Fifth day of limited movement, I can stand or lie down……nothing in between. The weather has matched moments of my mood, brooding cloud cover, rain on and off, thunder and cool temperatures. This morning there is a shift, sunlight is streaming in between the clouds causing the temperature to hit 70 sometime today. I am moving a bit more freely. My low back has been my Achilles heel for decades. I had painted my granddaughter’s bedroom and then decided to try a furniture rearrangement that rearranged my back, not in a good way. It is hard to accept that at sixty-seven, such behavior may be behind me as my sons tell me. When I feel good, I believe I can do anything with this dear body of mine. This time, I will heed their advice and call them to do the heavy lifting. Or my daughter as she is a powerhouse of strength, having just competed some wild half marathon with an obstacle course stationed throughout the steep up and down mountain run. Today she came to help me get my breakfast prepared and I watched her carefully walk back down the stairs. Whew, I see the results of running and at times, walk/crawling up the steep mountain sides. Not my idea of fun. It is so interesting what lights us all up. There is such a huge variety of options!
Poppies exploding next to the barn, such magical papery flowers.
After feeling flat for so long, I had just begun to feel some enthusiasm to participate in life in a more physical way. It is still ahead, I can feel it. The vibrancy, the instant bursts of energy when I want them. Things are changing even as I am in this period. The muscle spasms are exhausting but I was laughing with my daughter that I was doing my own cross fit workout, a condensed version. In five minutes or so that it takes for me to get myself upright from lying down to then standing using a crutch as a support, I go through a wringer of spasms that has me sweating! Viola, mini workout done! I am able to be fully present in the pain and release fully in the next moment. In all my bouts with back pain, I have not experienced it with such lightness nor joy. I feel free in a new way.
My latest weekly haul fresh from the organic farm down the road. Such aliveness!
Dear ones show up to care for me, to cook and offer assistance. My former hubby and his partner, cleaned my fridge, prepped my veggies, put them in easy to reach places, brought a bag of easy to eat supplies, washed my dishes and cleaned the kitchen. My sons, daughter and daughter in love have cooked yummy meals and set my computer and books at hand. My granddaughter has provided comic relief with her antics and stories. Her sweet kisses and concern warm my heart. I am so open to receive and feel such gratitude for all that I am given. I send waves of this lovelight out to all who are suffering alone, who have no respite, no one to care. How blessed I am. May all be so cherished and loved.