Monthly Archives: April 2012

Pinned to the Earth While the Shadows Dance

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Thank God for the glow lighting the end of this path. It is getting narrower by the day yet that glow beckons me onward.

Whew, the energies for this earth woman have been intense these past couple of days! I felt pressed into the earth, any movement took enormous effort. I was to be searching for an apartment but that felt as reachable as climbing Mt Everest. Not a possibility. I allowed myself to relax into this pulling.  What else could I do? I have learned to move with the energies rather than against them. When a way is opened up and the energy is aligned, all falls into place quickly and with ease. To try to move because my mind has decided to make something happen…. that is hard. My body will take over and stop me at times. These days, I am allowing my heart to move me. I need to find a place to live and know that it will happen. But not today. I allow myself to drop into that place of peace, listening to the birds, while the sun warms me.

One of my simple pleasures, fresh squeezed orange juice. It is like drinking sunshine.

The  mind moves in and out with its various refrains, “Where are you going to live? You need to know now! ” All testing my peace, my beingness in this now moment. Will I trust that all will come to me in its perfect time? Will I trust that I am in my perfect place right now? Yes, I will trust it all. I am grateful for my former husband allowing me this space and time to be until I can move. He does not understand it, even fears it yet he allows. That is not easy. I am grateful to feel peace in a place that once held such sadness, anger, and pain for me. Of course, that is why it is my perfect place in this moment! If I can feel peace here, it is likely that I can feel peace anywhere.

The light is flooding in to illuminate our shadows so that we can become whole.

Talk about shadow dancing! The usual cast of characters strut their stuff once again:”What are you doing with your life? Why are you in this place again? Your money is running out, you will have nothing. You need to DO something, anything!” At times I can laugh and say, “Enough, you will have to be more creative than that to get my attention! ” Sometimes it is a “Be on your way,  with my love.” Other times, I am caught in the throes of it and have to wrestle my way out. I am learning that shadow work requires deep breathing and moving into observation mode. You have to take a seat in the audience and watch the characters play across the stage of your mind. When I can clearly appreciate the acting, I can detach and see it for what it is. When I get caught up in the play, I go on an emotional roller coaster ride that is often not pleasant.  I have witnessed shadows that I did not even realize were there, entering the stage. Every last trigger is being pulled now to allow all to be transformed by the light of my love.

Field of lupines on my walk by the river

Others judgements of me and my path are coming in as I am moving into a space of non-judgment. I am watching as I try their judgements on for size, finding resonance for a moment or sometimes more until I return to my own truth. Am I enmeshed with my sons? Have I limited their paths? Yikes, shadows of my mother and my brothers……is this me? These shadows know just what swords (words) to raise and where the Achilles heel is to aim for. Yes, my relationship with my sons is unusual. We have a soul agreement to bring in a template for the New Divine Human. That may sound presumptuous, crazy even, but it is our truth. Over and over I am being asked to stand in that truth without wavering. It is not a path for the faint of heart.

A feather cloud with a rainbow in its tail......magic

My path is unusual as there is nothing to point to that aligns with success as our old world defined it.  If I would write the book, sell my art, establish a healing practice or do anything “normal” then some folks who love me could breath easier. Heck, I could breath easier!!! Some of those things may come but none have been my focus. I am called to be all of me, to be in tune with the earth and sing her song in my heart. To feel my brothers and sisters and weave my heartlight with theirs, seeing their beauty and light. Standing on this earth, moving with intention and love in every moment…..takes all I have. I awake filled with my Creator’s love and I strive to be the most beautiful vessel that I can be for Her/His love to flow through.

Wisteria trees with their fragrant magenta blossoms and the palm trees.....appreciating my old yard.

I  have given most things in my life 150% effort. No halfway, half hearted attempts. It is no different now except it is internal and not visible to the old world. I am in the New Earth much of the time, clearing pathways, arranging flowers, decorating so that when others walk in, they will feel welcomed. This  is the work that my soul calls me to. Are there times that I would like to quit? Yes! Are there times that I wish that I could live a “normal life”? Yes but that was ever the case even when I was living a so called normal life, I did not fit in with the crowd. We are all being called to live our truth. To live each moment with all of who we are. We are experiencing internal earthquakes as our shadows dance deep emotions into our cores. Can we love ourselves, forgive ourselves, embrace ourselves with compassion and kindness? Can we release these aspects of ourselves back to the light (call in the violet flame to transmute your anger, your sadness, your fears back to light, offer it as mulch for our Mother Earth) so as to allow room for our divinity to enter in? Yes, our souls and I Am presences are here, asking to be invited in. We have to clean out the shadows to make room. This is holy work. Honor yourself for having the courage to do it. Call in support from your angels, your guides, your friends. We need one another to affirm our beauty when we get tangled in our shadows and can’t find our way out.

I love balancing rocks, it helps me keep my balance these days.

Thank you for having the courage to do this work. You widen the pathway for others and you lighten our Mother’s load. It is spring cleaning time. We feel inspired to clean our houses, to clean our body through cleanses and fasts. Now it is time to clean our emotional and spiritual bodies as well. Put on some music and dance your way through it, stomp your way through it, cry your way through it. Feel it in every cell, thank it and let it go with love. Freedom is at hand and this is the way to it.

 

Catching My Breath as a Cycle Ends

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The Rocky Mountains from the bus trip to Banff, Alberta

What a full week I have had. I left Kimberly, British Columbia and traveled to Banff  on a Greyhound bus about a week ago. It was lovely to sit up high and have a clear view of the mountains. What a wonder they are. When I arrived I had a day and night to myself  which was much needed. I laid in the hotel room and communed with the mountain framed in the sliding door. Heaven! Friends, new and old joined me the next day.

The stream running through Marble Canyon

 

One of my desires was met with a winter hike up Marble Canyon. The snow was deep and snowshoes would have been handy as we occasionally fell through the crust. The sky was a brillant blue against the blinding white snow. The stream ran through icy passages, the birds called, my legs ached from the climb, my lungs delighted in the crystalline air, my heart was soaring, alive with the elements.

The hole my foot made as I fell in up to my crotch, landing on my butt! Deep!

The next day found five of us traveling to Lake Louise for an activation of the energies there. We sat by the lake, sang, toned, played instruments and called in Archangel Michael and all the kingdoms. A red dragon joined us, speaking through me (an aspect of me is a red dragon!! I knew I was fiery but wow!) to congratulate us on our earth work. The five of us only came together at the last, two knew that they were to be at Lake Louise for this date but the other three of us came in at the end. I love how the universe lines everything up so beautifully.

 

one of the most beautiful spots on the earth

The next morning as I looked out at the mountain, the sun created a dragon on its side! The restaurant where we ate breakfast had flags of different countries decorating its ceiling.

He is a beauty!

Above us was the Welsh flag flying its red dragon! One of the women departed and later texted to say she stopped for lunch and the chef came out with a dragon tattoo on his arm! The dragons were making sure that we knew that they were still with us. I felt such a sense of completion. For some of my friends this was the final in a series of earth activations that they had been doing for the past couple of years.

Can you see the dragon lit up by the sun? I was so delighted with this gift!

It was the claw of the dragon that completed his picture and triggered the lighting of the grid across the USA. For me, it was just about the end of my almost three year trek around the USA and parts of Canada. Our group traveled on through Montana to Idaho which was home for two of them. Montana saw me feeling very emotional, recalling my days there with my young family 22 years ago, when we joined a community intent on bringing in the Golden Age. It ended in heartbreak as there were distortions in the organization but that desire never truly left. And now, here we are. Finally the energies are aligned and thanks to all the folks who have done so much work with the crystalline grid and raising the overall vibration of the planet with their prayers and intent, the Golden Age of Peace is at hand. Wonder of wonders. I feel so blessed to have a body to be here for the celebration that is being prepared. The earth is ascending! We are all ascending with her! What a time, what a gift.

How beautiful is our earth.

My seed bag is empty. I felt it and a dear friend confirmed it. I have planted all the seeds that were mine to plant. It is now time to sit back and watch them grow. My tears of gratitude water them, my heartlight shines on them for warmth and my soul rests in the knowing that they will sprout and flourish in the energies of these times.

I returned to California not knowing my next step. Anxiety and despair held me for a day or two, my car in the shop, not knowing where to lay my head. Vulnerable. That is how I felt. I surrendered to God all thoughts of figuring anything out. I felt flat, so finished, so tired. I did not care any longer what happened next. I had felt that I would be walking into my dreamland, my Shambhalla and instead, I was back where I started.

Beauty and more beauty

My former husband and sons graciously took me in. Friends called and held me in their loving embrace, seeing me and lighting my way out of that wilderness. I am so grateful that I have gifted myself with such beautiful souls throughout this journey. The players have changed as I have, yet there are some new, some old, who know my heart. I have decided to rent a small apartment here, commit to a six month lease, (you have no idea how big this is to me to commit!) and spend some time co-creating with my two sons. We all feel that there is something to be brought into fruition with our togetherness at this time. The relief I feel is enormous! I have passed many tests, driven down many roads and taken some interesting turns. I have been watched over with such love. Oh, how we are all loved! Such a grandness to it. I am filled with such gratitude.

My first time seeing Lake Louise in the winter with its ice and snow.

Emotional Cleansing

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I am in love with the mountains! Still takes my breath away to look up and see them standing there so majestically.

We are here. The shift of the ages is occurring and we are in the emotional cleansing stage. Fear is being rooted out on every level. In every moment, we are being given a choice, do I see this through the eyes of love or the eyes of fear? Our egos are out of control, acting out as they know that their days of holding the reins are numbered. Thankfully, Henri (my ego) took early retirement a couple of years back and Sophia (my I AM presence) has been in the driver’s seat. Henri still chimes in from the back seat on occasion but for the most part, he is quiet, enjoying the ride as he has found that he can trust Sophia to take the right road. Trust and surrender are the bywords of these times.

A lovely bench placed just at the point where I needed a breather on my walk.

I did some sound healing with a friend yesterday as she moved through some of this emotional cleansing. The divine Mother came through me (I have to buy a recorder for these times) and brought such comfort and love. She pointed out that all the escape routes that our ego has told us are the path to safety, are now a trap. When we do not feel safe emotionally we may try the food route, soothing ourselves with sweets or breads or whatever has come to mean comfort. Perhaps our fears have said that alcohol and its numbing quality is the route to safety, making the world a bit less intense, seeing it through a haze. Maybe it is pot or cigarettes, reaching for a hit of nicotine or whatever is in marijuana to take the edge off of the feelings. Perhaps it is anger, throwing up a wall that attacks anyone or thing that dares enter in. Maybe it has been isolation, staying behind the walls of your home, forgoing contact with others. For some it is hoarding, holding on to things to bring the comfort. For others it is consuming any product that promises to stave off death and aging. Consuming to keep up with the Joneses is the conditioning we have all had…..if you have an IPhone, you are in with the in crowd and you are safe. Others find safety in maintaining a critical attitude towards anyone who looks or acts differently than themselves. Some use religion as their form of separation and as a prescription as to how to live so as to escape sin. We are creative beings and have created many escape routes. All of these routes are ways to cope with…….what exactly? What are we afraid of? Of feeling, of being present with what is coming up from our hearts. We are encouraged and taught to run from our feelings. Numb them, quiet them, drown them, stuff them, disown them. Yet, none of these coping mechanisms works. Why would we continue with them when they do not work?

Holding the camera out to capture me looking at me. Look in the mirror and love who looks back. Say, I love you over and over and you will be changed.

I was so surprised to discover that once I allowed myself to simply feel the emotion that was present, it changed. At the bottom of every emotion fully felt, peace will be found. This is truth!! We are not taught this as it is the path to our freedom. And if someone is interested in keeping you a slave, they are not going to point out your path to freedom. Instead, they will suggest all kinds of escape routes that lead to a dead end. That keeps you numb enough to continue to play their game. To continue to work to live rather than to truly live.

So, our fears are showing up in spades these days to be fully felt. They ask for acknowledgement and love, as does everything. You can thank them for how they served you in the past when they helped you survive in some way…..and then gently let them go. It is time. We are at a crossroads. We are all being given a choice. Do we hold onto our fears and live in the small box we have created for ourselves or do we dare, strip ourselves free and expand into the divine being that we are? If you are happy with your fears and coping mechanisms, then you will choose to stay. But if you believe that you deserve bliss and ecstasy as core emotions, then you will drop everything in order to move to this new land that is being offered.

See how the swiftly flowing waters melt the snow and ice, you have to let the love flow.....it melts all.

The divine Mother showed us how. She said that the only place of true safety is to be found in our hearts. Drop into the flames of your own heart and allow yourself to be bathed in its light and warmth. When an emotion comes up, you find yourself a bit unsettled and reaching for your usual fix, stop! Take a deep breath, drop into your heart space and feel. What is there? Feel the worry, feel the frustration, feel the I am not good enough, feel the anger, feel the sadness. Feel it all. Give it voice, moan, scream, yell, make deep guttural sounds. Let the emotion speak. Using your voice is a powerful healing tool. Sit with the feeling, without judging it as wrong or bad. Allow it to simply be. See yourself observing the emotion. What you will discover is that it will change. Nothing stays static. It will cry itself out, yell itself hoarse, eventually it will quiet. When it does, you will discover a river of peace that is always flowing through your heart, you may have never allowed yourself to come to its shores. But it is always there, waiting for you. This is the gold, this is what all the distractions and coping mechanisms can never provide. Seek this river. It is the path to your freedom.

A year after leaving my 25 year old marriage, I finally allowed myself to feel my grief fully. I was shocked to discover this river. I remember lying on my couch and being simply amazed after a storm of tears that seemed to have no end (could I cry for days??), to find myself sitting by this river of peace. I have forgotten it at times, fell into illusion again but it draws me back. Now I live on its banks, bathe in its waters, drink from its depths. It flows through me in ever widening pathways.

New age graffiti found on my walk by the river. Love it!

This is not the time to play small, to continue to live in the old way. We are being supported so fully by the Earth, our Sun, the Moon, the Angelics, our Galactic families to return to the wholeness of ourselves. We are multidimensional beings. We are gods and angels in human form. We are birthing the new human, blending our starry nature with our human one. Do not allow this opportunity to pass you by. Reach for your truth, put aside the coping mechanism of choice and go into the sanctity and safety of your heart. A new life of unimaginable joy awaits. I have glimpsed it and know that it is worth everything that you have to do to get there. As Archangel Michael told me a year or so ago, ” Everything that you desire is in front of you. Anything that you have experienced up to this point in your life, the greatest joy that you can recall, is but a shadow of what is to come. Do not look back!”

My heart is leading the way into this new light. It shines so bright. Be as the wise men of old and follow that star in the sky. It is leading you to the birth of your divine self. Let nothing stand in your way. Oh, what beauty you are!

Feeling with our Mother

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Ice still visible on Lake Windermere

Yesterday we went off to spend some time at a hot springs. The drive through the mountains was beautiful. We took a back road, spotted a hawk sitting on a treetop as we passed, herd of elk and deer at their dinner hour in the fields, ravens about with their loud cry.  We stopped for lunch by a lake and had a wonderful view of an osprey nest on a platform built for that purpose.  Mom and Dad both visited and seemed to be tending something in the nest.

Our lunch time entertainment

We watched as they took turns diving in the nearby pond for fish. What beautiful birds! I loved the way they dropped off the nest and then gracefully opened their wings wide and soared upward. High overhead, two eagles plied the airwaves, doing such an elegant dance that my heart rose up in my chest. It reminded me of that scene in the movie, Avatar, where the lovers are riding huge birds with such speed and delight. Yes, I want to do the eagle dance with my love!

I noticed that something was up with me as my friend and I  split a smoked meat reuben sandwich for lunch. For someone who does not eat much meat, as of late, I have eaten barbecued elk, (delicious!), wild game sausages, and a sirloin burger. My body loved every bite, needing the grounding it gave me. This is one reason I do not define myself by what I eat as my body changes in what she needs day to day. The hot springs had a view of the mountains and the warm waters quickly worked their magic. It was such an enervating effect that we did not stay in very long. We ended the day at a spot by another lake. It was the still time of day, just before the sun sets. All sounds could be heard before the source appeared. We heard this pair of geese long before they came gliding into view to make their soft landing upon the water. A train’s deep rumble hit our ears then quieted as it came into view making its way along the tracks on the other side of the lake. I felt a part of the scene, the mountain reflected in the still surface of the water, the trees standing sentinel on the shore, the rocks under my feet, the cry of the geese. What is my part, I asked of it all.

I have collected so many heart rocks over the years and given so many away. This one wants to stay with me for a time.

To absorb and reflect the beauty and love present. Oh, yes. I can do this. Gathering it all into my heart and sending it out on streams of liquid lovelight. This is part of the alchemical process as we drink in the beauty through our senses and then use our heartlight to magnify and transmit. Oh, what a wonder it all is. Breathe in the peace, breathe it out and use the elementals to amplify it. They love doing this!! Our Mother Earth loves it too. She gifted me with a lovely heart rock on the shore, just the right size to lie on my chest. It told me that it was a keeper, that I am to carry it with me for now. I love the solid feel of it on my chest as I write!

Waves of deep energy running through me during the night. The winds were high, blowing in the window and causing my door to open and shut. I could feel so much running deep down in our mother and me. Again the message to lie still and allow it movement. I did manage to get up for tea and toast and followed the call back to bed. My limbs felt so heavy and I was guided to lie still and let the energy run. Friends emailed about the earthquakes that had taken place deep in the earth in various places. I could feel it in my body. 2pm, I got out of bed to go to my final acupuncturist appointment with the master. He asked me what I wanted his help with now that my body was doing well. That brought up tears. He asked if it was fear of not being able to contain the energy coming in. No, I have faced that fear in the past and truly know that I can expand to accommodate it. No, it was that we are milliseconds away from holding the fullness of our light. Deep breath……everything in me is singing, “The time is now, this is it!!” This makes my heart overflow as it has been such a long journey for us all. With the excitement there is also this deep river running through me of peace, calm, quiet. Two almost opposing emotions all contained herein. He understood and began his magic of connecting needles and points on my body. He told me to watch my mind and see what it had to teach me about being balanced with my spirit and body. I was amazed to see that I love to create fractals of energy in my mind…..it is busy, moving into ever deepening spirals. This time my body took this mind energy and ran it in waves down through me. I could feel it reach my fingertips and toes and then the Earth energy came up to meet it. I flowed it to her, she absorbed it. She demonstrated co-creation with her as together we can create fractals on her, in her instead of me getting caught in mindloops. OH! So this is how I stay balanced. I love this feeling! The master said to lie and savor this feeling as it was me at my best. Balanced, peaceful, whole.

I love this life. I am so grateful to this man who has helped me to be in my body in a new way and keep my mind and spirit  balanced and at peace. (I saw a Tibetan life where we were siblings playing together in the mountains. I know that soon he will be called to spread his wisdom far and wide and my heart is glad.) We are all so connected. Everyone and everything that shows up in our life has something to tell us, gift us, help us. The eagles showed me the dance of love, soaring apart and then together. The hot mineral water relaxed my being, my heart stone calmed, the mountains spoke of enduring strength. I am well prepared for what lies ahead. I am sated. Hear me oh universe, I am grateful!

Please flow love and violet flame about our Mother Earth this night. Hold her in your hearts as she does her work and ask for ease and grace to be with her.

Choosing to See and Speak through the Eyes of Love

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Our Easter lily trumpeting the news of our Christed natures coming in with the resurrection flames. You can almost hear the trumpets sounding!

The days are flying by, I arise, blink and the sun is setting. I feel the movement as slow and deep in my emotional world as layers upon layers are turned over, the tilling of myself so that I may have a prepared bed in which to plant the seeds of my heart’s desire. I am awaking from dream states where I am expressing old emotions. The other morning I found myself trying to get someone to see me. Telling them that I was a big heart player on the earth scene. Wanting to prove my spiritual credentials in some way. Oh, what a painful feeling. I was so glad to awaken and know the freedom of not needing anyone outside of me to show or tell me who I am. Not needing anyone to see me as I now see me. It has been a journey to this place of freedom but the sweetness of the knowing of myself is a nectar that I love.

I sat with a couple of friends the other night for dinner and the discussion turned to the

the beauty of this landscape

Native Americans here in Canada and the USA. It moved into a downward spiral of energy as we talked of the injustices that they have suffered, the problems of alcohol and drugs on the reservations, the loss of their way of life of living on the land…….I awoke the next morning knowing that I had missed an opportunity to raise the conversation to the vibration of love. I had to forgive myself for missing that chance and ask for another. The universe will grant this with so much love. A couple of emails arrived that morning speaking to this issue with such clarity. The first is from a “wise one” whose name I do not know:

“When one focuses on what is wrong, there is judgement upon something, someone..It may be subtle, but it is there, for right or wrong, good bad is a duality experience. To take one’s consciousness beyond duality is important for the raising of vibrational frequency. Whatever vibrational reality you focus on with your light is what will come to you. Do you always want to be fixing things on the planet? Is this your true purpose here on earth? “

Oh, those Rocky Mountains! I am drinking them in with all of my senses. Overdose on your senses today!!

I used to believe that fixing things was my purpose but I am a creator, as we all are. We came to create heaven on earth. To do this, I can see everything through the lens of love. All very well you say, but how do we change things if we do not focus on what is wrong? For me, I believe that the old must collapse like a wave. It is the way of the wave to rise and then fall. All the efforts to stem that fall will be fruitless in the end as it is its nature to collapse. Looking through the lens of love, I can see the perfection of this as well as see the new potentials. Jesus did not come in and try to change his society’s systems. He came and emanated his light which is what created a shift of such immense magnitude.

“Remember what even Einstein said, “You cannot solve a problem on the level of the problem.” You must lift it up through the resonance of your heart. You must become the source of magnetic power. You must place your creative focus, beloved ones, on what you want not on what you don’’t want. These things you already know. What you don’’t realize is that the world of Love is more Real than the world of illusion, and that the power of your hearts is far, far greater than the power of your ego or your little mind.

If you shift to your heart, then you serve the world in the most powerful way, by being the power of Love, by remembering that only Love truly exists, and that by changing the vibration in which you live, YOU CHANGE EVERYTHING. And it is done from the LEVEL OF THE SPIRIT. It is not done from the level of the world.”

There Are No Separate Hearts. The Messages from God, Circle of Light

through Yael and Doug Powell at Circle of Light www.circleoflight.net

I thanked the universe and friends for sending me the words that I needed to shift to love.

An eagle soaring over head, taking me with him/her for a beautiful flight. I am so free!

After all, what is created from a conversation like the one I engaged in? It stirs up feelings of anger, hopelessness, despair. What of beauty is created from that? Again it goes back to accepting all as it is, trusting that all is part of the divine order. We do not fight against, as that keeps us playing in the fields of duality. We are moving to unity consciousness where all are/is one. We envision that which we desire. I want Native Americans and all people to live lives of abundance and freedom. I honor my Native American friends for the wisdom they hold as I expect to be honored for the wisdom I bring. We have all been every race, lived lives of lack as well as plenty, wielded power with a heavy hand, as well as with justice. I want to live in a world without labels where we recognize that we are all part of the rainbow tribe that has come to co-create with our beautiful Mother Earth. It is time to drop the labels that divide and become one people intent on creating the paradise that our hearts know so fully.

A 400 year old family barn, taken apart in Germany, crated and brought here to BC to become the home and restaurant of some newly made friends. I love how creative we all are, sharing our gifts. This couple bringing the Alps to BC, connecting the two lands.

Do you see how exciting this is? To see everything that comes into your world, as an opportunity to see it in love. To see a friend’s pain and open your heart wide enough to hold it all in love, not judging it as good or bad, simply surrounding it all in love. It takes all of me to do this. I fall down, I forget and revert back to the ego and duality. But I return, by the grace of God, more quickly these days, to the truth of love. Our hearts are here for this, they are conduits of love. We can live this love each day and as my world begins to reflect only love, I help create that reality for all. Can it be this simple? Yes though it is not a simple thing to hold to this love. You must reach deep and see through the eyes of the heart when the illusion is grasping to hold you in duality’s grip. Let go, soften your heart and focus and this world will shine with your heartlight….yes, you can wear your rose colored glasses. Rose is the color and the power of love. I love you all more than words can express. The ribbons of my heartlight entwine your hearts and I feel your beauty.


Here is to Easter and the Resurrection Flames

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Just took this out my bedroom window. I love its light streaming in to light up my heart with greater love.

What a weekend we are in! Good Friday and the full moon….what a potent combination of Christed light and love. I felt the energy of my own Holy Christ Self as well as that of Jesus, the Christ. We are being gifted with such an immense outpouring of love from our sun and our moon as well as from all the ascended, angelic, Agarthan and Galactic realms. Our beings are stretching and straining to grow, to reach towards the light of our own divinity. I had an interesting dream the other night that was the sequel to the sacred marriage experience that I had back in October. It began in an awake state, one that I sometimes enter where I find myself in a different dimension. It then continued on throughout my sleep state and was so delicious that I did not want to awaken the next morning.

It opened with me talking to El Morya, the ascended master of God’s will that you have heard me speak of. I was telling him that I was ready for the sacred marriage now. I had integrated more of myself and felt confident that I could now bear to see the face of my beloved and complete the marriage. Earlier, I had been so overcome with the emotion of it all that I could not look at his face. This time, I told El Morya that I was ready, I asked for my crown and cloak as well as the symbols of my office. Archangel Michael was there and laughed at my demanding tone, saying, “I do believe that she is ready!” My requests were quickly meta so dressed in my finery, I took El Morya’s arm and proceeded down the aisle. (Yes, I could just pick up where I left off months ago in this dimension….pretty cool!) When we reached the end of the aisle, I looked for my bridegroom only to have El Morya release my arm, turn to face me in the position of the bridegroom. What? I asked him what this meant. Could it be that he was my beloved? I blurted out, “But you are an ascended  master!” To which he replied, ” As are you, my dear.” Gulp. Breathe deep and swallow that down! Ok, I was determined to be able to hold the allness of myself, to be present with this moment, to accept the truth of his statement. I did not dissolve in tears though they flowed. As did laughter. Oh what freedom! Yes, my ascended master self was standing at the altar with his ascended master self. This means that an aspect of him can be here in 3d with me just as an aspect of me is there in this other realm, with him. As I said, a lot to absorb!

This brilliant white mountain peak speaks to me each day.

As the night wore on, El Morya took me on a journey through the cosmos which was wonder filled. Believe me, this was the honeymoon of lifetimes. I did not have one in this lifetime but this more than made up for it! I was shown so many mysteries and magic. My heart was so full and I wanted to bring it all back to share. But the images and knowings departed, leaving me with a sense of loss and at the same time a feeling of bliss. Wow! I do remember laughing at how we live on this tiny thread of life and are not aware of this huge tapestry that we are a part of. We see everything in a limited, linear form but it is circular and fractal in nature and one can plumb every increasing depths of everything. It was like an explosion for my mind and heart to comprehend. The beauty unending remains. Oh, what a night!

I was so happy when I discovered a bridge to take me across this creek to a pathway beside it.

I awoke knowing that it does not matter if El Morya or an aspect of him is my beloved. The form is of little importance, it is the essence that matters. I know that my beloved is close as I am moving ever closer to holding more of my own essence in this earthly vessel. There is magic and beauty that we have not even dreamt of in our wildest dreams. Passion like a volcano erupting awaits us.

 

Back on earth…my back is uncomfortable and I am still moving slowly. I am trusting this process, observing my reactions to the restriction I feel and offering a space of love for it all. I was guided to walk into an acupuncturist’s office who calls himself an electrician. He is working to realign my circuitry. He said I was running too hot, frying my nerves, living in my head and the realm of Spirit. He helped me to ground back into the earth and is teaching me how to create a strong foundation from which to move. I am to walk with my hands behind my back at every opportunity, as it realigns my spine. I am to saunter rather than maintain my usual swift speed. I am grateful for all of this at this time when we are

Piles of snow remain but today's sunshine uncovered patches of earth.

asked to hold ever increasing amounts of light in our beings. I have neglected this beautiful body elemental in the past couple of years of traveling. Time for honoring once again with a regular exercise routine that includes yoga and strengthening. A lovely German woman that I met was demonstrating her daily routine that included 20 minutes of standing in a seated position against the wall. You have your back flat against the wall and your knees at a 90 degree angle (or you can go lower as you get stronger). She said it helped with hiking. Well, yeah! Of course it does, it gives you legs of steel if you do that every day! Mind you that was one of her daily exercises, she was a strong, beautiful woman. Ok, that is me in the coming summer! I am committed to helping this body in any way I can. My eyes filled with tears when I thought of all that she is doing to allow me to ascend while still in her. Truly it is an amazing event that is happening within us, changing from carbon based to crystalline.  I asked her forgiveness and flooded her with waves of my love.

Our spirits and our bodies are being resurrected. As Jesus said, “I AM the resurrection and the light.” I am going to sleep with those words playing in my heart. I am so grateful for Jesus’ gift to us this Easter night. His love along with Mary Magdalene (who is also a Christed being) lit up the planet over 2000 years ago and it is lighting up my heart this night and the hearts of millions. I found myself singing a beautiful song, new sounds coming from deep in my heart which flowed love throughout my being. Oh, how we are loved. Blessed be. I love us all.

 

Back Issues deepening the Divine Masculine/Feminine Balance

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A view out over this beautiful small town.

April is proving to be a month of movement on one level or another. I awoke yesterday morning quite early but did not get up for hours as I was guided to lie still and allow what was taking place. It felt like a river of energy was running through me, it flowed from head to foot with an amping taking place at my heart. I heard, “Be still and allow. This is your work right now.” It had a different quality to it than most energy I run. It was deeper and lasted far longer. I finally had to get up and use the bathroom. I then went to take a shower and my lower back gave out. I had not had this happen in ages and was surprised at the severity of it. I thought, oh, so you wanted me to lie there longer! Movement in a different way…inner energy moving, outer body forced to lie still.

At one point in the day, the clouds lifted and this mountain came into view. This is just what is happening with us, the veils are lifting and we are beginning to see our own majesty! Aren't we awesome!

The pain and spasms in my back increased as the night wore on. I knew that there was more happening than simply the physical experience. A dear friend responded to my message for help. She did a distance healing on me. She saw that I needed to allow support from Mother Gaia to enter my root chakra and flow upward. I had been flowing all that energy down into her core that morning and it needed to be balanced. My friend saw Archangel Michael fill the center of my being and point his sword down through to the center of the earth. I began to sob at this as I could feel him in my body. Then she and I both laughed as she saw all the angels filling the space about me. They are so delightful! Another friend that called (I love my friends who have different gifts than I and so willingly share them with me) and saw Archangel Michael’s energy and sword as the divine masculine flowing through to meet the divine feminine of Mother Gaia. My body vibrated the truth of this as she felt that I had experienced much pain from the masculine in this lifetime and if I could bring it back into balance, I would open the pathway wider for those with similar pain. Through the lessons and experiences that we chose, we can work to bring balance once again. I must forgive myself and all others and release the energy back to love. It is the time of the balancing of the masculine and feminine energies on the planet.

The clouds teach me to flow with the streams of energy.

The other aspect of this back pain is clearing my cellular memories of all trauma from this and past lifetimes. The tooth issues that I had recently clears ancestral memories. The lower back is our feeling of being supported in this world. That has been a theme in this lifetime of not being supported and having to do it all myself. My body has to clear these  memories in order to fill with more light. The past two nights I have had vivid dreams of feeling victimized related to this life. I awoke shocked at the violence of my emotions. Rage on a scale that I have not felt in years and years. In my dreams, I am acting out that rage in a terrifying way. Yikes! I am grateful that these emotions are clearing in the dream space and that I can call in the violet flame to transmute them. But wow! No wonder folks are acting out their fears in forms of aggression. We have been subjected to such manipulation and lied to on so many levels. Now we must forgive ourselves for allowing all that has transpired and forgive all who brought these lessons to us. Our hearts know that love is the only answer to everything.

I am testifying that we are experiencing things for the collective. Our actions on the outer physical reality are only one layer of what is truly taking place. I offer myself each day as a vessel for the Creator to use for the highest good of all. (not my will but Thine be done). That includes my highest good as we can no longer create with only our own interests in mind. Unity consciousness demands oneness, win/win scenerios, for the good of all. Today I am better, walking upright, able to stand and lay down……sitting is still difficult. I spent the day quietly, lay in the sunshine streaming in the windows and watched the clouds drift by. I am embracing the notion of resisting nothing. Of accepting all with grace and gratitude. I want to move out of using my mind to express gratitude and into my heart space where I emanate gratitude. Gratitude for breathing this crystalline air, for being in a body (I do so love and honor this body for all the pain she has been through of late!) and mostly for being present for the grandest experiment of the ages, this shift into unity consciousness on planet earth. How blessed I am! I want to breathe that feeling of blessedness in and out day and night. To let go of good and bad and be present with a grateful heart for all. The back pain, the energy I am privileged to run, the beauty out the window, my friend who has cared so dearly for me, the receiving of that help.

April is the month where we are given more support to own more of our own power. Lena Stevens writes a lovely article about this at  http://www.thepowerpath.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=421:april-forecast-2012&catid=17:monthly-forecasts&Itemid=65

The sun piercing through the clouds as my own I AM presence is piercing through my ego self. Faint but glowing brighter every day!

My healer friend saw a flame of light surge out from my solar plexis and felt that this symbolized a new level of owning my power coming into play. (the solar plexus is our power center). I concurred as I am being shown more and more each day, who I truly am. It is a lot to take in and can feel overwhelming, hence my frequent bouts of tears as my personality self tries to absorb the fullness of my being that is entering in. We are alchemists, magicians, masters, goddesses, priestesses and so much more. It is time to celebrate these aspects of ourselves and open to our gifts. We each carry a piece of the puzzle from Home that will ensure that we create heaven on Earth. It is time to come together to lay our pieces on the board. So look inside your heart and see your gifts and get ready to give them to the world. Believe in the unique beauty of your gift and KNOW deep in your heart, that no one else carries your puzzle piece. And we all know how frustrating it is when the puzzle is almost complete but a piece or two is missing. All must bring their piece for the beauty to be revealed. Yes, this means you! You carry within you something so precious that none can duplicate. Isn’t that a wonder? I stand in awe of my gifts as I do yours. Let us share and create this beautiful world of peace, abundance, harmony and love for all.

 

Connecting to a New Landscape…Happy April!

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St. Mary's Lake in its winter splendor

Happy April! I know that time is an illusion yet while we still play in its fields on some levels, I find a new month offering new opportunities. March was an exhausting month as the energies pretty much flattened us. We were integrating like mad all the new codes that came streaming in from our dear sun and releasing and clearing all that was stagnant and stuck in our inner beings. April rushes in like a breath of spring, ready to move us into a new inner landscape of freedom and love. I am delighted to find myself in a new outer landscape of snow and mist and rain. My Avalon self is happy! The freshness of the air coming off the mountains is so intoxicating. It is my form of getting high, no side effects other than getting a little giddy! I am sitting here looking out at a clear sky this morning which allows the mountains to come into view for the first time since I arrived. Oh, my heart is being fed!

Straw bale building to house the generator. It will be plastered in adobe when weather permits.

Last night I went to a potluck gathering with my friend. We went out to St. Mary’s lake where a community of folks are building their dream. My friend will begin building on her parcel of land this summer. It was great to see the mix of ages, young and old, all so full of an adventurous spirit, so appreciative of the beauty that they have chosen to live in. It is a slice of heaven. As I sat and watched a woodpecker visit the pine cone stuffed with peanut butter on the deck, the shifting clouds filling and then emptying the valley laid out in front of me, the dear hearts sharing food around the table, little ones making their way through the maze of adult legs with their trucks and toys, tears coursed down my cheeks. My heart’s desire so beautifully expressed. I drank it all in, feeding that place that is so ready to be in community with my pod of peeps.

Can you see the solar panel positioned against the rocks to catch the sun which is abundant here?

Trusting in divine timing, in the ability of my heart to create form from the formless. Knowing that this is coming for me and to me. Appreciating the joy of these folks as they are in the thick of it. Living in basements as they build the ground floor of their homes, one couple with a circular house with views all about, beautiful functional woodwork and design in the home we were at…..sensing the hard work and determination of each family to create with the land. There were solar panels and straw bale buildings in evidence, the valley has an east west lie which allows a longer growing season explained one man who told me he was still eating potatoes that they had grown last season. The land and the people radiated such joy!

Mist drifting across the lake

I had a conversation with the founder of this whole enterprise, a German who had traveled here with his wife to discover his own Shangra-li. He said he could see that I had wisdom to share and wondered how I was doing that in the world. I told him that I wrote a blog. His comment alerted me that the time is coming to move out into the world more to share my heartlight. He commented on my balance and strength but then said, “You are too soft, too open. You need protection.” A lovely sentiment from the masculine whose role is to protect and defend. I told him that I had plenty of practice in swinging my sword but that now my heart’s softness and light is all the protection that is needed in these new energies. Indeed, a facebook friend of mine, Nicky Hamid, expressed it so beautifully this morning: “We no longer need to protect our heart and so it is the dissolving of shields and the embracing of all that we are. Moving from isolation to integration.”

Another view from the deck.

My heart is flying free this morning in the clearness of the light and views. The fresh air is gently wafting in from the open window into my room, hot cup of tea at hand. Time to make breakfast and watch the day unfurl. A person last night commented, “Who needs a tv out here, we have an ever changing view of sky and mountains and water.” I concurred. I could feel the bliss of lying by the huge windows and gazing out at the majesty of the scene with such appreciation and gratitude. As we feel that, wherever we happen to find ourselves, we do indeed create heaven on earth. I know that I can hold that vibration of appreciation anywhere but here it is effortless as the beauty spills out before me. I am soaking it in for all of you and streaming it out through my heart ribbons. Can you feel it? I love you all with each breath.