. I so appreciate that she has chosen to remain my friend, despite the fears my path has brought up in her at times.

As I sit here in front of the fire in the hours before dawn, sipping a cup of coffee, hot liquid warming me, I feel so blessed. I am so grateful to myself for listening to Sophia, my I AM presence and finding in her, such a devoted friend. I know that the hard times are over…….and there were many of them in this fifth decade of my life. That is now past as we truly step into the age of Aquarius, my birth sign, my time to shine. All that has led to this moment now fades into completion, a story ended as I am birthed anew.

At times, this path has been stepping into the mist with complete trust.

At times, this path has been stepping into the mist with complete trust.

In this new story, which I begin this day, I am a woman who knows her worth. I am liquidlovelight flowing forth in cascades of dancing colors. I can view all aspects of myself with tenderness. The fact that I do not always show up for others yet do show up for myself, has been a life changer. I can see a middle path arising, where we all show up for ourselves, allowing us to fully be present with one another. I can almost touch Shambhala, its energies seeping into this reality with its joy. I do not know the “how” of creating our new earth. I simply know my tone and choose to sing it as purely as I can. I can hear your tone as well, so beautiful and true. Together, our hearts desiring peace, abundance, freedom and love for all beings on this planet, we are co-creating the new earth.

I am this mushroom, raising its brilliance from the darkness that was.

I am this mushroom, raising its brilliance from the darkness that was.

Last night I spoke with the Creator and dear Sophia stating my sense of completion. I could go home now, mission over or I could begin a new story, take part in a new play. I felt the deep fatigue in my soul, weariness from sloughing through the mud of the old. To rest in the arms of love……oh yes. I was then given a peek behind the scenes to come. Tears fell at the beauty, and I knew I wanted a chance to take part. My mind has its fears; will I have enough money to continue to support myself, where is my place on this earth, will I find my community, my love pod, will I have a home to call my own, will I have a partner…..on and on it questions. My heart pats it lovingly on the head and smiles. I am a beloved of the Creator, I am cared for mightily. There is joy unending awaiting me. This new story has a fairy tale ending created by and for me. I am dreaming it into being with each breath. My heart overflows with gratitude and love for the being that I am as I step into my new life. I embrace each of you in this energy of rebirth and rejoice. Hallelujah! Happy birthday to me, sweet Linda Marie.

 

 

I Give You Permission

Posted on by
12
Autumn sunlight allowing clarity to my senses.

Autumn sunlight allowing clarity to my senses.

An aspect of my role has come to the forefront of late. I am the mother, the headmistress, the boss, the father…..all authority figures that we are taught to look to for permission. Family and friends call me to echo their own truth. To confirm their inner knowing that tells them to put their needs first. Intuitively, we know that is the path home, to fill our cups before offering a drink to another. Yet the conditioning is strong to give that first cup away, to honor all commitments, to be “nice” above all else, to shore up another at the risk of our own drowning.

I am called to give permission, “yes, this is a day to rest…..yes, you can cancel that plan that feels heavy….yes, you can say no even though the person is outside your door asking to come in and they have driven two hours to get there……yes, you can walk away from that “opportunity” that feels like too much….yes, you can be assured, more opportunities are in the offing even if you decline this one…..yes, to honoring your body’s need for chocolate, nurturing in whatever form appeals to you…..yes, you can tell the truth that you do not wish to go somewhere at this moment……..yes, you can cancel a date with a friend……yes, you are allowed to be inconsistent…..and on it goes.

This is all a part of releasing the old programming of the matrix. We are taught that if we do not keep our commitments, if we pass on an opportunity, if we say no to another….we will suffer. We will lose out. It is a lie that has kept us walking the straight and narrow path of being productive cogs in the wheel of the machine. Even our language supports this oppression. Think of the connotation of words like lazy, slothful, indulgent, and a phrase that makes me cringe; to die for, usually spoken about some dessert or article of clothing. The implication is that if you follow your desires, it will lead to death on some level. Really???

A hazelnut torte I made, yum!

A hazelnut torte I made, yum!

We are taught to not trust ourselves. If I eat a piece of cake, who knows where that will lead? As if I will become obese if I am not holding a tight rein on myself at all times. If I do not eat the right foods, (and which are the right foods is a  constantly changing and often confusing business) drink the right drink, exercise the right way, join the right clubs, follow the right path of advancement….death awaits. Yes, death awaits us all. Funny how a natural process has been used as a Damocles’ sword above our heads. Face that fear of death, and suddenly life opens with its joys and pleasures. I know death to be a doorway to greater freedom and am ready to step there whenever I am called. Life itself is a series of deaths and rebirths as we move ever closer to embodying more of ourselves.

I was taught that to “be” meant I would become nothing. The glory was in the productivity. It was a revelation to me to come to the knowing that I was loveable, that I had value in and of myself. Not because I did this or performed that service but rather because I am an aspect of the Creator. I am of value for who I am, not for what I do. We were programmed to believe that to have a full daytimer was a sign of achievement, to be busy, gold stars. Even our calendars with their linear line up of days, ask us to cross them off as if we were living in a prison cell. Nature does not move in an orderly march, she swirls and dances and asks us to attune to her rhythms. Often I am able to confirm for others that they are in tune with the planetary cycles, feeling the solar flares in their bodies need for more rest, wanting to withdraw from social obligations as the moon is waning. Instead of being “wrong”, I can echo their hearts’ knowing that they are “right”. I offer words of gentleness that their heart seeks for them to hear. We are a species that are learning to walk and we beat ourselves up if we are not Olympic caliber athletes! We are toddlers in this new land and need to be oh so gentle with ourselves as we practice walking upright. Once we fully pop out of this matrix, we will be astounded at how we agreed to live under such harsh conditions.

I love watching the leaves dance their way down to the water and ground.

I love watching the leaves dance their way down to the water and ground.

Think of it, no more obligation in the name of family, relationship, roles…….each one moving to their own inner joy. Planning will become a thing of the past as we move out of economic slavery, with times and schedules. We will flow together on currents of love. We will broadcast our desire and watch it unfold in a way we could not have orchestrated from our minds. Our hearts are so ready to be unleashed so as to show us the wonders that are possible when we fill our cup and drink deep. We were taught that the supply was limited so we sipped barely enough to stay alive. The truth is, when we fill our cups for ourselves, there is a never ending stream that can pour through us.  There is no thought of giving, it simply overflows to all, a spigot turned to on once we step into the stream of our own truth. Liquidlovelight flowing, bathing each in its rejuvenating waters. Drink deep and nourish yourself for in doing so, you nourish me. Together, we nourish the world.

Today I give you permission to honor yourself in each moment. Watching the leaves do their autumn dance of letting go is calling me outside. Nature unfolding the mystery with her gentle grace. The leaves dancing to their death allow me to dance to mine. I can die fully to this moment, savoring each drop, whether it is to be my last. I give myself permission to live in this gentle embrace of love.

 

 

The Divine Feminine Drops the Robes of Cronehood to Become a Playful Girl

Posted on by
10
The feminine is beginning to stretch into her fullness!

The feminine is beginning to stretch into her fullness!

April is proving itself to be action packed, as so many of us, felt it would be. I love when it is better than I imagined! Each day is so full of movement and change that I wake up wondering what magic it will bring.

My elder son and I spent the day together as I had to drop my car at the garage for repairs and he was running me to and fro. While we waited, we went to visit my friend with the crystal skulls. She had a book called, Grail, that she felt I needed to look at before my trip. Indeed there were images in it that spoke to my heart. One in particular of the chalice with a sun rising out of it, felt like part of a coding that I carry. I am going to Scotland to unlock this coding into the earth. The templates of ancient times are to be released through our bodies and anchored on this earth plane once again. So many of us are in movement to be in place to drop these templates at the appointed time. I see so many women, heavy with extra weight (how the coding often stores itself), awaiting the appointed hour. I see the weight melting off as we “hit our marks” on the earth plane and lift our voices in songs of rejoicing. This is a time for women to truly open their mouths! Time to speak truth and bring through the ancient wisdom of the feminine. Always it is the feminine that births and we are about to see an explosion of new birth on this planet.

Ixcel, looks abit scary if you are not used to skulls, but her energy is so compassionate. She is opening me to feel new forms, attending to the energy they emit rather than the form housing them. Our earth will soon house myriad new forms.

Ixcel, looks abit scary if you are not used to skulls, but her energy is so compassionate. She is opening me to feel new forms, attending to the energy they emit rather than the form housing them. Our earth will soon house myriad new forms.

I communed with the Mayan skull named Ixcel. She and I have a deep connection that is beyond words. She asked me to place my third eye on the top of her head while she uploaded me with information. It felt like files were being placed in my brain. I had no thought, only could sense the fullness increasing in my head. It expanded me beyond my body and took some time to come back into the room. I understood that the information would be unlocked as I connected to the land in Scotland. I would be called to enact an “ancient ritual and role” once again. The civilizations of Atlantis and Lemuria will arise again as we bring heaven to earth through our body vessels. There is pagentry afoot and it excites my mythic blood that sees life in terms of archetypes and fairy tales come to life. Joseph Campbell was a hero of mine as I felt called to the Hero’s Journey in my life. I always had the sense that I was living a life rich in meaning despite society’s constraints to keep it reined into the realm of the mundane.

It is time to uncross our arms that held our wounds so tightly within.

It is time to uncross our arms that held our wounds so tightly within.

My elder son was cradling the skull, Marie, in his lap. He was softly toning with her. He then spoke saying, “The feminine has become the crone in our society. She can now become the playful girl as she has a strong and supportive father behind her.” Marie was in an ecstasy of delight to be held by a balanced masculine presence. They had vibrated their energy together and Marie experienced great changes. I began to sob as I felt the power of this move out from Marie and my son into the grids of the earth. Liberation is at hand! I have become the crone, weary and worn from the travails of holding the feminine light aloft in the patriarchal world we were born into. We can shed our robes of cronehood, that have become such a familiar weight upon our shoulders that we forgot that we could move in any other way. The robes had become heavy and stiff with suffering and abuse and the time has come to let it all go. We can let go of our old stories of the pain filled journey and begin to dance once more with our Mother Earth. The aches and pains of our bodies can melt in the sunlight of the Father’s love. Mother Earth is shedding her robes of old and putting on her play clothes. She will no longer accept abuse from her children. She is honoring herself once more and calling the feminine to that honoring.

It is a time of re-birth for the earth and all upon her. This knowing went deep into my bones and brought flashes of images that I have seen of myself in Scotland, light and faery like, dancing across the hills.  My heart is full to bursting with this knowing that we can truly become as little children once again. I am reminded of a quote by Jesus:  “Truly I say to you, Except you be converted, and become as little children, you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.” 

I believe this is what we are called to as we co-create this new earth. We are given the opportunity to become the open, curious, loving, sovereign beings that is our truth. We invite everyone to play, we honor ourselves and extend that honoring to all sentient beings on this planet. The elements are remembered as a part of us. We dance once more with the wind, allow the fire of passion to flame within, draw nourishment from the earth herself, float in the waters as fluidness becomes our truth. Oh, how we have longed for this reconnection!! Our hearts and bodies have been in lock-down mode for so long. We have become numb and dumb…..moving through the days with a sense of duty, enslaved by a system meant to crush our spirits and keep us plodding like oxen.

Out of the desert of our lives, we are no longer limited to being spiney dull beings. We can unfurl our rose petals in a riot of color and fragrance to uplift the world.

Out of the desert of our lives, we are no longer limited to being spiney dull beings. We can unfurl our rose petals in a riot of color and fragrance to uplift the world.

No more! Women, open your mouths! Speak your truth with a roar that kindles fire. Allow the belly laugh that reverberates in tsunamis of delight, stomp your feet in a dance that shakes the earth, flow your love like a flood that washes away the dams created in our hearts. We have this power. We are here to awaken with our mother. There is no more time to lament, no more energy to be wasted on anger at the masculine. Truly it is anger pointed at self for giving away our magical powers so long ago. All was part of the play. All is now finished and it is time for forgiveness. We must forgive ourselves as we forgive all others. The curtain is closing. Do not hesitate to participate in this last ritual of forgiveness. Your being depends upon it, your future unfolds at its feet. Forgive all! Hold to nothing, not stories of suffering nor memories of quiet joy. Let it all go.

We are about to open the curtain on a new play. This is the one that calls upon the skills we garnered from all the other plays we have participated in. This is the role we have waited our entire cycle here on this beautiful earth, to play. It is the role of lifetimes and there is a script with your name on it. To play it, you must drop all the old. You cannot hit the high notes if your your lungs are full of unshed grief. You cannot speak in a voice that carries to the back of the theatre if your throat is still congested with fear. You cannot move about the stage with lightness if you are saddled with heartbreak. Drop all into the fires of rejuvenation. Hold to nothing, clear your fields to let your light shine. This is the performance where you star. This is where you remember that you ARE A STAR! Let your light shine as if your life depended upon it, as in truth it does. We are the light that illumines the pathway to the new earth. Our lights guide others. Please do not leave your part of the path in darkness out of fear or a sense of smallness. We are glorious beings with the capacity to blind with our light revealed. Our hearts temper it, so that it illuminates in the most inviting way as we are mothers, after all. We know the art of gentleness and soft encouragement. We have forgotten this for ourselves as we have shown it to our men and children. Turn your light upon yourself. Embrace your beauty in a pink blanket of the softest wool. Love is who we are. It stands awaiting our embrace.

I choose love this day. I choose to speak my truth in every moment. A quote from a recent article entitled Why You’re Afraid to Claim Your Power, Brenda Hoffman speaks to this:

You no longer have to do what others tell you to do if it does not feel comfortable – that is victim hood. You no longer need to slow your progress to match someone else’s pace – that is care taking. And you no longer need to control anyone – including yourself – that is outer-directed power. So be it. Amen.                                                                          Copyright © 2009-2013, Brenda Hoffman. All rights reserved. www.LifeTapestryCreations.com.

I loved this fiery flower arrangement in front of the charred wood. This is what we are called to, to be the flames of renewal upon the earth.

I loved this fiery flower arrangement in front of the charred wood. This is what we are called to, to be the flames of renewal upon the earth.

My heart is dancing in the fires of renewal. I look about and grasp your hand as we circle the flames in a dance of ecstasy. Our men are behind us (no, do not look!), their support assured as we stand in our knowing that allows them to take their rightful place once more. The babes are coming from heaven, into the waiting arms of the fathers, who beam with pride to offer shelter and protection. On their faces, such joy to see their women dancing free. All is right in the world, as the fire reveals the essence of love in each heart gathered. This is the new earth. This is our truth. This is why we are here. Dance it my friends, dance it.

Going Deep

Posted on by
Reply

The image of these stairs work for what my life is at the moment. I am walking down into the depths of my being. Just as you cannot see where you will land from this image, I have no clear picture of where it is I am headed. I am sitting in nature and allowing her to guide me. I have no fear of the dark places anymore. I have done so much clearing out, so much cleaning of my interior spaces that I can glide down the first few stairs with ease. I can look about and enjoy the scenery that I have created for myself. I have now reached a landing and face the descent into the depths. All appears misty and dark. I recall that I am light, I can shine my own light to see what has been neglected and forgotten. It is all about perception. I might have feared this excavation in times past, but now I welcome it. I want to release any aspects of myself that have been imprisoned. I want to comfort any parts of me that have been shamed. I want to bring the light of my truth to bear upon the darkness and to set it all free. Therein lies the joy of this task…freedom. Every part of me that I reclaim, every part that I see and acknowledge, allows me to breathe deeper. I feel freer. Once every fear, every pain, every hurt and injury is addressed, there is nothing to fear. I could leave this body tonight and be at peace. For my trust in my own divinity, is complete. We are all given this opportunity at this time, to choose freedom from pain, from suffering, from limitation and lack. Freedom is in the air. We are being gifted with such support to make this journey. Call upon your angels and guides and walk hand in hand with them down the staircase to your true self. Bring your great light to bear on all. Whatever you encounter, can be loved and embraced. There is nothing too shameful to come to our open hearts. The trick is to feel it completely. I recall a time in the first months after my divorce when someone’s guides gave them a message to deliver to me. They told me that it was ok to feel the pain and sadness fully. At that time, I did not understand the message and felt a bit indignant as I thought that I was feeling it fully. Oh, what a difference time can make. It took me another year, sobbing my heart out one night alone in India, to truly allow myself to look at the pain in my heart. To recognize how numb I had been. I could only take one step at a time and spent months poised on a step, unable to move further. Now I know the “how tos” of pain release. I know to open my heart fully, feel it fully in every cell of my body, and to take the deep breaths and let go. I give it to the angels and the violet flame to transmute it back to the light. I help my mind see that there is no need to recycle it over and over. I read a quote this morning about this:


“The pain was necessary to know the truth but we don’t have to keep the pain alive to keep the truth alive.” This is from Mark Nepo’s The Book of Awakening and he goes on to say; “As
anyone who has been wronged can attest, in order to keep the fire for justice burning, we need to keep burning our wounds open as perpetual evidence. Living like this, it is impossible to heal. Living like this, we become our own version of Prometheus, having our innards eaten daily by some large bird of woundedness.”


It is time to give up our woundedness, our victim hood, our sense of injustice. We have created everything in our lives to help us evolve. We were the ones who set it all up on a soul level and even chose the players in our play. So we let go of anger at anyone or thing and most of all, at ourselves. We played our part as well as we could at each point in the play as did all the others. Especially those who played the bad guys. Give them an extra round of applause as theirs was the more demanding role. It is time to forgive others as we forgive ourselves. Time to recognize that we all want peace and that we are the only ones who can give it to ourselves. Peace is an inside job. When I am at peace, the world will reflect that to me. When we are all at peace with ourselves, we will live in a peaceful world.

So descending the stairs is what this island time is to me. I am determined to uncover every last bit of delusion, illusion, damp and musty place in me. I love how brave I am to sit with myself and witness this process. To allow the space for all to be revealed. To melt into myself and to know myself as if for the first time. There have been tears of awe and gratitude for the beauty of this universe. For the generosity of my soul, for the way it works to bring me every trigger until I am trigger less. I want to stand naked before my own higher self, my mighty I AM presence and look her straight in the eye with reverence and strength. I want to merge with her and together merge into the heart of my Mother/Father God. I am ready to go home.

Home to a place that I have dreamed of in my soul. It is a place that whispers to me in the stillness. It is a place where I will be welcomed and known. It is the place that I have searched for all my life. I do not have to leave this body to find my home. It is in my heart and we are at a time in our evolution where we are free to create heaven on earth. Our mother has decided that she wants to evolve and become the star that she truly is. We get to join her and become the bright lights that we are. I loved this tree that I encountered, growing so strong and powerfully out of all the parts that have been cut down, damaged and decayed. Aren’t we beautiful in our ability to do this very thing? To take all of our suffering and our pain and use it to grow into the beauty that we are. We all know folks who have become twisted and stunted by their experiences in life. Yet, this tree shows us that there is another way and it is one of nobility and truth. We have the choice, always we have the choice as to how we will grow. I choose to see my life as a rich tapestry that I am weaving. I am grateful for every strand, some bleached white with grief, some dyed dark with blood, some so gay in their joy. All are a part of me, all are part of the whole. I choose to add my strength, my peace, my love to the whole of this earth. If it takes me turning over every damp rock on my forest floor and eating every worm found there, I will do it. I hold nothing back as I choose to be fully present in this stillness with myself. I am a warrior of the heart.