A beautiful day, waking up in the apartment with my two sons…what joy! The three of us establish a resonance together that is filled with peace and ease. Mother Mary is very present with me today as one of the divine mothers and as my adopted mother of the past 25 years. This is my first communion statue that has somehow survived from my childhood, the only thing that I have from that time. She is so dear to me. She has listened to my prayers for almost 50 years! Today I feel her mother’s heart beating with my own as we both embrace all the children of the world. And we are all her children.
The energies are running so high and low. Days of bliss and tears at the beauty and then days of anxiety and despair. All keeping me more fully in each moment. Accepting, allowing, observing. A friend was lamenting the weather, how it was different than last year at this time. I think that nature, with its recent extremes in weather patterns, is conspiring to bring us into the now moment as well. It is time to give up referencing our now with some point in the past. We are called to reorient ourselves. There is no fixed point. Having no fixed address, I have had to learn, and am still learning, to orient myself within my heart. Many are experiencing this as jobs, relationships, homes fall away. One is forced to be more conscious when so much of life is new and the routines disappear. It is a challenging time. Can we see a loved one as if for the first time? Can we respond to someone who has hurt us in the past, in the newness of the moment? Can we let go of our belief in how we are to act or react to a stimulus, and feel into it instead, allowing our heart to find a new way? X+Y no longer necessarily end up as Z. Can we allow ourselves to flow with our energy as it presents itself? I know that our society does not allow this. Most folks have to show up for work at a certain time and date, no matter how they are feeling. I believe that this will change in the new earth. A friend described a job she once had working for a man who understood energy and astrology and so knew that some days she would not be stirring from her bed. He also knew that other days, her energy would run high and she would accomplish a great deal. He allowed her this flexibility and it worked for both of them. Clearly, he and she were ahead of the times, tapping into the new. I believe that we are moving to this greater authenticity in all aspects of our lives.
I was talking about how my friends have to understand this new way in order to remain friends with me as my plans change on a dime depending on how I am feeling in the moment.I so appreciate all of them who have accepted this in me! This has been a hard thing for me to accept, my old consistent, dependable self did not like being seen as flaky. But some aspect of me knows that this is an important practice for me to follow. Today as we spoke of this, I heard, “You are doing this to pave the way. Do not concern yourself with others’ opinions. Your example is opening a doorway to the new for many.” Thank you for that, higher self!
A couple of days ago, I spent the day cleaning (yes, a surge of energy!) and as a reward, I walked down to the local flower shop to buy some flowers to put the finishing touch on the clean apartment. I was smelling the lilacs and enjoying all the beauty. I am like a kid in a candy shop when I enter a flower shop. The owner saw my interest and came over to discuss some flowering branches with me. We got into a discussion of fragrances and which were our favorites. I believe that roses are to have a scent. He concurred and said he had only one bouquet of roses in the store that was fragrant as well as lovely. He brought it over for me to smell. I did and then broke into sobs. It brought back the memory of my garden. I told him that for mother’s day for many years, my kids used to buy me an old fashioned rose bush to add to my beautifully scented rose garden. The garden had been bulldozed at the end of my marriage as my former husband wanted a pool and patio instead. It was what truly signified the end of my marriage, as if I was being bulldozed from the scene. I did not realize the pain that was still there but the smell of the roses brought it back to be released. Andre choose one of the roses and wrapped it for me along with my branches of lilacs as a Mother’s Day gift. More than the rose, was his gift of witnessing my pain and responding to it with love.
I am grateful for all that flowed to me and through me this day. I am grateful to our mother earth for all her gifts of beauty and nourishment. I am grateful to our divine mothers for their love. I am grateful to my mother for giving me life. I am grateful to my children for allowing me to experience motherhood. I am grateful to the sisterhood of women who are birthing the divine feminine back into this world of ours.
I spotted a tiny half egg shell with a feather beside it. What was its story? Did some animal raid the nest for his morning egg dish? Was the feather from the mother bird trying to protect her young? A beautiful vignette that spoke to my heart. The wild grape vines were beginning to bloom. I love the tender leaves that start as pink buds that unfurl to a soft green. The hard grey sticks of the vines sprout tiny bright green tendrils that twist and curl about any hand- hold that they 
