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Uncovering More and Holding it in Heartlight

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Nature helps to take our sorrows and shows us how to let go and flow with the river of life.

4am and i have wrestled with another layer of feelings surfacing around the deep issue that has come to be healed. Took a hot epson salt bath with Tom Kenyon healing sounds playing in the room. The warm water and the sounds did much to help move the energy. I watched the old pattern surface of pulling out my sword and looking for the first head to chop off. My former husband used to say that I loved confrontation and even sought  it out. The truth was, it was never a choice for me . If I saw something amiss, I could not remain silent even in the knowing of the back lash that would follow. Hence the harshness and intensity of my sword brandishing. I do ask all who were on the receiving end of that harsh energy at any time, to forgive me. I did not know another way to speak my truth.

It is here before me. A situation that challenges a core aspect of myself and what I believed that I stood for. The old way would have been to brandish the sword first and foremost at myself with loathing, burying myself deep in self recrimination and guilt. Next would have been to swing the sword at “the perpretator” and try to help the “victim”. In letting go of duality, these are no longer viable options. The old patterns still arise but I have tools now to allow the feelings to wash through me and to not attach. I found myself wanting images to come to validate my feelings but received the guidance that is not helpful. I am to use my feelings as my guide. Observe their passage knowing that the details are not important but rather to allow the energy to unwind in my heart and to embrace that aspect of myself that feels that it fell down on the job. To love myself and recognize the impulse to do good was always there. Honoring  myself for that then allows me to honor that same impulse in others. To see the innocence in all concerned, to truly trust that we all create every aspect of our world, the painful and dark as well as the joyful and light. That we can wish an easy passage for another but it is not ours to give. Our souls choose the lessons that we are to learn and the situations that best bring those lessons.

I do not know what or how I will share this knowing yet. My old way would have been to rush out with my sword and swing wildly at all,  compelled to immediate action. Now I see that the biggest piece is for me to sit with this and unwind the coil in myself first. In doing so, it may unwind energetically for the others. The way can be paved for ease and grace and healing for all. I am not responsible for how anyone reacts to my feelings. Another big difference I am finding, is not presenting my feelings as  truth. It is true for me, yet it is not mine to declare another’s truth. I can share and see what resonates for others, allowing space for whatever is to come up.

A wise friend wrote me this advice: “I am feeling that this does not have to be so serious,  it can be addressed with immense love and as a source of information.  Let it move,  as it moves it will transmute.” This is new also, to not see it as a big drama requiring big reactions. Rather as information to be acknowledged and transmuted. I am letting it move through my body as tears, as energy releasing in the bath water, through writing, sharing, walking in nature. Letting it have its way and knowing that I can love the whole spectrum that life presents to us. The old way, would find me shielding myself or denying the darker aspects of our human nature but the more I learn on this path of enlightenment, the more I know that I have played all parts. I have been the rapist and murderer as well as the one raped and murdered. I can not judge any longer good or bad as I cannot see what is being played out on all dimensions. The feeling of compassion is the strongest one as it comes to envelop all involved, including myself. I am grateful for my angels and guides who are standing with me, showing me the way, moment by moment. Allowing a layer to come up, then time to process before another layer is uncovered. Ease and grace are present.

Another wise friend, Karin Berky wrote this of today’s energy:

ENERGY WISDOM Wed 14th Mar: IMPORTANT DAY! You ground and anchor in a new perspective! Venus/Jupiter/Lilith at 9 degrees Taurus, Pluto 9 deg Capricorn, Mars 9 deg Virgo creates one big triangle called a grand trine. A rare and potent time for love, relationships, expansion and change. Lilith is the profound longing for the absolute, the unlimited infinite self, she sacrifices and shows you how to let go of the old and FLOW with changes, be open and trusting. She is life force. Creation. She is a call into your EMPOWERMENT. In with this grand trine she wants you to see your connection to the WHOLE, to the divine, end separation consciousness and enter Unity Consciousness and Oneness. To let go you need to ‘sacrifice’ your little “I” ego to realise how powerful you are. Mars also opposite Chiron connects in with this grand trine – old wounds are highlighted. Lilith brings the dark into the light. Turn your demons into ‘diamonds’. Shine a light on the dark, the fear, the anxiety, the wounds and turn them into unconditional love. Where you have been wounded so have others, and you now see that and bring it into a loving acceptance. Seen in a new light you can see your wounds as ‘gifts’ RE-membering your true nature and gifts. You have been lied to in this old control and fear paradigm! Your true nature is infinite. A child is not born with shame, fear and anxiety…it is born of pure love and TRUST. Mistrust and fear is learnt. So create a sacred space to which you retreat so you feel safe. A powerful day to begin turning old wounds into loving gifts and recognise the Oneness of life! Making use of this energy will change your relationships and life forever. Which lies about yourself do you drop now? Can you let go and trust? Can you reveal all of your authentic real self? ~~Karin Berky, Evolving Souls, 2012.
I am trusting and seeing the diamonds shining.

March Brings the Winds of Change

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The red branches of this Japanese maple and its new green leaves have fed me today. Beauty!

A rainy day which allows me the chance to run about  barefoot through the wet grass in the yard and soak in the beauty of the blossoming trees. I am so loving this spring and this month of transformation! Feet dried,now sitting by the fire, feeling the energies dancing on my crown chakra. That lovely feeling of being so loved by my higher self and guides and angels as they rewire this body of mine. Head is stuffed, energy clearing and so happy to be quiet with the day. Tears of gratitude for all my blessings. I feel an enormous weight is being blown from the planet. So many layers of suffering and pain are being blown away with the winds. The love is streaming in with the continued solar flares and as we anchor it into our mother, she is sending it back to our hearts. Oh, to be a part of this cycle of love! I feel awe, gratitude, joy, blessed.

This beautiful pink blossom reminded me of a ballerina with its fluffy tutu!

So much is softening. Our hearts can no longer hold to the old dense energies and are singing a song of freedom. Freedom to love as that is the song that our hearts have always wanted to sing. Every shadow that has been locked deep in the heart, is now coming out into the light of day. And it is not so scary anymore. We can look at it, we can even embrace it. Yes, we can even love it.  Shame, guilt, self criticism and judgment are fleeting emotions that no longer hold. A huge issue recently came out into the light of day in my life through my dream space. I felt such enormous gratitude that all blocks are being cleared and that I am in such a place of love for myself that this issue could now come to the fore. The old pattern of projection and judgment was simply gone. In its place, there was enormous compassion and love for all involved. Oh, all the density we came in to clear and transmute back to the reality of love! What courageous dear hearts we are!! I am loving my heart as it clears all its shadow aspects and shines its pink, magenta love light. As we each clear our closets of all skeletons and shadows, the winds of March come to carry it all away. We are being swept clean to stand in our truth as beings of love and light. Nothing more to fear, we are safe in the arms of our mother.

One of my son, Gabriel's paintings that is feeding my hunger for orange. Having art and flowers about me makes me feel rich.

Last night I did a distance healing on a friend with a friend. Healer is not a word that I identify with, teacher yes, that resonates. But this energy came up in a conversation and the knowing that there was something that the two of us could facilitate for this other. I found it all so interesting. My friend is a gifted healer, used to playing in this field that was so new to me. I trusted whatever came through me and let it flow. The energies are so fluid now, allowing stuck areas to give easily. The one receiving had done his work as it all released with ease. I love the elegant design of the universe, how what we need appears when we need it. I trust more deeply in divine timing as I see how beautifully things happen. When the timing is right, there is ease and grace. Light language poured from me as did sounds and hand movements that were all new to me. My friend and I were in sync as we have done this together in other lifetimes. It was like a dance between us and we knew the steps. Very empowering for me.

The trust in my own higher self and the whole is creating new pathways for me. I so surrender to divine timing and will. I was listening to an Abraham-Hicks youtube video (don’t you love the Internet!) in which she was talking about a woman being pregnant and her

the last bit of glory of my orangey red tulips!

feelings of joy. How she had tried for years to get pregnant and now was. Abraham pointed out how she still did not have the baby yet was filled with joy as the knowing of it growing inside her was there. I have adopted this approach in my life. I am pregnant with the knowing that my beloved is waiting for me, that my community, my pod is waiting for me to join them, that the world of peace is a heart beat away. How could it be otherwise? We are evolving, we are in the midst of the great shift of the ages to the age of peace and love. What was began in the sixties, has come to fruition and we are to reap the benefits. What possibilities, what heart desires are you pregnant with? Hold them with the joy and love that you would as an expectant parent. Cherish them, savor each day that you are alive and walking towards holding your heart’s desire come true. We will never live in the same density again. Duality will be a thing of the past. Every thought for ourselves will include the consciousness of all…….we are one. Unity consciousness will flood the land. Life is beautiful!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Intensity of March

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This puddle wanted to pull me into its magic, felt like a portal to another world.

Wow, what a month. I knew it was a big one energetically but here I am on the 10th and I feel that a lifetime has been lived already! The sun is gifting us with amazing solar flares that are shifting us physically and emotionally and energetically. My body has developed a buddha belly that some days makes me feel that I am six months pregnant! The light is streaming in to be anchored and so it expands our bodies until we can integrate it and allow it to anchor in our mother’s heart. I went for a barefoot walk on the full moon, my younger son has been running barefoot and has loved how it is helping his feet. My aboriginal self came to the fore as I felt little discomfort walking over rocks and twigs and sharply pointed oak leaves. The hour grounded us both and helped assimilate the high energy. Only downside

My friend and I were looking at this painting of my son's and realized that it was so comforting as the cows are touching the earth. It is very grounding in that and so while we may not go out and eat grass, we may lay face down on the earth and connect.

is that your feet get very dirty and require a scrub brushing when you are done. I read a report that said so many of the autoimmune diseases can be cured by direct contact with the earth. She clears our fields of all the EMF waves we pick up from our computers, cell phones, electrical lines. What a gift, our mother always looking out for us! So take off your shoes and go take a run around the yard, makes you feel like a little kid again and that is a good thing!

Yesterday was pretty dreamy. The night before a filling that I had recently had replaced, came out again. It felt pretty painful. I was able to go right in the next morning. Seems that I needed a root canal before he could put a crown on the tooth to save it. He called a friend who did his root canal and got me right in. I drove there and had the procedure. I felt like I was in some time warp. As I went to park, I felt all this chaotic energy at the intersection next to the building. I had a sense that my car would be vulnerable there on the street. I called the angels to watch over her while I went in. When I was sitting in the chair, on the third floor, the dentist was looking out the window describing an accident that had just happened below. My car was fine and I pray that all involved were ok. But a confirmation of the energy that I had felt.

This bouquet of tulips sang to me as I walked into the store the other day. Their color has been feeding me ever since! I actually have found myself stroking and kissing them.....yes, I am a flower fairy!

I felt shattered after the procedure. The radio music playing in the office, the smells of the resins and drilling, the strangeness of having your mouth propped open for a couple of hours. I am so hyper sensitive to my environment, desiring flowers and lovely scents and beauty. I came home and got into comfy clothes and wrapped myself up on the couch in my quilt. After a time, I felt a wave of loneliness go through me and wanted the comfort of a mom. Unusual feelings for me as I can usually tap in to that inner plane of love when I need it. I called my elder son and said I simply need to hear you talk. The dam burst then in hearing his voice and I sobbed and sobbed. So much sadness and grief. Images of a man I knew who had all his teeth pulled in this twenties and wore false teeth as it was more affordable than having them fixed. It cost $1200 for this procedure.  I felt such gratitude that I could pay that sum. Felt the injustice of our world and how so many suffer. The polarity of the insured and uninsured, the crazy way our systems are set up. Wave after wave of grief poured out of me. I watched waves of fear come up about my life, “What are you doing? Where are you going to live at the end of the month?” Again, old survival issues that come up to be felt and let go of. My son plays in the same fields that I do so he knew all the right things to say, assisting my letting go. He came over later to give me one of his bear hugs and check that I had all I needed before sleep.

The trees are showing me the way to transformation as they open their blossoms to the world.

A dear friend came over to check on me, my old stance of “I am ok, I do not need anything” quickly released as I knew I did need her presence. She is a gifted healer so she did cranial sacral work on my head. We worked together as we toned and light language poured from both of us. My higher self coming in to aid in the clearing. My friend said, it is deep rooted ancestral stuff coming up for clearing. We laughed at the metaphor…root canal…getting to the root of the issue. I saw that this was my vehicle to release much. The bones in my face literally vibrated as stagnant, stuck energy was lifted. This is all part of the cleansing taking place this month. All the old is up to be released. My friend pointed out that the feeling of loneliness that came up and had me seeking help was a knowing from my soul that I needed assistance to release all that came up. I am so grateful that she held me through it. We both saw past lives where we worked together as healers. We got a hit of how that will be coming into play in the coming months.

Here we are at the tenth of the month with the equinox yet to come. I am in awe of the transformation offered us this month. We are truly being called home to our hearts to create the new world of peace and love that we know as our birthright. I claim that birthright today and send my heartlight out to this beautiful world and all of us.

 

 

Flowing with the Waves of March

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March has come in so breezy, with up and down drafts of energy. I am learning to flow and ride the waves as they come. This small creek runs through the park where I like to walk most days. Rock strewn in places, smooth going in others…nature always showing me the way. Embracing it all, not complaining of the rocks or narrow passages, simply flowing as that is its nature. As ours is to love, to let our heart lights shine out, no matter what comes into our lives. The refrain, “Resist nothing” has had big play time in my head of late. As I focus on this, I have been surprised at all the moments where resistance still lurked. There is a friend of the homeowner whose house I am renting, who came over to do yard work. He was dear, brought me oranges and lemons and even split a bunch of kindling wood for me. We had a nice chat and I sent him off with some gingersnaps warm from the oven.  He told me that he would likely be coming once or twice a week this month to work on projects. I found myself feeling hemmed in at that thought, not sure I wanted to be social that often. Resisting because I wanted the freedom of knowing I could come and go in the yard in my space of solitude. I know that focusing on the not wanting, creates just that. In a space of allowing, I can trust that when he does show up, it will be a wonderful experience, not something I need to push against.

Embracing all, resisting none. I stopped at an art store for my son to use a gift card. He was only going to be 5 minutes. I decided it was not enough time to warrent figuring out how to put money in a machine that printed a little ticket to attach to your windshield. I went into the store and as we were standing at the check out counter, we saw a parking meter guy placing a ticket under my wiperblade. Argh! Embracing all….not quite! I felt anger flood through me, at myself and the silly system. Then tears as it seemed to represent all the rules and regulations that we have lived under for so long. I felt the weight and limitations of this 3D life and the tears were for all of us. Thank God freedom is at hand and our lives will flow with more openness and light. I was able to laugh after a bit and be grateful for the experience, perhaps it happened for me to express that anger thoroughly and then let it go, clearing that energy. I am moving into the space of seeing it all as a gift from my higher self. All orchestrated expressly for me, for my growth and evolution back into the love that I am. How wonderful it is!

Lying in front of the fire has been a source of such joy for me! I love an open fireplace as you hear all the pops and cracks.

It has been days since I wrote the above. The solar flares have been intense, pushing me into the ground it seems. All beautiful energy from our dear sun to support us to evolve. And tonight the moon has joined by shining her full face down at me. I have not been able to do much of anything, even writing was too far a reach. I made an appointment to get my hair cut but had to cancel it because I was not up for the energy in such a  place. My days are so free that to have a time to meet felt so out of place. I truly need to move as I feel to move. Today, that was not so much. I am allowing my body to lead. Two separate events that required a lot of driving came up of late and I pulled out of both.  Not easy to do as I do not want to disappoint friends when I had made a plan to travel to see them. My personality self had an agenda but my body is trumping all. My body simply said, “No, I am not moving. I am resting.”

Then this energy forecast for March came in my inbox and spoke directly to what I had experienced (I love when this happens!) http://leeharrisenergy.blogspot.com/ Here are the lines that struck me: “Hence one of the first big themes of March – Who comes first? You or those you are in relationship with and to? March will see you needing to ask yourself this question many times. Can you trust that what is right for you is also absolutely perfect for those around you?”

On my walk with my daughter, we felt we were in fairy land with all the sweet scents and blossoms.

Wow, that is a lot of trust! We are not programmed that way at all. I am learning it but it is not easy as it is a new way of being in relationship as Lee points out in his article. Yet if we are to evolve into being in our truth moment to moment, we must begin somewhere. Even if it means folks are disappointed in us or upset with us. The one that I can no longer afford to have upset, is me! I have to take care of my needs first and foremost if I am to be in my truth. So…..can I trust that is perfect for those around me? That is taking some practice as the old guilt comes in for disappointing another. Yet I am letting the part of me that feels guilt know that is old energy and we can move in a new way. I am trusting this new energy even when I see evidence that appears to contradict it. I can not know what is right for another, only what is right for me in the moment. The waves of fatigue hit without warning and my body seems to have no will to resist. I acknowledge this as progress as in the days of old, I would use my will to push through when my body was not willing. Now I give it what it needs when it needs it and the joy is there as we move together.

I am also feeling the freedom that is coming as we each act from our truth in each moment. Such freedom to not have to spend any time wondering if someone else is ok, if they are happy or not. To know that everyone is moving in their joy, to their own rhythm and that if they needed or wanted anything, they would seek it. No second guessing others’ motives or desires. To each be responsible for ourselves. Can you feel that wind of freedom? That is the energy of March coming in. I am so glad that we are moving this way as it will get easier as more get on board and we all begin to trust this. It has not been easy being on the forefront of moving in this way as it can bring energies of resistance.That has been a lesson as I can chose to go into my pain body about someone’s reaction to my actions or I can chose to remain neutral and trust while holding all of us in love.

My beautiful quilt from my dear soul sister. I love the heart in the center of it all!

Feeling such gratitude for a beautiful quilt made by a friend to wrap myself in. I have never received such a gift of so many hours of thought and work (no, she says it was play!) for me. I love the heart in the center of the house shape. I have found my home in my heart and I am immensely grateful. It is another freedom that I have found. I am grateful for the afternoon of my son napping under my quilt as the fire blazed. For the unexpected weekend alone with my daughter to play and connect again before she heads off for a year in New Zealand. We did not do much but laughed a great deal, took a walk from days of old, cooked and ate together. The simple things that make life sweet. That is what I am feeling as I flow with these wild energies of March…sweet. Life is getting sweeter as more of our true self is showing up to experience it. Loving that!

 

 

 

The Sweetness of Life

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branches plucked from a backyard tree, stuck in a glass jar, set on a checked table cloth, soft with the colors of spring......sweetness!

I am lost in wonder at how the days fly past and I have moved through so many landscapes. The past three days have seen me very close to the earth, literally, pulled there. Lying on her or the couch, or lounging on the front stoop where it is sheltered from the chilly breeze and warmed by the sun. No walks to speak of and the exercise routine that was happening, is not any longer. Though, yesterday my youngest son and I had many laughs watching each other take turns with a weighted hula hoop. Pretty funny! We both got the hang of it but had entirely different body motions to keep it from falling at our feet. Most laughing that I have done in awhile and it felt great! I prefered the swaying hip movement and he did the back and forth pump. Oh, how silly as we tried to keep it aloft when it began the descent down the legs!

Our physical symptoms are so diverse as we go through this ascension process, For me, great gulps of rest these days as well as great quantities of food to keep me warm. Pants are getting tight, I have put on weight which I am trusting is just what my body needs as it morphs into more and more light. I spend half the day drinking gallons of water and the other half peeing. Truly, it takes heaps of my day! Heavy vise grip on my head on and off for the past few days. Various ares of my body buzzing, aching, vibrating. All is well! When I feel my angels at work, I tell them to go at it. Get me ready for what is ahead. I feel tremendous gratitude that I have the freedom to rest when I need to. I know that I am doing exactly what I planned for myself. I have let go of judgment about how others seem to do so much as I lay here. This is my piece of the puzzle, this is my path and it takes all that I have to give each day, to be it.

A friend called today to say that her angels had responded to her request for an upgrade on her knee that had been troublesome for years. She asks daily to have her body prepared with ease and grace, as do I. Today she was walking in her garden, felt her knee give way, as if her leg had disappeared, when she saw three angelic beings whose gaze was focused on her knee. Instantly, she knew that her knee was being replaced. She thanked them and has felt a newness in the area just above and below her knee as she adjusts to this replacement. How magical is that?! Ask and you shall receive. If symptoms become too much for me, I ask my angels to ease off and they do. As I am right now in a space where I can simply be, I ask them to take full advantage and go for it! The more light I can comfortably hold in my body, the greater service I can offer my mother earth. I can anchor the incoming energies and allow them to move through her with ease. This helps her ascension process as she reciprocates in grounding me to aid me in mine. It is a beautiful system where as we help another, we are helped. As we feel joy, we open the earth for more joy. Magic, I tell you it is magic!

Purple cauliflower, how beautiful! I love eating all the colors!

The sweetness has been growing with my sons. We are creating a resonance, a frequency of such love, it is a tone almost. It feels peaceful, open, and so deeply heart connected. We share things we read and cry with the beauty of the expression of some aspect of life. We go to the farmer’s market and marvel at the colors and variety presented for us to chose from. We cook together and savor the tastes of fresh vegies and fruits. We each spend time alone and treasure the times we come together, lying on a blanket on the ground, feeling the peace of the other in the house somewhere, warm hugs and stillness.  I know that this is the energy of the new communities, the pods to come. I play with the air that tells me it is taking this frequency that we are sharing and it is spreading it out into the ethers. There it is being woven into a tapestry of the new life we are co-creating with our thoughts and feelings. Feeling the peace and bliss is so important! I cannot describe exactly what the new looks like but I am feeling the edges of it more each day. And the sweetness of it, takes my breath away! This is how we will live! The love we will feel for each other is a memory of home from deep in my soul. This is truth, there is only love!

A bench on my river walk where I can sit and watch the water flow past.

There is great change afoot. I see March as the month of magic. There will be announcements of arrests of folks who have been in control of this whole game here on earth. We have been enslaved on so many levels and the truth of the ways and means of it all, is coming to light. Know this to be the step towards our freedom. There will be more ufo sightings as our galactic brothers and sisters make themselves known to us. They are here to help us restore our planet. The inner earth beings, the Agarthans, more of our family, are ready to join us on the surface of our earth, once again. If this sounds like science fiction to you, be open to the wonder of it all! We have come from stars across the galaxy and many of us from other universes to be part of the ascension of the earth  to the fifth dimension, the Age of Aquarius, the Golden Age of Peace. It is such an honor to be here, to add our light to this mission. It is time to greet our relatives from our home planets, to hug our families and friends that we left so long ago to incarnate here on earth. What a celebration awaits us all!

We are in the midst of the evolution of our species. We are becoming new humans as we return to more of our galactic and angelic natures. Day by day, the memories are being restored as we begin to honor the light that we are. I see the softening of hearts, the yearning to let go and live in peace and harmony with nature and one another. The nature kingdom is helping all it can, loving to interact with us, to play in the fields of possibilities. No one knows what we will create, how it will look as we are all bringing our puzzle pieces to the table. I only feel the vibration of it and hear the tone……oh, the beauty!! Know how important you are, how unique and beautiful is the gift of you. Please love yourself, know that you are so deeply loved for choosing to be here and play your part. Open to the beauty that is all around you. Take deep drinks of nature in any way you can each day. Today I laid my sheets out on chairs to dry in the sun, no clothesline available. I love the thought of my daughter coming to stay in a day or two and feeling her delight as she heads to bed and slips into the smell of sun-kissed sheets. It was one of the little treats that I loved to gift my kids with. Soak it up; the smile returned by the person you pass on the street, the hug of a friend, the sharing on the phone with a dear heart, the bird singing outside the window, the hot water hitting your face in the shower, the water that is plentiful from the tap to quench thirst, the smell of spring rising from the earth. Gratitude and love fill my heart tonight.

Forgiveness of Self……

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the magolia tree that I chose and helped plant years ago at my former home, revisited this spring to witness its beauty.

I just posted a blog indicating that I deleted the one from the day before. I have reconsidered and instead have edited it and decided to post what remained. The reason is that it was a knee jerk reaction in the old way. I was punishing myself as my mind was saying, ” How can you write about love when you just found yourself judging another? That if I observed a flaw in myself, then I am flawed all the way through. Old energy of self punishment. I am a complex character, holding great light as well as darker aspects. All of me is desiring to be only love. I ask for this each day, to be a living chalice of lovelight to be used by the Creator for the good of all. That is my heart’s intent. And as my call is answered with more love flooding in, the tides must wash out what no longer resonates. For this, my heart rejoices  but my personality self felt shame. I am allowing that to wash away on the tide of love that has once again flooded my being tonight. This is progress, in the old days I would have been laid low for a week from this experience. Thank you Creator for these quicker, lighter energies that move us to our truth.

Yesterday felt like the first day of Spring here in Northern California. The sun was shining, the air felt fresh rather than chilly and the earth emitted that delicious smell that portends new growth. I laid my blanket on the ground and took a nap. It was still a bit damp and cold yet my body soaked it in like a sponge. I so needed that elemental connection with my mother. This magnolia tree that I chose and planted years ago at my former family home was a delight to visit it as it opened its blossoms to the sky. What a color! The blossoms like hearts of love opening just as hearts are opening all over the world. What a time we live in! To witness this love explosion happening on the planet is a gift from our Creator.

The new moon stirred up the energies and it felt a bit unsettling as they swirled about. My eldest son texted me that he felt so emotional, weepy as if all boundaries between him and others had disappeared. He could feel each one’s heart and it was almost painful. He is a druid of old, a nature being with a deep connection to the earth. The energies move through him on a level most of us have not felt. I honored him for his pure heart of love and suggested he change his plans of the day to match his vibration. He was headed into San Francisco but needed to lie under his favorite oak tree in a park and be still. He chose the latter and we all benefited from that choice. When we care for ourselves, we care for all. When we allow the peace to enter in, we are being peace for the earth. This is such a fundamental lesson that we are not taught. We are all wired differently, all connected to the earth, the oceans, the sky in different ways. We are learning to honor the ways of our bodies and spirits. We are leaving behind the idea of “normal” and embracing the uniqueness as well as the oneness of all. In the past, we have cast out the mystics, the dreamers, the wanderers, who do not fit in one of society’s pegs. In the present time they are often our homeless wandering the streets. Now we are opening the door to them. I feel such a tenderness for all beings, for each one’s special gift. My daily prayer is for each person to know their own beauty and to share it openly with the world. A friend sent a poem with a line that lingered: “How strange now that I am walking my path, others see me as wasting my life.” He had stepped off the wheel of the working day world, letting go the house, the marriage, the job to enter into the mystery that has called his name. He is writing beautiful poetry and feeling new connections within. This is the blossoming of the soul that is happening all over this planet at warp speed. The heart is emerging as the pathfinder and no longer believes the limitations set by the mind and conditioned by society.

The love that is emerging on the planet is so much larger than any idea we have held. Recently I noticed how we are moving from our minds to our hearts. The old way was to allow our minds to have full rein, to attempt to control situations and people.The mind is what keeps the story churning, believing it can “make sense” of a situation if it only “thinks” enough. This is the lie.(How many hours did I spend trying to figure things out over the years!!)  It is only by turning to the wisdom of the heart, that truth can be known. I understand only too well that place of being stuck in the monkey mind and how difficult it is to surrender and let the story go. I was living there for so long.

The more we grow on this path of love, the clearer it becomes that what appears as suffering, has a higher purpose for the soul. I trust that this is the path that the soul has chosen to awaken further to their own truth. Suffering is often a catalyst for awakening, certainly it has been in my life. I am so grateful for every moment that it took before I turned to my heart and saw truth. I used to beat myself up for how long it did take but  have discovered that it takes as long as it takes for us to awaken. I had to forgive myself for all the years that I suffered and know that was what it took for my soul. (if you read the post on humility you will see that here I thought I had forgiven myself but there was another layer yet to go, shadows can be tricky characters) All that I perceived as coming from the outside to harm me, was a reflection of my not valuing my own worth and giving away my own power. 377923_150023841763777_100002684869050_174562_322300789_n-300x191.jpg

This photo was posted on facebook and I so love it! I do not know the person who took it but acknowledge your great photo skills! It expresses the liquid lovelight that I bathe in each day. Can you feel it?

We are truly entering into the new earth. The changes are apparent in our hearts. This is how it happens, not through some big revolution, though there will be changes in the outer structures of society, but it comes by way of the heart. Each person, letting go, loosening their ideas of right and wrong, good and bad. Returning love for anger, softness where there is hardness, peace rather than judgment. The hearts speaking rather than the mind. We are witnessing an inner revolution in the space of each one’s heart. Tune in to yours today. Love it dearly for the dearness that you are and remember to “turn on your heartlight” so that others can see it shine!

 

Humility

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What a day of lessons for me. I have taken down my post from yesterday and ask for an open heart of any who read it before I deleted it. If you read it, you would have witnessed judgment loud and clear from me. My shadow came leaping out in my need to judge a friend who was going through a difficult time. I was so uncomfortable with what I perceived as her pain that I  judged her rather than allowing myself to be with her. I used her as my mirror, I was still holding judgment of myself for how long it took me to wake up. For how long I stayed in suffering mode at the end of my marriage and the time it took for me to recover myself. I violated her trust by writing a judgment of her on my blog. Big shadow stuff…..processing it, asking for forgiveness from her, forgiving myself.

I had no idea that was still there. I had to sit for a time to really process this and get some understanding of what this shadow aspect was about. Wow, powerful stuff. My it is hard to forgive ourselves and let it go. Here I am cruising along, feeling more love each day and then this. I know that as more love comes in, all that is not love must flow out. I have watched this happen to others, felt it for myself but this was somehow trickier for me to catch. Now here it is for me to learn from. Whew…..not fun but I am grateful for this. I do not have to attach to this but rather see it, feel it and let it go. I know the words and now have to breathe deep to live them.

Linda to self: “OK, dear little one who thought that you did it all wrong, come here. It is alright that you suffered as you did. It all helped you to come to this place of knowing your own heart light. To understand that you are love and lovable. You were courageous, you are dear. You gave love and did not know that you had to learn to love yourself first. You are learning that now. It is all ok. You are safe now and are in my heart of love. I love you.”

I feel such gratitude that this storm came, that it shook me so deeply and turned my heart upside down. I am asking to continue to be bathed in liquid lovelight and to let go of all that is not love in my heart. I am grateful to my dear friend’s heart, for forgiving me. I am grateful for the moment to moment opportunity to begin anew with God’s love. I am grateful for my I Am presence for speaking truth to my heart and showing me what this shadow asked of me. Love. All of us seek love. Every part of us seeks love, especially the parts we disown. I had hidden this part so well that I did not even know it was there until it was! I pray for all my shadows to come out of hiding and to enter into the light of my heart. I pray for this for me and for all of our hearts. I bow to the power of love.

Shadows Come Knocking

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These oak trees created a portal on the pathway, gracious branches touching the sky.

Love day came and went, bringing in all heart light and stirring up all the undercurrents of my life as well as many others. Shadows coming up to be loved and embraced. I spent the last couple of days witnessing shoulds and fears coming up in me. My new exercise routine took a dive, my energy shifted and my joy quotient plummeted. When I was in Maui, I went deep into the Mary Magdalene energies with my friend. We were immersed in them for days on end. I came away wanting to offer an initiation that Mary Magdalene spoke  of in Claire Heartsong’s book of the Magdalenes. It was called, “Opening Your Mouth” and she said that it was time for women to do just this. Time for the truth to be spoken. I was shown the women to invite to such an event as I flew back to California. That was about three weeks ago and so now it seems time to do this. My ego was going on about how if I am a way-shower, it was time to be showing something to the world. Yet my being is loving this time alone in my own space and not feeling sure that I want to use my energies in this way. I am not wanting to be with lots of folks, rather meeting folks one on one for a walk or talk.

The shoulds came out in force: “You should do this, what else are you doing?:” “It is way past time for you to be engaged with the world!” ” What is your purpose anyway?” On and on they went. I wrote up the flyer, began the list of names to email and kept hesitating on a date. I found myself waking up and beating myself up by saying, “OK, today you have to send out that email! You know how to run a workshop or an event. This is easy for you.” Another day would roll by and I would not have done it.  I had loads of ideas flow through yet something in me kept hesitating. I did not want to commit, never knowing how my energy will be on any given day though of late, I have had more energy. Surely, I could commit to a two or three hour event.

This morning I woke up with the weight of this event on my mind. I asked my Mother-Father God to hold me in love and show my the way through this. I was taken up through a Maxwell Parrish sky (you know all soft blues and pinks and fluffy clouds), and was bathed in lovelight. I saw myself become infilled with light, I came apart in a way as I saw all of my cells as separate units being filled with love. I was amazed! A love filling station! After a time I came back down and found myself in my bed once again. I laughed and said; “May I do that again?” It was such fun! Up I went and I was assured that I could return at any time to be filled with love in every cell of my body. Wow! I also knew that it mattered not what I did, it mattered what I was. If I was joy and love, that is my gift. My “job” is to emanate the love that I am. I am love so that is easy. Oh yeah, if it feels easy and good……it is!! My ego had gone back to the old I must struggle and force myself to do something. Those days are over. I follow my joy. I do what I am inspired to do and trust that is my work. It matters not if someone sees it or if I am “teaching” in the traditional manner. When I do something with joy, it reverberates throughout the  universe. Love is all there is!

This bud is from a bouquet of lilies that have been providing me with joy for over two weeks! This one is just about to burst into bloom, much like me.

So, the event will happen but when the timing is right. For now, I crave this space of silence and solitude. It is a short window in time and I want to suck all the juice that I can out of it. I will know when the time has come for the event as I will feel joy in the whole process rather than anxious and uncomfortable. Our emotions are our guides and truly if I stay in the joy zone, I am on track! I feel like this beautiful lily bud, you can see the soft beauty, the fragrance is a hint in the air and the opening is but a breath away. That is me at the moment. There is a deepening that has been happening and I am ready to burst forth with wonderment at who I am. I am shapeshifting, finding new aspects of myself that stand at the door of my heart, waiting to be invited in. These past couple of days, I have had a visit from the shadows, asking to come in to the warmth of my heartflame. Yes, anxious self, come in and sit down by the fire. Oh, you controller, you want entrance, come, there is a cup of tea waiting for you. And you, the one who calls herself, Too Much, come on in, you are welcome here. All the shadow selves coming to the heart flames of love. I celebrate each one of you for how well you did your jobs. You helped me to feel safe in the world. I am here now to let you know that you are safe and so very loved. All is well. We can move forward in joy!

My latest couple is feeling the joy! The Rumi qoute for this one is:

“They say there is a window from one heart to another. How can there be if no wall remains?”

I love seeing how the couple appear. They are like characters that come alive under my fingers with my paint, beads, and gold leaf. I have so much fun creating them. My beloveds…..for that is part of the delight awaiting us all as we reunite with our other half. We have done the inner uniting of masculine and feminine and there will follow the outer uniting with the other. Some are in this already. I know it to be beyond the romantic ideals that we have held as it is a uniting in service to the world. Our ideas of love are enlarging as so many new ways of experiencing love will be present. I am loving myself by creating these images. They are all me! I will be excited to meet the man who can match the love that flows from my heart! And of course, there is the match for each of us as we are one another, two halves of the whole. This I know as I now know that my cells love the love fuel most of all!

Happy Love Day

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Valentine’s Day……It is somewhat strange as we are in the  midst of changing our perceptions of love. We are expanding the parameters in a very good way. There still exists the aspect of outward signs of affection to “show” others that we are loved. The flowers delivered to offices so that co-workers will know that you are loved and just how much by the size of the bouquet that your lover sent. Doesn’t that seem so silly? Then on the flip side, the feelings of rejection felt by those without a special partner in their life. Oh, we humans, how our egos have kept us in a small place. How we have allowed ourselves to feel rejected and unloved.  Our hearts are made to express love, it is their function just as our physical hearts are made to pump our blood. To stop the flow of love, is unnatural and harmful. And our hearts do not love simply the partner in our lives which would translate to nowhere to express love if one is not in a romantic relationship. What a narrow confine we have alloted it. My heart loves, it loves my cup of warm coffee this morning, it loves this nosegay of flowers I made for myself yesterday from a bouquet, it loves this heart rock that made me smile as I discovered it on my walk. Ask your angels to be shown expressions of love in your day and see what shows up! It can be through people as well as things, all different relationships where we express love: our friends, our family, the mailman who is always so chipper, the turkeys strutting their stuff on my walk, the cashier who returns my eye contact and smiles, on and on. We are the ones who can let our heart light shine. We do not need any condition to do so, we let it shine upon whomever and whatever shows up in our life. Today is a reminder to do just that: Let your heart light shine!

Yesterday I had an interesting experience in my mediation as I was surprised again by my beloved showing up. He was waiting for me on a bench overlooking a vista. As we hugged and kissed, I found myself feeling, “Don’t leave me!” Before the feeling could translate into words, he was helping me to understand that energy of grasping or holding was the energy that would do the very thing that I was not wanting…..it would take it away. The new energies we are moving into with our mother earth are of appreciation and love in the moments for what shows up. He let me know to appreciate our time together as well as appreciating all the other moments in my day. One not more special than another as we move out of comparisons, out of duality. All simply is. And all is beautiful. We can put on the glasses of choice to achieve the landscape we desire. Today I am wearing my rose colored glasses, my favorite by far, and see the world as a place of love and joy. I am not waiting for someone to show up to demonstrate their love for me. I am taking my love out into the world, knowing that it will be reflected back. Also knowing that I am so loved by my Father/Mother God and all my angels and guides as well as my higher self, dear Sophia. And by me!! I am the greatest lover of me. I had heard that for so long but only now do I truly get it. It is the most freeing feeling as I do not need anyone to show me that I am lovable, I know that I am! I am so grateful for this knowing in my life. It has changed everything. Love you today, you are so beautiful!

A few years ago, on my 50th birthday, my three kids all painted me a picture. This is from my non-artistic (though of course, he is artistic, as we all are) son. He recently moved and unearthed it. I have it sitting on the kitchen counter where I can see it often and it makes me smile with the dearness of it. The mama turtle leading her little one from the known world of the ocean into the world of rock and sky and beyond. There are planets and stars up near the Milky Way. It is such a symbol of his dear heart and of our relationship. We came together to remind one another about our home in the stars. What a tender love this is!

I am expanding my view of love to take in so much more these days. I love the heater in this house that takes away the chill of the mornings and evenings. I love the undines ( the elemental water spirits) in the hot water of my morning shower who come to take from me all that can be released this day, I love the violet flame that burns through all the non-love that surfaces in any form, I love my art supplies that give me such joy, I love my car that carries me so safely from here to there. Everything is vibration and is wanting recognition and love. So yes, I talk out loud to everything around me which some may find strange but it feels natural to me as everything is talking to me in some way. I am ready to hone these skills of communication and more clearly hear what each thing has to say.

A friend related a beautiful story of love to me. She saw her mother for a goodbye meal before leaving to return to her home thousands of miles away. Their relationship had been difficult as her mother had been critical and harsh all of her life which was doubly painful as her sister had been shown a loving face. The dinner was a dreaded duty call and the last effort my friend desired to give on her part as she knew it was time to let go. She had stepped out of the pattern in the past few months, no longer rising to the bait of the old energy and setting boundaries as she allowed her visits to dwindle.  An amazing thing happened. Her mother gave my friend her treasure box. In the past, these boxes consisted of broken bits and pieces of junk. But this time, it was all of her treasures. Her dad’s dog tags, her mom’s wedding ring, cameos that had been displayed as family treasures, a string of pearls. Her mom told her that she knew that she would keep them safe. It was the big “I love you” that my friend had waited for all her life. It was grace. I believe that my friend created this opening for grace by refusing to participate in the old story any longer. She allowed her mom to feel her shift and in that, allowed her mom the opportunity to shift also. We can’t be attached as to whether or not the other will shift, we can only walk our truth as we see it.

In walking her path of truth, my friend opened the door for grace to enter in. Grace on the part of her mom who it seems sensed that her time on this earth may be coming to a close and desired to let her daughter know that she was valued and loved. She was not able to say it in words but said I love you with this gift of her treasures. Grace on the part of my friend who gave her mom one last dinner, out of the desire to show up with her open loving heart, once again. This was the coming full circle, the coil of pain being unwound, the resolution to a lifetime of suffering. My friend is now free to rewrite her history. She can look at that treasure box and say, “My mom loves me. My mother loved me. I was loved.” What a blessing! Both women freed to move on in peace. This is what is worth celebrating!! These are the true moments of achievement, when we have mastered our hearts. When love has broken through years of density to shine forth once again in its truth.

Rewrite your history today, see all through the lens of love. Know that where another could not show their love, it is due to them not receiving the love and support that they needed at some stage of their life. We can love it all, we are the creators! By loving all that has made us who we are, we free ourselves. That was our intent all along when we planned this sojourn and chose the players in our play. As we free ourselves into love’s embrace, we free our world. Time to go out into this day and let my heart light shine!!! I love you!

 

 

 

Surrender and Flow

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We were upon this old buck before we knew it on a walk. He was so still and his gaze was steady. He had seen many seasons and knew it all.

Graying muzzle, head held high despite the weight of his rack of antlers…..I felt that he knew the mystery and was content to be a part of it all. The oneness, it is my theme song these past few days. Feeling a part of everything. I could feel his years, feel his wisdom, feel the heaviness of the body that was once limber and agile. He knew that moving slowly was his domain for now, He did not rail against it but rather, accepted it with grace. I read something that said that all that is required for our ascension is surrender and flow.

I can feel the truth of that. Moment by moment there are things to surrender, to let go as we trust in the stream of life to carry us forward. We are wired for evolution, we cannot get it wrong. Our DNA takes us there whether we are conscious of it or not. Trusting myself is the biggest thing for me of late. There is no rule book though you can find many on store shelves or online. Many folks will offer guidance as to the way yet I have to wade through and find my own path, the way that brings me joy.

I have created opportunities lately for me to state my truth clearly. I love how creative my higher self is in bringing to me exactly what I need! A friend is making plans for a future date and wanted me to join her for part of them. I could see that it would be fun to be together again, that I could make things easier for her to get about. I had spent time with her and she had driven me about. There is a desire to reciprocate. You know the old adding sheet, she did that for me, I need to do this for her. Old energy for me. Life is not a score card, I want to be more authentic in my interactions.  I want to trust that the universe

I am the clouds, the sky, the water and the rocks. What beauty surrounds me!

brings situations to experience with one another and that I may receive here and give over there. It is much less of a linear movement than we have been taught. Trust that the balance is there that allows us all to be the givers and the receivers. I could also feel a constraint in my belly from locking into someone else’s agenda when I do not know what will be my highest truth or path at that time. I have broken commitments and disappointed friends when I found that I was guided in a different direction. All part of the learning for this duty woman in unwinding that coil of super responsibility as well as being seen in a certain way. The wisest thing to do, is to say, “I do not know at this time.” That said, she pressed me for a commitment. I love how we agree to help one another by being the vehicle for our lessons. Ah…..yes, how we want to please others! Yet this is where pleasing ourselves first and foremost comes in. I know that to be true to my path, I have to be open to where my spirit leads me. If I had received a strong Yes about April planning, I would have committed but there was no clarity. I try to remember that if it is not an resounding yes, then it is a no. Even though my mind wants to play in the field of maybe, or possibly when living by the above frees up a lot of energy! (Note to self: remember this dear one!) The more I honor my own path, the more clear guidance I receive.

At this moment, I have committed to be in this place until the end of March. It surprised me when I wrote  the check that I wrote it for two months. (I am committing for two months??) Yet I got a clear signal to do so. I now know why as it feels freeing to me to have that expanse of time stretching ahead without wondering where I will be and figuring out all the details of living. It has freed up energy that I can use in new ways. Instead of traveling in the outer, I am free to take more inner journeys. I am also in a place where I lived a large chunk of my past and it is uncoiling much of that for me. I am learning that I can be joyful anywhere, the location is not the determiner, rather it is the inner landscape that holds the decision as to how I view my life. And at present, I am being guided to stay in the present and allow it to unfold with no boundaries on the end of it.

Red tulips for my valentine, my love.....that would be me!

I am surprised and delighted to feel energy coming back that I have not felt in ages. I have exercised for the past four days! My body is soft as other than occasional walking, I have felt no desire to move in any specific way, though for most of my adult life, I had been a regular exerciser.  My body seemed to need to be flabby  for the changes that it has undergone as well as needing lots of rest. Yet, now it is thriving on movement. I am having fun trying out different exercise videos and using some old ones. I went to the farmer’s market today with a friend and delighted in all the bright vegies for my body and all the flowers for my soul. I had not taken my camera so you are missing the picture of these bright red tulips in a metal pail. So much more appealing than the ubiquitous white  plastic buckets. They also look lovely in this glass vase I found in the cupboard when I got home.

Here it is in progress

Energy and materials at hand for art to emerge also! Here is my work of the past couple of days. It is a small (4×7 inch) canvas which I bought for making art while traveling. I love working with the beads even though threading the needles and adding each tiny bead takes time, I find it very meditative. I love making big art, using big brushes and my whole arm sweeping in the motion yet I also love the tiny, delicate art making. I know that one day I will have a large studio with huge canvases that I can use housepainting size brushes on. Till then, I have my small canvases and beads.  I love adding words and gold leaf to my images. And yes, the beloveds are still in my heart and continue to be a compelling motif. This one called for a Rumi quote, how can you not love Rumi? Here is what it says:

All done and it fills me with joy! The Chinese character at the bottom stands for passion. Making this allowed passion to flow.

“Your love lifts my soul from the body to the sky.

And you lift me up out of the two worlds.

I want your sun to reach my raindrops,

So your heat can raise my soul upward like a cloud.”

Time for bed and I go to sleep with another Rumi quote:

“Close the language door and open the love window.”