Category Archives: Uncategorized

Contentment

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This jade bush outside the front door is covered in beautiful pink blossoms that the bees love. Today a butterfly wanted some of the sweet nectar.

Days of quiet joy. Tonight I am thrilled that it is a burn day here in Sacramento, you are allowed to have a fire. Logs softly falling in the grate, embers glowing, me knitting on the couch, lovely music in the background. Sigh…..I feel as contented as a cat. I made a casserole of vegies; beets, sweet potatoes, white potatotoes, brussel sprouts and asparagus. Olive oil, salt and pepper and into the oven and out came a delicious dinner. Body is content with its cup of tea and cookie now and I feel such peace.

Something that I read today has been in my thoughts. I can’t find the source right now but it was about how our judgments “pin” others to a spot in their journey when they may be trying to move from that spot. That really spoke to me and I could see how I had done this with others and how I wanted everyone to experience the freedom to be who they are in the moment. To not be limited by who I judge them to be. Certainly, I do not like others to limit who I am in this moment! Continuing lessons on detached observation rather than judgment. Not easy! I have to be vigilant with my mind as judgments spring up like weeds. As soon as I become more conscious of this in my life, the more it seems to appear but I know that it is in catching the judgments in the moment, that my victory lies. I am telling myself, “You are loved, dear Linda. You are love, you do not have to judge this.” I see that anything that arises in me that is not love, is an opportunity for me to practice self love. As all that arises is either fear or love so if it is not love, then I need to tend to whatever part of me is feeling fear on some level. I can soothe myself like a fussy child, “You are loved sweet Linda, you are love.” Sigh….

A friend and I were doing our "owning my power" stances on our walk yesterday.

The other idea that came through today was from a book I read years ago but just rediscovered in a box. It is called, Dance of the Jaguar by Terry Andrews. It is a quick and fun work of fiction about a middle aged woman rediscovering her power after a lifetime of giving it away to her deceased husband and her family. One statement about our power struck me: “If you are not using it, someone else is.” Wow. I know the truth of that.  I want to use my own power. She talks about when we give up our power to others (allowing others to make decisions for us, accepting our beliefs unchallenged to see if they still fit us) we compensate by feeling a need to control others. This resonated from my marriage days when I gave up so much of my power and yes, I definitely felt the need to control others. I wanted the kids to do what I wanted them to do. I wanted life to conform to my vision. I did not accept what was, so much energy wasted on trying to change the life that I was in! It took me falling apart to discover that I could only change me. There is no fufillment in controlling others. First of all, it does not work! You cannot make anyone but yourself behave in a different way. Continuing to try to change others or situations is a losing battle. We have the power to create the life that we desire. We are the creators of our lives by our thoughts and feelings. What we focus on, we create. I am loving how this new earth energy is streaming in. We are creating in the ethers, as it were. Our daydreams and visualizations are forming the new before our eyes.

This pretty pink primrose popped up from the duff of the garden bed. Its seed must have lain dormant all winter and now it is blossoming in all its glory!

In my meditation today, I was lying in my garden, admiring the beauty and fragrance of the flowers. I was so surprised to find myself lying in my beloved’s arms. He laughed at my surprise and told me to lie back down and savor all the beauty that I had created. I did with delight. After a time, we got up and began to walk into a wood that was near. It was a woods like I grew up with back East, beautiful decidious trees with sunlight streaming in. We followed a path until we came upon an enticing spot where there was a batch of sun. We lay down and took in the beauty of the branches and sky. We lay there in such peace and I watched as we dissolved into the duff of the forest floor. I had experienced this once before in a cranial sacral healing but not with another. It was fascinating to feel. Rich humus, perfect for growing anything. I watched as our spirits emerged from this humus…..we were particles of shimmering light. It was fascinatingly fun as we could merge and blend and flow with one another with ease. It was so cool!

We walked to a footbridge over a clear, running stream. As we looked at the dancing sparkles of sunlight on the water, we became one with them. We were dancing on the water! We could merge at will with anything, the water, the forest floor, the flowers in the garden, the trees…..everything. There were no edges, no distinctions. All flowed as one life.  It was truly an amazing experience! So freeing and fluid.

Sunset reflected on the water from yesterday's walk.

I felt only joy when I came out of this experience, knowing that I am creating all this on some dimension that I will be able to tap into when the timing is right. I felt no yearning for it to be here, rather glad in my heart for having been there for a time. Here, there, it is difficult to make sense of what is real. The feelings of joy were real and that is what I hold to. Moment by moment to be in joy, in my imagination or in this dense reality……it matters not. The feeling of joy is what matters. To experience it fully and let it go. So that I am free to experience the cashier at the grocery store, the sunset streaming across the sky tonight, the dying coals in the fireplace. LIfe is becoming more magical to me, day by day…..moment by moment.

 

 

Dreamy, Sleepy Space

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The river and sky, melting into one today on my walk.

I walked and yawned my way besides the river today. I have been in a dreamy, very sleepy space for the past couple of days. As if I am viewing life from underwater, moving in that slow way also. I had intense dreams of water, riding waves, crashing and tumbled about, some exhilarating, some a bit terrifying yet finding in the moments that I knew it would all be ok, All is well has been a big theme in my dreams. I seem so far removed from this life, venturing out as friends call to pick me up for an event but not moving under my own steam into the world. I am happy to be in the stillness of my own being and this house I am in. Realized that my time here is fleeting and I want to truly savor my solitude. I need to be conscious of this as I know that I am being gifted with this time with myself to move through the threshold that I have felt I am standing before. It is happening in increments as all ideas of who I am are loosened and shook free.

Krishna playing his flute among the grasses.

Yesterday, a friend mentioned a garden that I should check out. I did not think much of it but today with another friend, we drove right by the place. We decided to stop and enjoy its shrines and trees. I laughed at how quick a turn around that was from idea to manifestation. I am taking note of these things as they happen as by paying attention, we create more of these synchronistic events in our lives. I get a kick out of them. It is the magic beginning to show up!

The shrines had sayings from the various masters posted next to them. There was a lovely mix of Eastern and Western saints and sages. This one resonated as I do know of lifetimes spent singing the praises of God. Tonight as I look out at the full moon attempting to break through the cloud cover, I feel the presence of God. Nature is such a direct route to His/Her heart. As enduring as a tree…..I think that we are all pretty remarkable in this regard. We have come to bring this planet back to the embrace of our Father and in doing so, have played in this dense reality that took all of our endurance capabilities. We are so strong as we root into the earth and gaze heavenward with our hearts. I listened to a practice tonight to help our bodies during these intense solar flares. They are so beautiful as our sun is helping to awaken us with its enlightened energy but our bodies are having some issues adapting to the increased light that we are asked to hold. Judi Satori (website: sound of light. This is taken from the February full moon recording) suggests standing barefoot on the earth and saying: “With the power of God that I AM, I ask the great earth mother to pull all discordant energy from my physical body and energy fields and transmute it all into love.”  (you can state anything that you wish to let go of) then….. Then she went to a tree and hugged the tree and asked for its grounded energy to flow into her being. The words and ritual do not matter as much as your intention. When we set our intention to connect with the earth, we do. We can ask her and the trees and plants and water to help us feel their flow and stability. I have my favorite redwood tree that I camped by once that I call to most days as well as a big rock (Shiprock) out in the 4 corners area of the country that helps me keep my balance.

 

First blooms of the quince that I have seen

Flowers are my dearest companions on this earth walk. This coral quince was just beginning to break out of its buds. I feel in sync with it, feeling the pressure releasing as the casing begins to fall and the color begins to show itself in the unfurling petals. I do not know what kind of flower that I am in the process of becoming but I do know that I will have a fragrance that is sweet. We are all budding, opening our petals to the light of this unity consciousness that is streaming in. The love is so sweet and your colors so brilliant. I love you all so.

The Bliss of Being with Myself

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Blue blue sky and tree magic added to the joy of today

I awoke this morning pondering if I wanted to join a friend for a women’s group about self-love. One part of me insisted that I “should” go (should being the trigger word that alerted me to look carefully) as I feel guided to offer a women workshop or two while I am here. Perhaps I would learn something useful, so says my mind. My body weighed in with its knowingness by feeling nauseous. OK! Definitely does not want to go anywhere. I played on both sides of this field as the time ticked away. Finally I texted my friend that I was passing on the invite. Freedom instantly felt!

My body loved moving slowly, savoring the day’s approach. I moved downstairs to the kitchen to see what might settle my stomach. Tea and toast seemed to be the ticket. The sun was shining in the front windows and the couch offered the optimum view. I was drawn to the vase of lilies that I had set in the middle of the table. Their fragrance wafted over me in a delightful way. I marveled at their beauty, the tiny dots of

deep pink on the petals, the furry bits on the inner part of the petal, standing up to the light, the way the pistil stood so bold and upright surrounded by stamens dancing in attendance. Must be fun to have all that male energy about just waiting for its chance to brush up against that stately pistil! The flower seemed alive with sexual energy! I felt enlivened by it, felt that I was drinking in its beauty, drifting on the air currents of sweet scent, dancing around that proud pistil! Wow, all this with the sun shining so brightly through the window, stroking me with its golden touch of light. Had I ever seen a lily before??? It felt like a new experience, one which I gave over every sense to. De-light-filled moments. I took up my pen and paper and did a sketch that made my heart sing. I had watched my son do one the day before with his left hand (he being right handed) as he broke a wrist bone and so is wearing a cast to his elbow. For an artist, a big handicap. Yet he made a beautiful drawing that is my present computer screen saver: http://gaberobertsart.com/2012/02/february-2012-desktop-wallpaper/

I lay back down after drawing, soaking in my sunbath and toning all kinds of new sounds.

I loved how the sun backlit the petals, making everything glow with pink light!

I had a blast with myself. So this is why I had no need to venture out for more learning. All was right here, everything that I needed was being gifted to me as I allowed myself to interact with the energies that presented themselves to me. Everything is energy that wants to be admired, appreciated, spoken to with loving words. All kinds of ideas for creative handiwork danced through my mind. I went and retrieved my sewing machine from years past, and planned how to set up a work space to create in. Oh, what fun! I want to weave and sew ribbons and fabrics into something beautiful. Tapestries have been a theme that has been haunting me for a time as I see ribbons from my heart, weaving, weaving across the planes. I see the glorious tapestries that our hearts are creating with one another and the Creator. I want to let my fingers out-picture some of that delight. It does not matter what I end up with, only the doing of it interests me.

I was struck on my walk by the dark humus that had fallen from the space hollowed out behind the bark on this tree. Mushrooms had been growing inside and were now decomposing at its base. Just beyond is the verdant green grass, so alive in the sunlight. It felt like me, having recently passed through an inner dark, moist journey into my fears, leaving me decomposed on the floor. Truly, I felt hollowed out, alive yet deep in the earth of my own being. Today, I am like the verdant grass, gleaming in my vibrancy and joy! You can dance through me! A friend called to tell me that I had been doing just that, dancing all around her with her acting as the maypole to my flower decked flying hair and form. She said I was laughing and smiling with abandon! What an affirmation for how my energy was moving through the day! I love this universe. I love the dark days, the light days and all the days in between. I am giving up putting a label on it and relaxing into the beingness of life itself. 

I am so grateful that I allowed the day to carry me where it willed. As well for the privilege of having a life where that is the open possibility for me each day. I welcomed in more of me today and found her to be such a nourishing addition to my many aspects. What I feared has been disarmed and I look forward to all the aspects of myself returning. For there are more of us waking up every day and we are able to accept the gift of one another’s light as it matches our own. We are finding our heart connections and feeling the relief and joy they bring. Everything blessed me today as I blessed every thing.

Emptied Out

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The past few days I have been walking a rocky path to my inner landscape. This was reflected in my path to the river today.

A day of tears. I feel hollowed out, empty. I awoke to tears and pain surfacing in a way that felt overwhelming. I had an interaction with someone by phone that left me feeling weak. Intense waves of not being good enough, of being the outsider, of not being worthy of love. As if all the particles of fear in me (all that is not love is fear in some form) coalesced into a huge wave that crashed on my head and took me down to the depths. There I stayed, drowning in my own emotions.

The sun was shining so bright, beaconing me outdoors. I drove to the park and walked by the river. I listened to the ducks communing with one another, watched the geese performing their morning abulations. Saw their community and felt my singularity.

The ducks seemed to reflect the community that I seek.

The past few days have been intensely emotional, my beingness getting an overhaul. What came up strongly this morning was the sense of not being seen, not being accepted for the love that I am. Waves of grief crashed on the shores of my heart. Observing myself in it, knowing it is all me, not really to do with anyone or thing outside of myself. Breathing, watching how it moved in me. Mind judging, this is not pleasant….witnessing. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. Only here now with this ache. Sensing the beauty offered by nature but not really able to feel it with all of me. Grateful for it but not extracting the joy that often flows so unbidden when I am with her. My feet carried me over my mother yet I was not connecting.

All busy cleaning themselves for the day ahead, made me smile.

Stopped for a short visit with my sons, brought flowers, my language of love. I could feel their colors and beauty and offered them as words as I looked at my sons brightness yet felt distant from their lives. Came back to this space, so precious to have the alone time. Sleep took me on a journey so deep. I did not really want to come back as it was so nourishing, asking nothing of me except surrender.

I awoke like a baby, wanting my mommy to take charge of what was next. No mommy, only me. I sat and felt the nausea that has been present the past couple of days. What food would calm it? What nourishment was I seeking? A bath, that sounded lovely. I put on some music that fed my soul as I lay in the warmth. Tears came again, a storm of grief. I saw that my feeling of not being accepted or loved in the allness that I am was false. I saw doors being closed to me as others said, too much, too bright. I felt every particle of that pain. But then I saw that it was I who was closing the door to the love offered by my own I AM presence. I was saying, “No, you are too much, too bright to be here.” What will happen if I allow more of my own light in? Who would be able to accept the allness of me? Fears of being even more of an outsider, a person with no place to land that felt welcoming. LIfetimes of persecution were being released from my cellular memories as I cried out to my own light, my own love, my own divinity. I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you. I love you. I love you.

The outer world has been reflecting my own non acceptance to me so that I could awaken to the truth. Oh, huge sighs after the storm of tears cleared. No one can fully see me until I fully see and accept and love my own divinity. I have to offer myself a place of safety and rest. I am called to fully accept the gift of love I am being offered by me to me.  I spoke with a friend last night who thanked me for accepting the gift of her. It was a profound moment as I realized that in accepting and seeing the allness of her, her beautiful immense heart of love, I was given the opportunity to accept the magnitude of my own heart, just as she did.

I am left knowing nothing, I am emptied of all ideas of who I am. I let go all striving,

I see the sun's beauty reflected on the water, doing their dance together. Nature again teaching me that I can see my beauty reflected in another, as we gift each other with sparkles of light.

searching, yearning. I am here. I understand the Buddha touching the earth, claiming his selfhood. In the emptiness, I am found. I offer the chalice of my being, an empty cup to be used for highest good of all. There is nothing else. Shall I be filled? Will grace come again? I care not. I lay in this emptiness as a babe. No one told me that this birthing was so like birthing my children, fluids flowing, every fiber of my being engaged to the max, groans and deep sounds releasing.

I find that a bowl of applesauce settles my tummy and my little baby self is pleased. I am honoring the newborn that I am. I am cradling her in warm pjs and blankets. I know not who or what I am. I am here, hollowed out. Yet as I type this a feeling of peace floats in, almost imperceptible.  What a wonder! How gentle the feeling is, come to wrap me in her arms. I am able to feel the gratitude once again. I am going to tuck myself in and allow the dreams to come.

 

 

 

 

Attuning to Nature’s Rhythm

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Last night, sleep eluded me for a time as my mind wound down from the energies of the day. I began to think of the rhythm of nature and how she is always teaching me through her example how to be in life. It is winter here in Northern California. I am following that energy by drawing more inward, craving fires and warm food. My inner earth dweller wants root vegies baked in the oven, warm cookies and hot drinks. No wonder I felt out of synch in Hawaii! My body knew it was to be wintertime, though it was an inward journey that I took there with my friend. I did not do the vacation activities associated with the islands.

It amazes me how we can live with nature all around yet not see the clues she leaves for us, until suddenly we do! While in Hawaii, camping on the shore, we moved our tent after the first night, seeking to be as close to the cliff edge as we could. We had laughed as we picked up our tent, carrying it in its open state, to the next site. “We are moving to our new home!” It was so easy and fun. I have been thinking how nature is always in the process of change. Whereas we have forgotten what that means. We find a home and settle in. We begin to accumulate things, beliefs, relationships and find ourselves locked in density. We are no longer free to move like the wind or shed our skin like the snake as we have become hardened in place with our jobs, our roles, our beliefs. We join a religious organization and stay locked into those beliefs, We stay in family dynamics long after we have outgrown them. After all, our family of origin is often the training wheels that we arranged for until we could navigate on our own, At such time, we are to drop them and ride free but for the most part, we do not. We hold to everything with almost a religious fervor rather than taking our cue from nature and allowing ourselves the freedom to flow. We stay stuck in traditions that we have outgrown, think of how the holidays are weighted with expectations of how we are to act rather than allowing who we now are, to set the desired scene.

We can allow the waters of life to rush past us, bending and shaping us into new forms.

It is our nature to flow and evolve. Mankind has become stuck in this density, believing it to be solid and real. We can allow people to flow in and out of our lives without attachment. Some relationships are meant to be short, some are long term. All are there for our growth. One is not better than another, they simply are. We do not have to stay because society tells us that you must love your mother when your mother is no longer someone with whom you resonate. There does not have to be judgment or blame, she is wrong, I am right. There is only the resonance of energies, does this fit who I am today? We are asked to honor ourselves by aligning with what fits in the moment. The butterfly does not seek to return to the cocoon, it knows that its path lays in flying free in the air, not lying entombed in the confines of the cocoon. Yet that is what we are programmed to do, stay in the confines so that we do not  fly free and discover our own beauty and power. 

We can allow possessions to change hands. What I need as a single woman is very different from what was needed as a mother and wife. Yet how many of us, let go of all that clutter and stuff and lighten our households, or change our residence to a smaller one. We can give ourselves the freedom to feel what is right for us in this moment of time. Perhaps the house that grew children remains the perfect place for grandchildren or a place to invite others in to live as I am witnessing happening. New configurations being formed from economic necessity.As a society, things are breaking down to help us evolve.  All this is movement, is allowing change and growth though it may manifest as suffering in the old model. Again, it is perspective. Many are having to reinvent themselves and find a freedom in letting go of jobs that no longer fit, even if the letting go is scary and not consciously chosen. Often, we create change in our lives,  that from our conscious smaller self, we would not have chosen. I played victim to circumstances in my life that I now view as life saving rather than life ending. How grateful I am to now be a conscious co-creator of my reality with my higher self. I trust always that she is showing me the shortcut home, whether my rational mind can understand it or not.

As we allow possessions to flow in and out, we discover that there is so much stuff in the world! I have begun noticing how things show up when I express a need or desire. As my son returned my car keys to me, a couple fell off the flimsy keyring. I thought, I need to look for a sturdy one so that I do not lose a key. Later that day, one that had been mine years ago showed up and it suited me perfectly! Small thing but the more I acknowledge and appreciate how the universe is caring for me, the more caring I receive!

Beliefs are another area that we get caught in. We were trained to see the world as black and white, shades of gray were not available. We can allow ourselves to contradict ourselves, try on new ideas, drop beliefs that no longer fit. Others may try to put you back in the former belief box as your changing can feel threatening to their way of seeing the world. There is a sense that the black and white box is a place of safety. Yet in truth, it is a form of enslavement as we allow ourselves to be manipulated by the powers that were. (Yes, were, as the old order is crashing down.)

A friend wrote the following to me and it spoke so deeply to my heart. She is an artist and I think a poet as well. She has given me permission to share this: 

sometimes i am overwhelmed with my good fortune – to be alive, to be able to think and act and make choices, to see the sky brighten as dawn arrives,  to love the earth, pachamama, to know she is perfection and i am a part of her.  i am so blessed to have had this wisdom come to me.  and when my dying time comes, i know I will know how to do this – even with the fear.
But it really is time for me to bring my energies inward, to have at least some years before my next great passing to study nurture and love, recognize, appreciate and enjoy all my uniquenesses – and then to release this too – i am not done with myself yet – i want to know so much more about how i am and how i work and to sit in the dappling sun, to watch another season pass over the gardens, feel the winds lifting away the debris of my carcass, to watch those coils from and to mother loosen and fall flaccid to the ground.  ahhhhh – yes i am still breathing!

With that, I leave you and enter this misty morning.

Watching from an Expanded View

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As I flew across the sea, I felt the energies of many meeting me. I felt some draw back in apprehension that I was to come again. I saw clearly how I challenge folks to be in their truth as I stand more firmly in mine. I felt the invitation from others and indeed had received a note asking me to come anchor my light in the area. I was surprised to see someone very dear to recoil from my energy and then saw the why of it. His partner has been running an unconscious energy that has been using his light. He has been stuck, not able to move forward,  disempowered. This pattern is familiar to me as I played out this giving away of my power for years with my former husband. And even more recently, a quick tour of it once again during those few days in Kauai that I wrote of as a final unwinding of that coil for me.

It is through the heart that loves so deeply that the hook gets set. The souls who show up to play this role for us do so out of their love, as it is not an easy role.   First order of business was to meet with this person and others close to him to bring the pattern to conscious awareness. We had all been feeling it for some time but now it felt time to speak to what we saw taking place on an energetic level. I found myself getting emotional and knew I had to have no attachment as to the outcome. The message was given by all and received in grace. The person left to find his way through it.

Next day, I spent supporting and participating in a women’s healing group. It was powerful as we practiced consciously pulling our own energy back to ourselves and clearing our fields before and after each session.  As we used sound healing and sacred geometry to facilitate our session, it felt like a play date. We had crystals, drums, rattles, decks of cards as well as crystal and Tibetan bowls to play with. I had asked to be in a triangle formation

These pictures are reminding me to take the expanded view on life!

as had another. She lay on the massage table and I elected to lay under it on the floor. I found myself in a sarcophagus going through an initiation of death and resurrection. I knew that death was an illusion and found that I could lie there in peace. Interesting. I had been reading about this initiation that Jesus and his community of Essences underwent as part of their Egyptian training.

Sunday I drove 3 hours each way to attend an opera performance in which my niece was starring. It was the first time that I saw her perform professionally and wanted to support her. I knew it meant contact with those who rejected me after the divorce. Truly I have released most biological relations except those with my children, so this was not a situation where there was a deep bond of understanding. I realize that most of them do not know what to make of me. Yet my higher self guided me to show up and so I did. It was delightful to see my niece give her gift to the world. What great joy it is to be doing what you love and sharing it! I also had the unexpected delight of seeing my nephews with their fiances and seeing the twining of their hearts’ love. The new babies are excited at these unions that they can come in through. It was also interesting to see folks’ energy in a way I have never seen before. I can read the energy and see how the outer behavior differs or aligns. Interesting.

The time in my car is always good for me for meditation. As I was driving, I felt a shudder of grief move through me. It was followed by a wave of loneliness. I breathed and traced it to its source. I felt that the person that I have spoken of above, had decided to leave the earth plane. Grief like a laser through me. It shook me to my core. I asked for more

all perspective as to which view we see

information, could not touch his energy field. I saw that the loneliness was the sense that I would be left to carry out our part of the plan for the new earth, on my own. I sensed that I was to be at peace with this and feel it all from that place of neutrality. We have been taught that death is the end rather than another doorway taken. We view it as bad when it is something that is part of the cycle of this life. I am feeling more and more the truth of neutrality as what appears wonderful can be devastating and what appears to have been the darkest experience, often turns out to be the greatest blessing. So, I felt the lesson of the sarcophagus with me as I reached for peace and calm. Later, I did speak with this dear heart by phone and so had a physical reassurance that he was ok but knew that I was being given a lesson. In the oneness, we are all connected. It does not start and stop, it is always there. It prompted me to do a round of releasing of all ties and cording from my space. To claim my sovereignty and pull back any ties that I had in others’ fields. I saw the image of me floating on a cloud and I was reaching out to detach all these fish hooks tied to lines that were connected to folks on the earth as well as old belief systems. I heard that it is time, time to let go and surrender all. We are walking into  a new landscape and truly we can take nothing and carry no one. What we can do is shine our light, to be a beacon and guide for others. It is time to let those seeking,  come to us. We must ask in this world of freewill for it to be given.

A bittersweet time as my deepest connections are falling away as I journey to the connection with my I AM Presence. It is the cycle of nature for us to outgrow our skins, to hatch from the cocoon. We travel together for a time until some inner prompting carries us to a new landscape. I can no longer be the anchor for others in the same way. My cheerleading, pushing, pulling, prodding days are over. The days of being the “wall” that others throw their issues at, knowing that the love is there, are finished. The wall is crumbling down and with it, I let go of the fatigue of all those years of not being seen for the love that I AM, by others as well as myself.  I am called inward to the solitude as are so many lightworkers at this time. We are facing our fears, strengthening our resolve and settling into the peace that will be needed in the times ahead. Every cell affirms that I have the training for this time and I am ready. I know that as I release those dearest to me,that they have the training and mastery to walk their paths also. Truly there is rejoicing in that knowing!

Winging My Way Back to the Mainland

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On a plane, flying away from the Hawaiian islands. It all feels surreal to me. I drop into my heart and feel the codes from ancient Lemuria that I have picked up as well as the beauty of the garden of eden that we are returning to. I am so grateful to be a vehicle for these codes, a seed carrier. I see how I am asked to anchor them in to the mainland at the West Coast. I have a knowing of this and feel the spiral as I play my part. All of this is outside the rational mind, it takes place on the screen of my heart that has come alive in newness. I feel the cast of characters, the change of scene that is happening at the moment as my body flies from one backdrop to another.

Sacramento, a place where I experienced some of my darkest days. Yet, I come again. I had just received a request from an old friend to come and anchor light in this area. Ha, here I come. I see that we visit and revisit places, situations, and emotions in our lives until we have fully unwound the coil. We may think with our minds, that we are done with something but our hearts have the final say. We have to come to peace, come to a place of neutrality, a place where there remain no triggers in our relationships. We know when we have reached this, as the coil gently lets go its last wind, and slips into the mist, freed from the torque that held it in place, Each unwinding gifts us with a new found freedom. As I let go of more and more of these coils that I have kept in place with my emotions, I feel as though I am flying, The freedom is so intoxicating!

The choice is there in every moment to surrender to the reality of love that is present in every, yes, every situation. Close your eyes and drop into your heart. I have created a beautiful heart space, you can decorate yours to your heart’s content! I go and join my mighty I AM presence, beautiful Sophia, there. She is always so happy to see me and we feel such joy to be together.

I sit on my golden cushion, which is illuminated by a sunbeam so bright, and smiling, let

I feel that I have come full circle in many ways, coming to completion with cycles of my life, free to step off into the new!

myself go. I can ask to be the eagle and see a situation from a higher perspective. All the hard edges disappear and a softness surrounds whatever is my issue. I see that I have a choice to let go…..so much takes care of itself when we withdraw our anxious energy from it and bathe it in the flame of love. We can bathe our whole being in this flame and feel the truth of knowing that we are loved beyond measure.

I feel great peace as I take this next step. Excited at the opening of a space to be and sit in my own juices for a time. Allowing the ripening to take place. I feel creativity flowing in my palms as my hands vision handiwork that delights. I am called to co-create this new earth through my visioning, focusing much of my attention on sending our my ribbons of liquid lovelight and seeing the new relationships, economies. communities, and cities of light, coming into being.  Seeing all my brothers and sisters free, free to live as they chose, free from the survival activities and moving into their joy. Seeing the hearts opening all across the earth as the bubbles of love descend from the cosmos and arise from our Mother. The tears flow freely as my heart is asked to expand once again. I am called to hold the immaculate concept for this beauty and know that I am well trained. We are masters who have been in training for eons. I see us shedding our invisibility cloaks and shining our true essence of love out into the world. Our light will attract others who vibrate as we do. We are finding our family, one by one. Together, arm in arm, we are walking towards our new home. All can enter in, you do not have to wait for  an invitation. All of the kingdoms are awaiting our arrival. We simply have to make the choice to step into the new, to let go of our old ways of doing and embrace the beauty and love that we are. My gratitude knows no end!

 

Flames of Love in the Sky

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Tonight was my last night on the island. Tomorrow I head back to California carrying my Lemurian codes and the Mary energies. The sunset at the beach blessed us with flames of pink light filling the sky. I have never experienced the love that the sun was emitting tonight. It went through me like a shudder as my heart expanded wider and the tears came. We had had a challenging afternoon with more being uncovered in our beings of times of being silenced, censored, quieted, as well as the usual torture, burning at the stake and myriad methods used to silence the divine feminine voice. The Marys are asking for the gag to be taken off and for we women to open our mouths and speak our truth. After we were able to remain present as various emotions surfaced to be loved, we decided to go to the beach to swim and cleanse ourselves in the beautiful mother ocean. The waves were strong and it took some effort to get out past their breaking fury. Once beyond, I could lay on my back and float with my ankles crossed, looking at the horizon as I bobbed along. Ahhhhh….exactly what my body needed. Coming back to my towel, I was delighted to find that a sunset wedding was being prepared for. It was such fun to watch as I LOVE

weddings. I get so giddy and feel like the little girl who owned a bride doll that was my pride and joy. At five years of age, I spent a night in the hospital getting my tonsils out (terrifying experience) and somehow my bride doll, with her little pearl earrings and white dress, was lost never to be seen again. I grieved for that doll! So, I was in heaven watching this couple exchange their vows. The Hawaiian minister blew a few deep blasts on his conch shell and the ceremony began. Love was filling the beach and my heart expanded into it. A musician played his ukulele as the couple repeated their vows of love. What a bold step marriage is. I am curious to see how we engage in our partnering in the new earth. Somehow I believe it will be more fluid, as we are with another as long as it brings joy and continued growth to both parties. Separating will be more fluid as we will acknowledge the love and know when it is time to move on. I know that there will be more love in all ways with everyone and everything.

The sky went from this golden yellow to the softest of pinks. I felt the color of love flow through me. It was an essence, so strong and pure. This is the liquid lovelight I see in my dreams. Golden raindrops of love raining down upon the earth. We are being saturated with love particles. I am truly in awe of what is happening! I have waited so long for this day and here we are!

My friend and I found ourselves laughing as I commented that the groom looked old, about 60 or so. Wait a minute….we are fast approaching that age and we are not old! We laughed at how we still use numbers and have a conception of what an age looks like but surely do not feel that applies to ourselves! After all, we are getting younger. I truly believe that this is happening. If you want to do a great meditation for infusing your cells with the

remembrance of immortality and health, check out the Children of the Sun’s latest transmission for Monday’s new moon. I could hardly move afterward as it takes you to such a deep place. A friend of mine began this service and she does mighty work through the site. They do a transmission every new and full moon to energize and infuse the planetary crystalline grid. It is a wonderful way to participate in a group meditation with thousands (she has something like 40,000 folks on board!) What an opportunity to send peace and love around the earth!! Here is the link:  https://www.childrenofthesun.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=448%3Agrid-transmissions-january-9&catid=39&Itemid=169

We finished our evening at a pizza place and I was amazed at the way I felt. I felt so much love and tenderness for everyone there! The older couples with their Hawaiian shirts and khaki shorts, the children with their energy and joy, the waitresses with their patience and kindness. I complimented the girl taking the order on her calm and warm manner with the line stretching far behind us. She responded that it was easy as the customers were all so nice. This is what it will be like all the time! We will be living in the lovelight and everything will radiate and receive love. Oh, I am so grateful to be here, to be feeling all of this. My friend and I talked for hours over our pizza reviewing the dark energies that we have experienced trying to put out the divine feminine light. We gave thanks for it all, all that has brought us to this present moment. Gratitude flowed for all those who loved us enough to hold that harsher energy. We made our way home, lit our sage bundle and saged one another to lift the memories and allow the smoke and violet flame to return them all back to the love. I love sage, what a gift from our Mother Earth. I love the smell and I could feel the power of the release as she helped us to let go by clearing our auras and spirits. We are so blessed! Sage, sun emitting love rays, kind waitresses, pink clouds……Love is in the air……de dah da de dah……remember that song? I am singing it tonight. Sweet dreams.

 


Coils Unwinding and Grace Appearing

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The green of this grass, the blue of the water, the steepness of the cliffs, the wind that was blowing.....all conspired to allow my soul to take flight

I have been feeling and observing the deep uncoiling of old patterns and beliefs from within my body and my psyche. We are being gently moved into the new land of unity consciousness. I am seeing that we cannot carry any of the old with us. All must go. All must be given away, let go of. When we depart in death, we know that we can take nothing with us. All the material accumulations of a lifetime, the recognitions or honors earned, the stories told and lived, all must be given into the flame of the Creator’s heart. There it undergoes the alchemical process of turning the dross into gold. We are ascending in our bodies, we are truly dying to the old and birthing the new. We do not have to die in the old way to return to the Godhead to renew our knowing of who we are. We can experience the death and rebirth here and now, in this physical plane.

So let the coils of “who do you think you are!” and “you are not good enough” and “others have it together and you are a mess”, depart once and for all. See them for the illusion that they are. These voices become more pronounced as we get closer to the threshold of our own Christhood. The pitch becomes feverish as we stand poised at the door, wondering what are our gifts? What can we bring to the table? What do we have to offer? All is smoke and mirrors to keep us from taking that one step that transports us into our new life.

 

 

 

portals and thresholds have been part of my journey these past couple of years, serving as reminders that the time was approaching for me to move through to the other side.

 

 

I have asked for ease and grace and direction now that I have felt aninternal switch being flipped, letting me know that my work here on Maui is done. I observed the anxiety arise, now what? Now where? I felt its unease deeply, you have no home, no work, no purpose. I breathed and came back to the love in my heart, asking God to show me the next step. I was called deeper into my heart to find the answers. And grace entered in and took my hand. A friend called and suddenly said, “I know somewhere you might stay as my friend is going overseas for two months.” This friend knew that I did not feel comfortable in the energies in Sacramento and did not stay long yet she felt guided to mention this possibility to me. I listened but rejected it as I was thinking coastline. A day or two later I awoke with the knowing that I was to call this woman and consider the possibility. As we connected, it became clear that this was the way of ease and grace opening to me. I would not have to search for a place nor deal with leases and rental agreements….all things that feel too foreign for this space that I am in. The surroundings would be familiar so getting food, walking along the river in the park lands, would all be known. No extra energy required to figure out. I had been shown that what I have woven here with a friend is to now be woven with my youngest son and he is living in the area at present. All is set up for me! Grace and yet my mind might have sabotaged me from stepping into it. Oh, we are such dear funny creatures, asking for grace and support and then thinking we know best the hows and whens and whos of it arriving! I accepted the gift with an open heart and feel such deep peace. My desire is to be in my own space (something that I have not had except the nights in my tent alone) and drop deeply into the stillness of my own heart. I have seen that is the service that I am to do at this time. For in the dropping in and with my presence with myself, I can birth my Christhood.We are truly at the threshold and each of us who steps across, sends waves throughout the planet that enliven and quicken other hearts to join ours in reclaiming our mastery and walking the planet as the masters that we are. As Jesus foretold, “All that I do, you shall do also and even greater than this.” I feel the truth of this in my cells.

 

A German man staying here at the house, gave me this bit of palm tree for my birthday.

What no one ever told me, was that stepping into our light and power and mastery would take everything we have. We have endured so many trials and tribulations and now we are asked to accept beauty and grace and light. As the light enters in, the fears fly up and we wonder if we dare to claim this light. Can I truly be this magnificence? Our beings quake at what is offered, at the immensity of the light that we are being asked to hold. At times, I can only lie and tremble as the waves move through me and I gasp at what is being shown.

I was so touched by this gift from a man staying here at my friend’s place through Air B&B. What a wonderful service, where you rent out your extra room to travelers. It is an example of the win-win industries and exchanges that are springing up all over as we remember our oneness. I love this new earth! So my bit of palm frond with his drawing and beautiful quote. Truly my heart has grown wings( I have certainly watered them well with my tears) and I am ready to soar!

Only a heart with wings can fly!

Floating in the Mary Energies

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This mural was in a bathroom in a local restaurant. So colorful and bright, I wanted to float with all the sea creatures.

Days fly by and I miss my writing. This is one of those immersion times where I am so “in” the journey that I barely crawl into bed (skipped brushing my teeth, that tired) and have no capacity to reflect on my life. It takes all of me to live it. Today is the first new moon of 2012 and sees us entering Aquarius. Freedom! My sign as yesterday was my 56th birthday and for this Aquarian gal, I am finally at home on this beautiful earth. The energies of freedom are anchoring in more fully which allows me deeper breaths. Ahhhh…..

Where to begin telling you about the past few days? My friend and I knew that we were to take a journey together and that it had to do with the Mary energies. She carries the Mary Magdalene energies of the sexual priestess, and I carry more of the Mother Mary energies of the nurturing mother. A side note: Mary Magdalene was not a whore as the patriarchal fathers wanted us to believe. She did train in the temples of Isis to learn the art of sacred sexuality which she used to help Jesus fufill his mission. Sacred sexuality is a gift from the Creator that can be used consciously to aid in attaining enlightenment. (read Tom Kenyon’s The Magdelene Manuscript). She attained Christ hood with Jesus as they were twin flames working together for mankind. Back to my story….together, the Marys have asked my friend and I to weave a tapestry. (I am so ready to get cloth and threads and create some of what I have been experiencing in a physical way). We decided to go to

 

 

the view a few feet in front of our tent

a national park to camp for a few days. We packed our book that we felt directed to read, Anna Grandmother of Jesus by Claire Heartsong as well as some fruits and vegies. There was no running water which thins out the crowd and we elected to camp further from the parking lot camping area to have more privacy and more nature. I loved the way it was set up. There were these beautiful trees set in a mowed area of grass with a picnic table at hand. You followed the mowed pathways through the grasses from tree to tree and chose your spot. We spent one night totally sheltered under the canopy of a huge tree. The tree was so loving, embracing us in its shade. We could hear the crashing waves

 

 

Our tent set up under the beautiful tree with the mowed grass and picnic table.

on rocks below as we watched the stars come to life out our front door. The next night we moved our tent to a new site, shown here where we were further out on the point. We could take a few steps and watch the waves crashing below and lie naked for a morning sunbath in the dewy grass. Bliss! I watched the sunrise each morning and we watched whales come up to greet us as we sang and drummed for them. I am so thankful to them for all the record keeping that they have done forever to assist us to this point in time where we can once again anchor the energies of unity consciousness on the planet for ourselves.

our welcome sunrise!

We truly communed with the elements as on our last night the rain and wind storm flattened the tent almost on top of us! It was a wild night as we sat up, trying to hold the tent sides in place as the rain found its way inside. Wet and wild and pretty sleepless. We were glad to see the stars begin to finally reappear as the rain ceased and the wind spent its fury. Dawn was a welcome sight! Our days were spent swimming in the sacred pools that spill down with the waterfalls to the ocean below. It felt otherworldly as we swam under the spray and floated in the lovely rock lined pools. We took turns reading aloud to one another as we journeyed deep into the Mary stories. Anna, who was the mother of both Mother Mary and Joseph of Arimathea

The bridge over the first pool and the waterfalls leading down to the pools and ocean below.

(who fathered Mary Magdalene) was the narrator of the tale. I had not heard her story before and found it fascinating. It has been an incredible time for us as we drifted between dimensions. We were being activated as we read, deep cellular memories were triggered and we felt many of the scenes in our bodies. It has been surreal, looking out at the ocean, dropping into the scene in the Essene communities, feeling their initiations, coming up to breathe and eat an avocado, feeling overcome with waves of sleep as we traveled on the inner planes. I have been overcome with emotion, tears quietly running down my cheeks as we journeyed with the players who came with Jesus to assist him in his mission. We were assisted by the elements of nature, allowing us to simply be held in her arms as we could feel that the time is at hand where we are being called to birth the Christ within our hearts. We were players in that time 2000

The view from the top of the bridge, looking down on the pools.

years ago and we have returned to play the scene in a new way. Jesus and his companions anchored the Christ light in the earth and the crystalline grid that surrounds the planet. It was done for this time, when the earth’s energies were light enough to begin her ascension process as well as our own. We are ascending back to the Creator as our Father/Mother God wants us home.

I am feeling so blessed tonight as I know that I am being guided to the awakening of the Christ flame in my heart. I feel so at one with the beauty of mother nature as she shows me oneness as flocks of brilliant white birds fly by in their seamless formations. They do their dance of changing leaders, each one knowing how to align in fluid beauty, like bright ribbons across the sky. I want to see all people on this planet free, free to know their own beauty, free to move in harmony with their fellows, free to dance with the wind and sky.

I leave you with this graffiti message I found in the cement block bathroom at the park. I thought that it was beautiful! If you desire to birth the Christ flame in your heart, loving yourself is key. All that you have been taught about being harsh with yourself in any way, any shame or blame or judgement, can melt in the flame of your own loving heart. Bring in the wood and fan those flames high, toss in all the words that play the old critical tapes in your head that you inherited from family, society, and culture. Love and honor your own beauty and the Christ light will blaze its love for all to see. I so love you!