My daughter has inspired me with her new practice of writing down three things each morning that she will do for her own self care. She has found it helpful as a busy mom of a nine month old baby, a ten year old boy and sixteen year old stepdaughter. Different ages with different needs that often compete. Add in a spouse and house and garden and it is easy to lose oneself.

It was a thing unheard of in my day. I grew up in an era where self care was not considered. The idea would have been viewed as selfish and we all know that you did not want to be that. We were programmed to be quiet, obedient and useful. Emotions were not to be shared nor expressed in any way. It could lead to punishment. Thinking of yourself, your desires was not encouraged. The usual answer to an inquiry about a desire was a solid NO. Most times, you knew better than to even ask.

This new practice is something that I am adopting in an effort to better care for myself. My list this morning looks like this:

I will unpack that turquoise thermal coffee mug I bought on my trip to visit my friend at the ocean a few weeks back. I bought it as the color cheered me and the word, Enjoy was emblazed upon it. I have a Yeti coffee mug which serves me well. But it is dark grey. It fits in my car’s cup holder so it is useful for those times that I depart in the wee hours to drive down for a day with my daughter and her children. This one has a shape that does not fit my cupholder yet does work for times around the house or yard. I had decided to gift it to a friend who also loves the color. This is an old pattern….gifting things to others as if I do not deserve such treats. There is the pleasure of bringing pleasure to others that brings me joy. Yet, bringing a small pleasure to myself is more unfamiliar. I want to change that.

I will light a candle on my kitchen counter as I wash dishes. For the simple cheer of it.

I will make time for some yoga this morning to stretch my body.

In talking about this with a friend, she shared her latest practice of doing one thing different each day. A way to wake oneself up a bit from our routines and habits. This morning I brushed my teeth with the opposite hand. It felt strange. A tiny change but one that brought more awareness to the act.

At the end of the day, my daughter is writing what she is grateful for. I have an old journal that I had dedicated to this practice years ago. It is a good one, to keep our perspective light and bright.

Our world is in overwhelm on every front. The old ways are collapsing which brings up fears that often result in anxiety and anger. I had a day recently where anger poured through me in a torrent. I felt overwhelmed and surprised by its force. It was fiery and fierce. I felt that I could have burned everything to the ground. I was clearing out stuff…the weight of it all felt so heavy. Then different aspects of life made themselves known to me. I could feel the unfairness of so much that society imposes, the lies we are told, the path we are steered to. All of it converged into that waterfall of pain that poured through me. We, humans are such amazing beings. How we keep going, working under such yokes of control. It is impressive. We continue to find joy, to be kind, to be creative. A wonder! We are beings of wonder.

A friend shared with me a vision of a grey mist covering the earth. She knew that she had the power to do something about it. She breathed in her own light and gently blew out her love and light to dissolve it. Using force against darkness, establishes it more firmly. Her gentle response moved and cleared the mist. She had done what she was shown to do with a soft touch.

My day of anger was not soft..it was like a roaring river ready to overturn me and others. At times, we have to allow that energy its freedom to run. By pouring through me, feeling its intensity and then releasing it to the earth, it cleared what was mine to do. It was not pretty, nor pleasant. It was effective. This I know.

We are being shown more and more, how to use our light to assist in co-creating this new world that our hearts desire. As we each care for ourselves, we lift the weight on the world. We open a field of love that is ripe for planting. I am imagining the flowers that I wish to see bloom. Seeding the field with our hearts’ flames. All quietly working to tip the scales and bring the new.

May we each play the part that we are called to. May we care for ourselves with great tenderness. May we share our love with one another and this beautiful earth that we are privileged to call home.

This painting is by my aunt, Lucy Durand Sikes, from an autumn past. The glass did not allow a clear view…..a theme of mine these days!

We are experiencing a drought here in the Northeast Kingdom of Vermont. A familiar phenomenon for me, from decades of California living yet unusual in this place of moss and damp, mushrooms and mildew. It is affecting the autumn show of color in our trees. The change of season is upon us, as frosty nights give way to warm bright days. The leaves are changing their summer garments of green for the multicolored rich tones of autumn. But rather than standing out flat and vibrant, they are turning muted shades before crumpling and falling.

Nature always has some information for me when I tune in. My body feels much like the leaves this autumn. My colors are muted. I sense the deep transformation process that my body is undergoing. I feel the pulling away from the world as I imagine the leaves do, dropping from their world of a tree. This year they are not landing flat, exclaiming their beauty with brilliant reds, oranges and golds. Nor am I. Instead, I am following their lead, finding myself hunched in upon myself, cradling my heart with my limbs. There is a reach for more solitude, a pulling away from the noise of the world outside. I crave stillness as I pull inward. I sense faint stirrings of other worlds swirling about me. I can feel the tendrils of connection arise in a mist only to fall away.

The leaves fall knowing themselves to become part of the duff of the forest floor. An important phase in the circle of life, decaying and breaking down into matter that then aids in new growth. I am breaking down, as personality self fades, higher self flickers in and out, not quite a steady flame. Emotions flare and extinguish in gusts. Memories show up suddenly under spot lights, asking to be seen fully. Once felt, they depart the stage. Body heats up, I fling off a layer, then cools down and I am donning another one or two. Rashes appear and itch. Sharp pains can stab with an OW intensity and then fade. There is no steadiness in this decay. It is happening on every level and in every way.

I sense how a caterpillar must feel as it turns to mush before its radiant emergence with wings.I know deep in my cells, that the emergence into a new form, is approaching. I trust this with all that I am. It helps as I navigate the dismantling. There is no ground to stand upon. No casing for this changing form. It is as if I am skinless, floating in space. Untethered, ungrounded, simply un.

Muted……here yet not seen nor heard. Yet.

My voice is resting. Gathering the ability to sing the notes of rejoicing. My body, reclining so as to be able to jump up to dance the dance of joy. Emotions, bobbing so as to discover their balance point of calm unattachment. I can almost touch this new land of love. It ignites my heart’s flame as I breathe in and filter the dross and spin it out into the liquidlovelight that I AM.

This world is being transformed from the inside out. We are in the process. We are moving towards a world of love, beyond anything that we can imagine with our limited senses. As I catch a tone, a movement, a current in my cells….it draws me forward. There is nothing to fear. There is only the allowing, the trusting, the knowing of the power of love. All shall be made new. By me, and by you. Together, with God/Spirit/ the Universe/ the Mother as our guide, we shall bring heaven to earth. It is time. I turn to Julian of Norwich’s most famous quote: “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well“.

Our little village sits low in the landscape of gentle hills. Mist flows in during the night and shrouds the morning sun. It is cool and mysterious……shapes of cars and people begin as shadows coalescing into forms. Light slowly filters through, the weather forecast is for sunny skies and warm temperatures. For now, the mist is damp and cool and folks huddle into their jackets and flannel shirts as they hop down from their trucks to enter the village store across the street They come out carrying their morning fuel of coffee and breakfast sandwich or donut. There follows the balancing act of hot coffee cup and food package while opening the truck door. Headlights illumine the congestion of trucks, trailers full of wood and equipment, cranes for builds, tractors and mowers, delivery trucks full of Pepsi, beer and candy. Smaller vans with local breads and dairy products. The clank of metal rod as the petrol level is checked each morning for the gas tanks, the bang of the ice door as folks stock coolers in anticipation of a late summer’s day in a kayak or fishing boat.

The weather reflects the world to me of late. All is shrouded in mist….you cannot clearly see anything. We know that the sun is there, the light is informing all. We are invited to trust in that light, even when it is covered. The world is a swirl of chaos, events and emotions shouting look here, look there. Division and discord rule the day. All is shrouded in mists of half truths that seek division. We are in a space where we must practice discernment. Where we are called to see with our hearts rather than our outer senses and minds. We can easily be fooled into believing that the world is dark and that the light has been eclipsed.

Yet, our hearts know that this is not true. The light is there. The more that we trust this, as we turn our hearts like a sunflower to the light, the brighter our world becomes. Focus on the light, the love. Let the mist fall away as we reach through to that lovelight that flows ever stronger. As we each do this, we create the world anew.

Hazy days as the smoke from wildfires in Canada has drifted into Northern Vermont. Part of the desire to leave California was to escape the wildfires that had become a regular happening. We lived in the valley which held the smoke close for days on end.

The earth is going through changes: earthquakes, volcanoes, wildfires, floods, weather. All in motion requiring us to adapt to what is present. I am witnessing this all around me as we feel that instability in our bodies. I am hearing friends speak of feeling vulnerable, fragile, depressed, confused, uncertain. In my mind’s eye, I see it as our inner structure that holds up our personality self, is collapsing. Feelings of unease, desperation and despair can arise. Questions such as: Who am I? What am I doing? What do I want? come up.

The old ways of seeking outside for answers no longer works. No one holds the keys to our inner landscape. We have to go exploring on our own. There are shadowlands and sunlit mountain tops, rivers of pain and valleys of peace. The task seems to be to complete all in love……a phrase that a friend shared with me recently. To complete all in love. What a beautiful concept. Yes, we came to bring it all back to the love that is true.

Our dreams are working overtime to take us behind locked doors into this inner world. All that we shut away in order to survive, to continue to live our lives, now asks to be seen. There are no shortcuts or quick fixes. I feel heartened when I see all the information coming out for parents about doing their own healing in order to be more present for their children. Folks are wanting to end the cycles of abuse and trauma that earlier generations did not have tools to navigate. Local schools are incorporating workshops for staff on how to teach emotional regulation for the children. Breathwork, meditation, movement and sound are becoming more common. Grandparents are wanting to show up in healthier ways for their grandkids….I listen to podcasts and read books that allow me to be a better grandparent. My kids and I share information and I am conscious to follow their lead as well as offer advice if asked about their children.

There is so much available now to help anyone who is looking for healing. I remember going to the library and searching the card catalog for books on strong willed children, desperate to find something to help me with my daughter. Her will was a force that could rock the house. It took all of me to keep the walls upright. Now I see options and even a label…..deeply feeling kids. Advice is there on how to show up for these kids in ways that I did not know. It could have eased our relationship and that of the whole family, had I had the tools.

To watch her parent her own two children with such love, is a blessing to my heart. She has worked to overcome my way of dealing with her strong will and found a softer, lighter path for her children. I have helped in that by providing a release valve when she needed time out and a voice offering guidance hard won by my own life. These beautiful souls coming in deserve our very best selves to show up.

As the outer world disintegrates, I rejoice in all the changes in the inner worlds. May we all work to find that peace and calm within that will carry us into the new lands of our dreams.

Woke to an old memory, that filled me with shame. I had looked at this memory a number of times over the years. It came looping back as I moved out of my dream state. The heaviness of the shame swept over me. This time it kept going. Like a sudden downpour, it drenched me and then moved off. The sun came streaming out and my being felt lighter. I felt compassion for my younger self, as this was one of the final breaks with my parents as in this memory, I allowed them to dictate terms to me. It did not happen again.

My day flowed from there as if I rode a carpet of sunshine. I felt calm, peaceful, quiet. I found myself singing little rhyming songs to myself. I felt delight in my being. My body felt elegant, enlarged, expanded. I puttered about my place, measuring new old curtains for my bedroom, making food for myself, lying on the couch reading. Of course, the book I chose began with a scene that echoed my shameful one. As if to say……are you now ready to truly move past this? I found I was. The rest of the story was delightful, the enjoyment of eating in Paris and the pleasures to be had in finding a community of kindred spirits. I love stories that bring various folks together to form a family….usually made up of people who never fit in their family of origin.

This relates to my vision of community that has been with me all of my life. For a long time, I carried it as a dreamscape, a resting place for my child heart. In college, I studied utopian societies that had sprung up in the USA and around the world. The concept was written about centuries ago in Sir Thomas More’s “Utopia” and Plato’s “Republic”. Many came into fruition in the mid-1800’s in the USA. Most eventually disintegrated due to internal frictions, poor management or unrealistic standards for living. I then turned to Thoreau’s Walden and Scott and Helen Nearings for examples of how to live a simple life .

On my first date with my former husband, we spoke about our vision of belonging to a community. It led us in later years to Montana where we spent a year living the dream of building the New Jerusalem. That dream crashed and burned and we ended up broke dollarwise and heartwise. It was a great learning experience, which I am sure, many of our forefathers lived as they tried out various communities. I sense that I had lived in such a community and had left heartbroken as it dissolved. Some remain today in our area. The Mennonite and Amish communities are examples of ones that have flourished.

The big learning for me was that the ideal can become corrupted. Organizations spring up around the message of love that the great masters spoke. We all know of the masters; Jesus, Krishna, Mohammad, Buddha, Lao Tzu and many others and how their teachings all spoke of love. Men, less enlightened have turned their messages of love into organizations that inevitably bring distortions as power and control take center stage. That happened in the organization that drew us to Montana. The lie gets embedded in truth and eventually infects everything. Krishnamurti’s words spoke to my heart of not following a path laid out by another, that “truth is a pathless land.”

There are those who walk that Christ light in human form, in these present times. As the planet and her people move through this accelerated evolutionary time, we will begin to know our own light and beauty and walk it on this earth. When we are able to be sovereign in our own beings, no longer looking for rules or guidelines or others to show us the way, we will create communities of light. I know this on a cellular level as I choose to come in with that remembrance of my role in this lifetime.

It is the dream that is imprinted in so many of our hearts, conscious or unconscious. To live a life of peace, of unity, of abundance on every level. Where our intentions are for our highest good and the highest good for all peoples and our mother earth. One and the same. My sense is that the dream is moving closer to the physical plane. I know that I am to live it.

For years, I carried a weight that it was mine to do. I was to help create such a community. I traveled about, searching and being drawn in by anything that spoke of community. It was my Achilles heel and led me into situations for further learning. Many false notes were heard until I let it all go. I was to hold the vision……the creation was not in my hands.

That was the surrender, trusting in the divine plan. Knowing that the communities would come about organically and in divine timing. All a co-creation with others of like frequencies. I have traveled in my dreams, to such places. Everything that you need, is at hand. There is no carrying of luggage or worry about transport. Teleportation, telepathy….are the norm. Folks travel to seed other communities and learn from them. My future self spends time in an arts community, there are as many different communities as there are talents and gifts. I especially enjoy the freedom for the children as that is one of my focus points in this life.

For now, I am enjoying that the lightness and calm are still with me. Savoring this space, intending it for all beings. More and more folks are waking up each day to their own power and beauty, their gifts and talents. Folks are writing out their stories of pain, looking to heal their emotional wounds. Children are being taught how to regulate their emotional state and not internalize pain. The earth is erupting and shifting to release her own pockets of density and pain. A path towards wholeness is opening.

At present, the world wears two different coats. One of fear and darkness and one of love and hope. I choose to wear the lighter one. This I know is a privilege and I do not take it lightly. For those in survival mode, the choice is much more difficult. May this change as we amplify our joy and let it spread.

May our prayers assist all beings to come to know their own beauty, honor their gifts and share them freely. May all beings be cherished and know themselves to be love and loved.

The birds are singing, the tulips are opening their cups of color, dandelions are gracing the green green grass with their brilliant golden yellow. Life begins once again in the Northeast Kingdom. After a winter that hangs on in slow motion, this aliveness moves at warp speed. Daffodils bloom and expire in a blink, the tulips awoke to quickly drop their petals before I fully appreciated them. Now the poppies are getting ready to explode their red and orange papery beauty. You have to drink deep each day, ignoring the black fly bites, ouch and the left over potholes and washboards that the frost created on the roads. The village garage has been busy, removing winter tires and replacing them with summer ones. Replacing struts and shocks and bearings. Rust spots are noted and a plan takes shape to get them seen to. Wood deliveries are dropped up and down the village street as everyone cleans up what remains of the last winter’s piles and begins the new stacks for the winter to come. Folks check in as to how many cords they went through this past winter, adjusting their orders for the coming year. Often the plan is two years out so that the wood has time to season. After the delivery, if you don’t cut your own wood, there is still the ring of axes as pieces need further splitting to be stove ready. You need physical strength to run a household here.

Mowers can be heard around the village and that sweet smell of cut grass fills the air. Another chore is getting the snowblowers and shovels put away, sharpening the mower blades for the coming season. We live in a moist area where the rain acts as speed for the grass, so mowing is a weekly event. Ladders come out as storm windows come down and screens go up. Paint scraping and applying new paint are a summer chore that never ends on the clapboard siding. Compared to our lives in California, the seasonal chores are heavy. The intensity of the weather means that structures wear quickly in the elements and Mother Nature reclaims buildings if your back is turned.

Why do we live here? A question I ask myself but here we are. It started with my youngest son’s wife growing up in this area. Her dad was diagnosed with dementia which prompted a move from Colorado back to Vermont. His health was precarious for years which kept them from leaving for the West coast. By then, children were born and family life takes over. My eldest son met a woman here at his brother’s wedding so he moved to be with her. My daughter moved from her former husband’s home in Montreal when she divorced but the pandemic brought her back to this area so her son would have a relationship with his dad. My former husband and I came also as she could not make the move on her own. So….here we are.

It means that on Mother’s Day, I had all three of my adult kids and the four grandchildren around me. As long as we are all close, we continue to dream of sharing a more temperate climate and a community land holding. We are dreaming it into being. Our joy and love fuels it.

Today I am off to a tai chi class, and perhaps the first swim of the season. Tomorrow there is a free all day printmaking class that I am excited about. The community here is rich with events…last night we went to the weekly free dinner at Sterling College, the environmental college here in town. The students raise the meat and veggies that are offered. There is another community dinner offered by one of the churches, tonight. So much to participate in and enjoy. I am off to bask in this day’s sunshine!

Slowly the earth is warming here in Northern Vermont. My bedroom floor is littered with clothes as I attempt to dress for the changeable weather. Wool undershirts are still a stand by but perhaps a cotton top…dare I let go of my wool long sleeve tops? No, not yet. My granddaughter was prancing around the yard in her underwear, inviting me to feel the warmth. The breeze still feels cool but if you find the right spot out of the wind, you can feel the warmth which can quickly become hot. It can feel so intense!

Yesterday, a grey day, overcast with some rain. As I looked out the window, later in the day, I saw tiny flecks of white in amongst the raindrops. These grew until it was a flurry of big fluffy white snowflakes. Soon, it looked like a blizzard swirling outside. The daffodils who had been adventurous enough to open their golden blossoms to the sun, were bowing down to the ground under the weight of the snow. I grabbed my winter coat, which was still in the pile to be put away for the season, and headed out for a snow globe walk. It wasn’t too cold yet bundling up felt good. The moisture had not turned to ice so it was a lovely walk without the risk of falling.

Later the power went out. I had made dinner but the sink was full of dishes. The water tank was empty as the pump needs electricity to draw the water from the well. I have jugs of water on hand for these times. I was grateful that it was not frigid outside as my propane heater relies on electricity to turn on. Poor designs …..why should everything need electricity to work? Fortunately, I have a gas stove which I can light with a match so I made myself a cup of tea. I then dressed in woolens and hopped into bed to read by candlelight. It was a different sensation, softer light, a circle around me like a cocoon. I nestled in. Later I heard the heater kick on and got up to turn off a light that had been left on. Power back, wonderful.

Today, it is sunny and bright and the temperature is a warm 69 degrees! I stripped down to my undershirt (my light wool one) as I worked planting wildflower seeds in the garden. It is hard to believe that we are leaving winter behind. I am daring to plant seeds, trusting that yesterday was the last day of below freezing temperatures.

I wanted flowers for my eldest son’s wedding which will take place on the summer solstice. A short window to grow flowers but some will surely bloom in time. Some were 25 days, some 30, many 50 or more days. I just checked their wedding site that counts down the days…..53 days. I have asked the elementals to assist so that we are assured plenty of blooms to decorate the barn and add to the magic of the day.

The garden is at my former husband’s and his partner’s place as they have a large veggie garden with soil that he has tended each year. He gave me room for this cutting garden so that it won’t matter if I harvest most of the blooms. As I was driving out to his place, I realized that I had forgotten my gardening gloves and trowel. My next thought was, “That’s fine, I can depend on ________.(my former husband). I laughed and repeated those words again. I could depend on __________. Tears sprang to my eyes as I felt the truth of those words. After all of these years of knowing one another, after heartache and hard times, it was true. He has become a dear friend that I can depend upon. What a gift!

I drove down the road singing to myself, songs of gratitude for power, for sunshine, for the sun’s warmth, for the opportunity to dig in the dirt, for a friend who is there for me, for my body that feels alive in a new way, for the first buds appearing…..a bouquet of gifts. I drank them all in. Spring! An elixir divine.

Some are calling this the eclipse corridor. Whatever name we choose, we are in a period of transformation. We had a full lunar eclipse on March 13th, a week later the Vernal Equinox on the 20th and now we are headed to the partial solar eclipse on the 29th. As a society, we do not pay much attention to these things as on the whole, we live disconnected from our mother earth and her rhythms. In ancient times, this might have been seen as a time of rest, fasting, prayer and inner reflection. A time to dive deep and allow our spirits to travel the inward passages.

This period of my life allows me the freedom to travel this corridor with intent. I can feel the doorway that is ready to open on the 29th. I can sense the excitement on the other side yet know no particulars as to what it will hold. The nausea and swirling that my body feels, attests to the unsettled nature of the energies that are in play. There is a dreaminess to my days that makes simple tasks require greater focus. Trying to plan ahead creates white noise in my mind. Affixing a date to the calendar is like attempting to pin a note on a moving board. My feet feel as though I am standing on a balance board, that wobbles under me. Energy flows in and I have learned to move with it. Once it leaves, I can only rest. I dressed to go to a community event the other afternoon, hat and coat on, keys in hand. All of a sudden, I deflated like a balloon. All the air went out of me. I took off my outer garments and reclined once again on the couch. There is no pushing through. I used to pride myself on my will as I could plow through whatever was the need of the moment. That has not been the case for quite some time.

Now, there is the deep surrender to divine will. Knowing that my higher self has me in hand and will steer me in the best direction in each moment. I tune in and listen. What does this upcoming doorway hold for me?

Doorways have always held a fascination for me. I have collected images of them over the years. They hold a sense of mystery, of hope. I recalled a dreamscape from decades ago. At the time, my former husband and I were living in Montana as part of a spiritual community. Many called it a cult and it turns out it had the earmarks of one. We lived there for a year, short in the number of days but long and rich in the number of lifetimes experienced. We learned many lessons for which I am grateful.

In my dream, I was with Guru Ma or Mother as the leader of the organization was called. She led me down a corridor lined with a series of doors. She told me that we were going to learn about perfect love. As I stood in each doorway, she introduced me to the individual inside. She told me that she would come back for me when I had become one with that person. Each doorway held a being that I found myself retreating from. One was a person who was severely overweight, a few hundred pounds at least. Another was a person horribly disfigured, his face not really a face any longer. Another was a person who appeared hooded and felt so dark and scary . And so it went all down the corridor. I was to spend time in each room, alone with the other person. I felt great fear as she closed the door each time. The amazing thing was, that by the time she returned and opened the door for me to come out, I no longer wished to. I had become one with the other person, our love so encompassing that I did not wish to depart. The same thing happened in each room, all my prejudices come alive in the form of a person only to dissolve in the field of love. It was an outstanding lesson.

At the end of the corridor, was a doorway that had the words, Perfect Love, inscribed over it. The dream ended there. The next day, I went to a gathering where Guru Ma was to speak. She stood at the podium and said, tonight, we will speak of Perfect Love. I almost fell off my chair as the dream was still alive in my mind.

This present doorway that we are approaching at the end of this month, holds that energy of Perfect Love. I sense a love revolution sweeping the earth, one heart at a time. May we have the courage and determination to walk through this doorway, with our hearts on fire with love. May we choose to live this love out loud. May our hearts shine as we recognize the truth that we are one people. May we unite to create a world that honors all, that cares for all, including this beautiful planet of ours.

This is my new way of checking in with myself and others. I learned this from asoulcalledjoel on facebook. A beautiful man who uses a few sentences to check in with others each day. It has become a wonderful practice for me.

I was at a lunch time gathering of folks where politics came up though the invitation had stated that it was to gather to talk about community, not politics. Someone said that they ran into an old friend who was a Trump supporter so she did not know what to say to him. I said, ” Ask him, How is your heart?” Everyone is going through something in these challenging energies. It is not about our belief systems, it is about our hearts. It is a question that puts the conversation on a new level.

It is time to remember our oneness, not beat the drum of our separateness. Time to focus on the blessings that we have, not what is going wrong. I pointed out the abundance of food on the table, that everyone had contributed to, the warmth from the heating system keeping the cold air at bay, the freedom that we all had to gather on a workday to talk, our cars that brought us from near and far, the view of trees and fresh snowfall outside. In this moment, all was well with us.

The dismantling of our society under the new president is a favorite topic of conversation here in this liberal state of Vermont. The talk ranged from the despair of programs being cut and systems failing to the more empowering of teaching classes on fermentation, root cellars, growing food, baking bread, spinning and weaving. Folks shared some of the things that they were doing in a positive vein though the weight of what the government was not doing, cast a shroud over the talk. There is some comfort in sharing a common enemy. Of churning out the stories over and over of how bad things are. It reinforces the belief that someone else is responsible for our lives.

To me, all of this change is encouraging. This is evolution. It is forcing folks to look within, rather than waiting for the government to save them. Forcing people into their own sovereignty, into reaching out and creating stronger communities rather than remaining in victim mode. We are creator beings, we came for that experience. We are witnessing our planet and society shifting in new ways. It is an intense and challenging time. It is also opening us up to new abilities and gifts. It is allowing new ways of living to emerge.

We are forced back to the human scale of our immediate circle. What can we do to create community, to care for ourselves and one another? The world will spin with both horrors and beauties unfolding. Science has proven that what we focus on will grow. It is startling how easily we are duped into focusing on what is wrong rather that what is going well. There is beauty everywhere in everything if we have eyes to see.

We have come to bring it all back to love. There is only love. We have created this separation, this experiment to see how far we could go into the darkness. We have gone in deep and now we wish to return to our truth. We are all tired of the game. Now we turn from that tunnel and move back towards the light. Towards peace, unity, harmony, abundance for all. Our hearts are our flashlights. We can turn them on high beam, we can find our way back to the truth of love. To the light of being love. We can breathe in the darkness and transmute it into love. We can spin gold from the dross.

It takes our intention and attention. Attend to what we desire, intend to be the love that we wish to feel in this world. We were made for these times.

Fill your heart with your own lovelight. Recognize your own beauty. Accept all aspects of yourself. Fall in love with you! We have been conditioned to feel that we are not enough, that we can never measure up, that we are parasites upon the planet. We can talk back to this and come to face all of ourselves, even what we consider shameful. We can reaffirm our own beauty, our hearts that want only good for all in this world. This is the path that leads to falling in love with everyone and everything. We are all such tender beings.

So, I ask you, How is your heart?

Hearing that James Taylor song “Fire and Rain” playing in my head this morning: “Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone…” Tears falling for all the sweet sensitive souls who find this world too harsh to bear. Decades ago, I lost a sister to suicide when memories of my father’s sexual abuse began to surface. She could not hold the pain in her body, so she choose to leave it.

Yesterday, my sons came home from a day of shoveling snow from roofs of ones who were in need. One was a friend, a young woman had been struggling to hold her life together with her three sons as her husband had spiraled down some distant pathway. He had been arrested and then placed in a psychiatric facility. She could not get information about his condition. A blank wall. The mental health industry is broken. Families are shut out from knowing much when they are the support system for the person involved.

She did her best to carry on in a world of unknowing. Yesterday, she let my sons know that her husband had committed suicide in a blaze of fire. He had set his car, with himself in it, on fire. Oh, how the mind recoils from such knowledge! It takes your breath away to imagine it. My sons were glad that her dad was with her and was accompanying her and the children back to his home. They gave hugs, their hearts full of love, to her. They brought the news and hugs to me as we let the tears of sorrow fall. My heart ached for the three young boys who will grow up carrying the weight of that tragedy as a part of their inner landscape.

The young man, who I knew only in passing, seemed a gentle soul. He was kind, a bit scattered, often late for pick ups of his son from playdates with my grandson or to get the boys from forest school. He had long fine blond hair, a mustache and goatee, round glasses, wore hemp and linen clothing on his lean frame. He appeared like a hippie fresh from the sixties. You sensed his gentle nature as you watched him play with his sons. A soul meant for a more idealized world, one where love ruled, where the edges were soft rather than sharp, where life flowed rather than started and stuttered.

Looking through his facebook page, I found his last post from a month ago. How I wished that I had seen it before now. These are his words, that speak of it all. I hesitate to share them, though they were shared on a public platform. I have decided to share as they have a message for us all. May they call us to be the love that unifies, cradles and cherishes one another. In these times of chaos and intensity, may we offer kindness and love to all who cross our paths.

“A Meditation: This time I will do what is right. I won’t let the illusions of my minds distractions be befuddled by an attachment to the past or the future, In this present moment Right now I can speak up and say I observe all that is. That with each breath I can see how I have to uphold the sanity of each moment, not by wishing for something different. I can look at the present for all of it’s beauty and ugliness. I will withstand the storm and become a stronger, more attentive, more loving, and genuine person. I truly believe this is the work we are all doing here. To take the suffering, whether it be from accident or intent we can look at the moment we inhale, and take an exhale wishing care and joy unto others. Let there be inspiration to do better to ourselves and for others in the world. Insanity is really just a distracted and ungrounded mindset that can carreen us off course. I am here to breathe deeply and stand strong for peace. We all make mistakes, let us first make an effort to forgive ourselves.”