Tag Archives: trust

The Gift of January’s Pause

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IMG_0873Today is the last day of a very long month, the first step into the energy of 2013. It did not feel like anything I knew, though with so much focus on 2012, my mind did not look into this landscape except to see paradise. In hindsight, I am so appreciative of how uneventful the December dates appeared. The clues where there for me to see as I was guided to be with a very small group of women for 12-12-12 and alone for 12-21-12.  I had thought to be at a large gathering with hordes of others for both dates, celebrating with fireworks and fanfare. Instead, it was an inward event, the joy subdued and subtle but palpable.

I am only now beginning to glean the riches held in the pause of January. The days rolled by in a dreamy fog, melting into one another as I experienced so many physical symptoms that took me down dark, scary holes. I heard that the end of suffering is here, suffering on any level of our being. My body spasmed with acute pain as I was offered the opportunity to walk it all back to love. To feel the illusion collapsing, to hold that knowing in my being alongside the reality that I was experiencing.  Caring for my body, took all my energy as I played with this newly intense sunlight; filling, releasing, and sending its rays streaming across the earth. Creative bubbles floated tantalizing close. As I reached out with my mind to pull them in, their iridescent radiance popped. I lay back down with sticky soap film on my face. My crown chakra tingled and danced with energy that evaporated as a sigh as soon as I opened to it. Everything felt elusive, just out of reach.

I am feeling the harvest of all the disappointment energy that December reaped. All of that was able to be lifted off the planet in one fell swoop. Oh, the angels were glad! We were then left with only trust to keep us warm as it seemed that the dreams of magic were not to be. Each day, my breath, a bellows to fan the flames higher as my body lay integrating the new. I saw myself with an IV drip of my divinity, which I had so boldly claimed, moving into me, drip by drip. I had thought myself ready to swallow it whole but my soul played its parental card and said, “No, too much too fast will leave you scorched.” I begged to differ and asked for a mugful. The response: drip, drip, drip. I jumped up to dance , to move, my mind proclaiming its sovereignty. I have not experienced but have watched folks shuffling down hospital corridors with their IV poles, seems no dancing allowed. As I was rendered once again prone and exhausted, the drip continued its slow, but ceaseless motion. Oh, the wisdom of these bodies! The wisdom of our higher selves, always showing us the short cut home.

Weary angel wondering why, reflecting my mind's energy.

Weary angel wondering why?

I have needed this time to acclimate to the new energies before I can move to play in them. I have had to bank the fires of my trust so that it is a constant flame that warms every moment, every impulse of my heart.  I can hear the roar of the fire of trust that is now blazing in my breast: I am loved, I am cared for, all is well. My mind had to go through its remaining fear programming: “You are not doing anything and it is 2013, get up!! How can you expect to co-create the new world flat on your back?” I had to face hissing, snarling FEAR in my dream space, trusting to the love of my heart to be my sword. I have felt the strength of that love as all melted at its touch, like the wicked witch of the west, dissolving in the mists. Fear is an illusion that has held us captive for so long. We are adults now, we can pull back the curtain and discover that it was only the old man, Oz, who was behind it all.

We have been through a tempering process as the flames of our experiences have begun  to transform us into molten gold. The liquidlovelight of my dreams, at last, pouring in.  We have been asked to grow up, to shoulder our responsibility to self. to get clear about what we want. Our thoughts are so rapidly becoming things that we have to be conscious of those thoughts. We have to know that all that is needed is inside of each of us, no outside sources trumping our own heart wisdom. We have had to walk old issues and relationships, down the road to love, releasing them to their higher self, trusting that they are perfectly cared for, as are we. I am learning to let go of judging the path of another and trusting that what presents itself, is that soul’s manifestation of experience that is their fast track home. Surrendering our playing God for another as well as dictating to God what tune to play in our heart, undoes the programming.  Allowing God to breathe the notes of our soul’s song into the flute of our hearts is walking our way to home.

My youngest son had a bout of the flu as did so many. After resistance, anger, and a bit of berating himself, he surrendered to it. Afterwards he said that he was grateful for the time it allowed him to think and dream. He was given a new vision of how to walk in his life. He saw all of his desires, the goodness meant for him, sitting ahead in the stream. He had been pushing to get to it, trying so hard in each endeavor, wanting to do it perfectly.  He realized that he was only asked to surrender and float down the stream. He would be brought to it in perfect timing and without fail as the water always flowed downstream. In his trusting in the abundance of the Creator’s love, all abundance flows in. Our minds can say, that is not how it works in the “real” world but it begins with my heart trusting, then yours, until all hearts know that we are the beloveds of our Mother/Father and their hearts’ desire is to give us, ours. Our streams converge and we will find ourselves playing together in the ocean of love.

This is the gift of January for all of us spiritual bungee jumpers (someone once called me that). Do we truly know that God loves us and cares for us on every level? Have we surrendered fully to the flow and placed our trust in divine timing? Do we have to spell out the particulars of what our Christmas list looks like or do we know that the Creator hears the feeling tone that we put out and answers in kind. Can we let go of our expectation of the hows, whens, whys of it all and trust what shows up, knowing it to be the perfect nourishment for our day?. Can we know ourselves good enough, worthy to receive this love? Can we drop in and allow our hearts to lead us, trusting the pause time to be as valuable as the times of action? Trusting that we are always in our perfect place at the perfect time. That we are not missing anything if we follow the clues of our heart.

IMGP4415I feel the winds of February bringing the scent of spring, of flowering anew, of expansion and rapid growth. My IV is still dripping with the essence of my divinity and I trust that the process will be complete when I hear the call to make a move. In this knowing, I am trusting each one of you to heed that call and trust the path where you are led, whether it be to sleep or create or dream in this moment. Open to it fully, licking the last bit of sweetness from each moment before letting it pass. Each moment fully embraced frees us to be present for the next….and the next, each experienced as the perfection of the now. I love you so.

 

Ascension Symptoms Update, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better

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Oh joy, I can feel the light!

Oh joy, I can feel the light!

Whew, this morning I awoke to joy. Yes, JOY after hitting a wall that left me desiring only to be done with this reality. I am hearing from so many who are in this place of great despair. Hold on! I would like to throw out a life line to each one of you. It is darkest before the dawn……we have all heard that but are now truly living it. We have done so much internal work, cleared out the debris, emotionally from our hearts and mentally from our minds. We have identified limiting beliefs and chucked them overboard. We have forgiven and ho’oponoponoed till the cows come home. We have let go of everything over and over, people, possessions, titles, roles and homes. We have been ridiculed, called the devil, acted as the wall for others to throw darkness upon. Stripped bare, we stand naked upon a lonely shore.

We have landed in some kind of teenage hell where our emotions are in overdrive, bliss one moment to be followed by long stretches of nothingness dipping into utter despair. We sweat all night, waking up reeking. My God, I smell like a teenage boys’ locker room! I have to air out my bedroom and change my sweaty sheets and wash pjs. Toxic emissions are pouring out of me. I am either freezing cold or else sweat is running down my face. This is worse than the menopausal times. I cry at anything, can feel irritation from a sound, a fabric, a smell. My body is hypersensitive, trying to find some way to idle at neutral. The top of my head feels like someone spends nights dancing on it with cobbled shoes. My neck and lower back feel broken at times. Literally, as if they could not possibly come back together. My legs run highly charged electricity through to the earth in continuous streams that ache. How anyone manages to hold down a job through all of this, is beyond me. My hats are off to you and I hold you in my prayers each day. It takes all of me to do what I do as my service to this earth.

I feel and look ancient, like a crone and yet other times, I see my reflection and my eyes are so full of light they look like stars. The fatigue that will not quit and seems to have been part of my life forever, is emotionally debilitating. Doing is somewhere on a cloud, out of reach, while I lie on my back and watch it float by. Memory is a thing of the past, I cannot recall what I did an hour ago, no less last week. I can disappear into no time for hours on end. Dreamy, spacey, not here nor anywhere, simply gone. Nausea makes eating a challenge as nothing tastes good or satisfying. Everything that once brought joy, holds no charge at all. I want to spit it all out! I feel like one of my children when they were toddlers in a cranky mood. Offered different activities; “Would you like to color? NO! How about playing with clay? NO! Let’s bake cookies. I HATE cookies!’ (when of course, up until this moment you loved cookies). I need the parent to come trundle me into bed and sit and smooth the hair back from my brow, murmuring endearments. Can I simply fall asleep and wake up when it is all over and the new earth is firmly landed in?  My heart cries, enough, enough already, get me off this merry go round!

Wash away my weariness, dear undines of the water.

Wash away my weariness, dear undines of the water.

As a collective, we are moving into unity consciousness. We are feeling everyone in a deeper way. Our hearts have exploded, shattered into a million pieces,  each containing the former capacity of the whole. We are amazing creatures to have signed on for this ride. To have said yes to attempting to move a carbon based dense body into a crystalline one that floats on air. Magicians are we. I celebrate each one of you as well as myself. The road will be easier for our brothers and sisters who follow, after all this heavy clearing work that we have done. The only thing that keeps our heads above water is TRUST. It sits like a jewel in our hearts and its glow is a lamp that we are drawn to over and over in order to see our way forward. Hold on, warriors of the heart. We are almost there. We have read channelings for ages and want to spit it all out. So tired of hearing, soon, almost, nearly there……like a child we can feel betrayed by the never ending litany of platitudes. It is time to throw a temper tantrum and state, I won’t take this anymore!!!

Glory of God moments fill my heart.

Glory of God moments fill my heart.

After we thoroughly exhaust ourselves, lying spent with our hair wild about us, tears staining our face……we take a breath. We look about and if we are fortunate, we make the choice to see with new eyes. This is an internal work, a shift of perception that we are asked to make. We are the vision keepers so while all this physical morphing is taking place, we are asked to see the new earth as if it were here. We are asked to be the child with the wild imagination who sits down to tea with our fairy friends. We are asked to allow the ribbons of our heartlight to embrace every soul on the planet, weaving the new tapestry of love that enfolds, nurtures, enlivens all. We are asked to see the beauty in the depravity of human nature and bring it back to the reality of love. We are asked to do the unimaginable. The amazing thing is., that we are doing it! We knew that we were stars, come to bring our great light to this dear beloved planet. Oh, how we love her! To bring our love to each man, woman and child, knowing them as us. Holding each one so tenderly in our hearts as we hold that immaculate concept for each one. Oh, the agony and the ecstasy of this time! Millions asked for this assignment and only a few were chosen. I am honored to be in your company. My heart bows before each of yours. Espavo! Thank you for taking your power, for walking the fierce fire walk that is this third dimensional life. Our victory is assured. We are making it. My heart tells me that over and over. I know. I simply know that love is a force like no other and that all melts before its light. God bless us all.

It is a New World!

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Each day, the sun gives us a new picture, just as we are called to create anew each day with the energy gifted to us.

My understanding has been coming in waves. Today one broke that thrilled me. As we ride the waves to their peak, we are afforded a new perspective. I saw that the underpinnings of this old world, have been pulled out. The whole reality is held in place by the continued belief system of the masses. As more of us learn to ride these energy waves, we are freed from the old way of seeing which allow us to take the steps out of the old matrix. All of the old will collapse as its purpose has been served. We can use our energy to energize the world our hearts desire. We are creating our new earth!

The rocks are so happy that someone allowed them a new vista!

Now as I plummet down the surface of the wave, I can be at peace in the quiet time, knowing that the new is real and I will be taken up once again. For so long, we rode wave after wave with no change in sight. It felt exhausting to hold onto our raft of faith in the midst of the storms that beset us. I knew that life was meant to be magical, ease and joy filled but all the evidence pointed to the contrary. This new energy moves like nature, it has its spring time of bursting forth, its dormant winter of going within, its brilliant summer of beauty. It is not static. We have lived under slavery, forced to work each day in a system that assumed a body could produce at a steady pace, day in and day out. We are not wired this way, our energy peaks and then it wanes. It flows out in a burst of social engagement and then returns inward to days of quiet. It is not a constant stream. No wonder we felt so deadened in our 9-5 jobs, our school days, our family lives…..monotony dulls us. If we could not fit the system, we were given a label and a drug …..take a pill, it will make the world more palatable.

Peace feels possible! We are creating it moment to moment in our hearts.

Now we can stretch our wings, stand on that tall branch and survey the scene below. Our sense perceptions are changing. Our hearts are melting into love. Our souls are speaking through us, surprising us in their boldness. A friend said a work acquaintance called on business and before getting off the phone said,” I love you!” She is very psychic and could hear his next thought of ,”Oh my God, what did I just say?!” His soul burst through in what is considered an inappropriate manner but the truth is we do love one another. We do! My friend responded with, “I love you, too!” We are creating a world where we can speak our truth without fear. Where we can be transparent in all of our thoughts. Where fear is nowhere to be found. Another friend related how she had taken a new way home from her church service. She discovered a lovely little bakery and had so much fun. She engaged in a conversation with an older woman who invited her to her 90th birthday party. All of this happened because she faced a fear of trying something new, taking a new route. Small changes leading to transforming lives. It is happening everywhere and people are smiling with how good it feels. Freedom is heady stuff.

I love when the flames dance.

I planted my seeds of intention on yesterday’s new moon. I felt joy in the movement out of my cocoon of the past months. Walks, talks, art making. Today I witnessed my energy retracting, collapsing inward, like the wave, come to rest on the shore. The couch and fire have called me. My meditation for the day has been as a fire tender. Keeping the flames dancing is the all of it. Trusting this, trusting my impulses to be perfectly aligned for me, to me. In honoring the energy as it moves through, I can be assured of always being in my perfect place at the perfect time. I am not missing anything. Today, I did not answer the phone as words were not a part of this silent fire tending. I allowed the movement to take me deep. In honoring me, I allow the world to reflect that honoring back to me.

My cells get sooo excited about all this color coming their way in my juice.

I see this is the way of the energy, it builds, movement and excitement are present, then it recedes and deep rest is called for. Movement, then rest. Movement, then rest. Following the wave, surrendering, trusting, flowing rather than fighting. Moving with life rather than trying to throw up a road block to its flow. As we each move into this acceptance, this grace, our world responds ever more eagerly to out picture the life we desire. I desired lemons and a friend asked if I wanted a bag from her tree. I smiled in gratitude for how beautifully I am cared for. How deeply we are all loved. We were told it was not true and we believed it for a time. But our knowing is coming back, we are remembering who we are. There is no need to analyze it in our heads, process it out……we can drop into our hearts and access our knowing for this moment. And that is all that matters. Trusting that all future moments will be cared for when they arrive. Oh, the freedom to let go of the lens of the past and live in this moment! My former husband and I were laughing in delight at how we are sharing our love for one another. It feels so good to have dropped the pain of the past. It is an old story that we will never read again as there is this new story of friendship and support that is so engaging. This is the choice we each have in every moment, to feel our truth and speak it. To live in the joy of our heart’s prompting. To access our deepest desires and to so infill them with feeling, that they burst forth on the screen of life with vibrant passion and beauty. We have existed on a diet of bread and water and suddenly discovered the kaleidoscope of fruits and vegetables! My son read me a line from a book he was reading that struck a chord: “flamboyants (had to look it up, it is a type of tree when used as a noun), scarlet against the blue sky,flaunt their color like a cry of passion. They are sensual with an unashamed violence that leaves you breathless.”
from The Moon and Sixpence….W.Somerset Maugham

The earth sends me messages of love all the time, as I do her.

I am moving into this experience of sensuality with life! Last night as I lay in bed, imagining my beloved holding me, I was caressed from my shoulders to hips to legs, over and over. It was my beloved and he was able to allow me to feel his touch. I sobbed and sobbed. It went on for about five minutes, which is pretty long. Long enough for my mind to begin to wander to another thought. I laughed and laughed then at myself. In bliss and then thinking of some mundane thing…..again the wave, up and down. Do not judge where you are in it, simply be in it. The bliss comes and then abates, tears and then laughter……we are learning to dance with life!

What is Your Heart Knowing?

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This single lime green mum, is lighting me up!

Time is so fluid, I discover that I am more rooted in the present moment. Once moved through, it ceases to exist except when called back in conversation. I am grateful for the old that has dropped away to allow the new to emerge. I am grateful that my back is more fluid and the way the pain taught me to move with more grace and appreciation of my body elemental. I carry myself differently. I walk as my fairy queen self who has lately desired expression. I put bells on my ugg boots as it pleases that aspect of myself so very much. I allow my fairy dressers to choose the robe I wear. Today it is ruby red, deep velvet, yet it floats lightly on the air as I walk. It has flame tendrils flowing from it…….fiery day ahead! Tune in to your robe and see what is there for you. It is a fun game that I play with myself and a couple of friends.

My jingling boots

We have stepped into the year of imagination. It is time to image the world that we wish to create. The feeling is the most important aspect, what do you want to feel in 2013? How do I see myself? What do I want? None of the answers can be found in your mind. We have let go of the lifetimes of the mind being dominant in figuring out our world. We have entered a new era where we must tune to our hearts to create a feelscape, a dreamscape of our future. Take a deep breath and drop in. What arises?

For me, I want to be in the place on this earth, that feeds my highest expression, surrounded by others whose frequencies feed my soul. I want to be co-creating with them. I feel children’s laughter and soft arms and bodies, I know flowers are all about me and my beloved swings a little one high on his shoulders and a flock gather to make cookies. I feel my arm moving in a wide sweep across a huge canvas and I laugh. I allow myself to enter this feeling scape each day, seeing what new aspect appears. Focusing more on the feeling than the details.

My present reality returns and I look around with eyes of appreciation. What action can I take to move towards this desire of my heart? I trust and surrender to the divine timing of it all. I take a deep breath and see where my energy wants to move. So far, it is in making a green juice for myself as my cells leap in joy at the sound of the juicer. Drinking my juice, I arrange a bunch of flowers that I bought yesterday. I love scattering small groupings about the house, one for my Mother Mary, one for the bathroom, today one for the fireplace as it is a no burn day here in Sacramento so the surface is cool. Now it is writing.

Seeing the gold in every slice of life.

I am so blessed to be able to follow the rhythms of my soul, no to dos as I trust that all will be accomplished in its perfect time when I allow. My bedroom is a warren of clothes and books, a mess from when I injured my back. I am feeling it will be put to order soon but it is not quite the moment. When I allow myself to move this way, all becomes a joy. The old way of forcing myself to a task, has long dropped away. I am delighting in witnessing so many others moving into this new way of flowing. The energy is so quick to respond to our desirings. My son came for a visit and wanted to connect with his cousin who was in town for the holidays. The days passed with no plan but then a desire to text his cousin came, and fifteen minutes later they were both out on the bike trail, having a lovely ride together. We can begin to trust the synchronicity to be there to support our desires rather than the old mental planning. Yes, it is still necessary in some situations but the more we can allow the flow, the more grace can move in our lives. Take an imagination break today and feel what your heart is calling you to.

Allowing my Feelings to Flow Fully

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I continue to marvel at the way life brings to us exactly what we need, when we need it. I look back at all the years that I lived my life trying to orchestrate events through my mind. I was not able to accept life as it presented itself to me. I attempted to control how others should act, to control my feelings, tamping them down in the mistaken belief that life would be easier that way. I believed that I would be happy if a set of circumstances that I held to, came to be. I spent a great deal of time and energy opposing what was, in an attempt to create my own version of the magic lands.

I love the fierceness and wildness of some of the Maori images. They are expressing truth.

And lo, and behold……I am living in those very magic lands these days. I arrive more fully each day as I begin my day with a surrender to my higher self, Sophia, to be in the driver’s seat. I put all my trust in her, which of course, is myself. I trust me completely. I trust the benevolent nature of this universe. I trust Creator. From this place of trust, I observe everything that comes into my world. The energies are becoming much clearer in vibration and tone. I watch the interplay, hear the music that is being sung. There is only one tone that captures my attention these days. It is the tone of love. I want to listen to it, broadcast it, be bathed in it, sing it with others in conversation and silence. I hear it underneath all other tones, asking to be heard and amplified through my heart. The tones of love are what make up this world of ours.

Love resides in everything. It is the most freeing of feelings as we are born to love. We are love! I am feeling the freedom of loving all of life. It is a fiery feeling, the intensity is immense. I used to be afraid of my feelings, of the power of love that I felt coursing through me. Society taught me this from a young age. I felt too much, I wanted too much, I was too much. We were taught that you could not love freely, it was reserved for certain people in certain times. We were taught that you must love your parents, even if they were awful to you. We were taught that you could not love someone if they were in a relationship with another. We were taught to mistrust others of our own sex, that they were competition for the scarce commodity of love that was out there. We were taught that our feelings were dangerous and were to be hidden from others to the point where we hid them from ourselves.

In doing so, we have allowed the shadowlands to grow in size and scope. We are a society riddled with addictions, fearful of owning our truth, fearful of being seen. We have lost the ability to see others as we have not been able to fully see ourselves. We have been taught to shine out our bright side, to hide any sign of weakness as our enemies might use it against us. We have created an us vs them world. Yet, there is only us….one people on planet earth. One tribe, the tribe of many colors, the rainbow tribe. It is time to take off the masks and uncover the truth of ourselves. It is truth that what we judge in another is a part of ourselves needing love.

I have just finished reading, The Flaming Serpent by Aine Armour. Here are some of her words that resonated deeply in my heart:

“You must be honest with your feelings. You must allow yourself to feel them. They are the language of your own soul speaking to you…So often humans judge their feelings as wrong and so they suppress them, repress them. The feelings do not go away. They go into the body, into the energy system and continue to create-feelings create.  They are the juice of creation, the water of life. If they are repressed and unacknowledged they begin to create the shadow of the feeling they originated from….It is not the feeling that causes harm, it is what we do with the feeling that can cause harm.”

We fear the flame with its dying, forgetting it unleashes the seed of the new. In every death, exists the rebirth.

I so enjoy uncovering another belief that I have been unconsciously living by. I love the freedom that comes as I dismantle the lie and allow myself to breathe fully in the open space now at hand. I AM LOVE! This I know in all of me. I can allow myself to feel this love fully in all of its aspects. I can use my discernment as to when and how to act upon my feelings as they show up in my world. Who in this world has enough love? Who would not be grateful to know that they are loved? We have so limited our version of love. If it be for someone of the opposite sex, we bring sex into the equation. We do not trust ourselves to love deeply for fear we may cause harm to another. Yet, it is our intention that is all. I intend no harm come from my love. My love is a cosmos and we limit it to a physical expression that is the tip of the iceberg. We are taught that romantic love is all with its erotic charge that quickly grows stale. We are taught the sanctity of the parent- child relationship without allowing it the freedom to be more or less than that.

Love is to be fully felt, fully given in each moment. We can look into another’s eyes for a moment and exchange lifetimes of love. There is such a blessing in this for both parties. I am learning to love so fully that I no longer hold anyone or thing that I love. I bring all of me to each moment, allowing the love to flow in a continuous stream from my heart. I am free to bathe all of it in my love. I recognize no limits nor confines for this love. It flows in a never ending stream from Creator to my heart. My chalice which I offer anew each day to my Mother/Father, is filled with a radiant stream of liquidlovelight that overflows from my heart to yours. I am a conduit for love. I am the stream of love. I am infilled with love. The wonder of this!

I used to hold it in my heart, even close off my heart from receiving what my Mother/Father freely gave. I used my mind to decide where the love should go, who was deserving of my love. I gave time and again from an empty cup as I did not believe myself deserving of love. I felt flawed, damaged. If I expressed any emotion but love, I crawled into the shadows of the cave of shame where no light entered. Anger sent me there, impatience was a pass to the cave. I judged myself harshly and meted out punishment without mercy. Talk about an executioner! Whew, I wielded that sword with a vengence. Each time I crawled out of the cave, determined to be love, to walk in light, to take the high road in all situations. Each time an emotion other than love rose up in me, I took myself to the cave, asked for the nails to be hung on the cross of shame and guilt. My self loathing grew with my rage. My former hubby used to say that he was a good guy 26 days out of the month, but watch out for those other few days. That was when the illusion broke and the moon in her wisdom, drew forth the fiery truth of my soul. I would find myself raging, as feelings stuffed all month long, came pouring out in a violent cascade. They came to teach me, to ask for honoring. I would respond with horror and as my hormones settled, I would stuff them back into the recesses of the cave and place myself at the entrance, setting guard so that they would never see the light of day. 26 days later, they would overwhelm me once again and make their escape into my outer world. I suffered, those around me suffered their wrath. The remorse, the incrimination would enter in and the cycle continued its mad merry go round.

Part of a Nicholas Roerich painting that was a wedding gift eons ago. I have always loved this image of a man sitting on a mountaintop, tending the fire of his heart.

Eventually, I went deep enough into the darkness that I longed only to stay there. That is when I discovered a flame inside of me that illumined a truth. It told me that I was good, that I was love, that I was lovable. By holding to that flame, allowing it to burn within, I found my way out of the cave. I live in a state of grace and peace these days. I feel every feeling that comes my way, fully and completely. I can feel anger without spewing it at another or myself. I did not know how to do that before. I accept all that triggers me as my own, not looking to another to be the cause of my feelings. I thank each person that flips a trigger in me as it allows me to let go the charge. Once fully felt and met, triggers disappear. No one taught me this. I have learned to use my voice to express whatever feeling is present. It is the quickest way that I have found to move energy. I identify where the feeling is in my body and allow the sound it is holding to come out. I do not judge if it is a pretty sound or a grating sound, a groaning or a whining or a keening. All is welcome to be expressed. I tone until the space is clear and empty. I then use my voice to infill that space with my Mother/Father’s presence of love. I ask Sophia to more fully inhabit that space, to love it completely. I know of someone who had cervical cancer. She realized that the cancer grew in the place where she had not fully loved herself. The space she had not fully occupied. Nature abhors a vacuum. I wish to occupy my whole self, this beautiful body which works so hard to hold my light and points out to me where the darkness is that is seeking release through the tones of love. Our bodies know all! They are the wisdom keepers. Ask and you will be shown where you are unaware, where vacuums exist, where cobwebs have been allowed to grow. How many of us have parts of our body that we think unkind thoughts to; “I hate my butt, my shoulder is a pain, my breasts are too small…” The litany goes on. Our body is our friend, seeking love as we are. We can speak to it with tenderness, gift it with what it needs rather than what our minds tells us is the latest news as to how to treat it. We are unique and there is no one size fits all treatment for our bodies though society would have us believe it. We would rather see a doctor and take a pill than take the time to listen to our body. It will tell us exactly what it needs to be a healthy container for us, but we must become able to translate its thoughts. We do this by engaging our senses in the subtle realms of spirit.

We are all looking for permission to feel without judgment.  I give you that permission this day. In doing so, feeling everything that shows up in our world, we begin to know ourselves. And what beauty is there, waiting to be seen! Claim it! I love you.

 

 

Life Conspiring to Play with Us

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This tulip opened its heart to me.

Have you noticed how all of life is conspiring to co-create with us? How everything is looking for our attention? And as soon as we gift it with our attention, it gifts us back with love. Last night, my son and I were talking about weaving our light together to co-create some information coming through on the balanced divine feminine and divine masculine. As I said the word, weave, a big spider dropped down from the ceiling on its silken thread to land in front of us. Yes! He wanted to weave with us. Oh, it makes me laugh. This morning, I made a decision as I lay in bed to organize the room I am temporarily perched in. A bird outside the window gave three sharp calls (3 being my magic number of confirmation) and I smiled.

I used my body as a pendulum to see what it wanted this morning. Did it want to go for a walk….even possibly a bit of run, this morning? I have been imagining starting to run again, after years of not running. The answer came; yes, she did! Off I went and it felt good to move my body in this way again. I am discovering that by imagining what I want, feeling myself doing it while in repose, I am pre-paving the way. I am dreaming my future into being. I co-create in conversations with a select few who are in resonance with me at the moment. I allow that to change as it does, not holding to anyone as someone flows into my field and another flows out. No more holding. Wanting freedom for myself and for all others as we allow the movement that is natural to our beingness. We have imposed such tight structures around how we are to relate, if it is biological family, there is duty involved, if a friend, there are rules to follow, if it is the opposite sex and we are not in a romantic relationship, more limits apply. Yikes, it is a wonder that we moved at all with all the confining ties.

A leaf floating in the pool, holding a heart bubble of water, mirroring my heart floating free.

My former hubby, now friend, just brought me a cup of coffee. That feels good today. I am in full appreciation for each moment and what is shared within. There are folks I may speak with every day and then weeks may go by without a word. Others I may have been with daily, sharing so intensely in the moments and then not at all. Trusting all of it. Not holding to anything. Allowing.

Surrendering and trust……my two words of the last few days. There has been a deepening. A knowing that permeates my being. I know that I am in my perfect place, doing just what I came here to do. All the questioning, the self analysis, the wondering, the anxiety, the comparison to others’ paths,  to my own expectation of what my life should look like or be, has dropped away. I feel so free! I allow myself to move as the ethers would have it. I know that this time of quiet is deeply enriching. I am alone for most of the moments of the day. Two, dear to my heart, enter sporadically and I can choose to engage or not. Others come in through phone, text or email. I allow my heart to decide if there is to be contact, depending on its desires of the moment. My heart leads in all things. It has become my home base. I move in and out of it all day long. I am so grateful for the way I set up my life for this time. The freedom that I offered myself to simply be in these final days in 3D, allowing myself to focus fully on bridging heaven and earth.

Songs flow through spontaneously from Sophia, my I AM presence, letting me know that I am in the flow of my heart’s stream. The earth tunes me through my voice, toning the sounds that she wishes to emit in the moments that I am called to be her amplifier. I drop deep into the stillness of my heart and allow myself to be the beam of the lighthouse, flashing its message of safety and warmth. I have been listening to Tom Kenyon’s latest offering of the Aethos: http://tomkenyon.com/the-aethos-and-non-dual-states-of-consciousness in preparation for his November world-wide meditation. It is an interesting recording that allows access to a non-duality state of consciousness. It is a gift that I am savoring as I listen each day.

I observe everything in my world, what moves about me, within me. There is a deep appreciation for all of it. New aspects of me are coming in, I welcome them with a smile. At Mount Shasta last week, this bracelet spoke to me and insisted it had to be worn upside down. The curve informs some part of my being as my priestess self recalls those lines. A friend mentioned a book that she felt I would resonate with. It is by an Irish author. Ireland has reemerged of late as an important place to my soul. I recently found a soul sister there and her writing opened memories and connections.  I delighted in the fact of being somewhere long enough to place an online order. The book ( a used hardcover copy being the same price as paperback!) holds the next bit of info for me, I could feel my bones quivering in excitement as I unwrapped it. Yes, my bones! Now that means it is important on a visceral level to me. I pay attention!

My son's painting that I view from my bed, grounding me with its earthen colors and cows touching the earth.

All of life is speaking to us, if we but tune our ears to listen. Spirit uses nature, bumper stickers, friends’ words, lines of songs, an object tripped over, our body, anything and everything, to get our attention. Trust its words, follow its lead and you can let your mind rest. I am moving through my heart which houses our greatest intelligence, as science has now discovered. This freedom makes me giddy at times! No planning, no agenda, allowing myself to be moved as the inspiration flows. I am learning to dance on the in breath and out. To flow in a way I formerly dreamed of. Grace accompanies me and I honor its place in my life. I honor your flame next to mine, and rejoice in its glow.

His companion piece that shows the vibratory nature of this reality.

 

 

 

 

Clearing and more Clearing as the Chaos Rises

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Oh my, these final exams of the heart are not easy!

There are times where the process takes us so deep, we cannot catch our breath to reflect. I am on the fast train to mastery this month, judging by what has shown up in my world. I am grateful for the inner images that pull me into daytime naps and dreams. They are what is sustaining me. A couple of days ago,  a friend arrived to do our favorite Stargate card activity. It is an old deck and system, from the 70’s she thinks, yet retains a power punch. It gives an accurate reading of where you are in your life but requires you to do the interpretation work. By doing it together, we offer one another our insights. Before we began, she stated that she needed a 20 minute nap. I love friends who are as present to their needs as I am.

We each lay down on a couch, she fell asleep and I went into a dream like experience. I was praying and doing some healing work on my dear Joseph. All of a sudden, hundreds, then thousands, then millions of folks lined up behind him to receive the healing. I saw how we can stop thinking small, we are expansive beings and what we call forth for one, we can call forth for the multitudes. My heart was throbbing like a drum in my chest as I felt the ribbons from my heart reach out to each one. Amazing. I was then spiraling with Joseph. I was riding a red dragon, his was gold. We were spiraling up to the Great Central Sun and diving back down the core of the earth, like a corkscrew. We turned into a pink flame of love pulsing in the inner core of the earth. Any separation dissolved as there was only light and love. To be that flame was the all of all. The flame burst into a million stars throughout the galaxy, each star appearing separate as a point of light but I could see the firmament that wove them all together. All was connected. All was one. Glistening, shimmering so bright. We have been trained to have such a limited view like a pinprick instead of a huge telescope of understanding. We are expanding into oneness, unity, heartlight.

I recalled Joseph saying that he had begun to see people as neither masculine nor feminine, rather simply energy.  We are moving to this androgyny as all duality falls away. The light from that flame moved up through the earth and I saw how everyone is being fed this love from our mother as well as receiving it through the sun’s rays from our father. Wonder. Later as we pulled out our card decks to play, I pulled the healing heart card. I loved the image as I had visualized myself touching his heart along with all the others.

A dancing oak tree, so tall and graceful. I lay against her and asked to be tutored in her ways.

This morning I feel a clarity that is sharp. I see that we have been given opportunities to close loops with others. I see myself moving as quickly as I can to activate, expand, complete with others. Once done, I feel that that particular lifetime is closed. It is a strange feeling as I can have been in such closeness, experienced a fullness and depth of sharing only to hear the click of the lock as that book closes. We are clearing our remaining karma with folks, completing our commitments to hold the door open for others. Last night, a final one with a loved one swung closed. The depth of love is so great,  I have stood holding the gate open with full hearts.  Many are desirous of the warmth of the light but reluctant to take the steps to claim it as their own. It is a lesson to me to allow him his path. To finally close the door on the pushing energy that is second nature to me for all those I love. I felt sadness as I surrendered him to the holiness of his own timing and path. I have done my work, I bless him in his and now I step back and allow.

Surrender is the name of the game, over and over. Trusting the divine timing for each soul on its path. Grateful for the tests that challenge me to my core. I felt such a Kali type anger flow through me the other night, so tired of the deceptions, the lies that continue to exist, the desire to continue in the comfort of the old dead story. It did not come out with grace nor softness, it was hard and pointed.  I felt remorse move through me at my action. I had to forgive myself for allowing the pain of all the years, to color my eruption. I asked for forgiveness of the other and had to allow my own.

Oh, the dearness of all of our hearts. The more impersonal life feels to me, the greater my love for humanity. I feel so deeply the dearness of each one striving to move through the mountains of pain and suffering. I watched the old shadow of being exiled, being cast from the tribe, the community, arise. Oh, how many lifetimes had I been rejected for stating my truth. I felt gratitude that this feeling was here to be loved. This dear self who longed so for community and acceptance, without having to live a lie. I embraced her and told her we would become a community of two, I would hold to her always. Then I gave the feeling of loneliness to the earth and she took it with such love. Sigh…..more inner space to now be filled with my own Christ light of love. I breathed out the loneliness and breathed in the love of Source. What a magical exchange. We are so gifted. We are so loved. Everything that appears in our world these days, is of importance. Everything a gift to be opened with a grateful heart. Hear me, oh universe, I AM grateful!

 

Uncovering More and Holding it in Heartlight

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Nature helps to take our sorrows and shows us how to let go and flow with the river of life.

4am and i have wrestled with another layer of feelings surfacing around the deep issue that has come to be healed. Took a hot epson salt bath with Tom Kenyon healing sounds playing in the room. The warm water and the sounds did much to help move the energy. I watched the old pattern surface of pulling out my sword and looking for the first head to chop off. My former husband used to say that I loved confrontation and even sought  it out. The truth was, it was never a choice for me . If I saw something amiss, I could not remain silent even in the knowing of the back lash that would follow. Hence the harshness and intensity of my sword brandishing. I do ask all who were on the receiving end of that harsh energy at any time, to forgive me. I did not know another way to speak my truth.

It is here before me. A situation that challenges a core aspect of myself and what I believed that I stood for. The old way would have been to brandish the sword first and foremost at myself with loathing, burying myself deep in self recrimination and guilt. Next would have been to swing the sword at “the perpretator” and try to help the “victim”. In letting go of duality, these are no longer viable options. The old patterns still arise but I have tools now to allow the feelings to wash through me and to not attach. I found myself wanting images to come to validate my feelings but received the guidance that is not helpful. I am to use my feelings as my guide. Observe their passage knowing that the details are not important but rather to allow the energy to unwind in my heart and to embrace that aspect of myself that feels that it fell down on the job. To love myself and recognize the impulse to do good was always there. Honoring  myself for that then allows me to honor that same impulse in others. To see the innocence in all concerned, to truly trust that we all create every aspect of our world, the painful and dark as well as the joyful and light. That we can wish an easy passage for another but it is not ours to give. Our souls choose the lessons that we are to learn and the situations that best bring those lessons.

I do not know what or how I will share this knowing yet. My old way would have been to rush out with my sword and swing wildly at all,  compelled to immediate action. Now I see that the biggest piece is for me to sit with this and unwind the coil in myself first. In doing so, it may unwind energetically for the others. The way can be paved for ease and grace and healing for all. I am not responsible for how anyone reacts to my feelings. Another big difference I am finding, is not presenting my feelings as  truth. It is true for me, yet it is not mine to declare another’s truth. I can share and see what resonates for others, allowing space for whatever is to come up.

A wise friend wrote me this advice: “I am feeling that this does not have to be so serious,  it can be addressed with immense love and as a source of information.  Let it move,  as it moves it will transmute.” This is new also, to not see it as a big drama requiring big reactions. Rather as information to be acknowledged and transmuted. I am letting it move through my body as tears, as energy releasing in the bath water, through writing, sharing, walking in nature. Letting it have its way and knowing that I can love the whole spectrum that life presents to us. The old way, would find me shielding myself or denying the darker aspects of our human nature but the more I learn on this path of enlightenment, the more I know that I have played all parts. I have been the rapist and murderer as well as the one raped and murdered. I can not judge any longer good or bad as I cannot see what is being played out on all dimensions. The feeling of compassion is the strongest one as it comes to envelop all involved, including myself. I am grateful for my angels and guides who are standing with me, showing me the way, moment by moment. Allowing a layer to come up, then time to process before another layer is uncovered. Ease and grace are present.

Another wise friend, Karin Berky wrote this of today’s energy:

ENERGY WISDOM Wed 14th Mar: IMPORTANT DAY! You ground and anchor in a new perspective! Venus/Jupiter/Lilith at 9 degrees Taurus, Pluto 9 deg Capricorn, Mars 9 deg Virgo creates one big triangle called a grand trine. A rare and potent time for love, relationships, expansion and change. Lilith is the profound longing for the absolute, the unlimited infinite self, she sacrifices and shows you how to let go of the old and FLOW with changes, be open and trusting. She is life force. Creation. She is a call into your EMPOWERMENT. In with this grand trine she wants you to see your connection to the WHOLE, to the divine, end separation consciousness and enter Unity Consciousness and Oneness. To let go you need to ‘sacrifice’ your little “I” ego to realise how powerful you are. Mars also opposite Chiron connects in with this grand trine – old wounds are highlighted. Lilith brings the dark into the light. Turn your demons into ‘diamonds’. Shine a light on the dark, the fear, the anxiety, the wounds and turn them into unconditional love. Where you have been wounded so have others, and you now see that and bring it into a loving acceptance. Seen in a new light you can see your wounds as ‘gifts’ RE-membering your true nature and gifts. You have been lied to in this old control and fear paradigm! Your true nature is infinite. A child is not born with shame, fear and anxiety…it is born of pure love and TRUST. Mistrust and fear is learnt. So create a sacred space to which you retreat so you feel safe. A powerful day to begin turning old wounds into loving gifts and recognise the Oneness of life! Making use of this energy will change your relationships and life forever. Which lies about yourself do you drop now? Can you let go and trust? Can you reveal all of your authentic real self? ~~Karin Berky, Evolving Souls, 2012.
I am trusting and seeing the diamonds shining.

Flowing with the Waves of March

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March has come in so breezy, with up and down drafts of energy. I am learning to flow and ride the waves as they come. This small creek runs through the park where I like to walk most days. Rock strewn in places, smooth going in others…nature always showing me the way. Embracing it all, not complaining of the rocks or narrow passages, simply flowing as that is its nature. As ours is to love, to let our heart lights shine out, no matter what comes into our lives. The refrain, “Resist nothing” has had big play time in my head of late. As I focus on this, I have been surprised at all the moments where resistance still lurked. There is a friend of the homeowner whose house I am renting, who came over to do yard work. He was dear, brought me oranges and lemons and even split a bunch of kindling wood for me. We had a nice chat and I sent him off with some gingersnaps warm from the oven.  He told me that he would likely be coming once or twice a week this month to work on projects. I found myself feeling hemmed in at that thought, not sure I wanted to be social that often. Resisting because I wanted the freedom of knowing I could come and go in the yard in my space of solitude. I know that focusing on the not wanting, creates just that. In a space of allowing, I can trust that when he does show up, it will be a wonderful experience, not something I need to push against.

Embracing all, resisting none. I stopped at an art store for my son to use a gift card. He was only going to be 5 minutes. I decided it was not enough time to warrent figuring out how to put money in a machine that printed a little ticket to attach to your windshield. I went into the store and as we were standing at the check out counter, we saw a parking meter guy placing a ticket under my wiperblade. Argh! Embracing all….not quite! I felt anger flood through me, at myself and the silly system. Then tears as it seemed to represent all the rules and regulations that we have lived under for so long. I felt the weight and limitations of this 3D life and the tears were for all of us. Thank God freedom is at hand and our lives will flow with more openness and light. I was able to laugh after a bit and be grateful for the experience, perhaps it happened for me to express that anger thoroughly and then let it go, clearing that energy. I am moving into the space of seeing it all as a gift from my higher self. All orchestrated expressly for me, for my growth and evolution back into the love that I am. How wonderful it is!

Lying in front of the fire has been a source of such joy for me! I love an open fireplace as you hear all the pops and cracks.

It has been days since I wrote the above. The solar flares have been intense, pushing me into the ground it seems. All beautiful energy from our dear sun to support us to evolve. And tonight the moon has joined by shining her full face down at me. I have not been able to do much of anything, even writing was too far a reach. I made an appointment to get my hair cut but had to cancel it because I was not up for the energy in such a  place. My days are so free that to have a time to meet felt so out of place. I truly need to move as I feel to move. Today, that was not so much. I am allowing my body to lead. Two separate events that required a lot of driving came up of late and I pulled out of both.  Not easy to do as I do not want to disappoint friends when I had made a plan to travel to see them. My personality self had an agenda but my body is trumping all. My body simply said, “No, I am not moving. I am resting.”

Then this energy forecast for March came in my inbox and spoke directly to what I had experienced (I love when this happens!) http://leeharrisenergy.blogspot.com/ Here are the lines that struck me: “Hence one of the first big themes of March – Who comes first? You or those you are in relationship with and to? March will see you needing to ask yourself this question many times. Can you trust that what is right for you is also absolutely perfect for those around you?”

On my walk with my daughter, we felt we were in fairy land with all the sweet scents and blossoms.

Wow, that is a lot of trust! We are not programmed that way at all. I am learning it but it is not easy as it is a new way of being in relationship as Lee points out in his article. Yet if we are to evolve into being in our truth moment to moment, we must begin somewhere. Even if it means folks are disappointed in us or upset with us. The one that I can no longer afford to have upset, is me! I have to take care of my needs first and foremost if I am to be in my truth. So…..can I trust that is perfect for those around me? That is taking some practice as the old guilt comes in for disappointing another. Yet I am letting the part of me that feels guilt know that is old energy and we can move in a new way. I am trusting this new energy even when I see evidence that appears to contradict it. I can not know what is right for another, only what is right for me in the moment. The waves of fatigue hit without warning and my body seems to have no will to resist. I acknowledge this as progress as in the days of old, I would use my will to push through when my body was not willing. Now I give it what it needs when it needs it and the joy is there as we move together.

I am also feeling the freedom that is coming as we each act from our truth in each moment. Such freedom to not have to spend any time wondering if someone else is ok, if they are happy or not. To know that everyone is moving in their joy, to their own rhythm and that if they needed or wanted anything, they would seek it. No second guessing others’ motives or desires. To each be responsible for ourselves. Can you feel that wind of freedom? That is the energy of March coming in. I am so glad that we are moving this way as it will get easier as more get on board and we all begin to trust this. It has not been easy being on the forefront of moving in this way as it can bring energies of resistance.That has been a lesson as I can chose to go into my pain body about someone’s reaction to my actions or I can chose to remain neutral and trust while holding all of us in love.

My beautiful quilt from my dear soul sister. I love the heart in the center of it all!

Feeling such gratitude for a beautiful quilt made by a friend to wrap myself in. I have never received such a gift of so many hours of thought and work (no, she says it was play!) for me. I love the heart in the center of the house shape. I have found my home in my heart and I am immensely grateful. It is another freedom that I have found. I am grateful for the afternoon of my son napping under my quilt as the fire blazed. For the unexpected weekend alone with my daughter to play and connect again before she heads off for a year in New Zealand. We did not do much but laughed a great deal, took a walk from days of old, cooked and ate together. The simple things that make life sweet. That is what I am feeling as I flow with these wild energies of March…sweet. Life is getting sweeter as more of our true self is showing up to experience it. Loving that!

 

 

 

Surrender and Flow

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We were upon this old buck before we knew it on a walk. He was so still and his gaze was steady. He had seen many seasons and knew it all.

Graying muzzle, head held high despite the weight of his rack of antlers…..I felt that he knew the mystery and was content to be a part of it all. The oneness, it is my theme song these past few days. Feeling a part of everything. I could feel his years, feel his wisdom, feel the heaviness of the body that was once limber and agile. He knew that moving slowly was his domain for now, He did not rail against it but rather, accepted it with grace. I read something that said that all that is required for our ascension is surrender and flow.

I can feel the truth of that. Moment by moment there are things to surrender, to let go as we trust in the stream of life to carry us forward. We are wired for evolution, we cannot get it wrong. Our DNA takes us there whether we are conscious of it or not. Trusting myself is the biggest thing for me of late. There is no rule book though you can find many on store shelves or online. Many folks will offer guidance as to the way yet I have to wade through and find my own path, the way that brings me joy.

I have created opportunities lately for me to state my truth clearly. I love how creative my higher self is in bringing to me exactly what I need! A friend is making plans for a future date and wanted me to join her for part of them. I could see that it would be fun to be together again, that I could make things easier for her to get about. I had spent time with her and she had driven me about. There is a desire to reciprocate. You know the old adding sheet, she did that for me, I need to do this for her. Old energy for me. Life is not a score card, I want to be more authentic in my interactions.  I want to trust that the universe

I am the clouds, the sky, the water and the rocks. What beauty surrounds me!

brings situations to experience with one another and that I may receive here and give over there. It is much less of a linear movement than we have been taught. Trust that the balance is there that allows us all to be the givers and the receivers. I could also feel a constraint in my belly from locking into someone else’s agenda when I do not know what will be my highest truth or path at that time. I have broken commitments and disappointed friends when I found that I was guided in a different direction. All part of the learning for this duty woman in unwinding that coil of super responsibility as well as being seen in a certain way. The wisest thing to do, is to say, “I do not know at this time.” That said, she pressed me for a commitment. I love how we agree to help one another by being the vehicle for our lessons. Ah…..yes, how we want to please others! Yet this is where pleasing ourselves first and foremost comes in. I know that to be true to my path, I have to be open to where my spirit leads me. If I had received a strong Yes about April planning, I would have committed but there was no clarity. I try to remember that if it is not an resounding yes, then it is a no. Even though my mind wants to play in the field of maybe, or possibly when living by the above frees up a lot of energy! (Note to self: remember this dear one!) The more I honor my own path, the more clear guidance I receive.

At this moment, I have committed to be in this place until the end of March. It surprised me when I wrote  the check that I wrote it for two months. (I am committing for two months??) Yet I got a clear signal to do so. I now know why as it feels freeing to me to have that expanse of time stretching ahead without wondering where I will be and figuring out all the details of living. It has freed up energy that I can use in new ways. Instead of traveling in the outer, I am free to take more inner journeys. I am also in a place where I lived a large chunk of my past and it is uncoiling much of that for me. I am learning that I can be joyful anywhere, the location is not the determiner, rather it is the inner landscape that holds the decision as to how I view my life. And at present, I am being guided to stay in the present and allow it to unfold with no boundaries on the end of it.

Red tulips for my valentine, my love.....that would be me!

I am surprised and delighted to feel energy coming back that I have not felt in ages. I have exercised for the past four days! My body is soft as other than occasional walking, I have felt no desire to move in any specific way, though for most of my adult life, I had been a regular exerciser.  My body seemed to need to be flabby  for the changes that it has undergone as well as needing lots of rest. Yet, now it is thriving on movement. I am having fun trying out different exercise videos and using some old ones. I went to the farmer’s market today with a friend and delighted in all the bright vegies for my body and all the flowers for my soul. I had not taken my camera so you are missing the picture of these bright red tulips in a metal pail. So much more appealing than the ubiquitous white  plastic buckets. They also look lovely in this glass vase I found in the cupboard when I got home.

Here it is in progress

Energy and materials at hand for art to emerge also! Here is my work of the past couple of days. It is a small (4×7 inch) canvas which I bought for making art while traveling. I love working with the beads even though threading the needles and adding each tiny bead takes time, I find it very meditative. I love making big art, using big brushes and my whole arm sweeping in the motion yet I also love the tiny, delicate art making. I know that one day I will have a large studio with huge canvases that I can use housepainting size brushes on. Till then, I have my small canvases and beads.  I love adding words and gold leaf to my images. And yes, the beloveds are still in my heart and continue to be a compelling motif. This one called for a Rumi quote, how can you not love Rumi? Here is what it says:

All done and it fills me with joy! The Chinese character at the bottom stands for passion. Making this allowed passion to flow.

“Your love lifts my soul from the body to the sky.

And you lift me up out of the two worlds.

I want your sun to reach my raindrops,

So your heat can raise my soul upward like a cloud.”

Time for bed and I go to sleep with another Rumi quote:

“Close the language door and open the love window.”