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Holding the Vision

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So much energy has been moving through me the last couple of days.
Last night, I was waiting for my kids to return from dinner before unfolding my futon in the living room. All of a sudden, I could wait no longer as I had to get in bed immediately. I was shivering with an internal cold and it felt like a sudden onset illness, fluids streaming as my head felt so much pressure. Ah, the relief of being in bed. As I pulled the covers around me and asked for my Beloved to come and lie with me, I had the most amazing sensation. He was there and I felt the pressure of a hand pressing the blanket to my cheek, then my shoulders and back. I looked up from under the covers, almost expecting to see someone there. Tears ran in gratitude for the expression of love when I was so in need of that touch.

Tonight I feel that I need a hot bath but am too tired to make it happen. I am flat out on the
couch again after an afternoon spent outside. I have to rouse myself for trips to the kitchen to refill my water glass and trips to the bathroom to release all that water! My world becomes rather small yet I am traveling. Spoke with my friend, Eagle earlier. He and his crew have left California and are traveling back to the tribal lands in South Dakota. They are stopping for the night in Colorado with friends to do a sweat lodge to welcome in this new year of the Mayan calendar. I told him that I wanted to join him as I felt such a need for a sweat. He said, “Ok, I will see you there.” So, as I type, I am sitting in lodge, enjoying the heat and the blackness of being in the womb of our mother. It is nourishing me. Can’t make it to the bathtub but can make it to the sweat lodge! Interesting times we are in.

Yesterday was a doorway, the 3-11-11. I wanted to honor it as well as hold the vibration of peace and love for Japan and all areas of the planet that are experiencing turmoil. I took a walk up the trail above the Golden Gate Bridge. You walk under the bridge, hearing the cars thundering above you, into a quieter space of ocean below and grasses and trees around you. It is spectacular and a place that I love to visit. I asked to be guided to a spot to do ceremony
where I would not be conspicuous. I moved off the main trail onto a smaller dirt path leading closer to one of the cliffs. I found a spot that felt right, sat and laid out my crystals in a small medicine wheel formation, calling in the four directions to aid me. I added a crystal in the center, sprinkled tobacco around the circle as an offering and tried to light some sage but the wind on the cliff was not having any of that. Instead I broke off part of the sage bundle to add to the circle. I stated my intentions to be a vessel for the Divine, to allow any energies to be processed and released through my body that could be of assistance to our mother. I called in the whales and dolphins and the elements of the waters to be with me. I allowed the sounds to come through me that wanted to be released. I opened my heart to the reality of love that is everywhere and expanded it as I was able. I visualized myself holding hands with all of you, my brothers and sisters of light. Japan was in the center as our focus and we all became the love that we are. We allowed that love to move through us and to flow where it was most needed for the highest good of all. My heart burned. I then said some decrees that I love, some violet flame for transmuting all that needed to change back into light. My favorite, so simple:

I AM a being of violet fire
I AM the purity God desires.

I then lay down and laughed at myself, acting like a shaman who knew what she was doing! I do not, I am truly making this up as I go. I am allowing whatever flows to move me. I have given up worrying about whether I know the words to say or how to do anything or being concerned that I am alone. It is all as it is right now and I am only to allow it. I know that there will be a time when I am living in a community of light and will be with others for ceremony. But today there was me and the connection with my community was energetic. It is all ok. I looked around at all the flowers surrounding my spot. Within my arm’s reach there were purple irises, orange California poppies, bright
waxy buttercups, blue ceanothus, and pink filaree. (I just looked the name of the pink one up as I did not recognize it.) A rainbow of beauty waiting for me to acknowledge and appreciate them. which I did gladly! They do not need me to know their names, indeed much of that seems to have fallen away for me, as it is the essence that is important.

After feeling windblown and complete, I returned to the area down below. I went into the warming hut cafe to get something warm to eat and drink. There were news folks, filming the waves under the bridge. Every 18 minutes, the waters were cresting in large waves. Some intrepid surfers were out there riding them amongst the rocks. The news folks said that the waves were a part of the tsunami hitting our shores. The park rangers were there, erecting barricades to the piers. I walked along further, taking off my shoes to feel the sand of the beach area and ground myself. I tossed the crystal that had held the West direction into the ocean to connect with Japan. It is the one that asked to be given. I then took a nap on the beach, it felt so good to connect my body to the earth. First on the grasses of the cliff and then down here on the ocean’s edge. I felt so blessed.

This is a picture that I took from the cliff. It is a line that was moving across the water as far out into the ocean as I could see. It caught my eye.

It is a new time, we have to deal differently with our emotions and with news of happenings in our world. Instead of the “oh, no!” reactions, the drama, grief, and fear, we are called to neutrality. See it without the need to judge it as good or bad, black or white. It is a deeply ingrained pattern that we are being asked to let go of. We do not often know the bigger picture, we do not really need to. My mind used to demand to know, and keep up its yammering at me. Now I direct it to quiet down, I allow myself to be with what is there. I trust that all is well. There is a plan, a sense of order to this universe of ours. I trust that force as I am trusting myself to be guided in my life. It amazes me how it all works. I find myself in awe of the complexity that can unfold with such grace.

You may wonder about my heart, saying all is well when people are suffering and disasters are happening. I am not negating these things. I am opening my heart and being all the love that I am in response. We each have our tasks. Some are the action folks, on the front lines, helping at the scene to provide aid and relief. Some gather funds and supplies and get them to the places that are in need. I used to feel guilty for not being more action oriented. I would look at others doing so much good and wonder at myself for not feeling called to the same actions. I see clearly how we each have our part to play. I am so grateful for the rescue workers and for the roles that each one does, especially the ones that I know that I could not do. I am grateful to know more of my own role and to be free to act upon it.

I realized recently that I am a vision keeper. A friend and I were talking about going to a play. I said that I might not be able to see it if it was graphic in a gory way. She said, “It is only a play, actors on a stage.” I thought about that and came to a knowing that my vision has to be protected. Images affect me deeply and it takes a long time for me to clear them. That is why I see few movies, especially in the theatre as the volume and the huge screen are sensory overloads for me. I had a flash that because of my vision keeping role, I am to hold to beauty and light. Yes, rose colored glasses in some ways but let’s face it, I am a rose woman and I love the color!

What is interesting to me, is the feeling of wellness that I feel surrounding the planet. It is streaming in and it is quietly and gently making its presence known. I am drinking it in in long deep droughts. It is fueling my peace centering abilities. There may be more turmoil in our world which is an outer call to heal our own inner turmoils. I loved a message that I saw circulated on facebook or some page on the day of the tsunami and earthquake. It asked us to help our mother by releasing every grudge, every judgment, every worry from our minds and hearts. To clear our inner world to allow the love to fill us up. Is my inner world one of peace and calm? Or am I stirred up about this or that situation? Am I worried or fearful? What kind of world do I want to live in? I chose peace, harmony, abundance for all. I chose to live in a world where everyone knows how beautiful they are and delights in that beauty! That means that I have to know this about myself and delight in it. Today I can say that I do and I am! I may move in and out of this knowing, but it is growing stronger and clearer. How grateful I am for this! It is the deepest desire of my heart as I can “see” the radiance of each one shining in their beautiful light and feel the joy that we will share. I am ready for this world.

I apologize for the strange formatting of this post. Anyone know why it can look fine but jump all out of order when you add an image or simply finish typing?? It is what it is for tonight, have gone back a number of times yet it remains a bit scrabbled. Off to bed. clocks spring forward? Spring is almost here.





Do You Feel the Love?

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The 9th wave has hit and the love is streaming in. What a day of delight! I spent the day with a dear friend who I had not seen in over a year. We had such a day of drinking in one another’s spirits. While Maxie, my car was repaired, we went to the art museum and the cafe, talked and talked. I gained clarity and greater information about some of the happenings in my life last fall. I like how Spirit will provide that information as we talk or write. Suddenly an insight will be present that was previously hidden. I am so grateful when this happens and for the friends who do this for me by activating something in me by their energies.


I decided to return to San Francisco rather than spend the night. I felt the tug back rather than a tug to journey further. I came home to an apartment full of warmth as my family members were feeling the love and gratitude big time. Today when I spoke of our apartment of little light, my friend said that I was wrong. She could see it and said it looks like a cathedral with light streaming in from on High. I can attest that it feels so light inside despite the lack of natural light coming in. I received emails and phone calls tonight expressing the feelings of love exploding. Truly this wave feels so real to so many! I am feeling such peace and lightness of being. Oh, it is hard to believe that we are finally here! It has been such a long push.

We will live in the Golden Age of Peace. The Age of Aquarius is truly here. It may not look it from the news but if we check in with our hearts, it can surely be felt sweeping the planet. We hold to the feeling and radiate it out to the world. Our hearts are huge beacons of light that can create this New Earth with ease. Here it comes!

This picture is taken near Mount Shasta. It was a new bridge that folks were proud of and told us to go and see. It is painted a lovely light blue that stands out against all the surrounding green. It is a lovely visual that helps me to anchor in the knowledge of the bridge that we have created together from this old 3D earth to the New Earth. It is securely in place. I, too, am proud of our bridge. I am proud of all of us for holding to our light through the times of darkness. I am full of gratitude for all the hearts that gave so much to be a part of this bridge construction. I am so thankful that it exists! Now for the skipping across…anyone want to hold hands as we go?

Feeling the 9th Wave

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Today began slowly, coming out of very vivid dream time that seemed to take place deep underground. It was so difficult to surface! Both my daughter and son experienced the same, vivid, strange dreams. I felt fuzzy, not able to gainmuch clarity. Did I have the energy to take a trip? Yesterday I had a surge of energy, took a long walk, bought some art supplies to do some more of my mini canvas paintings of twin flames. I arranged the car repair with my mechanic up in Sacramento (a 2 hour trip) as well as a play date with a friend that I have not seen in ages. There is a friend’s play to attend in the evening. All sounds good yet today I went to a sound/breath class at the local yoga studio and came home and napped for a good two hours. The class was basically a lead in to the nap as after a bit of breath work, we laid down, covered with a blanket on our mats and some dear person came around and put an eye pillow over my eyes to complete the relaxation. It was a lovely class, felt the vibrations of the crystal bowls and enjoyed the toning as a group. My anxiety arises at the thought of having a whole day or series of days ahead without a place to rest in the middle of it/them. My energies are not stable enough for me to count on. My daughter counseled me, as she reminded me that I counsel her, to stay in the moment and know that I can change my plans at any time. Good advice!


My desire to move and connect is awakening. I signed up to attend an early morning, Wake up the Spiritual Warrior Within, sound/movement class. Something about it drew me so I am trusting that. The studio is right around the corner yet I have only been one other time than today. My daughter dear pointed out that was new, my participating in a group event and to recognize that it took some energy for me to do. Ha! I once was a person who attended things without a thought, as I am a social creature. Now…I really have to feel some strong urge to move myself outward.

I packed tonight for a few days. I will head to Sacramento in the morning and see how it goes. I may spend a night or not, and may or may not head up to Portland from there. I would love to see a friend and have some play time. I had planned this journey a couple of weeks back but then the solar flares stopped me in my tracks. I had thought to continue onward to British Columbia to make some art with a friend but tonight that seems too much, too big an undertaking. I am so grateful for my facebook, email and phone friends. They have helped me get through this winter of inward time. Now the energy of spring is bringing the desire for physical connection, wanting to have others to play with. I turned on my beacon yesterday, asking my angels and guides to connect me to others who are of a like vibration.

I did find some connections through the internet. It is interesting to me how I will seemingly stumble across something that catches my interest. Today I came across a new site that spoke of the sisterhood of the rose.http://sisterhoodoftherose.homestead.com/index.html As I read the pages, tears streamed down my face. Amazing how things can touch me so deeply. I know that I am connected to Mother Mary and had some information about the rose line and Mary Magdalene but had never read this information. It spoke right to my heart about the divine feminine and the gifts of the rose. I am a long time rose lover and carry a pink rose of protection in my heart that was gifted from the Creator. It happened last summer at Mount Shasta when I was with two friends who are adepts at channeling star beings. They received white lions and Mother Sekmet for protectors and I received a pink rose. Perfect for me! Roses resonate so I sent out email enquiries to a couple of the women listed, one being from the Bay area. We shall see what develops.

I had asked that my creativity continue to grow. I was pleased to spend some time

braiding

hemp cord to make necklaces for my sons, daughter and myself with a quartz crystal attached. Little Grandmother, Keisha Crowder, had sent an request from Mother Earth for us to bless a crystal with our hearts and to wear them close to our hearts on a string of natural material. This is to bring us in resonance with Gaia’s heart. My son put his on tonight and liked it. It does feel good to be wearing a piece of her. I have begun to return my other crystals back to her by placing them in streams and rivers that I visit. I sent a couple into the stream in the redwoods the other day. I had heard a message that it was the time to return our crystals to our mother once again with our love. Many folks have been putting them in the waterways to bless the water on the planet and return it to wholeness. That resonated with me and it felt good to release them for that work.


Tonight I joined a meditation and activation with Celia Finn from South Africa to bring in the 9th Wave of the Galactic Underworld. Doesn’t that sound interesting? The Galactic underworld! Woohoo! Instead of the old 360 days to a cycle, we are entering into a cycle of 18 days. We know that time is speeding up but wow! This is the year that I have been waiting for! Celia points out that as our time speeds up, it also slows down. That we have the sense in this new dimension, that there is all the time in the world. We can flow easily without stress. I love this! I also like the check in, that if I am feeling pushed or pressed for time, I have actually stepped out of the new and back into the old 3D time frame. When I am in the new world, I am flowing with ease.

Celia and her co-host (interesting to me that there is much more co-hosting, masculine and feminine both being present, a time of balance) did a beautiful meditation connecting all of us (there were folks from all around the world on the webinar) with the bushmen of South Africa as well as the indigenous peoples from every continent. I felt my heart expanding in my chest and such deep emotions arising of peace and oneness. It was so beautiful. During the question and answer portion of the webinar, I asked Celia if she thought that it was time for the communities of light to begin forming. She said that the new communities will be so fluid and free that it will encompass many different types. She mentioned her facebook community and our internet communities as examples of how we are connecting in new ways. It is true, we can come together and do these global meditations that have such an impact on our world. We can join with our brothers and sisters from every nation, and feel one another’s presence. It is awe inspiring!

The recording is up on facebook already if you would like to listen to it.

www.mediafire.com

‎2011-03-10 08.02 Free Webinar with Celia Fenn and Sean Alan Caulfield.wmv

I am grateful for this 9th wave, for the peace and expansion. For discovering the rose line teachings that give me more clues to my beingness. For the newly sprouting desire to reconnect to people and places. For the spring sunshine, still cool yet with pockets of warmth. For the air that carries a hint of

the earth and its nourishment. It makes me want a bit of land to dig my fingers into. I am grateful for the crystal around my neck, for my daughter’s wisdom and support, for the laughter shared with my son tonight as we watched the movie, Love Actually. The Brits know how to do humor. A tender, funny and dear movie, where you laugh and cry. My favorite kind! I am grateful for the red tulips that grace our kitchen table, a mysterious offering at our doorstep this morning. My daughter and I noticed them when we went out this morning, still there when we came back. No note, simply wrapped in a white paper. After a time, we brought them in as they were wilting without any water. A gift, unexpected. I believe that is the time that we are now entering. Magic and miracles, the unexpected delights that will grace our lives. Yes, I know you have heard this from me before

( I was sure that it was to happen last year and the year before) but now it truly does seem to be here. Hallelujah!





Same clothes, new day

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Some movement today! I cleaned the apartment which felt good. I made fish tacos, baked cookies and arranged flowers. I love the flower arranging, it is my reward for cleaning. I like filling small vases in each room. It makes me feel rich when I have flowers in every room. Coral colored camellias and bright pink carnations are this week’s flowers. Carnations have never been my favorite but truly they are quite amazing. They stay perky for so long and I like the gray green stems against the pink. They are such a simple, cheerful flower.




I am still wearing the clothes that I put on yesterday morning
when my son and I went out to get a latte. We were just dashing out in the rain, so I threw on my comfy bamboo dress and tights. Stayed inside all day, and felt cold at bedtime so did not want to take off this warm dress. It has an attached hood, (reminds me of my monk lives) and is reversible so double layered and thick. I wore it to bed with its matching comfy tights. Truly this is a first for me, too tired to put on pjs and as I lay here on my futon to type this, guess what I am wearing…..still! Yes, never showered or changed, thought it would happen after cleaning but the day came and went. So here it is bedtime and my warm dress is still on me. Two days and two nights.

I looked in the mirror at one point today and caught a wild woods woman looking back at me. She laughed at me being inside all day again when she and I both knew, I am a woman of the woods. My body has been comfy inside but my spirit is ready to move and be in the woods. A friend just sent me an email to say that she sent me a heart message today when she walked in the woods. I believe that my woods woman heard it! This body needed integration and warmth today (it was very windy and cold today) but I can feel the spring sap running in my veins. I am ready for the moist earth to envelop me. I am ready to sing with her heart and dig in her soil. I am ready for rebirth.

I love the synchronicities of life. After talking about the tribal ways yesterday, I read an article by Celia Finn from South Africa that spoke about how we cannot just imitate the Native American ways but truly have to discover new ways to connect to our mother’s heart. http://www.starchildglobal.com/newearthmarch2011.html#nine That resonated with me, as it is not in looking backwards that we are going to bring in this New Earth. It is with new ways of being and doing that are in harmony with this new place we are creating.

Then read a friend’s blog post that inspired me about moving and releasing possessions. I thought that I was unattached but she demonstrated another level to move to. http://pristine-lens.blogspot.com/2011_03_01_archive.html
I have a book of short essays by Mark Nepo, from a friend. What did I turn to but a page titled, The Gift of Shedding. It states: “From the beginning, the key to renewal has been the casting off of old skin.” Mark speaks of how the ancients believed that immortality was achieved through shedding. Death would be the result if we did not shed our skins. For us this is amplified..as we are learning to shed our stuff, our emotions, our thoughts. We have been programmed into accumulation in our society. We have whole industries around keeping stuff, stores full of bins and boxes to organize our stuff, scrapbooks for saving photos, huge closets and garages to store more stuff. We have become a society of horders. Stuff is heavy, it is a weight that we carry. I remember the feeling 20 months ago when I left my apartment to begin my travels in my car. I felt so free just like the feeling when you leave on a trip with only a suitcase or bag in hand. This is it, simple.

I think that the message of release is so powerful. As we let go of the old, we allow new energy to flow in. We think that we need the things for the memories, for the connection to folks who are gone or those still present in our lives. Yet, there is a different way emerging. We are moving into the present moment. We are losing the past and the future is no longer (not that it ever was) predictable. I love the idea of losing my memory. It can all go, as I truly desire to be in the present moment. To interact with everyone with freshness, to be conscious of seeing others with new eyes, seeing my life through a new set of lenses. I want to be present to who I am in this moment. I am the wild woods woman, I am the mom baking cookies. I am the one lost in the silence of my being. I want to be all of me, changing, growing, moving, expanding. And I want the new, the new experiences and people in my life. I want to let go of old ways of thinking, of seeing, of relating. I want to experience things with my heart, not my mind. I want that “deep contact” that Steve Rother and the Group that he channels talks about. Deep contact with life, with every part of it.

I know that what is ahead, is bigger than my greatest imagining. That is why I ask for this or something better. My mind is limited in its imaginings by my culture, upbringing, beliefs. I want more than my mind can give me. I want beauty so deep and wide that my thirst for it can not be slacked. I believe that world that my cells sing of, of beauty and love and peace, is within my reach. I will let go, I will step out into the unknown to embrace it moment by moment.

Tonight a moment of my two kids and I hugging one another goodnight. The coral red camellias against the black cabinet, the red swiss chard with its rich green leaves that fed me body and soul. Beauty experienced today, I drank deeply. Now I tip my cup and pour it out onto our mother with gratitude. I set the cup down, empty. It is ready to be refilled with the moments of tomorrow’s beauty. I ask for the grace and assistance to live my life this way.

Accepting the Path of Others as Well as My Own

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There are days and there are days! Yesterday was one of those days. A shifting in my consciousness, an aha as I recognized a pattern that I have created all my life. Yes, 55 years of following one way of being that did not work! It happened in an instant through the words of a new friend that I met yesterday. Sometimes it takes someone who does not know our story to help us shift, other times it takes someone who has known our path for years. to help us see the repeating patterns. I have experienced both this week.


I spent the day attending a lecture with Eagle and the other star family members. After dinner, I had a conversation with this new friend. I spoke of Joe (all of you who love me will be so glad to see his name disappear from my writing and my thoughts!!!). She had met him at the last Star Nation conference and was able to help me see that though I resonated with his poetry and the place of beauty that came from, I did not resonate with the rest of the package. She asked why I would choose to give my love where it was not wanted nor appreciated. Why did I believe that I had to heal or rescue others and deny myself the gift of being cherished by someone who is whole and complete in themselves. Strong questions.

It was like a sword went through me, cutting away the illusion. I clearly saw that pattern I had followed all my life, trying to rescue my damaged siblings, trying to have my love accepted by my parents, the angry teenagers that I spent most of my adult life working with, the giving to the point of collapse in my marriage, this latest giving of love to a tormented soul. Working in these dark, dense energies, experiencing so much pain. The tribal connection, more of the same. Seeing the density, poverty, wanting to infuse my love to lift the weight.

I created this. I am a creator being. I can chose to create ease and grace in my life. Wow! I know this but had not brought that knowing into all my bodies. I can have freedom. The more that I live in my love and peace, the more that I am sending those waves out into the universe. By keeping myself engaged with the heavier energies, my being is being depleted rather than fed. I can feed myself light. I can surround myself with other light beings who vibrate where I am. I can nourish my heart and accept the love that is all around me. I am a being of such love and I can experience the joy and peace of being loved as I love. Woohoo! I am so ready to create this new reality!

An image that came to me was from all my years of teaching and administrating. Only 10 years, all told but a lifetime for me. The focus was on API scores and how to move students up on the standardized tests’ rating scales. You had a set amount of resources at your disposal. You could spend it all on the bottom group and perhaps see a few points worth of movement or growth or you could spend it on the group just below the competency bar and advance them over the bar. This was where you got the biggest bang for your buck.

I realize that I have been spending my light on the bottom group and have not seen much movement. I have depleted my own stores. I can recall my former spouse saying that I always pushed for more. I am accepting that others are choosing their path and comfort levels and it is not my job to tell them otherwise. In fact, it is arrogance to think that I know what anyone else needs. Ah, the freedom that this insight has created in me! I can now focus on aligning myself with those who vibrate at my own frequency or higher to multiply the energies that we have to work with. We can then use those energies to help lift others over the bar of understanding and awakening. We can support them with our hearts’ energies of love. It is time for co-creation and group work. Working alone, I could not maintain myself, but in a group it is much easier as we support one another. I no longer have to live in the density to work on transformation. I can live in joy and lightness.

It is time for community building. Yesterday I met someone who also holds a vision of a self sustaining community. I believe that the time is ripe and we will be drawn together. This is such a strong desire in me and I am feeling the joy of knowing that it is almost here!

Now if I can integrate these incoming energies and get off the couch! Today I have been laid flat again. Simply no energy to do much of anything. I am grateful that I have this space to rest in and wonder how others are making it through 40 hour workweeks and more. This is where I have to compare me to me rather than others. I did live 50 years of doing before I stopped. Now I am called to being. I return to gratitude for this space in my life that allows this integration time. I am wanting to move and begin to make things happen. I am trusting the divine timing of it all. The desire is stirring and gathering strength, my body will follow suit in the right time and we will be off!

For now, it is off to bed and dreamtime. Feeling blessed for the insights of yesterday. Grateful for the quietness of today. E

xcited about the possibilities for my tomorrow.


The picture is my view from the couch. It is an encaustic painting that I did called Journey Home. It sits on top of an old cupboard/bookcase that my son found on the street. The flowers have lifted my heart, even if I could not lift my body!


New Moon and the Redwoods

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Whew…..I have been flat out almost all day. The energies of this new moon have been working on me for the past few days. I have felt emotional this week, awash with tears as energies have come up to be released. This continues to be a time of release, release. release. How much more is there for me to let go of? Letting go of the judgment of it. At times, watching it flow through, other times losing that distance only to feel that I am standing under a waterfall that is intent on pounding me into the ground. Yes, the intensity when I lose that distance can be unnerving.


Yesterday I visited Muir Woods with some friends from out of state. They are all a part of the Star Nation that I met last summer at the Four Corners. Most of the folks are Native American but there are white skins, like me, who are drawn to the teachings. There is a beautiful blend of the traditions of the various Native American tribes with the knowledge from our Galactic origins. It was interesting to me the other night to hear Chief Golden Light Eagle talk about the stars in the skies and to pay attention to which stars you are drawn to as you look up at night. He said that it could give you a clue as to your starry heritage. Are you from the Pleiades, Arcturus, Orion, Venus or elsewhere? I know that I have Venetian origins as well as many others. I think that we were star travelers, enjoying visits on many of the stars.

The biggest teaching that hit home to me was something that Eagle was told by Little Deer. The teaching is that we are not to give away our hearts. When we do that, we often spend lifetimes trying to retrieve it. We are to share our hearts. Ahhh, that is something that I am
only now learning. I have given away my heart in my marriage and with my last love. Both left me feeling depleted. We have a model for that in our society, that we are to give our hearts and that the two hearts make up the whole. So if you are not with the other, you feel less than. Your sense of completion comes with the other. I felt drained from the giving, believing that was what love was. In essence, I gave away my power. My heart is my power center, my love, my protection.

I had it skewed. I thought it was a zero sum relationship. (what does that expression really mean??I do not know but it seems to fit.) When we share our hearts in love, we are free to love everyone and everything. It empowers us and makes us more whole. You can have that love for a partner but instead of draining you, the love infuses the rest of your life. As we see one another, affirm one another and love one another, our hearts’ capacity is magnified. I realize now that I am constantly being given love from the Creator. God gifts me with daily infusions of love. How wonderful is that! The more I tap into that love and share it with those around me, the more love She/He gifts me with. It is a bottomless well of love that I can drink from all day long as well as pass around to quench the thirst of others. It is my natural state of being: Love! I got mixed up on the concept of giving versus sharing in regards to my heart. I have asked her to forgive me for giving her away and to show me the ways of sharing. I will tenderly care for her as she has for me all these years.

I am moving towards that sense of wholeness in myself. That knowing that I am complete. That is the basis for a healthy partnership, where each is complete unto themselves. The coming together is then one of sharing the love and the joy. I am witnessing people around me discovering this way of relating. It is truly lovely to see. As my sister and another friend shared with me today, there are still issues that come up for resolution and healing yet each is loving those issues. Isn’t that a change! To embrace the conflict in the relationship as you do the flowing times. Each time an issue arises and is dealt with, there is more strength in the relationship. It expands each into more of themselves, their higher aspects can join the fun.
There is a greater depth and freedom for both. I am amazed and proud of those who are making this shift with such grace. I anticipate this in my life when a partner appears.

This log caught my eye in the woods. The fungus seemed to glow on the dark forest floor. I was drawn to its beauty. It expanded the space in my heart for myself as I try to find my way into my heart. The old ways are dying. Linda as I knew her, is dis- integrating. I am returning to our mother to be born anew. Yet, the process of being reclaimed into the earth, holds its own beauty and light. This fungus is transforming the log into duff to feed the next generation of trees. The light of love that is
streaming onto the planet now is transforming me into my higher self, my I AM Presence. We are integrating the Christ consciousness of unity and love. So, I looked at this log with love, feeling the disintegration in my own being as well as the sure knowing that I am being transformed into so much more! I once had an experience of this during a cranial-sacral session. I watched my body decompose on the forest floor and saw bits blow away with the wind as the remainder became duff. It was the most peaceful process.

After days of teasing and calling me Mrs. _____(Joseph’s last name), Eagle called me by my present surname which is still that of my former husband. Neither suits me, I told him. I have outgrown those lives and perhaps we have outgrown that tradition of taking the man’s name in marriage. That speaks of the old patriarchy system where a woman was the property of the male. It is time for something new. So, he now introduces me as Linda Marie. That is a name that I can resonate with as it speaks of the Mary lineage that I carry in my blood. Beautiful Mary……that works. It feels new as it was only last year that I realized the meaning of my name as part of the Mary lineage. After disliking my name for its plainness all those years, I fell in love with it. Perhaps we will all be known by our true lineage as more of ourselves be-
comes known to us.

No mistake that I visit the redwoods with Eagle. It was the place where Joseph and I played and experienced so much. Eagle truly has been here as a catalyst to my releasing my heartache. Spirit is making sure that I get this lesson of sharing my heart, not giving it away. It truly amazes me how the things that we need for our healing, show up in our lives. I am so grateful for these past few days, even though it was intense at times. I am grateful to Eagle for holding the love for Joe and for me. I am grateful for his wisdom and lessons of love. I know that it has all been for my highest good, moving me to greater awareness and capacity to love. Hallelujah!




Gratitude

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Just lying here on my futon, reflecting on all the blessings in my life. I am filled with such gratitude with all that has been gifted to me. I can feel my heart expanding as it connects with the Creator’s heart. I love that river can flow through me and I can at times, catch the flow and be carried along by the love.


Today I am grateful for the male friends who are in town right now and who have gifted me with that loving brotherly male energy. I was needing that. I am grateful for their teasing that has helped to lighten my heart about my last love. I am grateful for a friend saying that you do not “get over” a love, that is the old way. We used to close off that part of our heart, and bury that pain as well as the love. It would block our flow of love. In the new energies, we feel the love, the pain or sadness and embrace it in our hearts. I am grateful for how all that love has enlarged and expanded my heart’s capacity to love. We are all the love that we have ever given and received. I am grateful for my loving heart.

I am grateful for I am grateful for my daughter encouraging me to rest while she made a delicious dinner for us. She used up the leftovers in such a creative way, I was so impressed. I am grateful for a friend who can hear my voice and tune in to exactly what I am feeling. She can get to the heart of things and help me shift. I am grateful that honesty and directness are becoming common place occurrences. It feels so good to have someone who loves me, point out a blind spot so that I can become conscious of it and shift it. It is difficult to see all of ourselves dispassionately as we are too close. That is where a friend can be such a gift when they can speak openly, from the heart without censor of any kind. I was able to see how my intensity can be overwhelming and am finding ways to lighten my interactions. She helped me begin that shift. I am grateful for a friend stating that you make a decision each day to fall in love and then each night, you get a divorce. That way you stay present to what is in front of you instead of taking a relationship for granted. I am grateful for the openness that my heart felt today and for all that it fell in love with in the course of the day.

I am so grateful for the sunshine and the sun gazing that I did this morning. I love feeling connected to our sun as I feel like a plant, drinking in my nourishment for the day. No wonder I had such a difficult time growing up in Buffalo, NY where the skies were grey for much of the winter months…and those winter months went on and on! I am grateful for the lovely, safe, rejuvenating energies that are available here in our small apartment. I drank that in as well.
I am grateful for the camellia flowers that a friend cut and packed so beautifully so that they arrived safely here. They are gracing our kitchen table, our living room and bathroom with their corally-pink perfection. I am grateful that I felt like picking up litter as I walked along today, thinking of our mother earth and how she likes to feel tidy and clean as I do. I am grateful for the smells of lavender, rosemary and pink jasmine that I pinched a tiny bit from to rub between my fingers and lift to my nose as I walked along. I am grateful for my red hat that keeps my ears warm as I walk along.

I am grateful for this computer that connects me to a wider world and to the friends that it helps me to stay in touch with, as well as the new friends that it has helped me to make. I am grateful for the knowledge that I can send this writing out to many with one click of a button.

I am so grateful to be here on the planet as we shift into the golden age of peace. I am grateful for the knowledge that I can lie here on my bed and send my heart’s love to the people in Libya tonight and know that it can touch their hearts. I am grateful that I can call to the angels and send them to Libya with support, comfort and love for the highest good of all. Isn’t it amazing that we have been gifted with the ability to call them into service on ours and others’ behalf? I love this gift and am truly grateful for it. I can call to my galactic brethren in the skies to beam their love down upon us all to awaken everyone to the truth of who they are. I can send pink flames of love from my heart and ask it to be gifted to everyone’s heart so that they can awaken to their own beauty. I am grateful to be able to connect to my mother’s heart and feel her pulse come up through my feet.

For all of this and so much more, I am so grateful tonight.

Love that frees

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This is a my little grouping that occupies the soap dish in my bathroom. The tiny ceramic plaque says, You are loved. I made it and the tiny buddha, a couple of years ago. The rock was gifted from a love and found during a time of transformation. It is interesting for its natural hole, just right to hold my turkey feather. So it reminds me as I stand at the sink to wash my hands, to breathe, to call in the beauty and to remember the love that is always there for me. I am loved!


Energies are moving quickly. Felt the movement this morning and prepared to start packing for a trip. Now a phone call and a new wave coming in that suggests that I need to be here on the 12th and 13th which would make it too tight a schedule to drive to British Columbia and back by then. Hmmm…….so take it easy. Step back and only do what is in front of me for the day, which is driving to Davis to see Eagle and friends for a potluck. That is enough. Let the rest unfold. My friends have to be so gracious as my plans change on a dime. The messages are subtle but enough to steer me in the right direction.

Back after a night in Davis and a lovely visit with some dear friends. So many folks going through internal upheavals. Kindness is a virtue needed now, with ourselves and one another. The pressure is increasing as our planet is being saturated with divine love. All that is not love; in ourselves, in organizations, in governments; is coming to the surface to be healed. This can take on many forms; a job can become too heavy to bear, a relationship can fall apart, a home can be lost, sources of income can dry up. Lifestyles are being shifted, often against our wills.

Why is it when we speak of simplicity it has a certain ring to it, a vibration that we feel would be good to strive for. Yet when life creates situations that lead to this very thing, there is often resistance and complaints of “Why is this happening to me?”
Once freed from former constraints, life often takes on a new flavor and depth. A freshness emerges as one can begin to look around the new landscape and take stock of where one is.
More options present themselves and new pathways appear.

We are moving to a time of the old systems collapsing to make way for the new. Much is shifting for my own family as we step out of old roles and move from the head to the heart. Not an easy process as all the fears come to present themselves. It is a big shift from believing that security is the retirement account, the paycheck, the health insurance. All of these things have been programmed into our fields as necessary. We have to create new pathways that allow the truth to shine through, that security comes from within. Our hearts generate the inner light that truly will be our source of nourishment in the future. We are a ways off from that time but we must begin creating the pathways. So the more people who step off the corporate ladder, who walk away from the idea that you can insurance against “bad things” happening in your life by purchasing a policy, who claim the right to heal themselves, who follow their bliss and see where it leads, who take full responsibility for having created everything in their lives (yes, that means even the negative stuff! And we are getting that there is no negative, all simply is) the freer we all become.

I recently watched a utube clip of a lone person standing out on the end of a dock. The scene then flashed to a forest of trees. It was showing what it is like in our brains when we begin a new pathway by quitting smoking, switching to a positive thought about a health condition, believing that a passion will develop a return stream of abundance or anything else in life. The new thought is alone out there and we have to continue to feed it and nurture it so that it eventually can grow a forest around it of like thoughts. I love that thought of growing a forest of beautiful new thoughts and pathways in my mind. I am so tired of some of the paths, so worn. They no longer hold my interest and I am happy to see them be grown over and disappear. I am ready for new vistas!

My daughter is starting her own business, following her passion and dreams. My older son is ready to commune with nature and see where his passions lead. My younger son is putting new things into place to take him to a new landscape. I am ready to move to some land where I can plant a garden and nurture souls, my own first and foremost!

We are all transitioning into the new. My daughter gifted me with an acknowledgment of
one of my gifts. She said that I see the seed of potential inside of others and am able to bring light and focus to that seed to help it grow. I love that and it is true. I love being a catalyst for folks becoming more of themselves. We are moving towards community as we need one another to provide the light when ours temporarily dims, to add a log to keep it all burning bright. We are a tribal people and we need our tribe.

One of my tribe members was listening to me relate an experience. I said, “He made me cry.” His immediate response was, “Oh, no, Linda made Linda cry. You are too powerful a creator to engage in that old energy.” Yes! He was spot on and I loved him for stating it so clearly. No one else does anything to us, we create our reality for the lessons we desire to learn. The value of having folks around you who get this, is that they love you enough to keep you honest with yourself. There is no pity, no judgment, no victimhood, simply love expressed clearly.

I am so grateful today for all the love that surrounds me. I send it out to each of your hearts.

Clearing and more clearing!

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Today the energies felt so intense to me and me so sensitive that I could not do more than sit on my front stoop above the city streets for a mini sunbath. Later a soak in the tub, wishing it was bigger, way bigger. My girlfriend has a large tub and she holds her breath and can go under water and tones. I want to do that but my tub hardly seems up to the task.


Spoke with some friends today and received emails of all the emotions that are coming up for clearing. Wow! It is reassuring that it seems to be on a planetary scale and we can remind one another that this too shall pass. A friend called and addressed me as Mrs. ______ ( Joe’s last name) as that is how he has me programmed into his phone. We had last seen one another during one of the times that Joe and I parted as he was off to sponsor this friend in his vision quest on the tribal lands. Joe and I were in that love space of Mr. and Mrs., hence the name.

Eagle then does the same in his addressing me. He talks about Joe. At one point he was talking about playing the piano, and we spoke of Joe’s playing. Huge wave of grief rolls through me as I recall the beauty and the intensity of his playing. I started to cry. I said to Eagle, “Is this for my healing, all this talk of Joe? “

He said. ” Yes, it is a blessing in disguise as was your leaving him.”

I recall Joe saying that he could not really accept the love that I was showering on him. He said

that I could give it to him but he was the one who had to learn to love himself in the end. H

e was not there yet. I remember encouraging him to look in the mirror and do the ho oponopono technique:


I am sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you

He told me that he tried but found it very difficult as did I when I first began it. We can reflect another’s beauty to them but they must be open to receive it. I have to be accepting of others’ timing as I have to be of my own. We are all growing as fast as we can and doing the best that we can in each moment. Here is where kindness comes into play, big time. We can choose to be oh so gentle with one another as we go through our layers.


It continues as tonight I read a fiction book, haven’t read one in an age. I read my online lightworker info but have not been able to concentrate to read a book. Tonight I wanted to be carried away from this intensity for a time. But of course, our souls are always taking that short cut to our healing. Therefore, Joe shows up in the story! It depicts a passionate love between a couple that ended suddenly and with a great deal of pain and anguish on both sides. How neither felt that intensity again with anyone. It describes the guy as too sensitive for the world and how he ended up being diagnosed as schizophrenic. That hit close to home. Tears again.


Joe. He helped me see where I was not loving myself fully.

Yes, all coming up for healing…my dreaming of Joe the other night, him coming to me saying he got it and apologizing for the anger he showed me. A friend wrote about a mutual friend getting cancer (she has been healed of it now) and how she created it on a certain level to get attention and love. He spoke of how it is all to help us learn to love ourselves. As we do that, we attract love. Otherwise we attract people who do not love themselves and when we can not fill the void that they cannot fill themselves, they become angry. T

hat anger gets directed at the one expressing the love as they do not feel worthy of receiving it. Joe’s rejection was a gift to me for my healing as my love was a gift to him. Our souls line up these situations to move us forward to our mastery and to our truth that we are all love.


Now I know that I can be matched in that ability to love. I have learned how lov

able I am! Something so elementary but something that I had to work towards on so many levels. It is part of our soul’s plan to give and receive love on all levels. As with everything, it seems we have to begin with ourselves, first and foremost.


So, a big day of clearing. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? I am grateful tonight for the gifts that these memories are bringing me as I feel them once again, embrace them and release them. Onward ho!


Gratitude for Flowing With Life

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Tonight I found myself singing to myself. You know that is my sign that I am in alignment with my I Am Presence, dear Sophia. I make up the silliest songs and delight in how every cell in me feels so happy when this happens. I never think, “I am going to sing now.” It catches me unaware, all of a sudden, I am singing, with my voice and my cells. Happy, happy!


There is so much to be grateful for in one day! I saw a white pigeon on my walk today. Yes, this is the fourth white bird to grace my path in the past few weeks. Not sure of time but recent. I felt reminded that I am beaming purity throughout my neighborhood as I take my walks. After all, it is all intention. I can intend for every step I take to be sending the flame of purity into the ground as well as the atmosphere around me. The white bird seemed to be reminding me to make purity my intention. I was grateful to her for the reminder!

My body did not go through any aches or pains from doing an intense workout with my daughter. When I mentioned that to her, she said, “Oh, Mom, you are so strong. Stronger than you realize.” That felt good, I am grateful to this beautiful body of mine for being strong and allowing me to do whatever I ask of it. I love this about her!

My daughter was getting ready to go out to meet her love. She asked me into her room, I lay on her bed and we chatted as she got dressed. I gave feedback on her outfits, she borrowed a wool vest of mine that looks great on her. We laughed at the fun of expanding our wardrobes as we share some of our clothes. She had cleaned her room so that I could enjoy it while she is away for the weekend. So sweet. There had been years of disagreements and hard times when I was the wall that she beat against. Oh, the sweetness of our delight in one another’s company now. I am so grateful for our relationship. I am so proud of her as she steps out and engages in starting her own business. She is expanding and freeing herself from the inside out.

As we each give ourselves permission to live the life of our dreams, we are paving the way for others to follow. It begins inside each one of us. Step by step, we have to free ourselves from our limiting mindsets and habitual patterning. She has consciously chosen to step out time after time. We are all doing this, finding those areas where we used to go along or do something out of a sense of obligation or guilt or who we thought we had to be. Each time we let go of the old and allow a new pattern to emerge, we are helping to create the New Earth. Isn’t that something to be grateful for? I find myself marveling at the beauty of the system. I free myself, I free you. I clean up my inner world, and yours is suddenly brighter. Wow! Who invented this? Oh, yes it was the Creator him/herself. And I am that self, I am the creator as are you. I love this!

I was making dinner, Eagle called and after a few calls and consultations with his driving companion, it was decided that they would not be coming for dinner and the night as their car was loaded with all their recording and filming equipment. The neighborhood seems safe enough to me but yes, my car did get stolen for a few days. They felt that street parking was not what they wanted so that is fine. Not my place to insist that it would be safe. They are planning a day trip from Sacramento instead. I love that I felt no anxiousness about the change in plans. My son and I had a lovely dinner and then watched a movie together. (watched Outsourced, a fun movie set in India. It spoke to allowing yourself to be changed by a new reality rather than resisting it. There was a powerful scene where he immersed himself in the dirty pool where folks bathed. He let himself float) It was a wonderful evening. My old self would have been in a tizzy, “Why hasn’t he called? Oh, great,now he is canceling” ..yada yada yada. I wasted so much energy being upset when life did not flow the way I had planned. Now I can observe it and feel at peace with it as it presents itself. Kind of fun to watch and see what unfolds! I am grateful for this change in my life over the last few years. Tonight I was reminded of how much grace exists in my world.

Sometimes I wonder that I have not gone out and connected to a community here. I do not have any friends here in the city, I have done nothing to make friends. I have been content to live with the companionship of my kids and some contact with their friends as they go in and out. Yet, I am in contact with a group of friends through the phone, email, facebook. And today I am grateful for that community. I am accepting that all is perfect. I have not had a lot of extra energy to engage in new things or new people. There has been so much happening internally that has garnered most of my attention. So I can focus on lack, I can choose to go out and get involved or I can continue as I am. Many pathways open to me and I can flow where I feel inspired. I can see that I have not wanted to have plans with folks as I have had to be totally free to rest when I have needed to (that has been often) and create when the inspiration hit (beginning to happen more) have long uninterrupted periods of solitude as well as being present for my kids when they desired a listening ear and for my friends when they call. It has been enough, in fact, it has been just right for me. I love myself for creating a nurturing, warm environment for this transformation to take place. For it is indeed a transformation. We are being made anew. I can feel it in all of my cells and most especially in my heart. It feels “afire”. I feel it expanded and radiating more each day.

One day and so many blessings. Hear me, oh universe. I AM GRATEFUL!
The image is of a sculpture at a winery north of San Francisco. It feels like me when I throw my arms wide and shout my, I AM GRATEFUL statement to the sky. Poised on the tip of one hand is a dancer, throwing her arms up to the heavens. I am that dancer too. Have always felt that I could have been a dancer. I love this sculpture.